Aquarius

True. I'm very neurotic lol. I'm pretty focused yeah. What should I do? Btw when I meet new people through friends, they often tell me that they saw me on street before and I seemed very special and cool and that they always wanted to know me better when they first saw me and they feel very glad they had the chance to do so. So maybe the negativity is only in my head? There might not even be a problem? I always sorta assumed that I am pure trash and that if someone looks at me they probably do with pure hatred in their heart. Might not be true. I am aware there is something wrong with me. I just couldn't figure it out alone that's why I asked on the forum. I mean, Jesus makes me angry sometimes as well if I read what he said back then, so I get that. I think I'm just really afraid of people getting angry at me. So it keeps happening.

I'm not sure if this is risky or not. My family provides me everything and supports me in everything I do. They pay me for anything I need, they just want me to work on my business. My area of expertise is art. I make all kinds of digital art. I didn't discover my niche yet, but I'm thinking of opening an Etsy shop, studying the market and deciding where I should put my focus on. I'm also gaining serious likes on Instagram and I feel like I have what it takes, I just need to work... a lot more. Like a lot. The problem is that I never got any foundation from my family. I'm not talking about money or education, of course I didn't get those, but I didn't even get the basic things. They couldn't provide what I needed, except from food and some very cheap clothes. They didn't teach me about the world around us, but rather taught me to be afraid of everything, not trust people, don't get a job, and never share any thoughts with friends. Actually screw friends, they told me since I was an infant that people suck, people are bad and that I should only talk to people who have high status. They didn't even teach me how to care for my hygiene properly, I learned all of this by myself. They are pure Stage Blue, with mentality of the dark middle ages. Very religious, but ironically they are completely charmed by romantic soap operas. Even though they want me to be successful and rich, they keep telling me to keep everything I do secret and to never reach out to more experienced people or friends, because they will ruin my reputation blah blah blah. People think that when I read books for 3 hours every day it's just mental masturbation. No! Not at all! I've never been taught anything I need in life so now I have to learn from others. And I'd rather learn from a professional than someone who has limited experience. Yes, I can decide what book is good and what is not, I have a strong common sense. I'm not really sure what to do with my life or where to start. I guess having a job would be really fulfilling, since I could be more social and people won't think that I'm just wasting time, even though I'm spending many sleepless nights reading, thinking, working on my projects, etc. On the other hand I would like to work more on my projects and myself, but I feel really lonely and confused. Also there are many things to work on. I'd write a list of things that I would like to work on, but I don't want anyone to think that I don't have any of these. I just want to improve them. These include money, self-esteem and relationships (both friendship and romantic). There's also thousands of sub-fields linked to these 3 so I'm not writing a list, or someone might think that I'm totally lost. I'm not lost. At least not that much. It's just I have a lot of things to work on and I don't know what to start with. Sometimes I feel like I am a nothing, even though I am fairly satisfied with my progress. I'm both proud of disappointed of myself. Maybe a job would help me integrate into society more, since my stage Blue family has taken this away from me from an extremely early age and has ruined my life up until now and still keeps ruining it every day. But I would also like to make money through something meaningful for me. Like an etsy shop or doing commissions on instagram. Share your thoughts?

Strange. Honestly I'm only attracted to INFP. But that's just me, being an ENFJ.

I do that sometimes, but on an innocent tone, I never really blame people. And in most cases I avoid it completely. I usually can communicate truths without hurting someone so I doubt this is it. I know what grounding is, and it's true, I can't center myself that well. I feel too much and too intensely.

@Shin Well.. ok. @NoSelfSelf Yeah that's my father too lol. @Joseph Maynor True, I care too much. What's the underlying problem though? I'm curious of your perspective.

@Hellspeed Strong inner attraction? What does that mean? I mean he's my father, what is this supposed to mean? @NoSelfSelf I guess so. I actually just got a call 5 minutes ago from my best friend. I asked him why he gets irritated. He says that my questions are pointless, dumb, and have no answers. But I think I ask him even better questions than the content I post on this forum. I'm not saying my content is good, I'm just saying that I get replies on my topics on here so why can't I get an answers from him on intelligent questions?

@Hellspeed Yeah, I mean today I remembered a cute memory from childhood, it was related to coffee and t-shirts, and I started telling it to my father and I was very excited about it, and he got up from the table and he cut in the conversation really loudly, talking to his mother about something entirely else, while ignoring me like I said nothing. I also often catch people staring at me when I eat in restaurants.

@StardewValley Yeah, it's usually when I have many awakenings, and the happier I am and the more genuine I am, people tend to respond very aggressively and tend to drag me down. It's exactly like she describes it.

@Athena I read about it around 2 years ago, but I think I might revisit the concepts. Thanks!

@Max_V My culture is mainly blue going into orange I think. Nothing interesting. @Mu_ I think I moved on. You're right. I told my fiend about our dynamics and how I view the situation, and he said that there's something really true about it.

I told my best friend to go find another best friend because I can't take this shit anymore. Whenever I start a conversation with him about self-development or any other topic than "how are you/what's up", he always gets angry and doesn't reply. I tried talking to him about how that is hurting me, but I just feel like I cannot open up to him anymore. I feel like I cannot talk about anything with him without making him annoyed. It's almost as if the work I'm doing or things I think about simply trigger his nerves. I tried talking to him about my insecurities and problems around dating and was asking what he thinks. I was really honest about what I felt was the problem in my thinking. But he just doesn't reply or says we will talk about it other time. I know that maybe I shouldn't talk about things like these through the internet with him, but whenever I ask him to go outside for a walk he refuses, he always has something else to do so I just message him on social media. We have periods when we see each other more often, but nowadays I saw him once a week. And he's really not a busy guy, I know for sure. He spends hours on chat sites and dating sites, yet we can't have a honest conversation about our friendship or what is generally bothering both of us. I felt like our friendship has some problems and he never really wants to address them so I've been more and more frustrated and bugging him more often about it cause I couldn't take this pressure. He refuses to be radically honest with me so he just stays quiet. If we ever meet, he usually tells me to come over, but all he does is sleeps and I'm crying next to him when he sleeps. However when we go outside I like to talk about all sorts of topics, but he just smiles mockingly or makes fun of the way I expressed some ideas instead of seeing the big picture of what I am saying. He doesn't like my abstract thinking and philosophical talk, but can't stand my business ideas either. I basically cannot talk to him about my interests. He doesn't take me seriously because I am unexperienced and young. I have absolutely no idea what's wrong in our friendship or why is he so quiet lately and avoiding answers at all costs, but my gut has a bad feeling. I have no idea what's wrong I just know something is wrong and that he is the wrong person to be friend with. He is plain rude. I feel really sad. I know he feels sad too, yet when I tell him to go see other people, he threatens me with "Are you really sure?" Which is simply disgusting imo. Thoughts?

I have the same issue sometimes, do you guys know the reason why this might happen? On okcupid I had around 1200 likes, yet in real life no one approaches me.

THIS. The cultural situation part is very very true in my situation.

@now is forever Yeah it's a guiding system. And there's lots of misinformation and flaky information floating around. Like telling virgos they have OCD and telling aquarians they lack empathy. That's nonsense lol. There are some main things that have fixed meanings, but people interpret it differently. A true astrologist will never give you black and white interpretations, but might guide you that there will be problems arising in this area or that, depending on the movement of the planets and sun in correlation to your chart (synastry? I think that's what it's called). Generally a person who is doing lots of energy work and is quite enlightened can be helpful to you if he is offering an astrological reading. I think simply calculating your chart on astrotheme, then googleing and researching extensively every aspect you see can help enormously. Then maybe if you stumble upon blogs, you can read what other people saw based on observation. Astrology evolves with society. Astrology used to be more rigid in the dark ages, and it's more flexible and positive-psychology-like in our times.

@Charlotte I think it was denial of food, even though I was never hungry when I "denied" it. Then my body just took its revenge I guess.

Who is this guy?? LOL!

Same. If I find green, then it's most likely an unhealthy blue-green or orange-green. People cannot fully integrate it most of the time.

@Charlotte Yeah it also worked for me, but I think I made certain mistakes. For example one day I ate too much carbs and then things snowballed aggressively down the road. After successfully having it as a diet for almost a month, I started eating lots of crap, binged on every food I found in the house for a whole week, and probably ate more than 4000 calories a day (I never count calories though, just an estimate). I think I'll try it again, but maybe I'll have a day or two per week where I binge on unhealthy stuff to balance it out. Sort of like the 4h body diet plan lol.

That's actually true.

I tried IF, it's the coolest and easiest diet imo. I think IF is supposed to raise your libido, so it's strange reading this on your post. Maybe you overdosed on turmeric? Have you been using turmeric at all? Or any other supplements?

Maybe nice guy syndrome. If you get what I mean. But that's a just a stereotype.

@Shadowraix That's a good idea. Thanks!

@Elysian Yeah that's the hard part. Telling someone about traumas that even I myself hide from myself. Yes I meant setting some serious boundaries. I didn't mean not seeing him again in life. @denydritz Yeah you're seeing things pretty well. He did ask for help a few times but very subtly. I told him I'm not strong enough right now every time he did. Deep inside he knows well that I'm on the self actualizing path, he isn't dumb. But I doubt that he knows about self help. He might intuit that I have some knowledge, but he doesn't see me as an actualized being. Only when I create some distance does he see that I'm actualizing. And only then does he ask for help. What I'm trying to say is that leading by example is more effective on him.

@SFRL Oh.. alright. I understand now.