tatsumaru

I can give you a ton of dreams that I have, but I have been told that reality isn't here for me but that I am here for reality. So I am wondering if it even matters what I want. Isn't flow like some sort of fate where you surrender your wishes and desires and agree to live your fate not your dream? If I had a button that I could press to completely delete myself from existence and not have to participate in this madness anymore I would press it.

No I am not satisfied at all. I can't remember the last time I was satisfied. Everything is struggle for me. I want ease but all I have is dis-ease. I think everyone including me is crazy.

I am not really sure. How can I know where I want to be or what I want if I don't even know what I am. I am just so confused and can't get over this inner conflict of survival and spiritual suicide it's like if there's no self then what's the point of me being conscious and not just some stone lying there. I am lost in this madness.

Well so far I've been a very neurotic person and have created a lot of unnecessary drama and suffering for myself. I don't know where it comes from, but it's like I have this drama movie director who lives inside me and is a genius at interpreting any input as ugly, sad, morbid and depressing.

I don't know.

I think I know what you are trying to tell me. You are saying "Follow the white rabbit." and I am stuck in that feeling where I am not sure if I am awake or still dreaming... P.S. sick track btw, I have to watch the movie again now...

I love the matrix analogies as this is my favorite movie and probably the only movie that really means something to me and that I resonate with. My father showed it to me when I was around 10 and since then I've watched it 50 times. Even my myers-briggs personality is the same like Neo's. Every time I watch the movie, I watch it with such intensity that I become completely identified with it and it seeps into my reality to the point where I doubt whether it's a movie or not. I feel like something outside of the matrix sent me this movie as a guide. You see I have trouble with this belief thing because in my mind I associate beliefs with religion and making stuff up to fill in the void of uncertainty. As Sadhguru said: "Just believe something so you can sleep well tonight...". My spiritual journey in this life began as one teacher pointed me towards the realization that I really know nothing and my head is filled with beliefs. He suggested that beliefs are the building blocks of the Ego and once I let go of all beliefs I will transcend the false self and see things as they are. Ever since that moment I've been adamant about letting go of all beliefs but eventually I just fell into a bottomless pit of nihilism. There was no revelation or some grand awakening or clarity just being stuck in agnosticism and I became completely lost and frustrated. From time to time I would elevate to more pleasant meditative states where I didn't care about thinking but eventually it would start feeling like escapism and this would rekindle the need to go further again. I need to go further desperately... I can't just settle for peace and watching the rain drops fall. I feel like a caterpillar that's been ready to become a butterfly for the last 10 years but for some reason it's stuck in caterpillar mode and can't move on. I am going to be honest with you...

Difficult as in hard (too much work/resources needed) or as in complicated (too much components)? Difficult is still better than impossible. However if it takes 80 years of practice just so you can walk on water you might as well build a boat in a couple of days and use it to cross the river. If magick doesn't belong to this dimension I can understand and respect that, but I would still like to know where it resides and how it works etc. Can you point me in the right direction?

I would say that there are parallels between science and magic but I don't think they are the same. Science and engineering requires some sort of intermediary to produce results i.e. if you were to manifest a fireball out of your hand you would need some nanotech that's implanted in your skin that can cause air to explode or whatever. Magic on the other hand is direct conversion of potential into matter. With magic you don't need a biological 3d printer to create a new liver you just chant the words similarly to how cheat codes work in games and your intent materializes near-instantly. Making thousands of people work for 200 years in order to create technology that is sufficient in order to colonize mars for another 200 years that's not magic. Magic is snapping your fingers and creating and interacting directly with reality and creating a forest out of thin air. It is likely that at some point we will be able to transmute metals through science and that would be pretty close to magic but still magic is different it's not some cybernetic technology or some engineering feat. It's built in the dimension by default it only needs to be uncovered not created from 0. I am not saying such a thing exists but that's how I see it. You can be scientific about magic if you want and conduct experiments, but that's just adding another abstract layer on top of the substrate. It's frustrating because to me it's a lie. To me a person who says we can create anything we want and then isn't able to create anything is a direct contradiction and not in a good way. It's like saying hey I am a millionaire while being homeless. Sounds like make believe to be completely honest. Do I think that these things are impossible? Not necessarily. However I think the people who claim these powers are either dishonest or lying to themselves so they can sleep well at night. I had this spiritual teacher once who couldn't explain anything he just kept repeating that there are no contradictions in the absolute present and that confusion is an ego illusion. See the problem with these statements is that even if they are true they don't matter, they don't produce anything other than some stupid conclusion that you can hold on to. It's like the greek's saying "There's nothing to know, not even this." completely stupid and empty statement designed to provide psychological solace. I think certain statements are so powerful that you can self-hypnotize yourself with them and maintain some semi-blissful existence and once this happens you have trouble questioning them even if there is no evidence you are right. For example Esther Hicks - she couldn't manifest anything other than those damn seminars, her husband died and she started talking nonsense about it and people still believed the crap because they were so desperate even though nothing happened the way she promised them. Or how people go and pray to god for help - nothing happens - and they still keep going and praying - it's madness. If you can do something, if you know something, if you can go beyond the dream and you have see the reality then show me, otherwise it's just make believe and hippy talk. Morpheus wasn't just empty talk, Morpheus took Neo out of the Matrix and showed him the beyond. This I respect 10000%, but just discussing how empty non-duality is and making jokes about how it's all an illusion to me is some sort of spiritual masturbation.

I will see the whole thing. I will also read his book, it just doesn't look good. The guy is a magickian and can't fix his eyes?

I am 30 mins in but there's no indication that there's anything interesting about this guy. I think he's just a Deepak Chopra me2 and his magick results suggest the same. Even if his method is real his results are so weak that it's not worth investigating. It's very similar to "The Secret" and bs like that. This type of advice to me is very frustrating. This is like some hungry child asking for food and you tell them, hey man you are god, it's all good. It's like some mantra that everyone on the spiritual path keeps chanting but noone has anything to show for it. I think it's almost a new religion at this point - a form of psychological survival. How can you claim that the source of this creation is us and at the same time not able to create anything....

I am 30 mins in but there's no indication that there's anything interesting about this guy. I think he's just a Deepak Chopra me2 and his magick results suggest the same. Even if his method is real his results are so weak that it's not worth investigating.

Well I think there's a difference between miracle and magick. Magick is like the art of creating miracles. the power of apparently influencing events by using mysterious or supernatural forces.

I've had this problem for a while where I realize that all goals are empty and are just a perspective and whenever I listen to Leo I kind of feel this hollowness inside which reminds me that there is nothing at all to hold on to and this triggers feelings of crippling doubt and existential fear that can sometimes bring me to my knees. I learned to deal with them by brushing them aside but I feel that I am not addressing the issue properly. Basically any conclusion that I make about life is always followed by inner doubt. I notice something in my life and I decide it's an insight - immediately I hear inside "but what if that's not true", then I rationalize that it's experience and therefore it's pragmatic to trust it since there's nothing else I can trust (but then there's the voice - "what if there is nothing at all that you can trust..."). I always have this with me and sometimes it's overwhelming. This never leads to anything other than heavy psychological stress and suffering. I don't see the value in it and it's just making it too hard to enjoy life. Isn't there a way to transcend this and trust something, maybe your own inspiration or whatever? After all you can paralyze yourself with doubt and there's no value in this - you can watch the door and wonder is there really a door, but then what is a door, but then what is a concept and finally you realize doubt just leads to more doubt and it doesn't lead anywhere. One thought leads to another thought. The fact that no one in society seems to care about these things doesn't help either. Makes me feel isolated like some disconnected confused node in a network that is not functioning properly. Like a bug in the matrix. What to do, what to do...

Lao Zi has said: The Tao creates One and One creates Yin/Yang. So if Yin/Yang is duality and One is non-duality/god then what is Tao?

How did the ancient masters uncover secrets such as yoga, chakras, qigong, taiji, kundalini, feng shui, vaastu etc? It doesn't seem plausible to assume that all these were a product of trial and error or some sort of scientific method... It almost seems as if they "downloaded" it from the source somehow... Also it seems to me that our current society seems to have forgotten how to connect to this source and is now relies on this scientific method like a blind man in a cave who needs to feel his way out of the darkness by touching every little rock and trying every possible combination of directions.

That is quite possible. Plenty of people seeking God before they even confirmed there's such a thing, guided by their beliefs they are already on the path to falsehood. The moment you start obscuring the truth with your beliefs it's no longer spirituality. In this dream world people can even manifest all kinds of miracles in their dream so why not a god as well. If you don't start from 0 then your spiritual journey isn't honest it becomes a pursuit of validating pre-existing beliefs. Are you enlightened?

During a trip to India I was able to create some distance between the thought process and awareness, I am no longer so identified with the thought process and I seem to be resonating very well with understanding the world through the Yin/Yang lenses of Taoism and harmonic balanced interchange. That's still part of the Matrix though. I want to go further. I will check it out.

I am not sure it's a rational choice for me, I think it's inherent. I've been drawn towards the mysterious from an early age way before I became cerebro-centric. I think that's why I was born. I am a Leonardo Da Vinci sort of type (not as smart though).

This is not about believing or disbelieving etc. Truth is truth, beliefs are barriers to truth. Chakras may not be proven scientifically, but is science proven chakrafically? Lol. Few seem to realize that those considered priests of the scientific method have neither uncovered nor explained truth. That is not their job. Scientists have little interest in truth or absolute reality, for they are invested in the pursuit of accuracy about the relative facts about objects. Science builds its theorems or working hypotheses upon previous beliefs, and therefore labels any discussion of absolute certainty as absurd. Truth and absolute reality confuse the priests of the scientific method. Their paradigm is founded on concepts of a materially existing world; that is, sciential theorems, not the sapiential truth or the reality beyond objects. It can be said, and has been said, that science, like religious groupthink, clings to a faith in objects, to make their attachment to separateness more palatable. As the Nobel Laureate Charles Townes said, “Many people don’t realize that science basically involves assumptions and faith.”

Why is that people like Sadhguru keep making claims about how it is possible to do epic changes like change your genes, cure any disease, manifest bodies of goddesses, go into different dimensions but at the end of the day it's just talking. The same guru that has the power to change their genes needs donations to save the forests, the same guru that can cure any disease is balding or aging, the same guru who can manifest goddesses can't manifest the trees he's looking to plant. Where are the buddhas with the holographic dharmakaya, where are the immortal taoists flying in the clouds, where are the awakened ones who are omniscient and omnipotent and can give the answer to any questions there is and solve any problem there is? Where are the vivekanandas who can read a 700 page book in an instant by just touching it? I keep hearing about these magical stories but they aren't to be seen anywhere. It seems like it's just a scam and even though spirituality tells us we are infinite beings and gods and bla bla bla, my experience shows that we are incredibly limited beings to the point that it's actually doubtful if we can even do anything. It looks like we are walking corpses who are the slaves of this reality and the only thing we can do is to rest in awareness as a sort of sanctuary while life carves us and devours us and then kills us in some brutal way. Where are these magics I am asking? Is there anyone at all that can prove what they are talking is true? Is there anyone who can walk the walk? I'm doubtful... I will be happy to accept once I see it or experience it but no one is there to show me.

Not sure what you are talking about. There was definitely a "god" belief way before Gautama Buddha was born. Moses dates back way before the Buddha and all the sages. There were also many gods in India as well. Buddha dismissed all of these as nonsense. He was very specific about how beliefs obscure reality. This should be the first step for anyone on the spiritual path. Beliefs fall into the same category with Hopes, Wishful thinking, Wanting reality to be other than what it is etc. I am actually shocked by how many people on this forum consider themselves awakened and preach that people should believe in x or z. As Lao Tzu said, “The Tao gives birth to One. One gives birth to yin and yang. Yin and yang give birth to all things.” There is a Tao without One or Yin/Yang, but no One without a Yin/Yang, nor a Yin/Yang without a One, just as there is no Brahman without the illusion or magic show of maya. Oneness is Aristotelian nonsense; a prison of sorts, so distractional in its delusion, that bodhicitta is near totally obscured, and not even considered. To better understand the difference between the Alaya Consciousness of Buddhism (which is actually beyond consciousness) and the Brahman Consciousness of Advaita (which implies “not two”), the following humorous story was said to be told in the Kevatta (Kevaddha) Sutta, as translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. “Where do the four elements cease without remainder?” Through meditation the monk reached the Heaven of the Four Great Kings, who did not know the answer. Next he went to the thirty three gods in a higher Desire Realm heaven, but none of these rulers knew either. He then asked King Sakka (Indra), the king of these gods, but Sakka did not know the answer. Up and up he went asking all sorts of gods at each and every higher level. Finally he came to Great Brahma, the Creator, Uncreated, Knower of All. When the monk finally achieved an audience with Great Brahma, Brahma appeared in all his majesty and glory announcing, “I am Great Brahma, the Conqueror, the Unconquered, the All-Seeing, All-Powerful, the Lord, the Maker and Creator, the Ruler, Appointer and Orderer, Father of All That Have Been and Shall Be.” The monk then humbly and respectfully asked his question, but all Great Brahma did was repeat, “I am Great Brahma, the Conqueror, the Unconquered, the All-Seeing, All-Powerful, the Lord, the Maker and Creator, the Ruler, Appointer and Orderer, Father of All That Have Been and Shall Be.” The monk eventually got frustrated and said, “I know you are “Great Brahma, the Conqueror, the Unconquered, the All-Seeing, All-Powerful, the Lord, the Maker and Creator, the Ruler, Appointer and Orderer, Father of All That Have Been and Shall Be,” but I asked you a question about where the four elements cease without remainder. The Great Brahma replied, “Listen little monk, don’t embarrass me. All these other gods are listening and think I know everything. If you want to know the answer to a question like that, don’t ask me. I don’t know the answer. For a question like that, you have to go ask the Buddha. Our monk gets up from his meditation and finds the Buddha nearby, asking him where the four elements cease without remainder. The Buddha tells him that he’s thinking of the question incorrectly, and should ask where do the four elements have no foothold…”

How did you confirm this? The powers that you have are also part of what is. Did Tilopa carry water and chop wood after his enlightenment or did he make fish fly?

Belief in god = religion, this is stage blue. Spirituality has nothing to do with beliefs and belief systems. All the buddhas have repeated this ad nauseam. Sadhguru also dismissed this notion of belief multiple times. I am not aware of anyone uncovering anything - reading books is not uncovering. Going to gurus is not uncovering. Uncovering is uncovering. Did Tilopa have any Gurus? Did Lao Zi have any gurus? Did Gautama Buddha have any Gurus (he did some yoga for a while but dismissed it as nonsense and moved on). All we are doing is recycling old wisdom and trial/error. When's the last time anyone of our civilization uncovered something of the magnitude of chakras and changed the world?

Do you ever wonder why you forgot in the first place? And if you can forget once what's to prevent you from forgetting again?