Heart of Space

Lol wut? "Consisnes" Wot

Awareness is a skin tight aware nothing that's wrapped around and takes form as your perceptions. Weird right? Look for yourself. Awareness is so magical. If you want to see this just ask yourself how you're perceiving your perceptions. Naturally you want to think that it works like: Perception------------>Perceiver But really it's just: Perception

I want to be with a sexy, physically attractive girl. I also want to be loved by that person and love that person back. I want sex from that person and I want me to be the only one to have sex with her. I also want to fuck other women. I've tried sticking to one, but I literally cannot, sex with new women is one of the most enjoyable acts for me. My wants are so paradoxical. Oh wise men of this forum, do you offer solutions? Probably gonna tell me to look inward bla bla bla bla. I partly joke here. In all seriousness, most men deep down have these all these conflicting desires. What is your solution, if you have any. I'm just curious what you have to say.

I get the eerie feeling that everyone who visits this forum was reading this thread with a full bag of popcorn. Glad me and Mal could create a little entertainment in your life. <3

Nah, I'm done doing that. Your last posts spoke from your heart and I can appreciate the honesty about your experience a lot actually. Can we stop being at each other now? I'd prefer that.

I don't think there are people who lack a social persona. It's just someone who heavily implies that they are "awakened" would have greater self-control over thoughts and feelings and not let it cause them to lash out in such a childish way as you did. What did you call it again? Oh yea, stuck in the development stage of the "terrible two's?" And to be fair, you kind of sought this argument out after I annoyed you by constantly responding to me and acting childish in my threads. I was ready to end this cordially several times, but you kept it going. Did you get what you wanted out of this? I hope so. Man I just flung so much poop with this post. I'll be impressed if you don't respond.

@Mal Not sure what your point is. That I changed my mind?

Nah, you're pretty passive aggressive and only now are you really becoming openly aggressive now that I pointed it out. Anyone can go read your posts and see how you were putting on your holier than thou mask on when talking to me. I poked holes in your mask and you became more and more aggressive and openly angry the more I did it. Who said you're a passive hippy? I actually think you're pretty smart, you are just letting your anger towards me get the better of you. In terms of the thread you quoted. Yea, I kind of spontaneously said that and it was out of lack of self-awareness that I said that. I fully admit. 100% my own fault and no one else. I should have just said: "The elevation which one practices self awareness does not make ones perspective any more valid and I would like to hear the actual content of what is being said." I made an error there. But hey, I can take responsibility for myself. Seems you struggle with that a bit as much as you like to make passing comments about how incredibly mentally developed you are. And I have a question. This is not an attack. Are you kind of old? Cause that would explain a lot.

Woah there, Mal, you're dangerously skirting another pissing contest, mate. I already did take responsibility for my assholish behavior if you read my post. I only suggested that you, just maybe, played a part in our argument by misinterpreting my intentions and responding in a manner that was completely disproportionate to the entire situation. You are incredibly passive aggressive you know that? And you continue on with this idea that you can act like an egoic maniac and still talk down to me as if you are on some higher plane of existence. I don't think anyone is buying it, dawg.

Great post, glad we can calm down a little. Part of my strategy on the internet has always been to provoke a response using a mix of intelligence with a bit of childish humor. It's always worked for me before in terms of getting people to respond. It is childish, but I learned about you and myself in the process. In retrospect and in fairness probably not the best way to go about it. Especially on a forum like this. You make a really good point in regards to respecting others in showing their vulnerability in seeking self-improvement. Point taken and I will make a concerted effort to be much more respectful on these boards, truly. I will say though you did misinterpret some fairly benign humor as malicious, though. It's not your fault really, because text fails to convey context and I think if you interacted with me in person you'd be pleasantly surprised.

I know in my case I'm very attached to the idea that I am an intelligent person. And when I can "beat" other people in a debate with "superior" use of logic and reason it props up my concept of self-worth. This is especially bad when I meet someone like me in this way and we have a disagreement. It's like gasoline to a fire. I've gotten better about it though and try my best to be more open minded and admit when I'm wrong. It doesn't always work out though as you can *cough* see here. I was genuinely trying to be nice and cordial and certain points though, but I just get sucked right back into the ego black hole. A great example was the last post you quoted where I was responding to Mal. I have to be incredibly careful in self-awareness work because minds like mine tend to bloat themselves with self-aggrandizing ego stroking thoughts. It's easy to want to wank your ego off with the idea of how much more self-aware you are then "normal" people. I don't even like admitting it, but it is true.

You totally did. I feel the pressure to win this thread sliding off my back. I can let my big ego finally rest and wash myself in the pure humility of awareness. And now that that's done we can go back to the more important and relevant topic and hand? Aka ME and MY perspective and feelings on male sexuality and how I should get everything I want no matter how conflicting?

Lol, that's pretty heinous shit imo. But then again I'm a rabid narcissistic monkey with a giant ego. I still admire myself in the mirror multiple times a day and marvel and my supposed vast intelligence and wit. I sometimes reread my posts and get a little egorgasm. When Mal said I had a big IQ I was very aware of an orgasmic feeling in my mind as my ego got a huge erection. Thanks for that, Mal, btw. I'm neurotic as balls. But god damn it if I'm not trying to become more self-aware.

To a degree I am, I am mindful of that and am trying to stop doing it, but I'm also not the one pretending to be "awakened" either. I'm neurotic as fuck, but I'm pretty self-aware of it and fully admit it. Dude thinks he's buddha or something and is just as ego driven as I am lol.

You're still raging and I haven't even been mean to you at all. Even my joke in my other thread wasn't even mean spirited in the slightest. You interpret it in that way. I'm not to be dealt with, yet you follow me around and continue to respond to me more than any other person? Even after I've tried to make nice with you multiple times? And now that I'm being nice I'm just simply being manipulative and saving face? I can't win with you. I could literally turn into Ghandi before your very eyes and you'd still be mad. If anything you've made many hostile remarks towards me. Albeit in a much more subtle passive aggressive sort of way. I also like how you manipulate your language and use words like "limbic" to describe your anger so others still perceive you as aware. This is what you sound like: "I'm not getting attached to my thoughts relating to anger, or ego, my anger is an enlightened anger." Your response and behavior in reaction to me is a pretty clear red flag. I will say though, you're certainly smart and your use of language is very calculated and careful as to make yourself seem aware, but you are quite obviously not. At least not as aware as you want to come across. And no, this isn't some shallow attack on your ego, in some attempt to "beat you" or "win" it is an observation whether I'm right or wrong. I'm completely open to being wrong about this, but this is what it looks like.

Holy shit, I made you really angry. To a point where I can't reach you. Damn dude, you really need to relax a little. Ayla nm, feel free to delete our convo, there is no purpose for any of this.

Words, Mal, words. Words fail. I understand there is no one to be enlightened bla bla bla. You're really bad about this words thing. I'm a comedian, in real life. I make jokes, sometimes vulgar and sometimes they hurt feelings. I apologize to you for hurting your feelings. As soon as I saw I was I quit directing them towards you. Taking on what ego? I'm just making a personal observation. You still seem to think I'm attacking you. Quite the opposite, I've enjoyed the interaction and am really trying to extend my hand out to you, but you keep slapping it away out of spite.

Do you feel like you're tip toeing around my ego with this post? I understand that the bodymind organism registers trauma and responds appropriately. If I threw a physical punch at you, obviously there would be a response. But I'm not throwing a punch at you, in fact, I wasn't even insulting you if you go back and read most of my posts to you. Read the posts in my thread about Rationalism and you'll find that aside from a little sarcasm there wasn't really anything viscous directed towards you. At worst, you could say the "anal" comment was vulgar, but it was just a silly joke and in the same post I joke about having a small penis. It was just me being absurd in putting across the point that emotions happen and I was honest about being sarcastic. I think you partly misunderstand me, Mal. I really do. Who's saying you're unsocial? I don't even know what that means. I was saying that you were responding with an unnecessary and false presumption and doing so in an inappropriate way. And you're justifying this by saying I'm socially underdeveloped? Two wrongs don't make a right, friend. The way you have responded to my words tells me you probably aren't as enlightened as you put off. Edit: But foreally, if you want to respond just send me a PM I'd be happy to if you want. I don't want to get modded again I've already had to get Leo to reverse a perma-ban once and I don't want to have to annoy him again.

Don't delete them, Ayla. It's fine. Topic resumed.

Thanks for your response, Mal. I'm serious, thank you.

Do you interact with humans? Do you make air quotes every time you use the word "I" in a sentence? If not, are you not engaging the world using language that at least appears to imply a world that has a dualistic nature? Are you sure you even understand me, my motivations, or what I'm really doing? How sure are you? Why do you pretend to be so certain to know my perspective when you don't experience it? Why do you pretend to know my level of open mindedness? I think your ego wants to perceive me in a certain way because I hurt your feelings a bit. You seem to really want to perceive me as this closed minded idiot who has the self-awareness of a reptile. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like I really struck a nerve with you by the way you follow me around the forum, comment in my threads, and give me meaningless negative reputation points. In that case, I'll quit being an ass specifically to you, since my intention isn't to hurt anyone's feelings in any meaningful way. But, I'd be really careful if I were you, because it seems like you've fooled yourself a little with how self-aware you are. This whole dropping into a thread with a topic not relating to awakening, in a forum section not about awakening, correcting others in their use of dualistic language seems like a way to prove to yourself how aware you are in comparison to all of us. Especially when she was already aware of her use of dualistic language.

No, I understand completely what you were doing and the value of it. My point was that you just assumed, falsely, that she didn't realize or understand what was going on. I understand what you're saying already, that's a given. Perhaps keep this kind of response to enlightenment related threads? Do what you want, but I'm just pointing out that you were making an unnecessary presumption, which comes across as patronizing to be honest.

This is a given. The way Mal corrected you in your use of words is like that guy who corrects people for the incorrect usage of "your" and "you're" or "to" and "too." He's right, but his correction is irrelevant and adds nothing of value to what is being communicated.

Start how everyone starts, which is concentrating on your breath. But make it very specific like the sensation of the air passing through your nostrils. Focus in on it and observe the feeling and perception. And when you get swept away in thought, which will happen naturally just return to that sensation. This will give you the basic ability and understanding of how to observe something. Eventually your level of focus will increase and then your ability to be mindful, aka the observation of thoughts, perceptions, and feelings that pop up, will improve. It's ok to get carried away, it's simply going to happen. Just accept it, don't feel like you've failed, because it's really the opposite. It's another opportunity to quiet the mind and focus your awareness on the perception. Shit, on bad days I still get swept away for minutes at a time and I've been on this stuff for years. It's quite like doing reps when you're working out. In terms of stopping thoughts. Don't try to stop thoughts, simply become aware of them. This all seems tough and it is, but just keep at it and I promise you'll get it. Sometimes it seems like all of this is like being blind and navigating a complex maze. Once you understand how to observe and be aware you just stick to that and you'll always be on the right track. Don't make this complex, you'll just be making life difficult for yourself.

Will check that out, mate. Thanks.