Arctica

Should I stay in this mostly functional relationship or not? What is the point of relationships? We've been dating for 4.5 years and we were both virgins when we met. We're both 24. This year we began to only see each other about once a month because we're in different cities for University but we talk every day. The reality of us getting married soon freaked me out because he's the only serious relationship I've had and I don't want to miss out on something. So I thought, "maybe I can just talk to other guys and see if they're superior or inferior to him and that will answer my question." 2 months ago I went to a party and met this other guy who I was blown away by. We went on 2 dates. I felt like a horrible person and realized the huge flaw in my plan because obviously a new relationship is going to be more exciting and seem perfect in comparison to an old one. There is no plausible way to actually compare them. So I thought maybe I just need to work on my current relationship. I told the new guy I needed time to think and I was honest with my current boyfriend about what I did. It's been a month since then but I'm still totally obsessed with the other guy and heart broken about not talking to him anymore. My goal is to be in a happy, long-term relationship and have kids I know that my current boyfriend can support and love me and we can have a successful future together so is that the only thing that matters? I don't really enjoy having sex with him anymore because I lack passion in him. Do I just need to seek all my fulfillment from myself and not look at my relationship for that? Would breaking up with him be irrational? Or should we try and do things to make the relationship better?

@h inandout Okay thank you I am still undecided so it feels like the only thing I can comfortably do is to start studying this stuff and focus on myself and meditation.

@Shin <3

@Spiral Thank you spiral for your post. It's nice to know that this is something other people go through. People don't talk about it a lot. I really just want to get this whole thing right and I hear stories about people just acting purely on their emotions and ending up broken-hearted etc. So that's what leads me to believe that the rational thing to do is just stay with my current boyfriend. He's going to be a dentist, and I consider this career choice important for raising a family. I didn't have a lot of money growing up so I know how it effected my health and put stress on my parent's relationship. Some people I talk to will say things like "if you really love someone, money doesn't matter." Isn't that just a foolish thing to say or am I placing too much importance on money? Other people seem to make relationship decisions purely on their emotions and end up happily ever after. I really wanted to keep seeing the other guy but I would never cheat because I know that's not a solution. I also stopped talking to him because I didn't want to hurt my current boyfriend, but it's been painful. I haven't been able to study all week. I've just been listening to music. I was able to study a little today though. I also haven't seen my current boyfriend for about 3 weeks because it's been too much to think about but that probably doesn't help with my coping.

@Shin Most of the time I don't really want to kiss him anymore. I enjoy cuddling/hugging him though. When we first started dating, I really liked kissing him. Eventually that sort of died off though. We still kiss hello and goodbye and a bit before sex but otherwise I don't want to. I can tell he would like to kiss a bit more but I just turn my face away. Our conversations are kind of boring and he's a pretty stoic, calm person all the time. We tend to disagree on politics and religion. Maybe we can work around it but I think it might be uncomfortable raising kids and disagreeing on those things. And sometimes I feel upset talking about it.

I'm jealous of people who fall in love with each other and have amazing sex. I wish I could experience a relationship that's so passionate I want to have sex every day. But wouldn't that be obsessive or co-dependent behaviour?

how do you feel?

Women care about true love but they have low self-esteem and don't believe they are perfect enough for it to just come to them. They are also told that men sleep with a lot of women and are told by their friends that they should have sex. That doesn't mean that you can't find a virgin. I was a virgin until I was 21 but I regret it. Because no relationship is perfect like in the movies anyway. My boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other and we're still together but I wish I had experimented a little more because now I'm starting to question everything about our relationship and if I really am happy. Or could it be better? I'll never know if I'm missing out on something or just settled for this guy because he's the first guy that came around that had some great qualities.