Aquarius

I was saying, not asking. I even made a video on the topic Also wow thanks guys for the replies, I'm glad I could make a good contribution with my video

@Onemanwolfpac Sounds like you are taking good responsibility. And what do you mean not blowing in a girl? You have sex without a condom? That used to work for me too, but I heard precum has small amounts of sperm. Insignificant amounts, but pull-out is not the safest method. Just do a 69,

666 is an angel number which means balance between material and spiritual.

@Sleyker welcome. But I really don't do any of that lately. I wish I would have more audience but I got a busy life and I'd rather stay offline. I kinda saw through the whole social media system. It's made to get you addicted. 99% of notifications I get from facebook are useless for example so I stopped checking even. How do you get your audience as a dancer? And what kind of dance you do?

@Consept yeah don't worry, I couldn't care less about the spiral. I'm just happy that I realised where I am in life and used the model to explain it.

I fully integrated Red, a stage that I used to be at. Yes, I had the whole spectrum of the rainbow in me, but only because we all have. My outer behavior was back then at Red. I claimed to be Coral or Turquoise a few times, but only because I had massive awakenings from tripping. Tripping but not on drugs, tripping naturally in a trance-like state. Call it a super power, but I can do that. No big deal! But no, I wasn't Turquoise. My awakening had a Turquoise flavour to it though. Could've been Purple, because I invoked gods sometimes hmmmm.. ? So I integrated Red. How do I know? Before, I used to yell at parents, slam doors, hit walls, smash objects, cry and scream for hours, etc. I was full of uncontrollable rage. I got medicated, and I worked on myself deeply and lovingly. I released energy blockages through various methods. And I advanced into stage Blue because of the people that surrounded me. I was still a cheeky little sly bastard, but I was all cute and innocent this time. They released me from the hospital. Then I started reading materials that were heavily blue, patriotic and nationalistic even! That's my phase where I criticised Leo on the forum a lot, just randomly on my posts lol. I still think critically of him. So this Blue, after Red got integrated and I elevated from it, is different than the Blue when I was a teen. That blue was unhealthy and based on guilt. I entered "Blue" because of a guilt-trap, not because I was Blue. I was Red still, just held back by guilt trips. And the love I had for people was just repressed anger and emotions. I repressed everything I was feeling to be loving and ultra spiritual. That's what I called "Green". But I was still RED! Not Green! My repressed feelings were showing as mental illness, mania, insomnia, anger outbursts, crying without tears, laughing when mad or sad, feeling numb, etc. Actually, when I integrated Red recently, it happened because I allowed myself to feel again. I just had to feel everything I refused to feel in my teenage years. And there was a lot to feel. It literally took a few weeks of just me feeling emotions, not being able to do anything else. I believe I am no longer mentally ill. Or at least I cured the root of my "illness." I am stage Blue now, taking my medication, working on myself each day, and believing I can move higher on the spiral with time. Yes, with lots of time, thanks for keeping me real last time, @Evil Raccoon ?

@Sleyker nohow. I just posted my art of instagram and added hashtags. Posted a cute picture of myself as a profile picture. It all looks good. I got about 90 followers last time I checked. I follow them back. Sometimes I go and like on some hashtags i use. Or comment, but only if it's genuine and I leave a critique, not just a simple 'nice pic' comment. ? Then on Facebook when I wanna sell something, I am part of many groups that are buy and sell.. so people are usually looking for art. I message people about my offer, or I just make an art-for-art type of trade to practice, in case if they won't buy. I have been inactive on my art lately. I do digital art normally, but I have an art course where we make traditional media art, like still nature, graphic portraits or paintings of houses and drawings of nature etc. So I've been focused on that instead of the art I usually have for sale, which is furry and humanoid digital art (cartoon) When I sold my art I was just asking my friends and internet friends if they want to buy, and many did buy! You never know ? I hope this explains how I work.

Benj, you're limiting yourself to models! Of course you can heal! I assume the guy invented that model because that's how he saw the world, but creating systems means laeling and labeling means separating, and in actuality all is one. Spiritual is same as physical, physical is same as mental, or spiritual, all is one! Only us humans make these distinctions because our language is like that. Find the source of your issue by deeply talking to someone. I am here if you need me and I'm good at active listening, I listened to hundreds of people by now.. it's been a while though. When you find Truth, be very Loving. Are you able to Love yourself Infinitely?

Does actualized.org count as social media? ? jk lol. I like the forum because here I can talk to people about what really matters in life. I don't really visit social media unless I'm trying to sell my art (I'm an artist), or I'm sharing a song that means a lot to me. And that's only Facebook. I don't use other social media. And now that I have a boyfriend AND a life, I don't chat with many people either. Who has time for that? I need so much solitude with my inner work and to function properly as a human being. ?

The channel? Yellow. I expect more from Turquoise. The forum is a mix of everything, literally. Edit: I take that back because the last videos of Leo after he healed have really touched me. The channel as a whole is Yellow but the last few videos where Turqouise.

I really wanna do this... it's been a few days now, and I simply cannot put meat into my body anymore. It feels disgusting.. I still eat yoghurt tho.. obviously not a meat thing, but I don't plan to go full-vegan yet. (: Curious for more healthy diet tips!

I wasn't saying "don't make love", I was just bringing awareness to an unpopular opinion. You guys do as you wish. Many are not aware that accidents happen even with the pill or the condom. Many used both, I read in facebook groups. If it's 1 in 1000, then in a city of 35,000 people there are 35 or more women getting pregnant, IF they used the condom properly, but some don't use it properly and then the rate is 80% or less. And personally I'd have abortion if it ever happened.. but I wouldn't know if my partner agreed. And it's very traumatizing for some women. Maybe I'd want a child in the future, but I'd feel guilty. And maybe I'd get miscarriages if the abortion hurt my organs. It's not so easy like, "meh im getting an abortion, nothing special". You can also die from abortion. It's true, you can use combinations of methods. Just be prepared with a plan for when an accident happens, if it happens. I never had accidents happen either, but I had missing periods which scared me really badly. Again, just bringing awareness. I don't mean to scare people into not having sex. I have sex with a condom only and I just hope nothing happens. *shrug* I'm not so scared of statistics, but I thought you guys needed to know more about what happens to some people.

Lmao.

@intotheblack @Preety_India Nono no don't try the fertile window method! It's unsafe because every fertile window is different! Every woman has it differently, some even have fertile window on their period, some right after period, others 10 days after period, others have irregular ovulation, you never know when you ovulate please be safe. Also precum can contain sperm. @Preety_India This is the best book on fertility that you can buy. Using the methods described is very tricky though and takes constant tracking of every little symptom, so I think you are better off with the pill. https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031 My aim is not to scare anyone though, so sorry if it seemed that way. The actual message of the video was to only engage in sexual activity when you have financial stability and a partner you can trust. Because accidents happen. Shit happens. I agree with @SgtPepper , the condom is safe if it's not broken. And if it's broken you just take a plan-B.

Every day I wake up and I think to myself what mess my life is. I wake up around 12-1pm, which means I sleep like freakin 15 hours. (!!!) I go and eat something, chill around the house, listen to music, watch some videos, maybe hop into the forum to see what's new, meet my boyfriend before he goes in for night shift, and I go to sleep early. I have no passion going on in my life, nothing seems interesting or worthy to work on. I procrastinated a lot with my art, and on my art course that I'm taking we learn different type of art than I usually work with, which further feeds my depression. I go to psychologist and together we are working on what should I do with my time and life. There is the option of going to work on a boring job, which, for me at least, would be a blessing because I never had a job and I'd probably be happy with it. Yes, I'd enjoy a job! On the other hand I'm kinda vulnerable to work stress because I'm recovering from my mental illness, so for a year (minimum) I could get pension salary for my sickness. Which would be a decent pay, not really becoming rich from that little money, but something that would help me calm myself meanwhile I work on my other projects that I enjoy, which later I could make into businesses. Idk I really suck at life though. Never really had a job and I'm 22 already. The other kids I hung out with are either finishing university or have a job by now, some of them in another better country. What should I do? Any other options for me? Does the pension salary plan seem like a good idea? I genuinely don't know if I'm able to work, at least not right now till im fully recovering. I could try getting a job but I wouldn't risk getting in hospital again. I mean meh, I already got used to those people there.. But still. Also trying a new job could be a success. I never tried working anywhere so maybe I'm actually a hard-worker individual just don't know it yet?

@Preety_India There are thousands of methods. You just have to research it. I heard the pill is even better than the condom.

Yes but in my current awareness I don't see all of these, I only see that I am on a chair and replying to you. I hear some sounds, see some images, that's all of my reality.

I don't know. I just became aware that everything that is real is within my experience, and there is nothing beyond that. And the one, "me", looking and experiencing the world, or seeing through my eyes, doesn't exist. Only experience is. It's all experience and no experiencer.

How? I'm really confused. Because I had awakenings where I became aware that I don't exist.

I was watching Leo's bonus content that he gives when you sign up to him. The Dreamkillers one, I really recommend it! So the first one was fear of failure. And well, I thought no way I'm immune to that. But I realised I wasn't getting anywhere in life because I tried things but later I quit because I felt like the whole thing didn't work out. So I took my YouTube channel and decided that I should create some content instead of just deleting it again. I failed already 2 times in the past in starting it, and I got a pretty decent start now. Okay, it's not perfect and it has too much woowoo and weird wording. It's not what I was trying to do. But I didn't give up and decided to just go with the flow and let me see where this thing leads me. So I created some new content recently, and it came out pretty decent. My voice might be a little sleepy because I recorded it at night. I felt like if my mind isn't sabotaging me because it's half asleep, it was more easy to just read the script I wrote. Enjoy.

@ajasatya I could use my time to enroll in courses, yes. Tons of art courses. And as @Preety_India said, I could get the pension and use it to pay for my courses. Since I am not able to work as of now. Learning from home, maybe from Udemy would be an option.

@SerpaeTetra Right. I had a part-time job to deliver newspapers and it was a mess. I didn't like it at all. The town I'm living in in certain areas is like a village, and I got attacked by dogs and got into scary places where I didn't even know where I am and I barely found the way back home because it was night by when I finished. And I even got fired because I delivered the newspaper elsewhere accidentally. It was a mess.. And I did the work of 2 people paid as for 1.. I don't know about other part-time jobs unless I would sell cosmetics, but who would buy? I have no friends or nearby women. The only options I have is factory work, cook's helper, bartender and supermarket worker. All full time.

You're really saying something with the micronutrients thing.. I bet I suck at those too and should get some bloodwork checked. I'm a very grateful individual by the way. I am grateful for many things, I just tend to be more severe with my expectation from myself. I don't expect much of others and I'm quite empathic no matter what, but with myself that's the way I work because if I am too forgiving of myself I would never take my life seriously. I'm starting to wake up to all the time I wasted that could have been used to do different things. Today, for example.. I spent time starting reading a book from Leo's success list from the book list and it motivated me enough to start drawing. The drawings were shit af but i didnt give up and I was happy I did start somewhere. I am grateful for my family for being this understanding and supporting my ideas. I am grateful for my boyfriend and how he sees me as The One. I am grateful I can eat every day and drink fresh water. I am grateful I was born healthy and can enjoy life like most people without disabilities (my respect goes out to the disabled too!). I am grateful for other luxuries like a laptop, a smartphone, Kindle bookreader and Wacom tablet. And many smaller things I notice every day. Maybe getting a job is not the most important thing in the world right now. I can get a job anytime. There are no part-time job options sadly, just full-time ones.

I don't even know what the basis of this crisis is. I just simply questioned all my beliefs and let go of my core beliefs or beliefs that didn't seem true to me, or seemed too shallow. I stopped believing in horoscopes, magick, the paranormal, even religion (cause I had some Christian stuff going on too..). I questioned everything and now I feel lost. Back then it was fun to study astrology or to learn about magick, read books about magick and magickal practices. The thing is, there's a big confusion in my head on where to go down, where my path leads me now that I let go of all those beliefs. I'm not saying paranormal cannot be real, I'm just saying everything can be real and I don't know what is most real. Because I see these young people talking about horoscopes and it makes me wonder.. what would the elders say, who were ancient secret keepers.? Isn't it all just a sham, a meaningless thing or a trend? The modern world seems to be full of trash. But yet, so many people are very creative and I love seeing their work on videos. I also feel my Christian upbringing fucked my head up quite a bit. That religion seems innocent, but it is full of dogma. Sorry to any christian believers here to say this, but I cannot make a real move in the real world of the 21st century when I'm in my christian mindset. Cannot make a move without being fearful that im being punished or something like that. I understand old ages needed that system, and there was a lot to learn from it, still is, but it just ruins my life. And it's really deeply seated in my subconscious, the christian thinking. I'm gonna have to question that too. With cards and horoscopes, I feel like they aren't always true. Sometimes I read something that is like 100% accurate and I wonder how, other times I am thinking such things can be true for everyone not just 1 zodiac. I was really happy when I made readings for people based on horoscope. But now im depressed because i dont really believe in it. I don't know what I believe in. Probably nothing. I'm always wondering how Leo keeps such a sharp mind after reading so many things and hearing so many stories from people on the site. What should I do? Just study thousands of perspectives? Watch hundreds of thousands of videos until I find a kernel of truth? Stay away from falling into one belief, just study people skeptically?

I do that too. I just look at someone and know their zodiac. Don't need to know them deeply. Even from photos I can tell. And I can tell other placements too. Like Moon or ASC. @Galyna It's indeed powerful to be in that place. I think that's the place I'm finding myself in. But for me it's scary. I'll just inuire deeper..@mmKay @Soullee Yes, I might need to read hundreds of books. @Nahm Godspeed! @EnlightenmentBlog I mean, I can get used to it.