Salcedoop

@Ryan_047 hi Ryan! I'll offer my personal opinion, as I've felt similarly with my own family members. First, I don't know the nature of your relationship with your brother, nobody does except you and him, it may be wise to remember this when reading other's advice. : ) I often see unhappiness and destructive behaviors in those closest to me, it's painful. Nevertheless, what I've found is that a direct approach almost certainly backfires; it can work, but it requires a lot of tact and know-how. When sensitive topics come up, people defend them like their lives depend on it, in all sorts of ways, overt and covert. A good analogy is an open wound, if you go directly at it and touch it's going to hurt, even if you're going to make it all better (like pouring disinfectant); if that person doesn't trust that you know what you're doing, they won't know the difference pain-wise between someone pouring disinfectant and someone pocking at it with dirt! That's the way I think of a situation in which someone comes along with a new-found ideology that worked wonders for them and want everybody else to have it: they're going straight for the wound with when they're off guard! Think of a time (if this has happened to you) when somebody from another political view or religion has tried to convert you.. did it work? I'm completely on board with some of the forum's advice that the best you can do is build the strength to set an example. You'll know you're there anytime somebody looks at you with admiration or willingly comes and asks for advice. The path to getting there is your own as it's subject to your everyday experiences and life context. Good luck!

woah, I was wondering about this channel, appreciate the info!

Why pay any attention to this? the whole business of making a channel out of other's videos is strange to me. From my point of view it makes sense that younger people do it, good video making practice; it makes sense to me when it's for comedic purposes... but when someone is trying to be serious about it.. I kind of go grey rock like... what are you doing "hombre" (or "mujer" if it's a woman) ? Anytime someone tries to "build " something on the premiss of tearing others down, I can understand where they're coming from, but they're not really building anything for themselves are they? they seem like scavengers to me.. I'm sure you can get good at it, have a point, be right even, but my point is: if something really is bad, it doesn't need random critiques to kill it, it will eventually die on it's own. It may do so from lack of attention, it may do so because it won't hold up.

why would you pursue something you don't like the look of? don't, it makes no sense. any real "guru" got there not by thinking how fabulous or successful they would look like, or how they would seem to others silly! their power lies in their pure sense of authenticity.

I was wondering why there was no like button, been wanting to use one. looks like I was late to the party, doh! I resonate with the idea of a like button and only the user having the ability to see the count. But that's just what I would like, I see no harm in an ego boost every now and then. btw, is there a way to change my "newbie" rank? just wondering... others have nothing but hyphens ----

@moon777light Hi sweety, I hope you're doing well, I understand the pain you're going through as I've had similar experiences. I strongly disagree with the las comment, about plunging into the task of dissolving you ego, before you develop a health one!! An ego isn't a bad thing, though many would like to portray it as such... it's like clothing, it's what we wear for others, it's how we present ourselves. I don't know you or anything and your post is from a couple of months ago so maybe you're in a different place by know, but from what I've read, the advice that comes to my mind is for you to find a common interest group, find people you feel comfortable around and that are supportive. Bear in mind that what you give is what you receive, so work on giving attitude-wise what you would like to receive back, for example, a smile, an assertive response, a meaningful/truthful conversation, a loving gesture. True, it's not always the case that you'll get it back what you're expecting from whom you're expecting it, but I assure you, do it enough and you'll begin to see results. Work on consistent behavior. : ) I hope you find this vid helpful, it explains well what I'm talking about. Cheers!

@Truth tru dat! xDD but.. I'm beginning to thing that by design most people can't see it nor will they be able to. *it's a challenge, do you accept it?

@Thanatos13 Lol, of course nothing's going to help with that attitude!! n_ n There are stages of going through this emptiness.. to me it looks like you might be going to the "I'll refute everything and anything anyone says because I can logically do it", or you'll refute it until you find that needle-in-the-hay comment that resonates... this means your locus of control is external. In my humble opinion it may be useful for you to develop an internal locus of control. It may be useful for you to find inspiration. It may be useful for you to find contrast, come to my country and see what you can do to help, for example. It may be useful to destroy who you think you are, that trap in your mind, and rebuild something that inspires you... inspiration... it's not gonna be easy though, that's how you'll know it's worthwhile. I dunno man, you could write, that useful for sorting things out.. you could put yourself in challenging situations if that will make you go... be creative man! Good luck! and don't get all emo on my with victimizing thoughts like "oh poor me, none of the advice I receive is useful" .

Can relate. Hang in there! ... enjoyed the music btw, thks for that!

@Shanmugam Happy birthday Shanmugam

@Emanyalpsid lol, no. takes a lot more to offend me! xDDDD it was just an observation.

@luckieluuke cool dude, thks!

@Solace Great insight! I'm in total agreement. I would like to add that this is no easy feat, especially with family members. Remember to practice and be patient with yourself first!

nicely put @Joseph Maynor ! @Ampresus I've personally found a couple of Charisma on Command videos useful, though I take them with a grain of salt

@Rilles rofl family guy

hey bud, seems like you take pleasure in stepping on other's gardens. that's fun, we all go through that... usually it's how we spend our time while our own garden is either drought, non-existent, destroyed or abandoned. I hope you may go back and grow it again, meanwhile have fun, just remember to always pick on someone your own size! n_n

Thank you for sharing your experience, @Genghis Khan. Your "laughing" experience reminds me of something that happened to me a couple of weeks ago: I was having this silly argument with my parents (I don't even remember what about) that blew up out of proportions. This happens often because there are unresolved issues that I personally like to address directly but either cannot communicate to them or bring out a topic they don't want to hear, anyway, we get into these sick dynamics where dirty mind games are used (for example gaslighing ). I was starting to lose my patience (which, whenever I do is used as a "you lose for showing emotion, I win" against me ) when all of the sudden, it hit me that truth is not something to fight over, it's something that is there and always will be and a person decides whether to see it or not... it all became trivial and I laughed but it wasn't a sick cynical kind of laughter, this was real, it was relief as I hadn't experienced in a long time. It was clarity. Clarity at the fact that no matter how bad it got, how in denial my parents were (or anybody else for that matter), no matter how much they decided to throw shit at the messenger (in this case me), the truth will always be there and fighting over it is just silly. If it's obscured now, a storm will come to wipe it clean some day I don't know that I would call this enlightenment but it sure was a pleasant surprise.

Hello all! I hope you are well. I've been subscribed to Actualized.org for a few months now and I can say it's truly been life changing. I'll try to be very careful to not misuse this platform as a means to justify some of my life's "misfortunes", please excuse me if I do! I think it's easy to fall into that trap, in my case. Anyway, I say this because I'm going to make the claim that I currently live in a low-conscious community, where folks generally lack self awareness. The evidence I base this claim on is in the way life is generally conducted, some examples are: women's/men's roles are fixed, there is a strong expectation for how a lady should speak, act, dress and behave, whereas men get very different treatment and rights; certain topics are taboo such as self-awareness, money, lifestyle, class segregation, cast systems, racism, corruption inside institutions, individual initiative for improvement. Now, one can discuss this topic if making reference to some society/community outside this one, but when wanting to "critique" the dynamics of this town, it is considered scandalous... although I guess it's always the case with sensitive subjects. To wrap it up, I would like to lay out ideas as to how to improve my community's life quality by taking action. To give a starting point, I live in Mexico, specifically in Guanajuato. Just for background context I'll mention that Catholicisim is heavily practiced here (I myself do not practice it, though I was raised Catholic up to the age of twelve). Within this community there is a notorious class segregation though not widely acknowledged, scores in basic education are low compared to other parts in the country. There is also a trace of cast-like system going on, therefore not much class-mobility goes on; I've found this particular topic to be very sensitive, almost censored. The town is heavily set up for tourism, which I've concluded from personal observation, affects locals' lifestyle in a negative way, for example, excess drinking, littering and other forms of pollution, most noticeably, sound pollution. All of this is not openly addressed by the people nor office. Given the above, I have enlisted specific questions which I am very interested in reading opinions for. Though any related comment is more than welcome! What strategies to address class segregation do you know? What are some ways to detect cast-like systems? How would you go about raising awareness for racism, bullying or whatever other sort of bigory goes on. Does anyone think tourism should be conducted mindfully, that is, with tact, respect and with certain rules for non-disturbance, sort of like the way one respects conservation parks? Thank you all, kindest regards!

@Solace Thank you so much for your encouraging words, that last paragraph made my day. Sharing thoughts and ideas with others helps me know where I'm at because the more I move into uncharted territories, the harder it is to keep going, to keep motivation high and be loyal to the cause. On a different note, I know what you're talking about when you mention "attracting similar vibrations". I have experienced this for sure. What has been a recurring theme when inhabiting such a transient town -because of the heavy tourism- is the coming and going of the likeminded people. It's difficult to build on that, to build relationships, ideas, enterprises, whatever else. At times the feeling of stagnation is so strong, it's painful, that's why I posted specific questions, to actually do something. Growing myself as to set an example is part of that something for sure!

@Leo Gura To answer the first question: hey, somebody's gotta get the ball rolling around here! I kid, I've asked myself that question many times and eventually realized that I had two options, leaving which hasn't worked out for reasons I'm not going into now, and inciting change in the community: I don't want to live in a macho-drunk-town anymore. I'm well aware that to bring change and uplift others, one must do the work themselves, for sure! I am working on my self development as much as I can with the resources I can get my hands on, youtube channels, downloadable books. I've been having issues with the feeling of isolation lately, it's a real tough-y. To answer the second question, yes, part of my purpose is contribution to the community for sure. I want to make it clear that people DO want change, I've lost count of the times I've heard someone say "things need to change around here" or imply it. The amount of complaint going on is unbelievable; also, excessive drinking and restlessness are both signs of out-of-the-charts stress levels. It's quite difficult to go about the topic in a direct way, I would absolutely love to teach anyone interested about spiral dynamics, but I don't think that would be well received at all, it's going to be cuckoo talk at this point, especially coming from a young señorita ; ) My approach is offering art lessons and interacting with children... basically they are the only sensible creatures left around here. Thank you so much for the response and advice by the way! Your videos are a real treasure.

@Hardkill you come off as very whiny dude. I'm gonna assume what you need is tough love, as you seem like the perfectionist type and tell you we girls aren't into whiny Leo ha a video on the topic of how to get girls, and other topics that may help get you to a better place. There are also a ton of books and other very useful youtube channels that give out great advice for perfectionism, anxiety and other issues of the sort, check them out. Have a nice one dark Hardkill emo-dude!

Hello all! Actualized.org has been a "God-send" tool, I can't thank you enough Leo. It's given structure to so many jumbled ideas in my mind and allowed me to take action in some respects. The topic I'm suggesting is, as mentioned in the title, Spiral Dynamics Stages Red an Blue and ways to figure out the color your community tends towards. Diving into this topic may be useful to me as I have reasons to think I live in a red-blue community. I sometimes feel like I'm walking on eggshells with people and I feel censored in the sense that certain comments and remarks that seem perfectly adequate to me but are actually aggravating. For example, in some situations people will react adversely if you do are offered food and do not eat it or ask what is in it; other times they will watch your facial expressions and body language and if it is different from their expectations, you better expect some form of retaliation (such as mockery, name calling and shunning). I'm going to post this same topic on another discussion board to further into my situation and ask for ideas an advice for "elevating the local consciousness". But I think it makes for a great video since, 1. There is no video on "Stage Red". 2. There is little mention on action steps for elevating community consciousness. Thanks!

@CuteCornDog I can relate completely. Know that you're not alone, that it's not all in your head and that your situation is tough. In my case what happened was the disagreements with my parents, my mother especially, got to the point where they/she convinced me I was crazy. I almost believed them/her. She used my loneliness against me, constantly. It was a hard pill to swallow and it's taken a lot of self-development work to get over but I did. The best advice I can think of is: do not neglect yourself!!! take care of you body with exercise and proper food intake. Eat best when you feel the worst, that can really help. Good luck!

Is it really that bad? Do tell. ...

Find a physical activity that motivates you enough to stick with it for the long run. It can be anything, jogging, hiking, biking, swimming, yoga, weigh lifting.. I wouldn't know your likes, but choose one and stick to a that single thing, why? because most likely this activity will motivate you enough to want to improve on it, so you will naturally look for ways to enhance your performance: setting a routine, doing complementary physical activities like stretching, eating better. Moving your body will help you find the source of these pains and eventually eliminate them. Be patient.