Aquarius

How I became the "human trash" of society: uncovering past traumas and a flawed upbringing During my upbringing I was always made to feel like I am someone special who doesn't need to work as hard as others do. This came from the fact that my parents actually believed I was specially gifted, and also the belief that since I am their child, and that means I am the most important thing to them, I will or should be be the most important for society and in other people's eyes. This made them never check up on me because they were so sure I was doing well. Even if I was lazy and did nothing, my parents didn't check up on me and how do I finish my homework. Sometimes I believe that growing up through communism they weren't aware of the fact that this materialism-oriented capitalist world has different expectations from its individuals then it had back then, so I won't be automatically taken care of by society if I somehow fail at life. This made them not teach me how to live in the real world. Because they didn't know how either. They're all retired, so they had money all the time. They provided to me all my needs, not thinking about the fact that I'll have to work someday. They never taught me that as an adult I will have to work, and that to work I have to have a diploma or the knowledge to survive in capitalism. They didn't know how to survive in capitalism either because my grandparents grew up in communism, so they didn't have any information or experience about the modern world. Mainly because they are so conservative that they don't interact with others outside the family. And that taught me in the early childhood years that making friends is "bad". So I didn't have any information either because I had no friends. I only had my small 4 member family, who didn't teach me anything about being responsible, spoiled me, never taught me to even make a meal for myself, never taught me to clean my room often, in the early years I didn't even know how to dress up alone or even tie my shoelaces (!!!), and they didn't teach me basic manners. And since I was without any friends, I didn't learn social skills either. I was a very neglected child. I remember my family watched television everyday after they finished doing house chores. The second generation of my family (parents) is and was always unemployed, the one born through communism.. The first generation (grandparents) had great success in life and expected the same from the second generation, or their children. I don't know why the second generation failed to achieve success. My uncle had great academic success but couldn't apply it to the real world. He was too comfortable and chose comfort continually. He claims he has a mental illness, but I simply believe he is reckless and immature, also irresponsible. But also fails to take care of himself and can not survive in the real world. That's not a mental illness, but serious character flaws. It does appear like mental illness though. So in a sense he deserves to be retired, but it's also a choice. Because if he wanted he could have great success. But he didn't have it. Maybe he didn't know how. Or had no motivation. Or didn't think it was possible for him.. But he gave me advice in my early years and during my teens. I thought the advice was good, but it was coming from someone who had a very unsuccessful past. His advice only made me weak and handicapped like him. For example, I'm physically healthy, more than healthy!, but he convinced me that I should never have a child because I will never be able to take care of him, abortion is traumatic, and poor child will be born handicapped if I decide to get pregnant. And he gave me a lot of advice that were about avoiding things. So that was one of the starting points that led me believe that there is something wrong with me as a person. That I'm somehow unhealthy, and I should avoid things that other normal humans do because I'm not like them, I'm just a handicap, a freak. So I became avoidant. I avoided tasks that needed responsibility because I believed I am not able to work them through. Or that I am not deserving to such "high" tasks, that I'm a lower human, a trash, so I should stay away from important tasks because I will only delay the progress of the community. Or that I'm not allowed to do things that are actually healthy and normal, so I avoided a lot of social activities because of that. And after some time people really treated me that way, and I really became a trash of society. Later on I made good friends that awakened me that I am more than normal. And recently I realized others are not better than me, or more healthy or normal than me. Actually most people came from worse pasts than me, had less talents, less intellect and problem-solving skills... yet they lived a healthier and happier life than me. We are all unique, with some strengths and weaknesses. And some of the weaknesses I was led to believe about myself weren't even true. Sometimes the opposite was true. Mom married, so she had the comforts of being financially provided. No one expected her to provide financially for herself. No one ever had expectations of her, of any sorts. But anyway.. She had me, the marriage got ruined for whatever reason, maybe physical and emotional abuse from my dad's part. I don't know, they never talk about it. So she divorced and licked her wounds for almost 20 years. But life goes on and in capitalist society no one cares if you have had problems of the sorts, you're just viewed as a handicap if you cannot find a job or maintain yourself. So she lives in the role of the mentally handicapped person. She didn't teach me anything about life. She is too self-absorbed. So what's my point with talking bad about my family members, you ask? I'm just analyzing the situation with a critical mind so I can get to the next point. I don't mean to sound like I hate them, I'm just being as objective as possible, or else I couldn't be radically honest. Some truths are ugly, even if it's about our loved ones. We have to recognize toxic behavior without bullshitting ourselves or minimizing the seriousness of the problem. So how did I become irresponsible about my life? I wasn't taught basic self-maintenance and survival stuff from an early age and I was spoiled I had no friends in my early years from whom I could've learned how to survive in the real world, besides, as a teen, all your needs get taken care of Family being retired and having no experience in capitalism could never teach me about the realities of living in the modern world My uncle made me believe I'm a futile trash. (indirectly of course) My mom still lives in the role of the big child, so she never taught me anything useful. She kinda neglected me actually, and I never got motherly advice about how to be a real woman. Both unemployed since ever, and retired, so never had to worry about financial issues, thus, they couldn't teach me how to make money myself. Or how to get a job. Because they had no experience in the modern world. My grandparents lived through communism, they had no information about how to live in capitalism, because when the country became capitalist they were retired already. So they couldn't teach me about the realities of capitalism either. But they didn't teach my mom either. All of them are living in an isolated way, because they have an ideology that everyone that is not a family member is a "stranger". Maybe that's a communist value? Or a Christian one? Or just a bad family-level trait? We have no family-friends, and acquaintances are kept at a distance, probably because they are ashamed of having no success in society. They think everyone is a stranger forever (unless they have the same kind of problems of course). So me not being exposed to many adult people early, and this way not having something to learn from or someone as a mentor that is also a healthy adult, I became unable to function in society. I couldn't learn it because there was nohow. The internet doesn't always talk about these things.. or maybe I wasn't even interested in the first place. Because I was taught that if I get a diploma, then I get accepted to university (false! you don't get accepted to university with a high school diploma only, you need to first apply to the university and take a test, which I didn't know in my teens! no one told me, because everyone knew, it was natural.. but I had no friends, so no one talked to me about it), and with the university diploma I automatically get a job (again false, you don't necessarily get a job, and if you get one, it might not even be in that domain! but nobody told me about this!). Nobody in my family knows anything about capitalism or the stage Orange society we live in. They're stuck at a conservative stage Blue. They never taught me anything about money, finances, jobs, relationships, sex, status, work ethic, success principles.. nothing that's a stage Orange value! I only in the recent years became aware of the importance of Orange values and integrating stage Orange. And this was by seeing my friends evolve and have success out there. I was lucky to have made friends that were actually hard-working and trust-worthy. I also had a 4 year relationship that taught me a loooot. Of course it was toxic from both parts so we had to end it.. but I was very lucky. And now I'm working on stage Orange integration. It's a bit late for it, I'm already in my early twenties and I have no real success in the real world. This will be a long road...

I dropped my expectations from my parents. In fact, I have no expectations from anybody other than myself. And that feels more healthy. I didn't even talk with them. I guess I'll just act more maturely until they realize I am an adult. Yes, I'm angry of some parenting mistakes they've made, but now as an adult it's my responsibility to correct my behavioral flaws. So I'll work towards that.

I find it very exciting to study Hinduism! I want to learn everything about it! Maybe even join an ashram .. But relating to the SD model, Hinduism is about stage Purple. I'm sure there are stage Blue and Green Hindus too.. stage Blue would be ideal while following Hindu religion. It's what people in the higher statuses are in India, like those working in the media or in the government. Do I need to also study politics to be at a stage Blue spirituality? Stage Green when manifesting in Hinduism is all about young women wearing yoga pants and having a spiritual ego. Not always though! Stage Green is all about connection, groups, learning, etc. There are great Quora groups to learn from! Stage Turquoise Hinduism would be about universal/cosmic knowledge. Coral would be about implementing it. At some point I would need to join an ashram. I found one in Romania and one in Germany that I am interested in. The one in Romania is based on some universal religion or sect or idk. They have great books available for free to study before you join them. The one in Germany I only looked at photos, they seem more friendly and are based on Hinduism. I will have to work really hard to be both spiritually and financially ready for such living. Joining an ashram is one of my motivations to become financially independent.

Some shadow-work relating my Christian past, and an apology for people whom I might have offended with my recent posts on the thread. I'm sorry if sometimes I sound hostile about Christianity. I'm sure there are great Christians out there doing great work. I realize in the end that hatred and dismissal towards it only creates more hatred and dismissal in society, and those are not values I promote as I try to be more loving, kinder and accepting each day. I used to be a Christian and I followed the faith very thoroughly and was a decent human being, so I believe most Christians are the same, if not better. Maybe working with opposing forces should not be my objective. Yes, might be interesting, might uncover some historical truths, but that's not the main reason people follow Christianity. Also for me, being right is less important than being kind and welcoming. I try to be right, I love truth, but at what cost? I'd rather just keep to myself than offend others. There is a nice quote in the Bible I actually like. Beautiful teaching. There is indeed a time for everything. There is a time for truth, and there is a time to be silent. It might not be the right time and place to talk about the experiences I went through while working with opposing forces. And there is wickedness in judgement. I guess I was wrong about some things. I was thinking in way too simplistic terms about Christianity. I just had a moment of sadness about what some Christian people do. But then I realized, people of all religions can do wicked things. There is no reason to attack a religion that has had so many good benefits in society. Sure, there were mistakes, it has ugly things in its history. but it has a beautiful "heart", the heart of the religion being Jesus. What a great teacher he was...

@AlphaAbundance Why do you think you have to work at Pizza Hut if you don't want to work at Pizza Hut? You have almost unlimited potential, we all do to some extent, some more than others. Why would you throw your life away to work at Pizza Hut? You only have to work at Pizza Hut if that's your life purpose. I think this way of thinking (having to work at a fast food shop and climbing the corporate ladder until there's enough money for retirement) comes from following a carved out road, the safe road. Most people follow a carved out road, the same road everyone takes. Leo talks about this in his episode "Life is a Maze" and "Life Advice for Young People Pt. 1". Also in "27 Qualities of All Successful People", if I'm not mistaken. The concept he talks about is that if you follow the road most people do you will end up where most people do. And actually yes, you're not alone in your depression. Most people are trapped in their meaningless jobs and unhealthy relationships. It's not something rare. I find that depression is a lack of meaning. You asked what meaning is. I'll try to explain the way I see it. Life is basically meaningless, so I won't try to convince you that it means this or that. We give meaning to things ourselves. Things are devoid of meaning, and meaning is purely fictional. By fictional I don't mean non-existent, it's just intangible and very flexible. Infinitely flexible. This means you have an infinite ground to give meaning to anything. You can give infinite meaning to things, and there are infinite things. By realizing this you unlock infinite creativity. Life is infinitely creative, you just have to tap into this ability. And your creative abilities decide the quality of your life. Meaning is whatever you find important and worthwhile to pursue. If anyone tells you life means this or life means that, you don't have to believe them. What they are saying is what is meaningful to them, but life may mean something else to you. You made yourself believe that life means work and struggle, but you can change that and believe the opposite or something entirely different, This is what I meant by 'meaning is fictional'. You invented a meaning, that life is work. But life can be anything. You think life means work and struggle because you need food to survive and you need money for food, and to buy food you have to work, and to work you need to be an ideal employee, and for that you need to work on yourself, your character, your looks etc., you need to fit into society and all that stuff. I could continue forever, depending on what your wants and needs are. But remember that work and survival are only a part of life, not the entirety of life, not what life is about and not always what keeps life going on. If you think about it, some people don't have to work because they inherit riches, and can buy food and pay the bills for their whole life, and even pursue what they like. This option is not available for 99% of people, but there are other options. Like some people make their food by creating a farm and taking care of the animals and producing vegetables/fruit. Maybe after they become rich from their farming, they can sit back, they hire people to produce their food on the farm, and food and other goods come to them without them having to work. So they just do what they like. Or if you learn coding you can create a program for yourself that automates your work (if it's artificial intelligence then even better!), then you can achieve in 1 minute what others achieve collectively in 50,000 hours. Imagine the value you get from that! Not necessarily money, but the value the program produces.. And these are just two ways to achieve freedom from consciously worrying about your need. I think you can find ways like these with any job or career, not just farming or AI programming. These two are just something that came to mind right now, I could think of ways other passions and hobbies bring freedom, but then this post would be too long haha. What's your passion, by the way? Btw for me it seems that you are a very humble person. That's a great trait to have. You simply want to live a happy life without any struggle and without having to do anything to achieve that. You believe it's everyone's birthright to be given everything without the need to constantly struggle to survive. You want to be left alone by all the people who try to enslave you for their benefit, you see through the Matrix and its limitations that it puts on you. You recognize the cycles of "eat, sleep, work, repeat" and "eat to work and work to eat". I think it's a great first step, having all this knowledge. It's a sort of awakening. Like people talk about enlightenment and they think it's something very far out there or "spiritual', but no. Really, what enlightenment and/or awakenings are is seeing through the maze of life, seeing the little (or big) truths of living. Which are not always pleasant, can be depressing.. or maybe depressing isn't the right word. They're definitely sobering though. Then there's the concept of solving the maze. Which means mastering it, studying it, finding your passion and place in the world, or just achieving anything you want, in this case a freedom from suffering and struggle.. (hint: the maze is life). Do you have to work for it? Yes, maybe. But how much effort it takes depends on your levels of creativity. It's not always about re-framing. Sometimes it's about practice, past experience, etc.. but re-framing has a huge role. Maybe you heard about Joe Dispenza. He has a great book called 'You Are Placebo.' You should read it to see how re-framing can do miracles. It's about how people healed themselves with their mind, of cancer, of arthritis, everything. Hecc, there are millions of binaural beats and quantum medicine tracks on YouTube to heal from every illness and they seem to heal people. We are living the future right now, and discovering our mind's abilities that have been taught in scriptures for thousands years! You can do math easily if you practice for a longer period of time. Same with running. So it's experience+practice for those two. Some people don't get hurt by stabbing, there is a practice for example in I think Tibet? or some other Asian country, about controlling the iron in the body with your mind, so that you don't get stabbed. Same can be achieved by reciting the Shani beej mantra 10 millions of times. Maybe I went too far haha... you can be hypnotized to not feel pain and if someone stabs you while in hypnosis you might not feel anything. You can train yourself to be hyper-alert, so if someone tries to stab you, you just hit them hard before they even try (my point: why is there a need to be stabbed?..there's always option B, C, D...). I have a friend who can't eat burritos, he said he vomited once when he ate it. He just can't stand it. Yeah, I don't know how, he just doesn't like some of the ingredients. Past experience maybe (body-memory, subconscious disgust, association with something). He could re-frame that by convincing himself the burrito is good. *shrug* Interesting answers, thanks for sharing! I would reply to all of the answers but this post is getting quite long so ima end it here... ;P

You don't need to please your parents by talking about what they like. You can freely talk about what you like too. Just do it in a non-aggressive way. If your parents only and only talk about satisfying immediate needs and entertainment, you can show them ways to the higher needs in an entertaining way. Have the Maslow hierarchy in your mind. Your parents are probably at the lower stages. Think about ways to bring knowledge to them about higher possibilities. But don't actually show the hierarchy of needs lol. Just use it in your mind. For example there are hundreds of thousands of different kind of youtubers, talking about so many great topics. They each have a style. Maybe you find a style that may resonate with them, and show it to them. Or show them self help videos that are entertaining or funny. Basic self-help that people with lower kind of needs watch. Remember that you cannot change your parents. And you cannot force them to do what you want them to do. You mention they won't eat like you do. I mean, it's their body so it's their choice. Yes, I understand that you want to help them, but for that they need to want to get helped. But they seem to not care about these things. Maybe they don't need your help. Think about that for a minute. But what you can do is make them understand you. You could share documentaries with them about the cruel way food producers produce food. Research the topic thoroughly. Have good points that also resonate with them and their views. And again, remember that change will happen when they want it to happen. Because they have their own life, their own views. Respect their views, even if their views on life are total bs. Try to enlighten, rather than ignite change. The knowledge you give them should ignite change on its own, but you don't have to change them. It is NOT your responsibility to save them. They have to save themselves. Everyone has to work out their own salvation. Take care not to turn your desire for change and desire for a good life into a need to manipulate others into your way of living. You are an individual, and they are too, they are not less than you just because they don't follow modern views on nutrition or lifestyle. Don't try to manipulate them into believing in what you believe. Don't try to manipulate them at all. Let go of the need to manipulate. You can enlighten, but change is up to them. You said you are a teenager, so you depend on them financially. Ask yourself: Do I want to change my parents to better suit my needs, or for them to provide better care for me?... I know this is an ugly question, but you really need to make a difference between wanting to help a human for them to have a better life (selfless help), and wanting to help a human so they can with the help of the new information help you better (ego). If you ever try to help your parents, do it so they have a chance for a better life, do it for enlightening them, do it for the animals in the food industry, but never do it to just feel better about your life. Soon you'll be on your own anyway, and then it won't matter what your parents think or the way they live. Because you'll have your own life. Focus on your own life too not just on changing others for your needs. Become independent financially if you want better options for socializing and groups with similar interests. Most people who can provide you value are already financially independent, so you should work towards that too.

What you describe sounds like depression. A while ago I had the exact same questions in my mind and the exact same points you had. It really surprises me that others are thinking this way too. And now I realize that's what the Buddha said about "Life is suffering".. interesting. However I let go of this way of thinking. How? Why? Because I realized it's just a perspective. So the solution is to change your perspective. You basically talk about how hard it is to keep yourself alive. What you describe is a set of beliefs. Living is hard. Living is unenjoyable. Living is 60% chores and 40% fun. (or maybe you're thinking 90% and 10%, or 50% / 50%) Living is about either satisfying needs or dying. If you work for someone you are a slave. It helps asking the right questions to get to the bottom of why you are suffering. Why is living hard? What makes living hard? When is living not hard? How to make the hard parts of living easy in a creative way? Is there a shortcut to things? Do I only want to do easy things? Why am I not enjoying life? What are the parts of life I am not enjoying? Why? What would make me enjoy them? Can I make them enjoyable? Why am I not allowing myself to be happy? What's keeping me from being happy? What makes me happy in life? Can I find happiness in doing chores? Can thinking of the the end result of the work I do or chores I finish motivate me to do them? What is the point of the work I do? Am I not motivated because I don't find meaning in the end result of my work? What is meaning? What do I find meaningful? Is meaningful work always fun? Are the fruits of my effort sweet or bitter? Is my goal in life to always have fun and only do enjoyable things? Why? Is there anything else to life than satisfying needs? What are the steps I need to take to the point where I don't need to consciously take care of satisfying my needs? Am I a slave or am I a work partner? Is the work I do benefiting someone or me in a meaningful way, or am I just working towards a cause that I disagree with or don't find meaning in? You don't need to answer these questions to me, it's just something to meditate on. I hope in the end you find meaning in life and all the suffering it causes. I genuinely want to help.

Probably will use a gentle approach though. I really got fiery right there.

Ok so this thread is called becoming an alpha for a reason, and an alpha takes no bullshitty approach to people lying to themselves about how much they hurt someone or not. I will try and confront my family very soon, and they need to hear what I got to say. I can't take it that I cannot even answer a phone call without being abused about it. Because that's abuse when you have to tell your fam about every step and move you make. I'm done. So done. And you know what else I'm done with? This Christian approach to respect-hierarchy, as if I'm a child of someone I cannot have healthy boundaries and expectations from the people my life depends on in the early years. They don't own me just because I came to this world through them. I'm an individual, and an adult now. Someone has to awaken them to the realities of the 21st century!!! Some of my expectations from parents: understanding, open-mindedness, HONEST kindness, honest and healthy severity & discipline-making in the home, calm collected speech, rationality, emotional maturity, and brutal self-honesty. Probably more but that's kinda my personal business anyway. Probably having too much on my plate now. Focusing on career and self-development. I have multiple business ideas which all would take up my time. I would have to work 18 hours a day solid if I wanted everything I am planning. Already got some art video requests coming in that I will have to finish up sometime soon. And general art requests too. I'm kinda overwhelmed. OK, so for a basic shadow work you just talk your heart out either by journaling or by recording your voice. Read it over and over again, or listen to it multiple times and take notes. What do you notice? What would you like to improve? What are your strengths and weaknesses? What is your real motivation in life, the hidden motivator? And so on... Brutal self-honesty is the only shadow work you'll ever need. Bullshit, I'm just an unhealthy stage Green individual. None of those. A friend helped me realize it was fear of disappointing. It all starts in childhood, wanting to please parents. Then we project it to others in adulthood. Gaining awareness on the issue helped calm the fear.

@Bojan V Hello! I hope you are safe too! Take care in these changing times!

Working with certain demonic entities helped me shed a light on how Abrahamic religions focus on a god I won't name, but the point is that he is a god like other gods, not the ultimate absolute god, as that is everything and everyone. Neither is he the Source, because the Source doesn't have a mind of his/her own, OR said otherwise, we all take part in co-creation through the Source. In the Old Testament it is clear he is a god of war, of the air and of storms. Didn't really do the research, but Holy Trinity seems a different concept from the war god from the desert. My point with all of this is how I called the god of Christianity an angry, all-controlling god out of intuition and experience some while ago, just to later find out I wasn't even wrong. Christian esotericism however has some value, but it's not my cup of tea. Also the religion of Christianity morphed into so many things and evolved into so many other things lately and in general over the course of time, that I cannot even say what it is or what is worships, but everything about it is just a mix of the pagan religions, astrological symbolism and myths, sprinkle that with some true wisdom and a hint of Truth and you got yourself Christianity. I don't condemn it, was just gaining clarity lately. I focus on Hindu philosophy nowadays as there is less drama and hypocrisy on the path of Hinduism. In other news, I am working towards a career, but I don't neglect spirituality either anymore. I just need to find healthier ways to practice it. My career focus is first getting my finals diploma, which requires many hours a day of studying mathematics, literature, anatomy/physiology of the human body and I don't even know??? Sucks failing that exam so many times in the past, but I won't give up so easily. If there is a way to something I want, I will find it. I noticed on myself that back in the day I was like, I had an idea ok? The idea was great and achievable. I just sucked at getting information on how to achieve it. So I dreamed about the goal, but I didn't know the journey. And I just dreamed and waited for a miracle to happen. Dreaming doesn't give pragmatic results. You need to combine it with action while you mold your nature to the requirements of society, life, universe... Then I'd love to finish a university in either computer engineering or software design. Idk what the options are, but I'm interested in IT so... Worked through my repetitive negative behavior some. The answer was self-love. And huh, I just remember Leo teaches it in one of his episodes??.. Strange, because I am talking from experience that self-love will solve all your problems. Guess Leo was ahead of me. Great episode, everyone should watch it.

In one of Leo's episodes with life advice for young people one of the first things he mentions is that there are certain states you can access where you know that you are creating your whole reality. How can one achieve such state?

Minimalism is a big one. Less objects you have, less cleaning you have to do. I try to gift or donate objects I don't use anymore, especially objects that take a lot of space like big plushies and clothes. And I never really buy anything unless I am using it RIGHT NOW, like objects for current workings and usage, and I tend not to buy so many clothes anymore, but I have clothes put away for each season. To be wastefree, when I buy cosmetics I apply only a little bit and it takes months until I use it up. And I only buy 1 cosmetic for each need (one cream, one foundation, 1 shampoo etc.) But cleaning for me never takes more than 20 minutes. What I have a lot of are books which makes it a little bit tricky to organise... I put 1 type of book in one place, for example a bunch of novels, a bunch of dictionaries, a bunch of politics and history... That might take a little longer.

About shadow work... I uncovered two core fears yesterday: Fear of getting inner center disturbed / getting punished Fear of being "bad" I think these are typical Innocent archetype fears. The remedy is that.. I can be bad if I want to. It's okay to do/think/feel bad things, it's part of human nature. No one can disturb the center, as the center is eternal and unmoved. And the outer layer of peace cannot be disturbed without my will / if I ignore the disturber.

I need more order in my life, so I'm going to have a daily routine, for morning, afternoon workings, evening schedule and nightly stuff. This is part of the emotional mastery, being able to stick to something, being strong enough to stick to the plan. Morning routine (7-12): Shower; Skin, hair, nails, teeth care Sungazing (starting 20 seconds, adding +5 seconds daily first 2 weeks, +10 after) Practicing Self-Love for 1 hour Psychic visions Biokinesis (eyecolour, hearing, autophagy, nitric-oxide, indium, HGH, height, Tulsi, 5G shield, silver) OM chanting meditation (45 minutes) Attraction/charm meditation (20 minutes) Neville Goddard-style manifestion (15 minutes) Afternoon work (1-6): Protein-rich lunch Draw 2 hours (estimated 5-7 artworks) Gym routine (fullbody): Cardio: stepper (1000 steps, +100 daily until 8000, hardness lvl: 18-10), bike (10 minutes, +2m until 30m; hardness lvl 7, +1 every 3 days), rope skipping (10 minutes)... and I'm not working on running yet Legs: 3 sets of 20 reps each: calf-raise, inner thigh, outer though, leg push, leg raise, bodyweight push Abs, arms,back: 3 sets of 10 reps each: leg raise in air, arm push, arm pull, shoulder raise, shoulder push, crunches, weight pull type 1, weight pull type 2 Neville Goddards-style manifestation (15m) Evening routine (7-10): Second and last protein-rich meal, but mainly vegetables Reading (spirituality, magick, loa) Subliminals Exam prep Neville Goddard-style manifestation (15m) 3 rounds of prayer And now comes the REAL work.. Night workings! (11-4) When I will have a job, I will work these hours, but till then, spiritual work: meditation, contemplative practices, totem animal, astrological soul path and ascension, crystal frequency therapy, animus/anima, making youtube content, writing journal, kundalini yoga Let's get to work!

That's a really good perspective.

Thanks guys, every reply was helpful!

I start to realise I'm a Spiral Wizard. Either that, or my Spiral-progress is really scattered through my life-areas, for example.. Mind is Yellow/Turquise, behavior is Purple-Lower Red Thought processes encompass higher knowledge, behavior is instinctive and defensive Lifestyle is tribal/mystical, family oriented; Hobbies are revolving around compassion and interconnectedness My sexuality is primal/carnal; My emotional connection is divine, universal My relationships are "tribal" (not meant literally), "help me and I help you"-mentality-based, trying to find my "tribe"; My relationship with my Self/God is whole Spirituality is a mix between spirit worship, ancestor-honoring, totem-honoring and becoming ONE with the You-niverse Life purpose is about teaching, sharing; Lifestyle is about commanding respect and order I will later on explore these life areas in more detail, possibly more facetedly (exploring more facets, each facet in plenty of detail.. )

@Fkdel Hey, so I thought I might elaborate on this a bit.. My shadow work is totally intuitive, but I do have some things I do every time... First I get my ego in a very vulnerable state. Then I do difficult practices that challenge me. Then I get into a "total power"-state from overcoming the difficulties. And then I let the fire of passion burn away insecurities (my shadow is the Inoccent-shadow, revolving around fear, naivity and disperation, not anger and toxicity as you would expect), and it's a journey of becoming whole again and embracing What Is. So the process summarized, chronological order: Get ego to be very vulnerable and exposed Bring (mental/emotional) difficulty in your life Overcome difficulty through intuition and insight Let the passionate fire of victory melt away every impurity in your Spirit Aim to embrace entireity / All That Is I hope this helps you and everyone that follows this thread.

I call it progressive. ?

@ivankiss aaaaa thank uuuu my first fan ???? I used to be very ashamed of this stuff but I'm glad I didn't delete it. I realised in the end that you just have to (((vibe))) with it ? and go with the flow But in all seriousness, there needs to be a very specific state of mind to enjoy it. Or else it is total cringe. Maybe it's good for an exercise for you people. To test how conscious and open minded you are. If you cringe you lose guys. ? and you guys need to meditate 1 hour for every cringe you get Gogogogo

It's good that you awakened to these things, but don't judge yourself too much. Maybe you needed to go through this to learn something about yourself. Use this information to improve your life. Set real, tangible goals and work towards them. Goals that have an outcome that inspires you and makes you excited to wake up in the morning. Try to put the information you accumulated from youtube and podcasts into practice.

Convince your mind that you are enjoying it. Simply sit down to meditate at least 5 minutes visualizing how much joy is in that work.

You can try meditating for 30-60 minutes in the evening or drinking some calming tea. Also shut down all lights at least an hour before bed, the light of your screen is stimulating to your mind and that's why you can't sleep. Also don't work out before bed, working out is best in the afternoon, some say between 3 PM and 5 PM. Try going to sleep 30 minutes earlier than the other day until you reach going to sleep by 11 PM. Also set your alarm to wake up earlier and don't lay around in bed during daytime. Have some nighttime routine every day that will prepare your mind that you are going to sleep, and after a while you'll get used to it and that will signal your brain that it's time for sleep (for example prepare your bed to be comfortable for sleep, wash your teeth/take a hot shower, change into pajamas, keep the lights off for an hour before bed, maybe do some calming breathing exercise, drink tea). Also know that it all depends on you, no amount of motivation from others can help if you aren't willing to follow the advice that you are given by people. Take the decision that you will go to sleep early and work on it.

Once I had a discussion with someone I assume is a stage Orange guy, and I noticed they don't really tend to care about analyzing the world or having deeper conversations other than things that they do or what they have or want to have. Stage Green is a rarer, but they seem to have a lot of blind-spots too. It's good to see more and more people moving up to Yellow. I'm happy for you! ^^