zasa joey

@SkyPanther I am not talking about egoic self, and i understand that leo is talking about awareness. but you said that i am not the awareness, consciousness thats what got me puzzled thats all.

@SkyPanther I am not the self-aware nothingness? is that what you say? than what am i?

@7oo13ad wait a sec. are you saying that when i become enlightened, then im going to experience nothingness even after my death?

@7oo13ad and isn't it so? doesn't leo say that nothingness is eternal, it cannot die, so in a sense it turns out that im immortal, but why the fuck do i want immortality if i cant experience anything? how am i immortal than?

@7oo13ad but what does that have to do with enlightenment? consciusness is self-aware, it should be self-aware during sleep, its not like something else is aware of consciousness right?

@Natasha thank you

@Natasha I wish it was true, but why does that all seem like a wishful thinking and unreal? I really want to put my mind around this, but i just cant get dedication, im too sceptical, i started strong determination sittings, i was doing it for one week and then i quit. oh man. now i have watched this neti neti method two times and im doing that guided meditation a lot on my own, but i dont know. Like once again as leo said i am nothingness that is self-aware, im not self-aware when my body is asleep. I just cant grasp it.

@Natasha so why the hell should i be happy about finding my own existential nature? how can i feel peace and fulfillment? like i already know that when i die, i will end up like i was before i was born, absolute emptiness, empty awareness. Finding out that I am "that" isnt much soothing, its more depressing for me!

Also in his earlier enlightenment videos leo said, that this is a reality in which there are only perceptions, and he said that perception doesnt need perciever to be percieved. he said that we are all the sensations, and experiences, and etc. basically reality, and now he says we are the perceiver of it all, and that isn,t an experience, a thing. like wtf? which one is it. maybe in later videos he will say something else about our true nature

All of a sudden my friends, who i have known since i was 6 years old, they are starting to hate me, well thats how i feel. when i am with them i always feel as less of a man, as an incomplete human being. They are so fucking negative, always criticizing and judgind me and joking to me, it really fucking hurts so much that people who i love so much, and they are the only people that i have, treat me like this. We are so close that i am really embarrased to tell them that i feel bad for how they treat me. because that will seem like im setting some kind of lines for them, distancing myself from them. yesterday my friend told me that it would be good if i would kill myself and make them feel relieved from my shitty life. It may have been a joke or maybe not, Im not sure, but i could barely sleep last night, I was thinking about that words. what the fuck? Is something actually wrong with me. I dont actually get it. its just so unfair that my "brothers" treat me like shit! I just cant stop relationship with them, im afraid of conflict with them as i will stay completely alone after it. and i wont make new friends. i just cant!

@Subwoofer Thanks, everything is just flowing. That post was an emotional overreaction from me that was bottled up!

Has anybody read this book? and can i find online PDF version for free to download it?

can you share some of the movies which you have seen which were enlightening for you, or have given glimpse of enlightenment, were very insightful and juicy, eye-opening etc?

@7oo13ad I have watched spring summer fall winter.. and spring and it was wonderful, the matrix of course well ill chek peaceful warrior thanks!

I just dont get it, why is leo even teaching us? what makes us smarter, more open-minded, knowledgeable than us? why do we have to wait for his videos? why do we have to watch him? why does he speak about things that we will never hear somewhere else? where does he "come" up with them? what the fuck should i do? should i use my own judgement? should i trust leo? should i live rest of my life watching his videos. should i cut out him completely? I just dont get him he is so counter-intuitive. what should i do? should i block my thoughts, desires, "ego", should I try to eliminate all theese, or should i accept them? should i struggle and fight against this things or should i let them be and embrace them? should i trust my judgement, should i masturbate and kill and steal and try to make myself look cool to impress people and socialize if i have these urges and desires? or should i say no to all these cause they are "egoic"? like wtf? my mind is gonna blow up now i think? should i destroy my "ego" or accept it as a part of me? jesus this is endless so much questions and lesser answers.

@MartineF yea right! thanks no your not insisting!

@MartineF I like them, sometimes they are insightful and soothing!

@MartineF yes i have checked matt khan, moji, sadhguru, teal swan.

@charlie2dogs thank you for your feedback, really aprecciate it.

@charlie2dogs Thanks, but i guess i was just not meant for this world! i have no balls to do all this and to live! I just dont have it in me!

@charlie2dogs @MartineF @Richard Alpert @Saarah @7oo13ad First of all thank you all for your replies, whether you tried to argue, "protect" leo or encourage me, or give me advices to get my mental health checked. you see, the thing is i really like leo and his videos I watch them weekly and thats why im on this forum, cause i want to be my highest and best self. but from this point of view, time passes by but nothing changes and it seems so far away and just futile i think. Its not my fault that i dont have will to fight, to live, to go on like this. I respect and admire leo for his work, but that doesnt mean i accept everything he says without doubting him or analyzing it,: I just cant get it: in one video he will say accept yourself for who you are fully, become enlightened, you have no free will, then he will go like be a strategic mother fucker and qualities of successful people. he will make a video titled contemplating your own death than he will say that death doesnt exist. I really want to but i just dont have faith that his content can change my life and get me out of this hole. Yes i want to self-actualize and become enlightened and all and im very excited after watching leos videos, sometimes soothed, sometimes depressed. but after time passes and i observe myself in real life and how i behave and how i constantly think, it seems to me that its all just pointless and i have no chance.

@Truth look man! these are the terms of leo, i realize that life is GREY, but how com that in this GREY universe leo gura has got everything to guide us, he is our shining light (yea right) just answer me! what the fuck do you do when you have no idea what to do whether you should embrace and accept your ego and lower-self, or you should eliminate it! now dont tell me that you can do both just dont man!

have any of you experienced this? I just feel so small and envious because i have only got this lifetime in this body with such a limited experiences, psyche, abilities, knowledge, mind. i want to be everyone literally. i want to experience life through the eyes of many many people before me in diferent times, and after me. I just want to experience everything that can be experience, feel every emotion that every human being has felt, and know all of their thoughts and experiences. I feel so insignificant, hopeless that i cant, its really a shame!

yes i have watched and yes i know that they are toxic, but i care for them and i love them, so i just cant cut them out, we have been through so much! I guess i should just make sacrifices for them, and make it eat me from inside, but pretend that nothing bothers me!

@Nickfury7 thank you@7oo13ad well when im in trouble or they are in trouble they are always with me and so am i. @Nic thank you, im 18!