Aquarius

Mistakes and traps of reading books that I fell into over the years and what I've learned. #1: When I first started reading books, I was going for the most popular. I read like 3 popular books.. #2: Then they seemed too long so I switched to free short novellas and short sci-fi anthologies because I had the impression that the quantity of books read was more important than the ones I read, because for me it seemed that this way I can get more experience and knowledge (my logic: more quantity of books = more experience and variety). But the books were too short for providing good information and low in quality. #3: Then I read free new age books, also short. Spell, wicca, magick, chakra... Those are all good topics but given the freebie-ness and the short length, they didn't provide much value either. I just wasted time and eventually stopped exploring those topics in-depth because they seemed all bs because of the simplicity and airy-fairiness. #4: I bought old books for extremely cheap (for about 20 cents per piece). From the 60's till the 90's and early 2000's. Some of the books were excellent and I learned a lot of new stuff I didn't know before (I never watched tv, I never really interacted with other people so every little info was new). The problem was that most of them were outdated and useless. Divertisment and entertainment books such as the genre of romance are very useless, unless it's something new and revolutionary. #5: I read comics because I found some apps randomly and I was interested. But they quickly became useless as well, and even toxic! So I recently had a revelation that they are unreal, and unhealthy for the mind. This is a very recent awakening I got. I know it doesn't sound like sonething big, but for me I know these things experientially, and not because of common sense or because someone told me, or that "it is commonly known". I have direct experience of why and how are certain things toxic. #???currently: Still reading books that are free. Only reading free books if they have value, so only acquiring valuable works. Things that seem far out there will be thoroughly investigated and contemplated before dismissal. Reading classic bestsellers and all time popular must-reads. Willing to invest money in higher quality books that are topic specific, not just what I find randomly for cheap (looking for quality underground rarities especially). And still exploring various genres and freebies too. Will concentrate mostly on non-fiction. If fiction, must have valuable experiences and teachings to share. Next post will be pros and cons of falling into these traps. Lessons learned and things to avoid...

I never thought I will be able to have a specific preference when it comes to books. I've always just read random books and I read any crap I lay my hands on so I figured I simply have bad taste and it will never improve.. But! Nowadays my tastes tend to be slightly more refined though. And I do start to have an opinion on various books and a keen eye for sorting the good ones from the bad. I don't know how this happened. I sort of think something that has to do with it is the fact that I read for hundreds of hours in the past year. And the fact that I was reading tons of comics too, of course. And for a fact I do not recommend them to anyone! Some comics like The Watchmen collections tend to be higher quality with real humanity, real feelings... other than that, anime-ish comics and manga books are not good at all, for anything, they're just a distraction. Major trap alert!! ...And I did not read other comics than those, just the first apparitions of Superman and the like from the 30's (Action Comics, and yes that was almost 90 years ago when they appeared, old stuff.) and some other smaller publications. Nimona was eh, Persepolis is cool so far and that's it. Hyperbole And A Half is highly questionable. I do have one webcomic in particular that I enjoyed, and that is Keldaroth Wastelands. The reason I said I despise comics is because there is so much aggression, violence and unnecessary sexuality. Keldaroth Wastelands has a lot of aggression too, but the author handles it with great realness and authenticity, and the fact that the comic is incredibly tasteful (not to mention great art!) makes it so much greater than the other comics out there. Besides, it's not "unnecessary" aggression that the comic displays. I do not like comics in general because they make you think of the world in an unhealthy and unrealistic way. Even the art is so unrealistic in the most of them, the proportions and colours and all that. And all the scenarios are taken to the extreme and purely brainwash the new generation of youngsters... It's all exaggerated bait and divertisment to make you hooked up on it and addicted, to catch your attention, to push your emotional buttons. (Not all comics though, I'm talking about online anime-ish comics..) What I really wanted to say is that, I nowadays know what I like, why I like it and what I do not like about it in terms of books. And this came from vast experience. I read about 70 books so far in the last 3 years, and I slowly "get it". So if you're new to books and happen to stumble across this post, I hope it will be a reason for you to not give up. There will be books that you will love, books that you will hate and books that you will hate to love. I think you need to read close to 100 books of various kinds to really get what you like and find out what does not suit you. Even if it takes months or years. Otherwise if you just read 1 or 2 books that's not much to make a good opinion about the act of reading, unless you're really lucky and pick the right books first. That didn't happen to me sadly, or perhaps luckily? I don't know but I can only imagine how I would feel after reading my 100th, 200th, 700th, or even my 10,000th book! It's such a long journey but it's really worth it in the end, I promise. So don't ever stop reading! It takes time to learn to enjoy it but it's the most rewarding time you'll invest in something. P.s.: Also read fiction books, especially historical and political fiction. Reading only self-help will make you think very one-sidedly and shallowly. Fiction books help develop emotional intelligence and unlock strategic skills. P.p.s.: only read books that serve a high purpose in your life, not the ones that lead you to traps and dead ends/infinite distractions.

I'm back after a long time! Like what..almost 2 months? Yeah well I was reading a lot, developing myself, meditating, exploring stuff as usual, making some art.. But especially reading, like a lot. I finished about 26 books and I am currently reading about 12. However most of them were short writings or comic books so I guess that doesn't count... But the 12 I am reading right now are legit book books! I am reading about 3-4 hours every day. I am very proud of this achievement. I do have days when I slack off though... But I try to read a little bit every day. I will avoid (useless) comics at all costs though. Ugh.

Also throwing THESE outta window, figuratively, since they bring no benefit to me. Mainly because of the abstraction of thought. new 2021 goals: working on my success with dating letting go of family ties + individuality / independence better physical looks + confidence / high self-esteem alpha state of mind (dominant, serious, calculated, civilized) no need to work with energies no need for routines other than showering often and washing teeth after every meal will try my best to avoid anything paranormal or supernatural only talking to living beings.. turning my passions into careers is a biggie! since hinduism deals with supernatural gods and goddesses, I will rethink my interest in it.

Dunno, recently I just feel like throwing out all my occult/mystical knowledge out of the window. Figuratively. Not like I have many anyway lmfao Like it doesn't bring me any benefit, I'm just addicted to it for various reasons Such as loneliness (big one), depression, meaninglessness, lack of connection, etc. Also enlightenment seems to me like a milder/pleasant form of dissociation. And I was diagnosed with BPD so I'm going with this. I hope to embrace science and rationality more in this year. Let 2021 be one of success and hard work. And more work and less talk.

Okay so I always cringe at the person I am. Like wtf how and- Ack! Why am I like this ? Can't I be just normal for once!! Fuuh, I dunno, I think it's an Aquarius thing but.. I made a Twitter and I hate all my posts. Fine, I got followed by a popular comic artist right away and a friend made a Twitter just to follow me.. Dude, it's like.. like I don't realize how much people appreciate me, for they do .. but I just- Like, I know I am lovable, but I hate myself and also my older self. It's like that Coil song... "And I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.." Coil - Tattooed Man (music video) At 1:37 ? I hate the man I was and the man I'll probably be. For now I'm just that weirdo girl who write witchy things on online forums. And I hate her I hate her I hate her.. ? That's not too "working towards self-love" of me...lol But! The first step is awareness so I'm doing a great job at being aware of my hidden emotions! ? ..... I hate myself. ?

Shadow work is uglier than I thought.. looking inside myself, fighting demons.. all this kundalini. Offf. I keep scaring people with my aggressive masculine energy. I cannot stop talking today. Blah blah blah. I made a video. Quickly put on unlisted fml.. I am not shy, I am authentic. My video is so cringy I'm laughing on myself so hard wtfffff what was that stuff with Paris Hilton??? most ppl here dont even know her. I need to work on my charisma. Mastery takes time. I'm working on myself very hard right now. I have no people around that are so talkative that I am. And it's not normal what I'm doing. Lost my shit on shadow work. Acting like a child again. Having awaking all day every day... third day in a row now. Wtf this Libra moon so strong actually ooooofffffff : ((( I dont care if people believe I'm turquoise or not. I dont care guys. Dont care. I dont take myself so seriously. Anyway I need to work on communication skills, charisma and alpha personality. I hate myself. Why am I like this. <-- see dis is not alpha I am just writing every thought out for myself because I wanna see how it looks like. Kinda what I did with Spiral video and it was Cringe. I don't care. I'm probably being trolled on.. hmm.. someone having a good laugh. Well at least they feel good. I'm such a clown. I'm laughing on my own self I cannot be taken seriously with this personality im not like this this is not me this is a part of my coping mechanism shadow people this is not me, it's my shadow so basically me but something I neglected And now it came out to play also kundalini yoga n stuff I need some reflection. I swear this thread will get better. Very huge shadow getting released. This is my authentic uninhibited SELF @Leo Gura Thank you for the Self Love video. And everything. I will not spam your forum with my stuff. I will post insights every day once here. I will aim for quality. Excuse this mess. IT's just passion. I feel great. And not a single DMT taken because I'm maniac naturally. yeehaw pardon me.. im passionate But I feel healthy. I just am obnoxious, cringe, and very authentic. I have bad vibes now. By what I mean is people are projecting themselves into me and recognising me as toxic. That's just your reflection inside me guys. You are looking into a mirror. Wake up. Never in my therapy years with my psychologist did I release this much energy. Thank you for all the videos Leo. Okay this is the last post I make like this I just wanted to get monkey mind out of the way. I will journal on my physical notebook and share biggest insights here and results with my work. In shorter posts. This is the last post. Made in this fashion. Yes guys this is the real me. I stop now because I don't want unneeded attention. Nothing to see here. You guys can comment on my cringy video because I will remake it 10 times before posting. It will be better. There is no mistake. I learn from mistake. So I gain. I never lose, just win. Aiming for mastery. Peace.

I do realize I was wrong in some aspects of my new video. I calmed down since. Probably all the stuff that happened on social media were simple coincidences. And it's not my fault facebook analytics tells me an ad is expensive for something that they cannot provide enough audience for. Since in Romania there is not enough audience for an occult personal blog. But my bookish blog would get cheaper business advertising option for more audience.. because analytics! Not discrimination... also with Spotify it was a plain error (I hope).. I took this whole stuff personally probably, I will make a new video soon explaining why. (mostly because im kinda paranoid idk) I dont trust anything or anyone anymore... too many disappointments.

Maybe I should first just simply look up what shadow work actually means lmao. All of this was intuitive so far. I don't regret it though, I did embrace a shitton of my shadow lol. I don't need to work with demonic entities to fight gods. Maybe only working with them for protection or other purposes, but I'd rather work with the angelic team for now. They're pretty creepy looking too, but creepy is only something of the mind. There nothing to be afraid of... we are infinitely loved and protected as humans. I still like to talk about Christianity and even started reading the Bible and practicing Bibliomancy. I'm also uncovering an ability where I can browse through the pages of a book and I absorb information and knowledge from it subconsciously. Also maybe by touching books. It's insane! Maybe listening to the NWA Marsian meteorite frequency from Quadible is what helped... and also other psychic development subliminals. Yeeeeet. I also have a Moldavite. I used to drink Moldavite water... since then I keep getting channeled information out of the blue. Maybe connecting to higher self or beings.. Idk? Because it happens like.. I get an intuition or something I should talk about.. then in 10-20 minutes it's already on my personal blog. Crazy! I still practice Hinduism too, yes. I am more thorough with my practices but practice them rarely, because of all the work I do (art). I do sell art now guys! It's crazy, a dream come true. I'm very happy it worked out. My career focus shifted into getting money from the things I love. So now I just focus on my passions. But I would love to get my diploma too (high school bachalaureat). I think it's sad that for emotional reasons and bullying I couldn't get that effin degree, oof cmon.. I can do better. Besides.. I realised that IT and engineering/programming would only be a temporary "tool" on my journey... but my end goal is to help people with my content. Or by talking to them. I am a volunteer listener on 7cups, so I know my shit. But someday I wanna make it even more serious by becoming a psychiatrist. (therapist only, not prescribing meds - i dont believe in meds cause never helped me or anyone I know). Self love is important. I started bullying people on chat-sites when I didn't love myself enough. It came by accident and I wasn't aware I was doing it. I believe bullies aren't aware of their behavior either. It's a blind-spot. So.. Self Love is IMPORTANT! I try to be very kind now. But I'm happy I'm more honest with myself and others. I just have a lot of anger built up.

Since I posted this I realized that nothing I do is bad, nothing I think is bad or wrong. All serves a purpose. I was afraid of my shadow, but my shadow is mostly just subconscious repressed instinctual behaviors and defenses. Also repressed anger, tons of it. And I was scared that I might direct that anger to the wrong places or people. I'm feeling better now. I express everything as it should be expressed. Sometimes it's the wrong time or place to express it. Or the wrong person. IT happens! But then I set a different intention.. transmute it through intention into peace. Use the dormant yang energies, repressed yang energies for building and positivity.

New video.. would post in more places but I feel like I insulted Harry Potter and TikTok (rightly so), and I didn't really pay attention to my radical honesty. Ick!! D: Also I am kinda weird and I talk slowly so yea Enjoy! "In this video I talk about my experiences with how our new left-oriented online world is limiting people from practicing their truth. But I also talk about shifting , which is a new, perhaps dangerous trend for people's mental health. So in a sense I understand the leftist "rulers'" idea of 'net safety'.... Because when it comes to dangerous trends on TikTok, or spiritual cults.. social media is taking a lot of care about its users. I do understand their concerns! I am not against net safety!!! However... my phone number from my blog page Occult Knowledge got removed because I had 666 in it.. and Facebook thought it's fake. ._. Or was punishing me for thinking I'm a satanist? HA! Talk about freedom of religion! (I'm not a satanist tho) And Spotify didn't let me log in.. perhaps an error, perhaps because I typed in weird lyrics. Still an error either way cause I did no harm for searching for a song that maybe didn't exist. *shrug* I think these two things that happened to me were unjustified and wrong use of power from those in power. Or maybe I just tend to attract negative things for a reason. "You can't make a revolution in white gloves!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvsQGW4kNT0

Also I usually don't research stuff because it is communicated to me by higher powers.. not sure who they are. But anyway I just let life intuitively guide me and I get so much out of it lately that I barely have time for myself haha But I do what I love, my passions and whatnot ...so it's all good.

Thanks I guess? I didn't feel like researching anything because what I do works like magick so far, haha jk I love working with sinister archetypes. I don't feel like anything about me is negative, I just like to embrace it all. Yeah I usually transmute it into humor But I know what you mean. I could try transfiguring the negative aspects? But in the Lower-Red stage society (spyral dynamics) I live in it's good to have some of them nasty traits Hugs and thanks for the message.

Doing more shadow work. Working with the sinister. Nature, art, jogging... Biokinesis Shit keeps happening, bullies I only had time to type this Good night

That's what I did. But thanks for the kind words and the support! It was a roller-coaster of emotions!

They do. But I realized it was just a bot programmed to do that. Still shitty people. Using a bot to advertise their porn site full of viruses I actually thought it was a real person harrassing me! Robots are evill.. : ((( ugh

@Preety_India I understood now got a bit confused because I'm tired. Thank you, I hope it helped! You don't need to fight them. You can, however, "kill them with kindness", so to speak.. But some narcissists will get addicted to that kinda energy or even see you as weak. So play your cards smart ^-^ I know everything about the narcissist mind. If you have something personal to share or need help with narcissist men and women but can't share it publicly, you can message me anytime and I would gladly give you advice.

Be careful. They're not always soft. I'm a narcissist so I can help you understand some things. I hope you don't mind me writing on your post.. just wanna help ^^ Because us narcissists are always misunderstood and treated like bad people. There is no good and evil, only Love in darker and lighter shades. Darkness and sinister things are not "bad".. they just exist. Part of life, so to speak.. They are very much needed. Think about it.. if it were all infinite light, you would dissolve, burn, disappear. Same with the spiritual connotations of the word. That's why there are people with guilt disorders. Hard doesn't come from soft. Some people just simply don't care and never cared. They are assholes. That's who they are. No need to overanalyze this aspect..people are dicks, literally. They might not even lack empathy (common misconception about narcissism). Narcissists are hyper-sensitive and need constant emotional gratification. That's why they abuse. It's also a power game for the people who have lots of SD Stage Red energy in them. We are very feeling and observant people. There's also the sociopath stare, if you heard the phrase. It analyzes every little movement. Everything is seen. Narcissists are also often introspective. Us narcissists are usually stuck in a childish level where we think we can get what we want with manipulation. So it's more like a lack of emotional morals. There are 3 parts of the brain, (reptilian, emotional, intellectual - not sure these are the correct names but im just trying to make a point) and sometimes narcissists have problems with the emotional part, some disorder. We use intelligence-based tactics and emotional button pushing, because we want sex, money, status, pleasures, raw carnal needs fulfilled...and it's never too much. Other times narcissism comes from a lack of LOVE in childhood. Neglect from parents.. then you're trying to fill that hole with love you get from abusing people. So you become beautiful and famous, then use people that are "less" than you to feel good about yourself, if you're a narcissist. Obviously, spiritually and objectively speaking there is no less than or more than hierarchy between humans, but narcissist play that game. Alpha, Beta, Zeta, Omega males and females... Hunter, prey and fighting pray. They play that game, narcissists .. It can be fun too! Some people recognize they are sociopaths, so they take it to bed (BDSM). They live normal lives but decide that they want consensual power-play. I hope I could help clarify things a bit ^^'

The video I was talking about.. enjoy!

Reminder to self: defensiveness is just an ego-survival mechanism.

Note to self: Maybe bullying is a harsh word to call it. But hey, I have my first hater already ? Means I'm doing something right.

Leo cannot do anything about offline bullying even if he keeps this site safe. Recently I posted a video of myself talking in front of my broken laptop. I have an accent. I have weird mannerims. I have a past with psychotic breakdown and several members on this forum witnessed it. It got ugly sometimes as I wasn't talking like what the norm was expected from me. So one of you (and I kinda know who) posted a comment (not even watching my full video or caring about the knowledge I could offer of course, cause I am a crazy woman!!). A comment with a timestamp and with a link to a site, again I assume cause I didn't click it.. but a site with horny girls. Now I'm not sure why did I deserve this shaming. Is it because I'm below average as looks? Is it my overly feminine mannerism combined with my overly masculine voice/haircut? Do you find that funny? To laugh at someone for being themselves? Dude you don't even have a profile pic! I set there for 45 minutes straight talking and giving my best. Yes, the result is not that great, but for me is another milestone and I am proud of my work. Because I put heart and soul in my work. And is.. something. Talking about my passions is something.. for me. And you shat on my post. Yes you, shat on my video with a snarky comment referring to a link to a porn site. Be proud of yourself. You made a (bad) joke. ???

Oh, and some little boy was listening to music loudly in the park where I was working out, and it was like chyooda chyooda galatoosha CHEEKY BREEKY IV DAMKE blyaaaaaaaat

So I went in nature and been there for about .. I don't even know, 3, 4, 5 hours? I almost finished reading a book about metaphysical poems while sitting on the swing. I know, kinda childish, but I'm a wild child at heart haha Then I randomly met my ex with his two colleges skipping work lol. So I joined them and made friends. I have a mini-crush on one of them They drove me home (I was freezing aaa thanks) and my ex kept holding my hand in the car.. as if reassuring me: "it will be ok... I am there for you" And it wasn't in an adulterous way. There was nothing sexual or sensual about it. He just sensed I am wounded. Thanks bro. When I got home I was relaxing. Still trying to get my energy levels right for studying mathematics for my exam. I ordered some fancy cosmetics because I look like a guy to the point that it's not ok anymore. Yes, I'm a girl, you stalkers jk jk I love being stalked speaking of.... a guy is obsessed with me and keeps stalking me and another guy lied he works at coca cola to impress me... BITCH I HAVE COCA COLA ON MY PROFILE PHOTO T-SHIRT IM SCREEEEAMINGGG HAHAHAHAHAH #lifehappens

I made a little quick video about crystals and showing off my pretty big collection For those of you gemstone collectors: I hope you like it ^^ I hope you others too like it and can learn from it *hint: it gets paranormal and spooky at the end because I opened my third eye more than I should've when I placed the lapis lazuli on my brow* so expect some light flickering (in the video) - not sure if visible, but maybe you hear the sounds. still, try to watch and learn from the video this is all going with the flow, no script, no preparations, i just sat down randomly and made it in one sitting And I don't want to make this post about me, so please comment your favourite stones and I'll try to buy them and make a review ^^