Stardog

Consistency is far more important than time investment. Doing it daily is key, and concentrate on multiple short peaks rather than a single prolonged middling plateau. If you're struggling to do longer meditations, reduce the length of time, but do it more often. So if you can't stay focused for 30 minutes, try two 15 minute sessions instead. Or if you can't quite do an hour, do a couple 20-30 minute sessions.

So to be clear, you are arguing that enlightenment-which at its core can be described as a transcendence of dualistic concepts- is itself a dualistic concept, i.e. a person is either Enlightened or Unenlightened? This strikes me as a paradox. If enlightenment is a realization of nonduality, then how can you apply dualistic concepts to it? I vastly prefer the Buddhist description of enlightenment (or at least the one that Thich Naht Hanh uses in his writings). You are already enlightened. Everything that encompasses enlightenment is already within you, the process that we think of as enlightenment is just the process of pealing back the layers of ego, mindlessness and other bull that prevent us from recognizing our "inherent" enlightenment. This removes the dualistic nature of enlightened vs. unenlightened, but what I really like is that it removes the idea of "achieving" enlightenment from the equation. It turns it into something you "realize" instead. This solves the problem of applying dualistic thought to something that by its very nature is nondual, because there is no distinction. An unenlightened person doesn't become enlightened, rather enlightenment itself is a never ending state of becoming more enlightened. Long story short, I like Leo's way of presenting enlightenment as something with stages. It helps limit dualistic thinking and emphasizes enlightenment as a process, while still acknowledging progress along the path. Just my two cents.

Glad to hear you're making progress. I like what you're doing with the snooze button, I used to do something very similar. In a book on meditation by the Dalai Lama (can't remember the title off the top of my head) he actually suggests meditating first thing in the morning, as opposed to the late morning/fully awake approach many western meditation teachers suggest. I've done both and find the results to be interesting. My later meditations definitely feel better in the moment, I reach deeper states and am more focused, BUT I feel like the first thing after I wake up meditations are more helpful long term. While I'll often lose concentration or even fall back asleep, my mind feels much clearer throughout the day and after I've done it consistently for a while I start to notice much more awareness in my day to day life even when not meditating. I think doing it first thing in the morning before you're at your mental peak shifts your mental baseline more efficiently than focusing on peak mental times. The initial results aren't as drastic, but I find them to be more consistent. I fell off the meditation train a few months ago and have been slowly rebuilding the habit since. You've inspired me to practice what I preach, I think the next habit I build back up will be the early morning meditations. One thing I want to throw out there, I don't think this meditation technique on its own is meant to bring "silence or peace." Rather, its really good for getting you used to interacting with your mind without being dragged along by it. Essentially, in my experience the idea isn't really ever to achieve silence or peace (Yongey Mingyur actually recommends actively bringing thoughts to mind during Shinay if you ever feel like there aren't any there to observe,) but to build up and stretch your mental muscles, like warm up exercises. After you've gotten the hang of this (by which I mean can observe without engaging) try moving on to meditating on the breath. THAT will entail actually quieting the mind and bringing about relative silence and peace, but I don't think that's what you should be looking for with this exercise.

Can't really move out till the lease is up, but that is the plan the second I can. @NahmI get what you're saying and I've actually moved past a lot of the reflexive judgements and anger over the past week or so. But just "not judging" doesn't suddenly let me read a book in my own living room in peace, nor provide a safety net for when they get their financial aid revoked. I'm aware there's nothing I can DO about the situation for the time being, I'm wondering if anyone has advice for coping with the friction without just giving in. Cause I've done a lot of that, and its time for me to start moving forward again.

Hey everyone, first post here, just looking for some support/advice with my personal development work. I started this journey almost a year ago, right around the time that I moved into my current place with a couple of friends. Long story short, I was doing really well for a while till one of them screwed up in a major way and had to move out, and I let myself fall off the wagon. Been getting back on track, but we recently got a new renter, and I'm having trouble with the current situation. Long rant incoming: The roommate who moved out (we'll call him Adam) had to because after paying his first months rent, the other initial roomie (let's say John) paid his rent for 3 months while Adam spent his days getting high and playing video games. Without telling me that he was covering for Adam. When month 5 rolled around, it was brought to my attention for the first time that Adam couldn't make rent. He gave me 60 dollars and I covered the rest, but made it clear that he needed to get a job and I expected to be paid back. At which point John brought up (for the first time) that he'd been paying Adam's rent, and dumped that debt on him at the same time. Long story short, Adam never got a job and had to move out. I then put John in charge of finding a replacement, seeing as I work full time and didn't have access to a computer at the time, while John... literally does nothing. If he leaves the house, I consider it a monumental achievement. Point is, almost 6 months pass before a replacement is found, all which is punctuated by me having to constantly remind him to keep posting on Craigslist, put up flyers at his school, etc. The new roomie (Tyler) is enrolled in school as a full time student (40 credit semester, that sort of thing) but, just like the other two, spends all his time getting high and watching TV. And I mean literally ALL his time. If he's up before I go to work around noon, its an early morning for him. Whenever he is up, the first thing he does is get high, and then starts vegging out on the couch. He's there when I leave for work, and he's there when I get back 8-9 hours later. He hasn't attended a single class since the semester started. This has led to a lot of friction within the apartment, which to top it all off drives my cat fucking bonkers. When its just us he's super sweet and pretty well behaved, but whenever the other two are around he picks up on the stress and starts to act out. They both pay rent, thankfully, so I'm not looking to get rid of them or anything, but as part of my development, I've been reasserting myself into the apartment as a whole. I'm not spending as much time holed up in my room when I'm home and such, which definitely makes the two of them uncomfortable. I can't really judge them for smoking, as I used to be a pretty massive pothead as well, but when I was I was holding down a job, attending school daily, in the best physical health of my life and was making tangible strides forward with my development and life purpose. So their inability to be even remotely functional adults is hard for me to wrap my head around. I quit because this environment takes what used to be a nice way to relax and occasionally have some cool experiences and turns it into a weird, dysfunctional, denial fueled addiction. TLDR; my roomies are lazy, good-for-nothing potheads, and I could use some advice for dealing with the anxiety and stress that brings about. I'm working on detaching myself more from the negative feelings, but I'd like some more practical advice for dealing with the situation. Obviously there's nothing I can do to change their behavior, I have learned that the hard way multiple times over the years, but can I do anything to make it clear to them that I'm not interested in their lifestyle without actually sitting down and just spelling it out to them? As it is, they seem to assume I'm going to return to the fun, super accepting guy I was when we first moved in (I had a couple of awakenings/minor enlightenment experiences in the first few months, so I was super laid back and supportive, which mostly was just taken advantage of.) I'd prefer to avoid such and an encounter, as it strikes me as primarily a waste of time. Sorry for the long and whiny first post. Most of the people I know in the area are either through work, where discussing this feels inappropriate, or through the aforementioned roommates, so can't really bring this up there either, and these feelings have been building up for a while.

I actually lived with a sociopath for a couple years, and if you understand them its actually not that hard to cope with them. Essentially, you just have to understand that a sociopath sees everything through an INCREDIBLY selfish and narcissistic lens, BUT, there's legitimately no malice behind it. They are incapable of seeing anything wrong with their actions, but they rarely intend to actually cause harm. Instead, its a by-product of their attempts to satisfy the basic needs that we all seek to satisfy, but without the empathy that allows the rest of us to reduce the potential harm of our actions. In my experience, the best way to deal with a sociopath is to adopt a similar standard of behavior with them. This doesn't mean be an ass, what it means is don't expect them to connect with you on any meaningful level. I have a lot of fond memories of hanging out with my sociopathic friend, precisely because I accepted the fact he was a sociopath and didn't expect any more from him, and didn't invest myself, just like he didn't invest any of himself in me. Sociopaths are only really harmful if you either don't realize they're a sociopath, or if you expect something from them that they literally can't provide. In terms of actually answering your questions, though, I don't think we're supposed to do anything. Education is important, as the signs are actually fairly obvious if you know what to look for (I understand I might be a special case, seeing as I lived with one for years, but whenever I've pointed it out to people they thought it was super obvious in hindsight,) at which point it's just like dealing with any person with a mental disorder. As for changing their ways, I legitimately don't think its possible. But if you've ever really talked with one at length, it becomes pretty obvious they don't want to change. They're happy the way they are, and they don't mind missing out. The only way I can see to possibly "rehabilitate" a sociopath is to educate the people around them, so that they can no longer take advantage of them. If their behavior ceases to give them what they want, they'll have to adapt and change it.

I believe you may have some success if you do some research into Shinay meditation. Yongey Mingyur in particular is very fond of this technique, and talks about it in length in his book The Joy of Living, but if you'd rather not invest in a book just for one concept, he also has a number of videos on youtube where he breaks the technique down. To paraphrase his core points, notice that you're breathing. Don't try and concentrate on the breath or count them or anything, just be aware that you're breathing in, and then that you're breathing out. If you just notice that you're breathing, it keeps you from getting lost in whatever thoughts are arising. As for the eyes closed/open argument, the biggest downside to closing your eyes is it tends to make it easier to be carried away by your thoughts. Ideally you'll reach the point where the discomfort doesn't bother you, its just a sensation that you'll observe. You may also just get used to having your eyes open, and the discomfort will cease to even arise. I find with my eyes open its easier to remain anchored than if I close them, but that's the only real difference. If I can manage it, I prefer to do Shinay with my eyes closed just because its more comfortable, but I'll often resort to eyes open if I notice I can't keep from engaging with my thoughts. As for the forcing thoughts issue, that actually means you're doing well, even if it doesn't feel that way. Thoughts actually arise completely independent of you, that feeling of "forcing" them is just you noticing the stream, awareness of a thought prompts another thought and so on. The next step will be not engaging with them as they come, which comes just comes down to practice. As long as you are aware that you're thinking, don't worry to much about how much your thinking. Its when you start daydreaming that it becomes a problem, but even then all you have to do is think "these are thoughts" and notice where you are in your breath. Mingyur also emphasizes short practices, but many times. Do like 5 minutes of do-nothing/shinay, take a break, do 5 more, etc. Eventually you'll be able to do it for longer, but a few short, successful sessions are significantly more helpful than a single long session where you're constantly getting distracted/frustrated. Hope that helped, I'm not an expert by any means but I'm definitely familiar with the problems your having, and this is what has helped me to iron them out.