Aquarius

Do I need or deserve a cigarette at this point? It's a toxin. Ketu is still above us/me, - take it how and as you want. I'm giving what I have for now.

Sometimes it's not just a plain ride. It can be a very abrupt dive too. Even sometimes a waterfall. You have to learn to swim in every circumstance -- metaphorically speaking.

I need to work to deserve from drinking from the king's cup don't wanna mention a chalice // this thing has wolves on it.

I feel like Ketu is trying to tell me something. I work so hard on making this work, and on making and creating and maintaining this work. People are after me like always, maybe I should stop telling this to myself like a mantra and to break free from the cycle for once. What's so funny though? Diving deep once again. I need cleanse in all manner first things first though. Fly like a dove, fly like a raven, quit the politic with some fly conversation I'm a natural dude (?) and I'm in a natural mood credit to bbash / f j for last 2 lines

Okay now time to talk like a human being. I don't even remember what I did today, I was so caught up in my mind's whirpool. I just can't continue it like this anymore. Not to say it was all for nothing. It's part of the process. The gift of the visions. So lifted out of my own pile of bullcrap. There be guide, there be angels, near. I feel like most music is toxic, intoxicating, unhealthy, or simply bad. I have to put myself on a mental diet. I feel like a major bad habit got released through awareness. I just really walk a lot. My mind always gets caught up in the abyss then I suppress is with something super unhealthy. It's a control/avoidance mechanism. I think I can replace it with sound treatment. OR to occupy my mind with something better and greater than myself. I don't know if I'm punishing myself or if I'm being challenged by my good friends, or if there is such a thing as enemy. I always like to believe there is no evil in the world. I refuse to see evil, hear evil and speak evil. Does that make me a monkey? Where the... does this road go? Woah time to turn take the roundabout around this. Okay so I can't believe there are beautiful things in my mind. Doves and bayleaves and white messages. I decide the content too. I want to stay here but time to get moving.

I have a vulnerable heart, the hell did I drink coffee????

Everyone only talks from their own perspective, no need to even state that. If you overexplain yourself than that means you are insecure in your own words. Why are you asking this question? Just wondering. A fool can be confident too you know.... A wise man who is confident is more subtle and implicit. Implicitness and smoothness is what might attract you, not the confidence. Imagine someone insane being confident. That's just creepy.

Don't ask me, I didn't say it. Ask the person who said it. Probably they be just trolling our naivity or testing our receptiveness or whatever. Maybe that person is a different kind of alien.

Probably a bait. Why do I even have empathy at this point. ?

Totally, haha. I think releasing wounds and shadows is a messy process. I do cry a lot, often. ^^^ Only saying this because this thread made my cry at some point. Not because of sadness though.

I understand now, thanks for clarifying. I wasn't generalizing, I was talking about myself.

Yes I agree, you're young. Just be careful, ok? Not sure who you talking to, but I'm digging the vibe. You're a good person. I've gone through so much bad stuff, all because going with the flow and not taming my animalistic brutality. Sometimes you can hurt other people's feelings while not being frank with yourself, you know what I'm trying to say? It's very valuable that you opened up like this, at least to me, idk why, probably because I'm meditating for 10 hours minimum every day and I don't even know how globe the earth is (???), but yeah... Timing is key, either way, I'll add that to that. Also what you do with your time. And I also don't think you desired that relationship with her, you just didn't wanna hurt her feelings. You can be easy-going without giving in to feeling sorry for someone. Maybe I misinterpreted everything. Just putting my thoughts out there.

Status is part of societal hierarchy. Zero just tries to awaken you to a wider perspective. He doesn't mean to hurt you or make you sound bad or needy. And if you ask me, you sound like you want to be seen as an alpha woman. Or at least you really fight to be heard. That's great but... I say, just tell your truth how it is, and let it be. Leo would probably call what we do a mental-masturbation. Idk, I'm not him To be an alpha woman you just have to trust your instincts and walk away proudly and with dignity when it's time. Alpha women do not care to prove their truth. They lead by example. (for someone that questions me, I did read a book on alpha personality, so don't tell me I'm making this thing up) I don't think I'm an alpha. Meh, couldn't care less, -- but that's probably a lie I tell myself. Honestly I just wanna be more independent. I'm already making the first steps in independent thinking. Very at the beginning though. It's also a question of wisdom, not just alpha-ness or independence and respect. A wise person will try to see the perspective of the other one, even if it's sometimes difficult to grasp. It's a gift to be able to see through other people's lens, but it can be also obtained by training it. My mind is very scattered. I do try to focus on this now though. Preety, I do hope I said something helpful, I'm just trying to help really. Maybe you don't need my help, but then again I'm just expressing my own vision on the situation. Sorry if I ever sound harsh or rude, I'm just very raw and brutal when I speak. Head in the clouds probably too (maybe on another planet actually woosh....)

Some women do make up to impress men. And that's not wrong. It's totally fine. And most of it is unconscious and subconscious, so sometimes we have to look inside ourselves. I actually do make up because I think men won't like my natural face. I'm always told I look too masculine. My body is fine I guess. But other girls call me chubby which doesn't help my self esteem. But yet it helps me lift myself up from my own misery. Not meaning to say you are miserable, but I am miserable sometimes, and now I'm talking about myself, not you. If I don't live a normal life and just meditate all my life. Also talking about my own life. I do believe you though when you say you do it for yourself. But you do it for yourself. Why do you do it for yourself? What is the gain/benefit? When I do make up for myself I like to think that Mother Nature is proud of me lmao. In all honesty, I'm weird like that.

Nobody is forcing anything on anyone. Who said life revolves around genitals? But love and attraction is part of life and it's good to embrace it. Don't close yourself into yourself like that. I've been there where you are and it's not a nice place to be. And Zero is not doing a good job by trying to make you to come out of your shell like that. And seriously you guys can stop fighting because we all have our own pace and our own struggles and evolution. We all have our own natural pace and you two clearly have different positions. Try putting yourself on the other's place. No need to argue so much, it's all very simple. Men want a girl who can take care of herself and look decent. Girls want a man that respects her and understands her emotionally and listens and actually hears her. Not everyone plays game either. Some just live life and move with the waves/tides/flows... I do miss dating though. I mean I'm still young... Can we all be honest with ourselves?

Y'all need some love, if you don't have it already. Take it, it's free. The love is out there.

I don't aim to be a mother but I want a nice guy and lots of cool animals. So yes, while I am happy being single, I also enjoy expressing myself through make up and clothes. But is it wrong to want to be beautiful for someone you like? I'm asking sincerely.

I think it comes for limiting beliefs and social media/movies.

*Young men are predominantly looking for looks over personality/status/etc,. But yes, biologically that's correct. Symmetry and golden ratio is all over nature, It's science. I think it might be true. And who says being beautiful is a sin, right? Beauty is so versatile though. Charm, attractiveness, physicality, sexuality, sensuality, purity, naturalness, efortlessness, symmetry, elegance, etc.

I think I don't respect myself quite enough. But even if I did idk why others don't respect me. I have so much to tell sometimes but no one will hear it. Or they confuse it with the bs new age weirdness. Or marketing stuff. I've been called a Microsoft Robot by my ex when we were still in the dating phase when being myself, purely myself. Maybe it's a communication thing. I never get it quite right. And when I find someone I vibe with they can't go with my own pace. I'm taking it too fast, giving it too fast. The information I mean. I should be more thorough probably. And alrighty what you mean by wide picture?

Word.

I think it all depends on perspective. I think she is beautiful and intelligent. If I wanted I could list the flaws I see in her, and the emphasis is on the I/eye (???/ of the beholder?), but that wouldn't be fair because 1. I don't know her personally, and 2. it's none of my business to trash people or to gossip. I just simply appreciate her and wish her the best in her career path. I do see she is working hard and trying her best. She's a decent example. I tried making podcasts like 3 times now and I end up creating wonky and freaky shit every time. oops. I could learn a thing or two about communication. I won't give up though, I bet there are people who appreciate my work. We all find our tribes in the end. It's a matter of time, discipline, persevering... For me the problem is that there are people who keep fucking up my work. Purposefully. And I don't know why. Maybe I'm just a very vulnerable person, easy target. Or just pure imagination. But I do have people attacking me almost on daily basis, based on gossip. It's not cool.

For me it's a turn off if every woman wants her.... that's suspicious. Like idk, if she's every woman's type there's something going wrong in there. Sounds like either a red flag or something sneaky.... Idk somehow it sounds scary. Maybe I'm just having a certain degree of carefulness when something is way up high there... If he's ok and honest then sure, might give a try, but I get so much jealousy and trash from other females for no apparent reason either way.... and younger than me too. Like wtf girls, just live your life and let other girls live too. Also what you made is a very hypothetic statement. What exactly do you mean by "every woman wants"? What does that look like in your mind?

if she took it as weakness she's not the right one, I tell you that for sure. I think vulnerability is nice, but highly depending on situation, circumstances, context and personality types.......

Yeah thanks for that. I need someone to shake me up sometimes. Actually, the reason I am single right now is because I made very wrong choices with relationships and men. I treated men like men treat women. And boyyyyyyyyyy how sad it got. Lol I ain't even sad about it that's how sad it is. I'm just focusing on money career and mental stability nowadays. I don't want to depend 100% on a man financially, even though I got that option many times, but I am picky with men. I refused each time. I know my worth. And it's not high either, and I don't have sophisticated standards. I just want to respect myself for once. Definitely not waiting till 30 to get a faithful man. I don't even know if I'll live till then. Not all of us are gifted in the same way, maybe I am creative and energetic, but I have to work on wisdom and orderliness. It's all a long work in progress and I'm far behind others career-wise ._.