zasa joey

@Locooig well school days are over. and yes things are different now, i spend most of my time on street now, i have become really good friends with some of my former classmates for now, and there are also other people in our neighboorhood and yes basically i have more friends now including my former classmates. and they really are important people for me in spite of their bad qualities and traits for which you can hate them. but they love me very much and will do many things for me so as will i. i cant just abandon them! i think you undestand. they are like brothers to me and we spend every day together.

well i can tell you and see it for yourself, here we go: back at school i was being bullied by all of my classmate boys and i was only one, well after a year or two of this i managed to fight back and i ve had several fights and that settled it with them, never have i been bullied again, and i was in this agressive mode during that time, and all of them were trying to stay away from me. thats why i had no friends, thats the second reason, i was always sitting at my house 24 hours to my computer, when others were living lives. i havent and thats why i hate myself also. i made friends and started going out for 2 years now, but that doesnt compensate my past. also, there was this girl which i really loved and love right now, she was in our class, and when my friends were insulting her in front of me (they didnt know i loved her, no one knows even now, not even her i think) i wasnt doing shit and i was laughing and insulting her too sometimes to not make my classmates suspicious. well as for the reasons for why i didnt tell the girl i loved her and tried to start a relationship with her was my lifestyle. like she would found out that i had no friends and was sitting at home all day everyday, how the fuck could she love that kind of guy? thats why i didnt even bother to try starting something with her. and so i thought that it was okay if my classmates insulted her in front of me, as if i stood up for her, she would find out that i loved her. and that woulds hurt so much now.

thanks for an interesting reply, yes i am very well aware of my low self-esteem and even the reasons behind them. but i think that because of that reasons, i deserve to have low self-esteem.

thanks for your advice! thing is ive had this experience with this guy, me and my friends were out on the street and we all know him, he lives in the same hood, but thats it! he is not a friend of us, so he appeared and started to mess around with me, and i told him something to, i was trying to seem tough, and calm and all that shit, and we had a confrontation, and while we where talking and sorting things out, my leg was shaking :D, ye well it didnt lead to fight though, lucky me . so we sorted it out with the help of my friends. but i felt like shit afterwards for being so nervous during the confrontation and for that fucking shaking leg.

@Leo Gura can you blame them? its not in their control anyways right?

Hello guys and girls! I dont know why im posting it right now, its pointless anyways but im very bored and very very depressed right now! the thing is i cant speak about my feelings with anyone, i just cant. I feel alienated with my family, friends, everyone! i have lost interest in everything! I dont know whats wrong with me, im always anxious, sad, i have this feeling of weakness, insignificance, guilt, worthlesness. I hate myself! I am good for nothing seriously, I cant stand up for myself and my ideals, for my loved ones, for any shit, cause im a coward and im very weak, i dont know how to do any improvement and self-actualization, im scared of living basically, why was i even born fuck me?! Thanks for your attention, that was all! :))

@DanoDMano thanks i dont watch TV anyways, i hate it! i only watch if theres a good movie or an interesting documentary, or a good football match!

@Rayko Dream theater- learning to live Dream theater- take the time Dream theater- change of seasons (this one is my favorite) Dream theater- breaking all illusions Basically everything by this band is inspiring. Then theres slipknot, this band is helping me to release my anger, agression, hatred, negative things that are inside me, their music is filled with rage and they are very raw, check out: sulfur, duality, psychosocial, aov, sarcastrophe, the negative one and many many more by them.

Thank you and that video was really powerful!

@Dhana Choko Thank you for your words and encouragment! really apreciate it.

@The Alchemist well, most of the time im just roaming the streets with my friends, we do some silly shit, talk about stupid, pointless things, goof around, lately we have been playing football frequently! they are pretty much as clueless as me however we are all tired of this same shit every day, going out and doing the same thing over and over, but sitting in the house is killing me! we drink a lot also!

@TheFrown Thank you for your reply!

@uter thanks for your feedback!

@Ayla ok I will try! thanks for your support.

@Ayla sure.

@Ayla Im 18 and im a student right now at the university, it feels so stupid and pointless but still i try not to let down my family. i would improve my weak willpower! i cant battle, im just too tired, exhausted, afraid. i cant put up a fight, i cant stand up and face society, things, people i hate in my environement! i feel powerless and it would really be good to improve that, but more and more the time goes on more impossible it seems!

Thanks for reply! I would like to but as i said i am very scared and it kinda feels pointless to me! i feel so empty, i dont want to do anything, im very confused! and i dont consider myself worthy of being happy, i have very low self-image :D!