MisterMan

Yeah, i won't go more into it, as it's been done to death. Just wanted to share my thoughts on it.

Pretty high and i think i cracked the case. I am highly suspicious that i may be full of shit, highly...highly suspicious. But i still think i have. Part of an explanation anyway, maybe not ALL of it, but SOME of it. The begining premise is that life is a game, and just like i am about to show, premise cannot happen without the game nor can the game happen without the premis. So, we thinking that the world is one game. This is a non dual explanation of the nature of duality, this argument and premis will operate within the frame of duality in a dual perspective. Explaining Non duality. Life is a game. You play the game inside your mind, not outside. But as you become more aware, the opposites begin to merge. Because when i realise that what I do on the inside is because of what is done to me on the outside. And just as that is true, it is also true of the opposite. Because what i do on the outside is what is done to me on the inside. This shows that outside and inside are so totally and utterly interconnected. On top of that not only are they interconnected but each and every connection is inter relatable with one another. The relationship and connectedness between the "inside" and the "outside" are so totally and completely undeniable conneded as ONE through analysis of the experiential level they are akin to a seed holding the peach together. Among a countless other things, the two can't exist without the other in nature atleast.

happening

That poem The way things work the shit!

"Let's say, even if true. If i thought this of you, you might think. How could you possibly know that? You cannot know that for certain." Leo It's not his quote, but my interpretation of what he would say. Does that qualify me?

Complete sense, you cut out the middle man, circumstance.

Other people don't what? Dream? Detached of outcome? Experienc life?

I can't believe it! I am in exactly in the same boat as you! Exactly! Well the first part, when you go into everything doesn't exist understand that even this is just a thought. Operating in this world with no ego, no story i don't know if it's possible. We need to be able to make sense of the world, knowing that a brain is a concept not founded on reality helps but the brain exists in that it is physically there, but all the meaning/context and concepts you attribute it to in your head is not. That is my understanding at this point. So yeah i guess i am actually in agreeance with you as it is confusing as hell to see that everything you perceive is imaginary. I came to this thinking when It's as if the mind is so open to not knowing it may as well be closed, it does the same thing. I'm guessing this is where FAITH comes in? It's like I'm in limbo as nothing has more or less value than each other, how are you going to build a platform of values and morals when everything is an illusion? Can you operate with no values and morals? Does motivation work with no values and morals? All of the above is the source of my confusion. @Leo Gura "You gonna pretend to sit on your ass in a nihilistic stupor? That's pretending too. By all means, if you want, stick your body on a bed of nails and eat Cheetos." By all means i don't want to sit in a nihilistic stupor nor i want to stick my body on a bed of nails. I don't want to pretend, but as i will loosely say an Allan Watts quote Youu can live your life to the fullest and in the back of your mind you can have this "hintergedanken", of knowing it is all a play which allows you to fully embody yourself in the illusion without fear. It appears whilst i have kept some knowledge, a good portion of it was lost as i do remember a sort of ZEST. I do have a will to live a fulfilling life, however desire is a no no! Seeing as everything is a misunderstanding EVEN nihilism! I can't help but be in a state of confusion. Is my mistake in making a conclusion? Imparting a meaning of confusion? Should i just be? What then of planning your life? I understand there is nuance however i don't know all the nuances. How should me and my friend continue? Is there anything we should focus on in particular? As you said judging/anger is a state of misunderstanding, how can we attain some understanding here?

I think that there are a lot of things that i don't understand he says, and a lot i do. Althought to say they are wrong, well. I simply do not know. Maybe considering all of the factors behind the nature or knowing, business, growth, teaching and learning and others related things may help illuminate this judgement/ projection to what it really is. A misunderstanding. Also regarding this topic. It doesn't make much sense the more you consider about reality. Seeing as everything is a network of inter relatable relationships, manipulation loses it's punch. Firstly you assume malice from the person "manipulating", you could potentially see the same act as "helping". For the most part i assume seeing Leo as manipulating is more a projection of your own feelings and and understandings of the behaviors you see. As two different people can see helping and manipulating in the same act. What does this say? What does the fact that everything is a network and how does that frame the idea of "manipulating" when you consider the context that most things by definition of affecting each other are not based on the premise of good or bad. When it rains, wether it's good or bad is circumstantial but there is nothing inherently evil about it. To see Leo fulfilling his purpose in life, by diving into an act that helps others. You are free to make your own assumptions and judgements. It disturbs (which i am taking note as writing this, as here is my own projection!) to see someone choose to see someone who has committed his life to personal growth and has successfully started a channel helping others change their lives. That help people en mass to find their own purpose, handing out in depth fluid 2 hour video's to help see through the illusion. Information that personally to me is invaluable. It only manipulates me through inspiring me to grow and to act by his own actions. Personally i need to look into my own reaction to this thread. As to think someone can ignore all the good things he is doing, by...Or let me rephrase it, the way he "manipulates" me is by- *Being a good role model (in how he presents himself in video's) *The fact that you see his growth and hard work through what he does. Speaking so well for hours is amazing in itself. *Helps people en mass. I clearly have a hierarchy of values, seeing people succeed in things that i want to strive to which is being a more productive and loving person when i see someone shit on that, i must see it as shitting on my dreams and values. Which i don't like. Considering all this, and applying what i said at the start of the post. "Maybe considering all of the factors behind the nature or knowing, business, growth, teaching and learning and others related things may help illuminate this judgement/ projection to what it really is. A misunderstanding." What should i look into to gain a new persepective on this so i don't get so defensive about it? Either way, go in peace. Or may this manipulate you to go in peace.

No one is perfect. LOL, it is not possible to be right about everything all the time especially considering that his channel is about growth which he himself confesses to. Geez talk about impossible standards.

Better than Leo? please. They are two different people for starters and they express themselves very differently. Both can be useful. I Personally love Peterson's content, but Leo? His content is predicated more on nature of how we interact with reality, what it is. Peterson largely dissects society, it's impact on us and vice versa, whilst debating opinions/idea's he strongly disagree's with. In short, he is more involved in the "Theatre". So is Leo, but he's expressing it differently. For starters he doesn't believe in good or evil, or atleast he has proclaimed this in his video's. Peterson's very foundation is based on his idea of what is right and wrong. Leo talks about what an idea is. Peterson deals with outter world phenomena, how humans operate in different circumstances. Very interesting and useful. But you cannot get the same information, or get ""better" content from Peterson than Leo as they are generally focused on different things. Leo talks more how we to correctly integrate information, the nature of thought to try break down the opinion biases you may have. Peterson is a different ball game. Whilst similar on the surface, at the core they are different. Peterson is great and i have his future authoring program, anyone interested should look it up. At least i think Personally, i feel Leo's approach to life is more beneficial as the issue's i am aware of are based on my dependancy on circumstance to make me happy, like what food does to hunger that is the role circumstance plays to my happiness it is the source. Wether that be drugs, excercise or a thought even. So personally Leo is head an shoulders above in content. No doubt in my mind about it. Who is better? It is circumstantial, it's funny how these things work. I'm dependant on circumstance to make me happy. I am trying to change the way i relate to myself and the world in this regard but paradoxically the person i deem to be more useful and "better" is the based on the very thing that i am dependant on. Circumstance. Is this a strange loop that Leo talks about in his video?

You feel that this is all one big hoax? What is your intention behind this? I'm assuming (putting my hand up that i'm prepared to be wrong) it's you wanting the truth and feel that this forum with it's regulations creates a "safe space" where peoples idea's don't meet the critical scope you would want to see in universities. Seems like you have an idea of how this forum/website should be. Truth is you can do all those things you want, it doesn't need to be here if you feel your thought's aren't challenged enough.

Getting more traffic to his website can help him spread the information he so desires to create. A forum is a great way to do this, why is this manipulating you? Because you want to talk to like minded people? So he provided a place where people could discuss these things? God knows how difficult it is to talk to most people about experiences or stuff like this. Most people are generally not interested.

Hi all. I feel like Loving kindness is a distraction. Just like any other emotion you have. So why does this meditation exist and why is it so popular? What am i missing? I'd really appreciate some thoughts and guidance with this.

Yeah thats another way to put it. I have had that same realisation once, that you can't really know anything. But that's long gone, can't hold onto a conclusion when that is all i have. I don't know or have forgot how to come to that conclusion. I guess you mean the same thing, it's a conclusion of this realisation. But the degree to how much i agree with you doesn't really help me connect the dots internally if you know what i mean. Can't stress how important a pen and book is, thoughts come and the mind is tricky and you learn something you know it and boom, there is a wall of your intention to want to find that thought blocking you acess to the actual thought, and the more you try the deeper the thought sinks as you pile more and more intention ontop of one another until it's back into the subconcious. Back into your own psyche without having truly illuminated your awareness. Like quicksand, the mind has crazy traps and mechanics that can help prevent you/distract you from knowing things about yourself. Fascinating how there is so much resistance. See leo's deception video's with a new perspective, when he says the mind is tricky.

I'm operating on such a surface level of understanding my psyche, and the psyche is just a construct of beliefs, take beliefs further down they fall apart and what then? I guess you're free to create your own. That is another assumption. Am i taking too big a leap? Although I can't help but think i'm deconstructing meaning by the very thing that we define meaning with, thought. Or is this wrong? Here's an idea. and for the sake of this argument we will say 10 tiers. That operate like a microscope. So let's say 10 zooms. You have a thought which is responsible for creating more complex idea's. We're going to start from the surface and for the sake of the argument we will have 10 tiers or zooms as it helps this analogy to observe it through the frame of mind of using a micrsoscope to see the thought and it's origins...and it's origins origins..With a X10 tier zoom. So there are 10 zooms, and you are looking at a thought Each thought is interelated with lets say 1000 other thoughts which have their own direct cause that is in the construct of that thought. But you have to zoom in, The 9th tier, with the same structure as the tier 10. It helps to think fractals. Each tier has 1000's more interelated thoughts and each thought has their own direct cause, which then have the same number of interelated thoughts with those also having a direct cause which then......and it goes on. Following this, the deeper you go, the more becomes possible as you continue expanding for infinity. So anything you can imagine is possible! If you're crazy enough You can come up with anything! I then make the assumption that the fact i don't it directly correlates to the attachments and judgements of thoughts that limit me. Anyone relate? Have anything to add? On another note: Now i'm speaking from internally, say i was teased when young. I hold onto an energy/a relationship that taunts and rejects me constantly, in the depths of my subconcious lens that i perceive the world from. Now there are a million and one ways to interpret different situations, however how i interpreted it as a force always against me, i have kept this relationship, in my subconcious it's almost like a demon that taunts me. How do i react? With self pitty, which then evolves to anger and snapping at others. However It originated from pitty. This particular lens, is just one line of code in the programmed filter i operate under. It's like like information retracts like light through prisms of belief and projections. Distortred from the reflections of beliefs which hits the obsever who is under the illusion that he needs to react to it. I'm still operating deep within the structure of ego but it is definately interesting to observe this mechanic within me. Can anyone else relate?

Do both, you need your own experiences and check back to see how you're going. What i find a lot of the time is he ends up explaining things i have experienced but was at the time unable to convert to words. I may have had a grasp of it but listening to him really cemented the trail of breadcrumbs language can be to unlocking more of those experiences. As language only represents the experience, which it in itself is not. Hence why you NEED to do your own work.

This is fantastic! Thank you! You really are too much! To see if i got this right. Each type of practice is linked to one of the 3 factors. So whichever you feel you need you can start having a more pinpoint goal from each excercise as you know the effects of each practice. A question that gets raised by this; Are there any models? Or patterns that others have found useful? A certain order to get the results?

Yes, i remember this feeling, love kind of dissolves all of your fears. The best quote i heard with regard to infinite love is. When you notice a "troubling thought" through this infinite compassion, instead of letting it go you hold onto it and love it, and as you do it let's go of you. That loose writing of the quote near brings a tear to my eye.

@Leo Gura I'll have my lawyers call your lawyers. In regard to your whole post i'm all aboard the psychedelic train. I've done it this much << >>> and i'm a boss at tripping. When i say boss i mean i cry in terror as I identify with every thought that passes through me. I posted a thread in the video suggestion about opening the heart which actually goes into a psychedelic experience i had recently about my heart opening. I mention this as it does kind of relate to the suggestions you made to me in your last post. I do trip a few times a year but since it's sandwiched in with me returning to my state of attachment. Addiction is basically spiritual limbo, so trips won't do now. I feel that at this point in time meditating daily, will be more beneficial. Once a few months has passed i will take some when i feel i have moved on from that state of "limbo". The thread i posted in video suggestions directly relates to your suggestions. In showing my thanks, in my next loving kindness meditiation session you will be my target of compassion.

Hi all. I’d like to share this story as i am currently in the process of coming out of a a drug addiction that spanned 16 years. Let me start of with telling you a little about my parents as most of the issues i have stem from the resentment i have for them that i refuse to let go of. My partner is pretty sure my old man must have some form of Border personality disorder. I was an only child and my parents were extremely hands on and controlling. I don’t know where to start. So I’ll start the time i was about 6 and my father took our friends grandmother who was visiting from another country to the city. I was with a friend of mine, any way we were in a shopping mall and my friend wanted to deviate from the adults and check out some cd’s that interested him at the time. I was very adamant that we would get in trouble as we would get lost. Ultimately i gave in and followed him, it wasn’t far as the store was an open store in a shopping mall so we walked in looked around and when we came out parents were gone. I can’t remember how long we were lost for but i was very nervous as i already knew how my father would react. Our surrounding never mattered to him, he would always cause a scene by disciplining me no matter who or how many were around. Eventually i see my father and we lock eyes. He is about 10 to 15 meters away and he runs up to me, drags me all the way by grappling me in the arm back to where he was standing when see saw me and just started to belt me by kicking me in my arse as hard as he could in full swing, moving his body to get the most possible momentum to make sure he was doing a good job in punishing me. As I write this it seems he was relieving all his emotions on me. To be honest it didn’t hurt as much as it would have looked, It was the constant humiliation that would do more damage. As i grew older i would find myself reliving similar humiliating beatings in front of others. I remember being no older that 5 saying something non chalantly that my father did not work, i remember my father then walking away and standing in the corner, talking to my mum "bloody shit he says i dont work! bullshit!" my mum would say "he doesn't know" my father would be fuming. Mother told me to apologise i didn't really want to but was made to and then he just let loose, yelling face to face " you don't know anything!,you're just a little boy! You will never be a (insert tradesman profession he did)!!! You know nothing! spitting in my face yelling at the top of his lungs like you would yell to lose your voice at a 5 year old child. I have little sympathy for him I can’t remember when, but i developed serious tics as a child. *Grunts *Grimacing *Blinking *Head jerking updown/side to side/ diagonal *Moaning *Sticking tongue out and grimacing *Just the tongue out *Neck stretching (move head up) *walking with twisting my foot every 1,2 or 3 steps They would change, morph. It got very sever and lasted like this until i was 18. And i learnt to hide it well. I Still clench my jaw, which has fucked my teeth, and blink occasionally but it's much lower. I do make sounds when alone but out i have learnt to disguise things. I don't really care anymore but still the feeling of ridicule, and shame resides deep within. This ensured i experienced constant humiliation, daily. From moment to moment, I cried a lot at school. I would draw parallels to a young girl wearing having a period with white pants and it showing. Imagine being at high school, whichever age, whichever day, you have a crush. You want to look good, you're young your mind is very basic. You think you're pulling it off, then you tense your eyes, show your teeth like a dog showing his teeth at you crush. She looks at you, tries not to piss herself because it is funny. I sit there going ok, you don't deservee anything. At this point your too worn out and tired of being angry at yourself, so you just feel bad, humiliated. Like a victim. Exactly like a victim. The funny thing is, if you hide behind tourrettes syndrome, you're alright. Grew up int he 90's primary school and 2000's high school so there was still "fa*****" talk and that around, and bullying was much less a mainstream issue than what it appears to be today. People would ask, if i had tourettes trying to understand my condition. Since the doctors told me i hadn't even though every moment i'm doing somehting absurd that is what i told others. They would reply with a smile "then what's wrong with you". My parents and doctors said nothing was wrong so i said nothing i just have tics. So to everyone else i was fair game, i wasn't at a disadvantage and therefor did not deserve sympathy or really it was pitty. I experienced very little, but when i did experience others being nice, it was pitty. And i welcomed it, it was beautiful. People could be nice! When i got older around 16 i began to see that if i just said i had Tourette’s people would be more ok with it than if i just had tics. People would see me as less weird if i had tourrettes than just having tics. They would be more understanding. I developed, or was naturally talented at playing soccer at a very young age i could just take on the whole team and the first time i did i had never played the game. This feeling of being good about something became my first refuge. And my first addiction. I continued to pursue this sport and when older naturally i wanted to become a professional soccer player. When i was 15 my father had a connection who was a coach at an under 16’s super league team. The best league in the area i was in for the age. Elite i guess. The problem is this connection had invited me by telling my father for me to come on the last day of trials. I was the best player on field, but naturally as i came at the end of the trials i missed out. I cried so hard. I had played for poor teams up until 16 when a friend of mine who’s older brother really admired my abilities snapped me out of my self criticism and i joined the “super league U16’s”. The same team my father had connections with the coach which i’m wondering now if he deliberately told me the last date. My friend at the time played for the club and was so positive and influential in inviting me. In fact he said the coach of last year had gone and a new coach had taken the position. He has remained at the club to this day, He played for his country and qualified for the World Cup, it was the first time our country had done so. He was our coach, this was a big deal. I will never forget the things my parents said to me when i told them i was trying out. My mother said something like “ah you won’t make it, why even bother, you won’t make it just like last year. You have a club already and the coach wants you, forget about it you are wasting your time” My father echoed the same sentiments but really getting to the heart of it ” you are not good enough, don’t even try, you are wasting your time”. I was a bad student, i didn’t care about anything. All i cared about was football, everywhere i went people would say they had never seen somebody do this trick or that trick. I was so desperately attached to the sport because it was the only source of me being a valued person. It did feed my ego definitely. But i digress, I got in. I wasn’t able to be at the last trial session for some reason so i turned up to the next session trained with them and then at the end nervously asked if i had gotten in. He said yes and laughed. It was the best day of my life. I took such pleasure in telling and proving my parents wrong. My mother made nothing of it and my father had another connection from a coach in another sport that he wanted me to come to see him. So that he could tell me, that my achievements had meant nothing. And that the reason my coach said i was a good player was not because it was true but to boost confidence. All my life i has searched, begged, argued, discussed with my father why i couldn’t be a pro. Because i wasn’t good enough. I wanted to be a professional so bad, i would look at national team photo’s and cry and the immense pride they must have felt. Deep down the words my parents beat me down with always made it feel like an outside chance. Once i was 17, alcohol and drugs entered my life until then i had stayed away because as bad as a student i was. A student of the sport i was a good kid. Stuck straight until then. Year 7 i was one of the best playes in the year level, went on holidays with my parents i and i swear to you. National Lampoons, was nothing to what we got up to. My father made me urinate in public because he didn't want to find a toiled in public in the middle of the day in Paris while my mother and father stood in front of me. We would urinate and take shits in the same cubicle because you had to pay. He stood there and yelled when he saw how much toilet paper i was using, don't use that much! it is fucking ridiculous! and when somebody tooted him, his thought process was "look at my number plates, I'm not from here, why are you tooting me I DON'T KNOW THIS PLACE I DON'T KNOW THE AREA" and he would fly into a rage, we'd be in practically still traffic in say france going around a town square somewhere in france. People everywhere, and someone tooted him he would hold the horn down for 5 mintutes. I'm not lying, and we're pretty much standstill middle of the day, Tourist traffic back to back creeping slowly and he's holding down the horn for 5 minutes or more. I was so embarassed i'd have to hide under the blanket not to be seen. I played football there everyday, got my first century juggling the ball in Italy, and would eventually reach 3,500. I came back to school, and my team had qualified for the next round. They all voted me out the team except one because "i didn't deserve it". But i’ll talk about my addictions a little later. Every Christmas dinner, i knew there was going to be a event. My father would sit at his seat on the end of the table with all the visitors present it was important for me to keep a good face not to be humiliated. I could just see my father bubbling in his corner, face going red not saying a word just stewing in his head how i’m not doing good in school and i should be better. All the while he was getting more and more angry until someone would say something and he would explode. Sure enough he always did. Every dinner 100% he would explode ‘SHUUUUTUUUPP, YOU’RE NO GOOD” and then we would proceed to explain in detail every little i had done to the others and that how hard he was trying and that i have no respect. Every dinner he would tell me i would never achieve what i wanted because i just wasn’t good enough. This i admit, i had no respect for them and the older i got, the stronger i got and the stronger i got, the less he acted out because i tell you. I was my fathers son, and i had zero patience for his antics. As soon as he started i took great pleasure in approaching and threatening him if he does not stop, i won’t either. Many heated arguments where all they would do is threaten to call the police after they initiated everything, come into my room yelling at me, and at that point i just stopped paying attention. Because i did this they would escalate things until i reacted, then they would threaten to call the police i would get very angry. Then they would start laughing at me that i was so angry. Patronisingly. So i would sit there, disconnect, and just hate them i hate them i hate them i harte them. Every week. Every day my mother would complain about me to her friends and i was always percieved to be made fun of by them most of the time whilst speaking down to me. I was offered little support and only criticism, i developed a way of interacting with them which was very distant, serious/agressive like you need to walk a fine line with me now or you will pay for it. When i first met my partner my parents had a unit at hte back where we stayed shortly. My father went through the rubbish, found a bank statement of hers. Because he’s old school he got her surname looked it up in the phone directory and got a few addresses. And sent the bank statement to each address with the idea that he was returning the bank statement to the person but didn’t know who to send it to. And the idea was then whoever replied was her relatives then he could make contact and talk to them about my personal story. About my addictions and how i should stop. I was 30 at the time. He would turn up at my friends parents house uninvited and the early hours when my friends had already moved out years ago and talk to them about me, even though they had never met. This happened constantly when i was growing up and it was just another thing that helped isolate me further to others. He always made it his purpose to dictate what i should do and was a wall when talking back to him even when begging him to listen. He was just waiting until you would stop so he could then say whatever he wanted. He is so self interested that his goal of being the provider meant that my mother couldn’t work or do anything unless it didn’t make money and i had to do everything his way. Which i can’t tell you how much hate, opposition i have for this for his impact on me in life. My addictions just like my tics morphed through the years, from marijuana to alchohol where i was a skinny lad and ultimately got to 110kg when my normal weight would be 80kg. This happened in my 20’s as alcohol was the main player. I was a mess and still am in ways. Currently addicted to opiates i have never forgiven my parents for being so self entitled and interested only in their beliefs and goals to the point i believe they don’t really care about me because they don’t know what true care is. They fulfilled their contracts with goodness and the hell with me, my ideas, feelings, beliefs and goals, that was irrelevant. It always was. To this day, i have dreams during sleep of returning to the club i played for, but i’m ashamed because i just left to pursue drugs with not even saying bye. They let me train again, i get back into things and start playing. I’M BACK! Then i realise it’s a dream and i cry and i cry and i cry. This was not always a dream i was aware of but i have come to be aware of it to the point now i can cry of these things in waking life. But there was a time i was so detached the only was i could cry and it still rings true is in my sleep. There were times when i smoked so much bud got greened out, honestly thought i was a retard. Ticking all the boxes in social identification. I legitimately wondered would i be able to get my drivers licence? As i had been treated like a outcast and pittied just like disabled people but less protected by teachers i thought adult life would be the same. I made pacts with myself when I was younger that i would kill myself if i had not achieved being a professional player. And that i deserved all the self hate i could get. I would constantly disrespect myself, as i failed myself and didn't deserve my own love. Stuff like this carries a large burden over me. I could go on by i think i’ve said enough. THANK YOU to any one who cared enough to read. If i don’t meditate daily, i will relapse as ultimately i just want to feel good about myself. And all i have as an option are drugs or my program that depends on instant gratification. Any ideas?

@Leo GuraThat is a big IF there. Would love ( yes, the pun was completely intended) to hear a video about the how to apply love properly. I have been a drug/alcohol addict for so long, so the lines are very very blurred, it seems i drop one addiction just for another to form. How would this intense form of honing onto something have nothing to do with attachment? Appreciate the reply and i will try to do these things you said.

In the sense of wanting to liberate yourself from attachment to form, of which all form is impermanent, yet we cling to it as if it's going to last, but it never does. I feel loving kindness meditation can have this type of effect where you don't want to let go of the pleasant feelings. Which is why i asked what peoples thoughts of this are. because shit yeah i want to wrap myself around warm and fuzzy love, but i feel it's the same thing as desiring not to desire. Like it's kind of missing the point.

Ok, i find it quite confusing. As I'm readying Mindfulness: A practical guide to Awakening by Joseph Goldstein and from my perspective the bhuddists seem to understand what is going on so i'm confused as to how they could misjudge something like this? But bringing it back to what i mean is i feel that doing loving kindness is a misunderstanding. But i guess the fact that it's difficult to do perhaps is a way to balance the scales within you. As i do harbour resentment and perhaps with loving kindness meditation they acknowledge it is a misunderstanding but so is anger/hate etc.

Man, you have to think that not everyone is at the same stage as you are. What is helpful to you, may be different to others.