Solvinden

Hey Everyone, I’m seeking some advice on what to do with the next few years of my life. I’m 31 and have been traveling for the last two years after completing my PhD. I spent 9 months at Sadhguru’s ashram and have been backpacking since. I feel like I’ve visited the places I wanted to see, but I’m still interested in dating, which seems to be easier in Asia. Beyond that, I’m not sure I have any strong reasons to keep traveling. Logically, I feel like I should return to Europe to advance my career as a Data Scientist, as I’m concerned about having a long gap in my CV. On the other hand, I’ve been volunteering remotely as a Data Scientist for an NGO for the past two years, so I haven’t completely disconnected from my profession. Financially, I’m in a position where I could continue traveling for a few more years. I also feel like I’ve explored my career enough for now and want to focus on mastering other areas of my life, with dating being the most important to me at the moment. Unfortunately, I don’t feel as successful with dating in Europe as I do in Asia. I’ve considered working abroad for the experience, but the salaries aren’t enticing enough, and I wouldn’t have enough free time to pursue spiritual practices or explore other interests. I’ve even thought about something like a shamanic apprenticeship, which might align with my spiritual goals. So, I’m at a crossroads. Should I play it safe, return to Europe, and focus on my career for a while? Or should I pursue something different? I’m just not sure what the next step should be. I’d love to hear your thoughts! Love, Solvinden

Hi everyone, I’m 31 and currently on a journey around the world, with plans to continue until next February. I recently spent an unforgettable week in Goa where I met a wonderful woman. This experience has left me feeling quite nostalgic, especially since I’ve often found it challenging to connect with the opposite sex, and I'm not very physically attractive. Even using dating apps like Tinder, I only seem to have some success in less populated areas in third-world countries. Emotionally, I tend to be quite reserved, which makes it difficult for me to truly enjoy the moment. I long to experience the more ecstatic dimensions of life, but often feel like I’m on the outside looking in. Additionally, I'm unsure about settling down. My desire for new experiences and meeting different people is strong, yet I struggle to find success in this area. Could anyone share insights or suggestions on how to better connect with others and embrace the joys of life? How do you decide when it's time to settle down? Thanks for any advice you can offer!

This might be very true indeed! @something_else 1 month to Japan with my family, hike the camino frances, a few weeks Egypt/Jordan/Israel, make full use of the festival season in July/August, backpacking in China/India for ~4 months. But I am still in the brainstorming phase. To which places do you want to go and what do you want to experience?

Wow these are amazing suggestions!!! Most probably, I will go to the Psy Fi and Ozora. Sexsibility sounds amazing too but it sounds like one should have a partner because otherwise it might be weird. What was your experience?

Hey Everyone, Next year I am going to the travel the world for one year. The biggest purpose of this journey is to deeply connect and celebrate with people around the world, sth I have always found difficult. I really want to attend quite a few festivals with a hippie/psychedelics/transformative/connecting type of atmosphere. Which festivals do I really need to attend and why? (: Thanks, Solvinden

I just broke up with her. This was the most scary thing in my life so far, but I feel so much better now. Building now a vision for the adventurous life I dream to live.

Just to make things clear. She never cheated, We are in a relationship just for one year. Two years ago I told her we can not be in a relationship because I want to have a family at some point and she is not able to have children. I struggled quite some time to come to the realization that I never want to have children anyway. In the meantime she met this other guy.

She broke the contact with him 1.5 years go and she deeply loves me/writes me music/puts in the effort (Even though I suspect it is this mature kind of love and not the butterflies in your stomach kind).

Hey Everyone, my girlfriend (21) and me (29) have been dating for a little more than 3 years now and are in a committed relationship for a little bit more than one year now (she is living in another city) . Right now, I am asking myself if I shall leave the relationship or not. Why should I leave? - 2 years ago she fell in love with another guy and slept with him + confessed that she never really fell in love with me/had butterflies in her stomach. This obviously hurt me very much and I still suffer from it (Back then I was handling many things not perfectly.). - I have a strong desire to approach many girls/play the field. I feel that here is my biggest possibility of growth and I intuit a certain euphoria by mastering it. - I feel ambivalent about the relationship and am not passionate about our future together. This is mostly due to still feeling hurt and her social circle/family knowing about what happened. This makes me feel like a total loser and I avoid introducing her to my friends because they know the back story and I find it embarassing. - If single again, I never want to have a relationship again, I never want to have a family. (Nothing wrong with it. But I don't want it.) - For the last two years the main emotion that I felt with her was pain and I was constantly doubting the relationship. - When I imagine leaving, I feel like a heavy burden is lifted from my heart. Why should I stay? - I can not imagine a better girl than her on my side. She is extremely well developped and our values/life plans fit ridculously well. - I don't want to hurt her, maybe she'll never find someone like me again. And vice versa (I'm not particularly good looking). - The way I feel is generated from within. It feels a little bit stupid to try to change my internal state by breaking up with her. - I'm careful about not creating too much Runanubandha. Too many deep romantic relationships with different partners might confuse the system and make things more complicated down the line. So maybe it is wiser to stay in a relationship that is on paper "perfect". - I don't care that much if I am never ever romantically involed with another woman again (This is not a contradiction to the strong desire to approach girls) I struggled to make a decision already for the last 4 months. However, I don't seem to make much progress (Yes, I watched Leo's video and it gave me a push in the right direction). Maybe you guys can give me some valuable input to help me facilitate the decision. Thanks for reading this long post! Solvinden

Hey Everyone, long story short: The girl of my dreams (my current girlfriend) really can't imagine a better man than me to be together with. But she recently confessed that she never had that spark and excitement for me and no matter how hard she tried she can't create these feelings within her. This deeply hurt me. If not even a girl where everything is fitting together so perfectly can't love me deeply, then something must be very wrong with me. At times she said that I'm a bit dusty and a weak man. I must confess, I think she is right. So now I commit to becoming a strong, funny and deeply alive man which is deeply desired by women. I want to do everything that is humanly possible to achieve this goal. I'd like to get your advice and guidance on all the things that I can do to achieve this goal. Every kind of advice is very much welcome! What I currently do: -since 6 months I do 1-2h of yoga every day -since 1 year I play around 1h guitar every day (Once I'm happy with my skill level, I want to learn singing next) What I playn to do: -Doing Krav Maga 2x a week for one year (I would never risk a confrontation because I wouldn't know how to fight) -Building muscles (going to the gym 3x a week. I'm way too skinny right now.) -Becoming funny: Trying to become relaxed in daily life and taking things less seriously, searching for the funny in everything (not sure if some kind of ritual/routine makes sense for this purpose) -Becoming more alive: I think Yoga helps in this regard. Also I can imagine that I become much more alive by becoming a much more active person. But maybe there is more that I can do? My main problem is that I tend to think way too much. Is there anything missing for creating deep attraction in a girl? In particular, I struggle to be a strong/"alpha" male in social situation. I feel most of the time very uncomfortable and anxious and I don't know how to change the way I feel in these situations. Probably, that's my biggest problem and where I'm the most clueless on how to fix it. I really behave very weak in these situations. PS: In the first year where we were dating but not in a relationship, she was also dating other men. Men where she had these magical attraction feelings. Even though they had many problems and it didn't fit that perfectly. This makes it even more unbearably painful for me as everything fits together so perfectly. So I really have to be quite terrible right now. Not even sure if I can continue the relationship after being hurt so deeply. At the same time, I know that she always did her best and she is not to be blamed for this situation. Thanks for listening guys! Solvinden

Thanks for the advice guys! (: I'm experimenting with it right now and started reading "The Enlightened Sex Manual" by David Deida. I'll update you how these things work out.

Thanks for the answers guys! Going a little slower is what I normally do. Then I can last really really long. However, my girlfriend says she can't reach orgasm with this slower speed. Also I would enjoy it more to go harder and faster without ejaculating immediately. (: Sex while standing is a little better, the other things also make sense and help a little bit (except for the masturbation thing, I will try this, lol) My main concern is wanting to bring her to orgasm (She never had an orgasm during sex in her life, but also had not had too many partners). The sex with her is very good and I use principles from "The Sex God Method" (Dominance, Emotions, Immersion, Variance). Right now, it feels that I can improve the most by lasting longer during hard and fast sex. I feel that maybe there is some big puzzle piece that I'm still missing.

Hey Guys, do you have any tips on how to last longer in bed? Especially when I trust very hard and fast I last less than a minute. I tried deep/slow breathing, relaxing, focussing on sth different/changing the position/starting slow, etc. While these things help, they do not help enough. Are there techniques with which I can thrust very hard and fast for a long period of time? Maybe techniques that give you an orgasm without ejaculation can help? Thanks for your advice guys! Solvinden

@stopwow I do. I answered the question for me completely. If I stay with her and have children or do not have children, if I leave her and have children or do not have children: It doesn't make any difference. Passing my genes on would probably lead to very happy and gifted children. However, in the end it's not important whatsoever. Have a good day!

Thank you so much for the very helpful comments (at least most of them are)!!! I've contemplated this question deeper the last few days and we came to an extremely satisfying conclusion. However, I still want to ponder this question deeper independently of all that because my thinking still doesn't feel quite "right". On the deepest level my desire for having children stems from a certain feeling that I really NEED to do that and that the alternative is extremely bad. But if I observe this feeling I can find no valid reason for its truth. Nevertheless, I'm just stuck in this view, and it feels dirty and not good. I guess that's survival, which is suffering, in play as mentioned in Leo's videos on survival. My goal needs to be to have absolute clarity on this topic (without mixed-feelings). I'm not quite there yet. However, I'm not fixed on a certain end result of my inquiry. Further input is much appreciated!