MMontesL

Recently I watched Leo's video on Self Deception part 1, and he made a point about the whole concept of family just being another self deception, a profound and hilarious quote from the video is It is true. My self actualization process is just scratching the surface, I still strugle with depression, confusion, anger, sadness, etc. Every day working to stay present with these feelings. Probably one of my biggest neurosis is my relationship with my father, recently I've felt that I don't love him very much, I feel pity, compassion, anger, resentment. This lack of love also happens with most of my family members which I feel as strangers. I'm sure that my inner child has feelings of love towards them but other fragments of "my self" feel very different. Of course society's indoctrination tells us that we SHOULD love our family just because the "genetic relationship" or because they raised you, gived you shelter and "unconditional love" etc. An advanced self actualized human can feel the same love towards his mother or towards a coffee table, but I'm not at that level yet. Can anyone relate? How do you picture or experience a propper relationship with family members who you dont really love. People who have gived their best to raise you (and that in itself is admirable and something to be grateful) but due to tremendous neurosis have created deep emotional wounds? "SHOULD" it be a "close" relationship? Or if we decide to have a distant or non existant relationship, isn't it very likeable to feel guilt for not "loving as you are supposed to love your family"? My family, specially my mother criticize me a lot for being distant and not being loving with them. Maybe is just an inner child crying? a crybaby? I have no idea where this comes from, feeling confused about this topic.

Some insight on how not to confuse when the Ego mind is trying to make sense of them with real divine guidence. How to find meaning in synchronicity? Is it really necesary to do so?

I understand your concern. There is some truth in what you say but there is also a story you are telling yourself that immobilizes you. Do not see gaining experience as something unattached, cold, inhumane.. not necessarily, if your focus is on the magic it will happen. Imagine saying that "it is useless to travel to many different places because I would get "inmune" or desensitized towards the magic of discovering new things and towards having new experiences" Not true at all, we have an unlimited capacity to be amazed. Every human being is a different universe, each girl you are with is a magical experience. I honestly believe that the majority of women look foward bonding rather than mating. Resistance makes it stronger, do not focus on "bitches", focus on loving women, try seeing every positive aspect in every woman you encounter, feel the love that emanates from them. Do you have female friends? if not, try it out! I recommend to relax and just be open, if you feel atracted to someone just talk to her and try leaving the stories about the future aside, just flow. If you feel wierd things inside you, the so called butterflies in your stomach, then awsome, magic has happened.

I live in Colombia, a country with both beautiful and horrifying stuff. The closest thing I've experienced with culture shock was an encounter with "Las FARC" (a local guerilla) in 2003 (now with the "Peace agreement" this armed conflict has suposely ended, we'll see how it goes..) Still, within countries there is enough variety to experience culture shock. In Colombia if you live in a city (like myself) you are in another planet compared to the reality in the country side where the State and law are just none existent.. villages are controled by paramilitar groups. This country have lived a civil war for over 50 years. Also the very well known narcotrafic issues exploited by the media and stereotypes, very real and disturbing some decades ago, specially 80s. In the experience I mentioned above with Las FARC, we were basically kidnaped for almost an entire day, then we were released but they kept my uncle who was working with a politician at the time, he was kind of a public figure. He was kidnaped for 6 months, the suffering in the family was tremendous.. In the end it all worked out well. Besides that, well.. here cities are insecure, a lot of violence in poor neighborhoods (and rich ones too..) I supose it may be very similar to ghettos in USA, and there are also insane levels of corruption, poverty.. authority abuse, well the list can go on and on, you get the idea, not an exageration. In a way, that experience was very eye opening for me. One thing is to know about acts of terrorism and kidnapings in the news and another story is to actually live it first hand.

It is awsome you are looking for love, high consciuousness relationship, no screwing arrownd. I totally agree with what you and other people have said about your first priority being working on yourself. With that said, I want to invite you to consider some questions to explore your "insanity" You search for the perfect woman BUT you see the majority of them as "bitches" "not serious" in other words, not worthy of you. Consider this, maybe you have resentment towards women in general, maybe some past trauma? Subconsiouss beliefs. There is judgement in your perception of woman. Why it would be so bad and unacceptable to meet a non perfect woman, maybe have a relationship, maybe it lasts a couple of months.... and thats it? Is it unbearable to "loose" a couple of months of your life getting to know a "bitch"? Why do you have resistance to pick up? Obviously it may be something very superficial but it may also teach you valuable lessons, it depends on you. Why having resistance to experience? Why resistance to sex? What would be so bad to have some experiences with "bitches" that turn out not to be the love of your life? Have you considered that maybe a short relationship may be also very powerful? It has happened to me twice.. a couple of months, very intense and for diverse circumstances the relatinships ended, transformed my life, more than other long relationships. About Disney Love, in my opinion it doesn't exist at all, it is a cartoon, a fantasy. I think love looks different in each couple (or trio, whatever), I see it like a chemichal reaction, the sum of its parts creats a different compound Finally, I apreciate you being honest and a sensitive person, we need conection in this planet.

Wow, thank you very much, very deep insight!