Aquarius

I do realize I was wrong in some aspects of my new video. I calmed down since. Probably all the stuff that happened on social media were simple coincidences. And it's not my fault facebook analytics tells me an ad is expensive for something that they cannot provide enough audience for. Since in Romania there is not enough audience for an occult personal blog. But my bookish blog would get cheaper business advertising option for more audience.. because analytics! Not discrimination... also with Spotify it was a plain error (I hope).. I took this whole stuff personally probably, I will make a new video soon explaining why. (mostly because im kinda paranoid idk) I dont trust anything or anyone anymore... too many disappointments.

Maybe I should first just simply look up what shadow work actually means lmao. All of this was intuitive so far. I don't regret it though, I did embrace a shitton of my shadow lol. I don't need to work with demonic entities to fight gods. Maybe only working with them for protection or other purposes, but I'd rather work with the angelic team for now. They're pretty creepy looking too, but creepy is only something of the mind. There nothing to be afraid of... we are infinitely loved and protected as humans. I still like to talk about Christianity and even started reading the Bible and practicing Bibliomancy. I'm also uncovering an ability where I can browse through the pages of a book and I absorb information and knowledge from it subconsciously. Also maybe by touching books. It's insane! Maybe listening to the NWA Marsian meteorite frequency from Quadible is what helped... and also other psychic development subliminals. Yeeeeet. I also have a Moldavite. I used to drink Moldavite water... since then I keep getting channeled information out of the blue. Maybe connecting to higher self or beings.. Idk? Because it happens like.. I get an intuition or something I should talk about.. then in 10-20 minutes it's already on my personal blog. Crazy! I still practice Hinduism too, yes. I am more thorough with my practices but practice them rarely, because of all the work I do (art). I do sell art now guys! It's crazy, a dream come true. I'm very happy it worked out. My career focus shifted into getting money from the things I love. So now I just focus on my passions. But I would love to get my diploma too (high school bachalaureat). I think it's sad that for emotional reasons and bullying I couldn't get that effin degree, oof cmon.. I can do better. Besides.. I realised that IT and engineering/programming would only be a temporary "tool" on my journey... but my end goal is to help people with my content. Or by talking to them. I am a volunteer listener on 7cups, so I know my shit. But someday I wanna make it even more serious by becoming a psychiatrist. (therapist only, not prescribing meds - i dont believe in meds cause never helped me or anyone I know). Self love is important. I started bullying people on chat-sites when I didn't love myself enough. It came by accident and I wasn't aware I was doing it. I believe bullies aren't aware of their behavior either. It's a blind-spot. So.. Self Love is IMPORTANT! I try to be very kind now. But I'm happy I'm more honest with myself and others. I just have a lot of anger built up.

Since I posted this I realized that nothing I do is bad, nothing I think is bad or wrong. All serves a purpose. I was afraid of my shadow, but my shadow is mostly just subconscious repressed instinctual behaviors and defenses. Also repressed anger, tons of it. And I was scared that I might direct that anger to the wrong places or people. I'm feeling better now. I express everything as it should be expressed. Sometimes it's the wrong time or place to express it. Or the wrong person. IT happens! But then I set a different intention.. transmute it through intention into peace. Use the dormant yang energies, repressed yang energies for building and positivity.

New video.. would post in more places but I feel like I insulted Harry Potter and TikTok (rightly so), and I didn't really pay attention to my radical honesty. Ick!! D: Also I am kinda weird and I talk slowly so yea Enjoy! "In this video I talk about my experiences with how our new left-oriented online world is limiting people from practicing their truth. But I also talk about shifting , which is a new, perhaps dangerous trend for people's mental health. So in a sense I understand the leftist "rulers'" idea of 'net safety'.... Because when it comes to dangerous trends on TikTok, or spiritual cults.. social media is taking a lot of care about its users. I do understand their concerns! I am not against net safety!!! However... my phone number from my blog page Occult Knowledge got removed because I had 666 in it.. and Facebook thought it's fake. ._. Or was punishing me for thinking I'm a satanist? HA! Talk about freedom of religion! (I'm not a satanist tho) And Spotify didn't let me log in.. perhaps an error, perhaps because I typed in weird lyrics. Still an error either way cause I did no harm for searching for a song that maybe didn't exist. *shrug* I think these two things that happened to me were unjustified and wrong use of power from those in power. Or maybe I just tend to attract negative things for a reason. "You can't make a revolution in white gloves!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvsQGW4kNT0

Also I usually don't research stuff because it is communicated to me by higher powers.. not sure who they are. But anyway I just let life intuitively guide me and I get so much out of it lately that I barely have time for myself haha But I do what I love, my passions and whatnot ...so it's all good.

Thanks I guess? I didn't feel like researching anything because what I do works like magick so far, haha jk I love working with sinister archetypes. I don't feel like anything about me is negative, I just like to embrace it all. Yeah I usually transmute it into humor But I know what you mean. I could try transfiguring the negative aspects? But in the Lower-Red stage society (spyral dynamics) I live in it's good to have some of them nasty traits Hugs and thanks for the message.

Doing more shadow work. Working with the sinister. Nature, art, jogging... Biokinesis Shit keeps happening, bullies I only had time to type this Good night

That's what I did. But thanks for the kind words and the support! It was a roller-coaster of emotions!

They do. But I realized it was just a bot programmed to do that. Still shitty people. Using a bot to advertise their porn site full of viruses I actually thought it was a real person harrassing me! Robots are evill.. : ((( ugh

@Preety_India I understood now got a bit confused because I'm tired. Thank you, I hope it helped! You don't need to fight them. You can, however, "kill them with kindness", so to speak.. But some narcissists will get addicted to that kinda energy or even see you as weak. So play your cards smart ^-^ I know everything about the narcissist mind. If you have something personal to share or need help with narcissist men and women but can't share it publicly, you can message me anytime and I would gladly give you advice.

Be careful. They're not always soft. I'm a narcissist so I can help you understand some things. I hope you don't mind me writing on your post.. just wanna help ^^ Because us narcissists are always misunderstood and treated like bad people. There is no good and evil, only Love in darker and lighter shades. Darkness and sinister things are not "bad".. they just exist. Part of life, so to speak.. They are very much needed. Think about it.. if it were all infinite light, you would dissolve, burn, disappear. Same with the spiritual connotations of the word. That's why there are people with guilt disorders. Hard doesn't come from soft. Some people just simply don't care and never cared. They are assholes. That's who they are. No need to overanalyze this aspect..people are dicks, literally. They might not even lack empathy (common misconception about narcissism). Narcissists are hyper-sensitive and need constant emotional gratification. That's why they abuse. It's also a power game for the people who have lots of SD Stage Red energy in them. We are very feeling and observant people. There's also the sociopath stare, if you heard the phrase. It analyzes every little movement. Everything is seen. Narcissists are also often introspective. Us narcissists are usually stuck in a childish level where we think we can get what we want with manipulation. So it's more like a lack of emotional morals. There are 3 parts of the brain, (reptilian, emotional, intellectual - not sure these are the correct names but im just trying to make a point) and sometimes narcissists have problems with the emotional part, some disorder. We use intelligence-based tactics and emotional button pushing, because we want sex, money, status, pleasures, raw carnal needs fulfilled...and it's never too much. Other times narcissism comes from a lack of LOVE in childhood. Neglect from parents.. then you're trying to fill that hole with love you get from abusing people. So you become beautiful and famous, then use people that are "less" than you to feel good about yourself, if you're a narcissist. Obviously, spiritually and objectively speaking there is no less than or more than hierarchy between humans, but narcissist play that game. Alpha, Beta, Zeta, Omega males and females... Hunter, prey and fighting pray. They play that game, narcissists .. It can be fun too! Some people recognize they are sociopaths, so they take it to bed (BDSM). They live normal lives but decide that they want consensual power-play. I hope I could help clarify things a bit ^^'

The video I was talking about.. enjoy!

Reminder to self: defensiveness is just an ego-survival mechanism.

Note to self: Maybe bullying is a harsh word to call it. But hey, I have my first hater already ? Means I'm doing something right.

Leo cannot do anything about offline bullying even if he keeps this site safe. Recently I posted a video of myself talking in front of my broken laptop. I have an accent. I have weird mannerims. I have a past with psychotic breakdown and several members on this forum witnessed it. It got ugly sometimes as I wasn't talking like what the norm was expected from me. So one of you (and I kinda know who) posted a comment (not even watching my full video or caring about the knowledge I could offer of course, cause I am a crazy woman!!). A comment with a timestamp and with a link to a site, again I assume cause I didn't click it.. but a site with horny girls. Now I'm not sure why did I deserve this shaming. Is it because I'm below average as looks? Is it my overly feminine mannerism combined with my overly masculine voice/haircut? Do you find that funny? To laugh at someone for being themselves? Dude you don't even have a profile pic! I set there for 45 minutes straight talking and giving my best. Yes, the result is not that great, but for me is another milestone and I am proud of my work. Because I put heart and soul in my work. And is.. something. Talking about my passions is something.. for me. And you shat on my post. Yes you, shat on my video with a snarky comment referring to a link to a porn site. Be proud of yourself. You made a (bad) joke. ???

Oh, and some little boy was listening to music loudly in the park where I was working out, and it was like chyooda chyooda galatoosha CHEEKY BREEKY IV DAMKE blyaaaaaaaat

So I went in nature and been there for about .. I don't even know, 3, 4, 5 hours? I almost finished reading a book about metaphysical poems while sitting on the swing. I know, kinda childish, but I'm a wild child at heart haha Then I randomly met my ex with his two colleges skipping work lol. So I joined them and made friends. I have a mini-crush on one of them They drove me home (I was freezing aaa thanks) and my ex kept holding my hand in the car.. as if reassuring me: "it will be ok... I am there for you" And it wasn't in an adulterous way. There was nothing sexual or sensual about it. He just sensed I am wounded. Thanks bro. When I got home I was relaxing. Still trying to get my energy levels right for studying mathematics for my exam. I ordered some fancy cosmetics because I look like a guy to the point that it's not ok anymore. Yes, I'm a girl, you stalkers jk jk I love being stalked speaking of.... a guy is obsessed with me and keeps stalking me and another guy lied he works at coca cola to impress me... BITCH I HAVE COCA COLA ON MY PROFILE PHOTO T-SHIRT IM SCREEEEAMINGGG HAHAHAHAHAH #lifehappens

I made a little quick video about crystals and showing off my pretty big collection For those of you gemstone collectors: I hope you like it ^^ I hope you others too like it and can learn from it *hint: it gets paranormal and spooky at the end because I opened my third eye more than I should've when I placed the lapis lazuli on my brow* so expect some light flickering (in the video) - not sure if visible, but maybe you hear the sounds. still, try to watch and learn from the video this is all going with the flow, no script, no preparations, i just sat down randomly and made it in one sitting And I don't want to make this post about me, so please comment your favourite stones and I'll try to buy them and make a review ^^

So I did my morning routine today and I woke up at 4:30! Mantra, cleaning, getting ready, workout and art. I wasn't really in tune with the mantra. I think I was too sleepy and tired. I didn't sleep yesterday and today I only slept with a shitton of medications. I did some basic house cleaning and sanitizing the doorknobs and my phone. I didn't have time for the dishes though because some people kept messaging me and wanted to chat with me. I value strong friendships so I replied and talked for about an hour... uffffufufuufu im so busy : //// 1 hour on chat waaa.. I'm not too proud of my art either. I think today is a mediocre day, but I still made progress! Today's affirmation: You're strong and proud of yourself.

So I went for a walk in nature today and I regenerated a lot. The only worrying thing is that I got bullied a lot on the streets, nasty looks, buri nazar, envy, anger, frustration.. I feel empathy and brotherly love towards these people. I hope they find what they really need as soon as possible. I listened to some meditation music and I regenerated even more. But for some reason I realized God. And it was nice, because I dropped my BELIEF in God lately.... only to find myself opening my eyes see the real GOD. Then I realized non-existence. Not the first time I do, but this time it lasted a couple seconds longer. I felt pure bliss, I closed my eyes and dissolved into it. It was peaceful. This all happened in a few minutes after my meditation session. Today I didn't really do much work or chores. I cleaned my room, and I took a shower this morning. I went outside and I made drawings. I did my mantra practices. But most of my work was spirituality related. And calling it work seems kinda wrong, because it was more like play. I also got my books. And read a bit. I will now watch Leo's videos.

I struggle keeping myself motivated to make art every day. This journal should help me keep track of my art progress with at least 1 daily artwork and me planning my career path. ^∪^

So some basic schedule for now Morning: Clean room / get clean and ready for the day Clean house / clean doorknobs / wash dishes / order and sort stuff Do my mantra practice Work out Work on my art Go for a walk Afternoon Podcasting / training my voice for podcasting Study math / literature / Self-help books Boooooooks <3 Studying other stuff like languages, coding, etc. Night Coach some people Journal Watch Leo on YouTube Chat with friends Advertize my art on social media Self-help apps and practices This is fine.

Heyy 1200+ posts .. already?? Man, you're doing a great job with the journal, keep it up!!

I just wanted to share the fact that I found so much happiness today in working on my art. The feeling of holding a digital stylus made me realize how much of my life was and is dedicated each month, each year into art. It was an amazing feeling. I felt like being an artist was my calling (or part of it... I have many life purposes, but this is like one of my main career goals).. Man, idk.. I just feel like an artist today. (even when my art is bad .. it's mostly bad art yea..) I will post art when I'm doing own projects, I don't feel like posting people's *furry* characters anymore : ///

So this last page summarized shortly I want to be a good hardworking child to my parents. (I'm an adult but you get my point...) I have to do this in silence and in secret. I have to keep both major and minor achievements secret from them. And work extra hard, help in the home etc. while also doing my own job as an artist, book critic, writer and podcast host. (don't think too highly of me after reading this, because I'm only starting most of these projects,,,.. soooo... ) Coaching people online, digital art and podcasting are my main focus right now. But I'll also need to focus on reading books (I just ordered about 45 books and I have an extra 30 oldies waiting for me, *le sigh*) clean home early, do the dishes, clean room, do bed... etc. Take care of grandma's health, talk to mom about her emotional problems, be a supportive individual in the family, lead things into a better outcome Take care of my borderline narcissistic disorder not going out of hand.. possibly take minimal medication while accepting therapy options which are free or cheap, possibly talking to a friend, or group of friends. Idk, I keep feeling I am runing everything with my awkwardness and maniacal behavior ... : /// Find out why the fuuhh am I not attracting the right guys??? It's my fault, it's my fault, IT'S My FAuLtTtTtTtT, its my fault, its my faur;mrefmfenwdnkdwlc hhhhh : /// No more hurting-others-ocd-thoughts or intrusive thoughts, nowadays i only have spiritual or magickal thinking ocd, and even that just rarely To integrate Hinduism a bit more I should start to listen to more mantras, bhajans, aartis, shlokas and everything in between. I will focus on Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva, and their avatars. Also some main goddesses like Durga, Lakshmi and Saraswati. My main deity is Krishna :3 Also continue reading the Bhagavad-ghita, Vedas and Upanishads, take notes, study it, read it multiple times... And wake up early to do my mantra practices. I'll do whatever is worshiped that day in the Hindu culture, plus the Karagre Vasate Lakshmi-mantra at 5.. for an hour, two, half an hour maybe if I cannot for more Working on my relationship-related integrity. And the shadow work around that.. yikes. Planning, meditating, contemplating the nature of reality, why I am here, what's my life purpose, etc. And journaling of course And working on a daily schedule, yes. Now I won't be able to do these in a single day, obviously. I will work on each point when it's due time, but I cannot integrate it in a fraction of a minute,, o b v i o u s l y. Even writing these down took me half an hour. Lots and lots of planning and work ahead. S i g h. Not even sure if I can do it myself or if I'll need a coach.. but ffs, I am a coach*** to many people, why do I need a coach at this point?? *** Self-proclaimed coach obviously, I don't have a professional title just some experience in the field. And, today's mantra: * Expressing emotions freely is okay and healthy. *