Hi Paul,
Reading your journal was a treat, as I related to it immensely. One thing I have realised since discovering Leo and the domain of consciousness is that loneliness and uncertainty are definitely intrinsic to it, especially at first. Do you hint about consciousness to people that seem they could be interested in or on the same path as you? I used to be very quiet about it because I assumed no one in my entourage could be open to the subjet, but if I'm quiet about it and the people around me are quiet too then how can we even discover that we share the same interests? I've been meditating for more than a year now, and just discovered that my uncle was an avid meditator with 4+ years of experience. I discovered it because we use the same app that has a social component to it... can you believe that an app was necessary for me and my uncle to realise we shared a meditation practice?
My personal story is full of shortcomings, with my meditation practice, my self-actualization, my addiction management, my dating life and more... all spheres of life that didn't really hurt as much when I was so unconscious of them. I do believe a social support system can do wounders in sefl-acceptation and motivation, especially if you're a socially inclined person like I am. I found an accountability partner on the meditation app I use with the goal of meditating daily for the month of october, I've been going for 20 days strait with is are great improvement for me. If a similar concept could help you I would be up for it, we could figure it out.
Thank you for sharing your life with us over here,
Justin
PS: the ending to your last post was brilliant, I had to mention it
PS 2: I just realised that this journal format should probably be with your replies only, maybe this post would have been better as a private message.. I'll delete this post after you read it if you'd like to keep your journal with your posts only, no problem!
