exhale

I have made tremendous strides In recognizing and labelling my emotions. I have become much less reactive over the past several years since practicing mindfulness and meditation. Through these practices, my emotional intelligence has improved, and has resulted in a more even-keeled, mature temperament. As I do not want to allow my ego to fool itself, I was doing some self-inquiry about this area. My questions is: How does one know they are learning to master and control their emotions, and not merely suppressing their emotions? Thanks, have a great day everyone.

What is your area of interest for your studies?

Do you get recognized as a public figure when you go out in public (grocery store, airport, etc)?

*I would like to add to the above post that I have noticed that the concept of "consciousness" and "non duality" has no longer become a theory that we should all consider. Rather, that it is the 'undeniable truth', and I am fully open to that being the case. But, this is also what the religious folks say, 'it is the undeniable truth', and this is what the science folks says, 'it is the undeniable truth'. So... there are parallels in the dogmatic and arrogant nature of fact. This has presented a little "red flag" in the back of my mind. It is almost as if this community has forgotten the fundamental component of open-mindedness. Are we still open-minded if we believe we know the truth, and dismiss the alternatives? It is easy to dismiss my opinion because I have not had these experiences, and that is fair enough.

Pluck, I believe that in generalities, many of your warnings of caution are valid and should be respected; though I imagine few will. But just as I do not think that everything Leo (or anyone) says should be taken as truth without a critical ear, I am also critical of your opinions as well. There is always a risk of (and historical examples) an individual with an 'alternative way of thought', gaining notoriety and influence, culminating respect over time to the point of developing an "all-knowing" aura, ultimately resulting in abuse of power and a very self-absorbed negative outcome. My perception that at this moment, this is not Leo's intention or plan; but, that is never the plan from those historical example from the onset. I have considered this as a possibility in the future, and am always reflecting on where this community is going. Admittedly, I have considered some of Leo's advice as dangerous. I have no experience with psychedelics, but I am more open than most people to the possibility of them assisting with actualization. I am open to the idea that a rational, well-balanced individual, with a good handle on their emotional intelligence and maturity could benefit from these practices. Though, I know that there are many young people, and people with unstable mental conditions in the community, where these types of experiences can/may be addictive and harmful. I think that Leo may project "where he is at" in his emotional intelligence and maturity on his listeners---and based on the forum contents, could be a very dangerous thing to do. Saying all this. Leo provides so much value and wisdom for his listeners, I am very hesitant to villainize him as you are doing. My professional and personal life has done nothing but improve since I have been subscribing to his videos for the past few years. I thank him for his service. I listen to everything he says, I consider everything he says, but I don't believe everything he says. I imagine that he would hope that all of his listeners would approach his teachings this way.

Many great points already made. As a leader of a group, taking responsibility of things that aren't your fault is an opportunity for creating a positive culture in your work place. This action is a statement that 'I am hear to stay', 'no more excuses', and 'I have all of your backs (employees)'. This does not mean that you do not pull people aside and work on resolving past indiscretions, and make adjustments to prevent further breakdowns. Alternatively, if you do not take the responsibility, you will create a culture of 'finger pointing' from top to bottom. Ultimately, creating a toxic workplace environment.

That is a fair question, although, I am receiving your comment as quite despondent. I will challenge that concept with several questions identify the problem with that mindset: why do anything? Why develop intimate relationships? Why develop a business? Why care about anything? Regardless of the absolute truth, we are still here in a material world perspective. There is suffering, and although it is not possible to relieve all suffering (human, animal or otherwise), reflecting deeply about how you can reduce harm (on yourself and others) is a valuable exercise, and ultimately increases your consciousness. @katlicitas makes some good points.

Hey Vadim, give this a watch. I really clearly addresses your latter concern.

I do not know if that relates to you, and your situation. Though I would recommend you consider the following. 1) "Mood follows action" - Rich Roll. 2) Sometimes we do not want to start, because we have unrealistic expectations that it has to be perfect from the onset (to quote you "acing every aspect of your life". This is far too much pressure, make tomorrow 5-10% better than today, and use that momentum to your advantage. Consider the possibility of a medical/psycho condition (such as hypothyroidism or depression, for example) that is a barrier for you.

I believe this is out of "A brief history of time". If you take a piece of paper and draw a dot (labelled "point A"), and a second dot (labelled "Point B", 10 mm apart. Then you take a pencil and try to draw a line connecting the two dots. As you are half way between the dots you have 5 mm to go. As you get 3/4 the way to "point B", you have 2.5 mm to go. As you get 90% the way to "point B", you have 1 mm to go. As you get 99.9% the way to "point B", you have 0.1 mm to go. As you get 99.99999999% the way to "point B", you have 0.0000001mm to go. As you get 99.999999999999999999% the way to "point B", you have 0.0000000000000000001mm to go. And so on. Given the the distance between "point A" and "point B" can be divided infinitely, how is it possible that you can ever get your pencil to "point B"? Or for that matter, walk to the store, etc. Travel of distance appears impossible given the distance between to points can always be divided (asymptote).

Be strategic about your life purpose, business, studies social activities, etc. But for heaven's sake, don't forget to build in some fun and downtime!!! You need to recharge your batteries, and you have a lifetime of actualization ahead of you, allow yourself to not expect to have everything figured out in 6 weeks.

It sounds like your resume and interview skills require some improvement. Consider a program like Toastmasters to improve your communication skills. It is not unreasonable to ask the people that previously interviewed you for constructive feedback on your application and what you could work on to increase your chance to become a candidate in the future. If that is not an option, ask a respected professional to do mock interviews with you.

I'm sure this is not the first, or last time someone has taken the time to thank you for what you do. Please let me take the opportunity, thank you so very much! In the past 3 years (since I started listening to your podcasts), my life has been enriched in so many ways: - I have improved my emotional control and intelligence; I now recognize that there is a moment between stimulus and response. And with time (and meditation), that moment is becoming longer. - I have improved my physical and mental health significantly. - I have become much more open-minded and curious about things that are 'different'. - I have become aware of my ego (unaware 2 years ago that this was even a 'thing'), and the challenge that it presents. - I have become a more effective and confident communicator. - I have become more compassionate and considerate; for both myself and others. I have grown (and matured) more in the few years since I have started integrating your lessons, stories, teachings, ideas, than I had in the previous decade. Wonderful job, thank you so much. What a valuable service you are offering! I am forever grateful that I stumbled across your content as it has fundamentally enhanced my life. I just want to remind you that you are absolutely changing lives, not to mention the lives of the family members, friends and coworkers of those you have touched.

My initial introduction to Leo was with the topics of "how to master your emotions". Although in hindsight this seems obvious, but at that time it was truly a revolutionary way of conducting myself on a day-to-day basis; empowering me to take control about how I feel and how I respond to challenges and adversity. This has resulted in a more level-headed approach to my career, spouse, children, friends, etc. I admit that at that time I was 'a victim'; I felt that things were happening to me, and I tended to catastrophize trivial daily challenges. I become aware that I was creating the majority (or all) of the suffering. As far as practices, I have integrated a regular meditation practice. Through meditation, my reactivity is a 1/10 of what it historically had been. It also gave me space and time to truly evaluate myself. Beforehand, I was just living life on a daily basis, moving from one challenge to another, without reflecting and contemplating. Without belaboring the details, I was overweight, consuming a standard american diet, and was on track for many lifestyle diseases. This awareness of my condition prompted my to implement a regular exercise program (running, which I consider as a form of moving meditation). As well, meditation has increased my compassion for myself and others. This has led me to really evaluate my dietary choices, and made the decision to go vegan (whole-food plant-based) for both compassion, and health justifications. In tandem, my health has drastically improved (lost 60 lbs.), I am close to a healthy body condition, and have never been healthier. At the recommendation of Leo, I took up Toastmasters, and this has greatly improved my self-esteem and competency in my professional life. As a previously labelled atheist, I now recognize how limiting and dogmatic this mindset is. Becoming more open-minded regarding this concept has allowed my to identify ideology tribalism and attempt to abstain from reactive involvement. It has also allowed me to be more understanding and refrain from judgement when I met/talk about people of various faiths, ideologies, political partisan, etc. If I had to summarize how actualized.org has influenced my life is that, I have become aware that I have the opportunity to take control of my life. And I continue to progress with that mindset.

As young parents, we are often thinking about the future education options for our children. There are many types of alternate school options to the classic, bureaucratic, factory-style schools (unschooling, democratic schooling, green schooling, Montessori, etc.), and I recognized that it is absolutely unfair to generalize. Nevertheless, we have been considering an alternative-style of education in the spirit of fostering passion in learning, group and leadership work, sustainability awareness, etc. Although we see many pro's, we are concerned with the possible consequences of this type of learning, in that it may have negative consequences. Particularly, how it may impact their ability to cross-over into a traditional school in junior/high school, or college/university. It may be very difficult for a child to make a large jump from self-directed learning into a traditional lecture-based education system at that time, and may limit their career opportunities. While listening to Leo's podcast about stage green, I found myself wondering if this alternative-style schooling is an example of "excess of green", a.k.a. an over correction. Though, I think that it is possible to have a hybrid system that both fosters self-directed learning and didactic lectures that could encourage personal growth, but also provide the child with the skills/experience to work within the system that is; I just don't know if that exists. Thanks, Love to hear any opinions/insight.

"How to master your emotions", blew my mind. So grateful that I came across Leo and actualized. My life (and perspective) has done nothing but exponentially improve since finding this content

My estranged father is contacting me for the first time in 25 years [he cut off contact with me when I was ~8 years old-- he cut off contact with his entire family, for unknown reasons (to me anyway)]. He is in the hospital, unwell (terminal, likely) and is looking to "contact his kids". I am experiencing a tremendous range of emotions ranging from anger, stress/anxiety, compassion, and fear. I believed that I had closed the metaphorical book on this relationship many years ago, and rarely had invested any emotional energy into the thought of my father. I figured I would just hear someday that he died. Now, "the ball is in my court" if I want to contact him, and in what capacity (phone call, visit). I currently live in a different country, which makes logistics difficult. Certainly, there is a part of me that wants to meet this man for my own interest sake. Part of me wants to offer him the opportunity to apologize for his "peace of mind" (not that it has to be accepted). Part of me wants to not waste another minute thinking about him--why should I be there for him, when he was never there for me. He is scheduled for brain surgery for tumor removal this week (I was contact by a family member two days ago about this). Therefore, I feel this immense pressure to make a decision to contact him or not before the surgery in case it doesn't go well and limits his ability to communicate postoperatively. Not only do I feel urgency, I am furious that he is (indirectly) making me make this decision on such-short notice. I am not sure what to think and what to do. If anyone has some constructive thoughts, I'd love to hear them.

I would be extremely cautious about having a romanticized vision of leaving school, with the ideal of focusing on personal development. Particularly if you are considering the prospect of making a career out of it. Consider the idea that you can both focus on personal development and cultivate a career in physics simultaneously, for now. Although you have the safety net of residing with your parents in the future, this may be a subconscious trap that may prevent you from evolving into adulthood, and personal accountability. This is an equally important component to personal development to watching videos and reading books. Consider reflecting on what interested you about physics in the past, or what could interest you in the future. It is possibility you could "re-cultivate" your passion for what you are doing.

You could re-frame your perspective on your alternate path to economics, and project that to your professors, employers and peers. When the topic comes up, as you suggest it often does, use the story to show how passionate you are about economics. Honestly, I think your story is a brilliant 'ice breaker' to network with other individuals in your field. - Show them you embrace your time in journalism, and how it helps you in your current career (writing skills, etc). - Tell them the story about your path that led you to this great career--how you were drawn to it. - Segway into a story about some great article you wrote about economics. - Ask them how they got into economics. They will soon forget that you aren't 'pure' in a condescending, negative way. You'll be remembered as 'the guy that loves economics that used to be a journalist'. Embrace it man.

I cannot agree with ajasatya more in becoming the master of a specific field first, or simultaneously with your journey through personal development. The level of integrity, value and life experience that comes from a coach that has mastered and succeeded (the definition of that is variable) in a specific field, but has also dedicated their life to personal development is magnitudes higher than one whose sole credentials are a life coach with roots in personal development. I consider a life/career coach as an extremely valuable relationship. But, I have significant reservations about the prospect of making a career out of life coaching with a void of life/career experience. It is one thing to present the image of success, and another to have achieved it. I can only speak for myself, but I would not pay a life coach whose credentials were 'life coach'. Not to say you wouldn't be able to provide some knowledge and value. But, I would want to see more breadth of experience when making that investment. The most valuable coaching relationships I have had in my life were circumstantial, volunteer, organic and unintentional. They were a by-product of us both pursuing our passions and living a life of meaning. P.S. For most fields, especially if you have aspirations of influencing, you need to be an effective communicator. My competence and confidence in public speaking has improved tremendously in 8 months (so far) of toastmasters. I would recommend you get involved, and improve your skills if you want to change the world. Egoless, what are your other interests and passions in life?

I struggle with moderation. I am very compliant to rigid guidelines.

I don't know if my story will be helpful for you because it revolves around social media usage via cell phones, not cell phones themselves. I don't personally have an issue with texts/calls/being available, but perhaps you have a larger social circle than I One of my goals for 2018 is to become in control of my social media usage. As many (most?) people, I found myself spontaneously checking my 'newsfeeds' on my smartphone somewhere between 50-80 times per day.--at any moment where I was bored. I have beenaware of this addiction for some time, and have long desired to overcome it, as I am aware that this addiction is robbing me of time, serving as a distraction from what is actually important to me. On December 31, I changed all my passwords to a lengthy numerical password so that I cannot access my social media without climbing on a chair, reaching for the paper on the top shelf of my cupboard and inputing the password. This means, that I am completely in charge of my time spent on social media. As social media is not bad per se, and has some valuable qualities, I am not forbidding it. But, I find that I am most successful at making changes in my life when I draw clear guidelines. I do not forbid or condemn the things I am going to change. Rather, I make a promise myself to comply with the guidelines, and observe how my life changes/improves. I allow myself to check it on Saturdays for < 1 hour, after the kids have gone to sleep. Used in this manner, it is not interfering with the things that are important to me: career, family and friends. To be clear, I am only 12 days in. But what has my experience been so far? Last Saturday, I was genuinely excited to check my newsfeeds because I felt like I was missing out on many things. No messages, nothing important happened, I missed out on nothing. I ended up logging off after 8 minutes--wondering why I wasted those 8 minutes. It will be interesting to see how this evolves for me throughout the year.

We all love to hear good news about our unhealthy habits. Myself included. Be cautious.

In the video "How to control your anger: part 2" Leo talks about expanding your consciousness through considering the perspective of others, particularly those that make you angry. My perspective is that he suggests that once you become conscious of the alternate perspective, this remedies the conflict; meaning, you no longer can be angry. Which I believe makes a lot of sense, both theoretically and practically. Similarly, the same principle is explored in "What is the Devil? where Leo talks about expanding your consciousness through considering the perspective of others, particularly those that are "harmed" by your unintentional actions. If you recall, he uses the example of human exploitation to manufacture cell phones. I believe this also makes a lot of sense theoretically. But how can this be applied practically? If 'one' becomes conscious of the atrocious conditions humans are subjected to in the manufacturing industry in second and third-world countries for electronics or clothing, and the 'one' continues to purchase and use these products, is that person truly conscious? Have they truly placed themselves in the shoes of the alternate perspective? Is an action required? Another example: Leo also discusses the deplorable lives of animals that are raised in factory farming for human consumption. I believe most people can place themselves in those shoes, and have compassion and empathy for those individuals. I will rephrase the question with the appropriate context: Is 'one' truly conscious of the alternate perspective (the animal) if they continue to purchase and consume the products? I realize that this is tricky ground as I am trying to be conscious of not moralizing. I am not saying one should or shouldn't consume these products due to the negative conditions. I am asking, can you be fully conscious of the alternate perspective if you are not making changes in your life to reduce or prevent the harm to the individual with the alternate perspective?