lmfao

I've been meditating every day (except for 5 days or so) for the past 4 months, and I've been going to the gym regularly for a couple of months. Even though I'll temporarily reach states of deep consciousness from meditation or reach states of well being from exercise it won't last. And even though exercise does improve my mood, I still feel negative and depressed most of the time. I'm still addicted to the Internet. If you want to know a bit more about my issues and problems, this is the first thread I made when I joined this site (link is at end of this paragraph) . I still have energy level problems and mood problems, although my self esteem has somewhat tangibly improved. Half a year ago I was at my worst, I was practically suicidal. Even now though, I feel like I'm centimetres away from reaching that state. Although I (was) /(am) on antidepressants, my use of them for the last 6 months has been disjointed and irregular that I can't remember how many days I've skipped them. And so as well as asking for help, I want to ask another question which relates to the quest for self improvement. Is it genuinely possible to transform your personality? Is such a thing impossible, and does it take lots and lots of grinding work just to get the smallest improvements? I'm losing hope in this whole self improvement thing. Although my meditation sessions have started to get deeper, and I've come to experience "truth" more and more, my mood and motivation for the most part is utter shit. I "know" that my low mood and depression is the result of my mind identifying itself with particular sensations/vibrations in a "negative way", but overcoming it feels extremely difficult. I've come to experience the fact that self improvement is a matter of getting out of your own way, but I'm losing hope that this can be achieved. And so I want to know, to what extent is "self improvement" possible? Can your consciousness actually be significantly transformed? Or is such a pursuit hopeless? What are your thoughts on self improvement as a whole? Is the only way forward for me is to keep at the grind of slowly killing my "ego "?

@Lelouch Everyone has their own natural strengths and weaknesses when it comes to, what I'd call, "their ability to abstract" [ which is their ability to learn, think creatively and use logic]. Some people will be naturally better at English and some people will be naturally better at Maths. However Maths is a subject where if you're not doing well you have to face that fact abruptly. The frustration that comes from you getting an incorrect value for "x" from an equation is high because you can often see where exactly you went wrong, but when your writing skills are slightly poor you don't experience the same level of annoyance. I'm about to talk about some of things I hate about the current way maths is taught at school, although this isn't wholly related to why people struggle at it. As a child I was quite good at maths and I liked it a lot. I'm in my last year of high school now and have been doing calculus for almost 2 years now. At high school the teachers, and the textbooks to a lesser degree, tell you certain formulas to mindlessly learn and regurgitate to pass national exams. Teachers don't tell you why a particular formula/method is true, they just show it to you and expect you to use it despite the fact you have no understanding of why it's true. I find this to be highly annoying, and it kills the spirit of maths for me. When I learn something, I want to know why it is true from first principles. If you're familiar with calculus, then you know that limits lie at the foundation of this area of study. An understanding of what exactly limits are and how they are defined is necessary if you want to understand how to calculate derivatives. Despite this, very little is taught at school about the nature of limits, and so you are expected to learn how to use particular formula without understanding why the formula is true. For example, to understand the chain rule you have to know why the product rule for limits is true. It is for this reason I'll read about the epsilon delta definition of limits out of interest, so I understand how and why I can manipulate derivatives from a fundamental level, and it's made understanding calculus so much better. Whilst the epsilon delta definition for limits is probably something which is too conceptually difficult for high school students to fully grasp and use, it should still be shown to students so that they can develop a genuine intuition for where things come from. I know a few people who probably have a natural ability equal to or greater than mine in maths, yet they'll struggle because of the way maths is taught. I think part of the reason people struggle with maths is twofold. First of all, most people don't want to think about how to solve equations from first principles. And second of all, understanding things from first principles is difficult. It doesn't help that most teachers are sloppy when it comes to explaining things through first principles. People are often not interested in even learning maths at a fundamental level, all they want is a high grade for exams. Most people who took maths optionally at my school don't even like it that much. There isn't a simple relationship between your understanding of maths from first principles and your performance on exams.

@Charlotte I like to meditate before studying because otherwise I lack all motivation to do so. @BjarkeT good post btw.

@Empty Good question man. I think it comes down to trying to be mindfull in your daily activities. I think what prevents me from being mindfull in day-to-day life are the addictions I have which send me into low consciousness states of being.

Porn addiction is tough. From meditation my mindfullness is slowly increasing, but my porn addiction isn't getting any better. 10 minutes into my meditation today I felt really sleepy and horny for some reason. Instead of continuing with my meditation, I watched porn! At least I meditated for 45 minutes afterwards. Every porn addict knows just how severely numbed their pleasure response from masturbation has become. 3-5 years ago when I was 12-14 the pleasure response from masturbation + porn was enormous, but now that's changed. Nofap has been so unsuccessful for me for 2-3 years now (I wasn't 100% serious about nofap during this time though) for me that I've never seen enough progress from abstinence to know that numbed pleasure can even be fixed. I'm worried that I've broken my dick forever in some way. I wonder whether people who don't masturbate but have sex on a weekly basis have a number pleasure response as well.

@Artimus You called the Police on someone who raped you, there should be nothing to feel guilty about. This "sweet guy" wants to blame you for calling the Police on a criminal. Here's my interpretation of things: You've been raped, but Nathan cares so little for you and "cares" much more about his family to the point that he is screaming at you despite the fact that you've maliciously attacked by his Brother. Your emotional attachment to Nathan is toxic and unhealthy. From an outside perspective, I'm telling you, Nathan is a complete prick. The person at fault here for ruining a family is Nathan's brother, not you.

@Arman good advice. I feel like I needed to read this thread, since I've been in a constant state of anxiety and worrying for weeks on end due to external circumstances and my reaction to them. I feel mentally drained in every way lol.

I usually drink 1-2 glasses of milk a day, and I dont know whether it is worth it to give up dairy.

@TheSomeBody Besides being raped lol, you could probably change your sexuality by watching transexual or gender bender porn as a "gateway". I don't think someone who is exclusively heterosexual can become exclusively homosexual, but they could probably become bisexual.

@TheSomeBody Someone's sexuality could probably change if they were to be repeatedly raped by the sex they weren't attracted to.

@egoless

@egoless yes?

@Source_Mystic It appears to me as well that many people on this site do accept what Leo says uncritically, but that doesn't mean that you have to accept everything he says nor does it mean that there is no benefit in this forum. A big issue for you seems to be that you think that Leo and many people here are encouraging a practice which is dangerous to your health. I can't say that I know whether you are right or not. Hyperventilation does indeed decrease oxygen supply to your brain as a whole, but I don't really know the specifics of this and whether it can cause damage. Here's a paragraph I found online explaining this: "What, then, happens if hyperventilation — deliberate over-breathing — is continued? The ‘wash-out’ of carbon dioxide progresses, from the lungs, and hence from the blood, and from the body tissues including, importantly, the brain. Carbon dioxide is a crucial variable in acid–base homeostasis; its reduction shifts the body fluids towards greater alkalinity (increased pH) and this has further knock-on effects. For one thing, it tends to cause constriction of some blood vessels, particularly those in the brain, reducing its blood supply and therefore its oxygen supply. So, in what might seem the midst of plenty when an excess of air is being shifted in and out of the lungs, the brain can actually be short of oxygen. It is for this reason that persistent, vigorous over-breathing soon makes us feel faint and dizzy. Another result of the alkalinization of the blood may be tetany: an uncontrollable twitching (caused by neuromuscular over-excitability consequent upon an increase in the binding of calcium ions to proteins in the plasma)." From the surface to me, it would appear that holotropic breathing is a gamble. Although I've read people saying that they've never seen someone get any sort of brain damage from the practice e.g. https://www.quora.com/Is-holotropic-breathwork-harmful/answer/Joseph-Moore-36 . There seems to be a massive split in opinion online as to whether voluntary hyperventilation is harmful to your brain.

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@tsuki I don't really have the patience to watch this lol. Could you mention one or two ideas on how understanding alchemy might help spiritual growth?

@Peter Zemskov To meditate through sleepiness requires becoming a fucking god.

What I'm about to say is not directly related to this topic, but I feel it's worth saying. Not to be arrogant or stuck up, but I hate politics and discussions on social issues because 99% of the people involved pay very little attention to the metaphysics and chains of reasoning that lead to different perspectives. People get very emotionally hung up on it as well, its extremely toxic, and I find political discussion to be very unenjoyable. And even if you discuss politics, nothing will change. You have but a tiny,tiny influence on any real social change in the world. There is value to be had in thinking about politics and social issues, but its littered with toxicity (which I myself have contributed towards) to the point that I don't give a shit about any of it any more. I'd find it amazing if there existed high consciousness people who found real fulfillment from activism.

@Peter Zemskov Meditate with your eyes open. Try and keep your back straight.

@Prabhaker That guys' videos are hilarious as fuck. There are lessons to be learnt from his parodies as well

@Andre Quinonez I personally feel I need 9, but that exact number may be a consequence of unhealthy lifestyle habits. I almost never get 9 though, I'm constantly sleep deprived tbh.

Is persistent mindfulness in the face of pain and suffering the quickest way to reach enlightenment? One or two weeks ago I was feeling depressed in an almost suicidal state of mind, but when I forced myself to be mindful, I found my mind racing with thoughts like "why me? Why am I in so much pain?" whilst I was crying. I feel like doing this gave me an experiential glimpse of what ego is and how it feels. After meditation, my neurotic hellish state of mind turned into a somber but gentle state of mind with less suffering. Is the quickest way to enlightenment just meditate and be mindful through intense suffering?

After I've finished meditating for 35 mins (been doing this daily for a couple of months) my awareness will be sharpened for 30 mins or so, but then it just fades away. I'm really annoyed, because after the last time I meditated my mind was going a bit crazy, but that was because my mind was racing with thoughts about the nature of reality. I felt as though everything is paradoxical, and that the reality I perceive in day to day life is completely determined by unquestioned beliefs and assumptions. I came to realise that all concepts are ultimately groundless, and that if there is a "truth" to reality, it's beyond words. From meditation you can consistently reach mystical states, but these states are temporary. Does it take lots and lots of consciousness work before these states become temporary? Are the most enlightened people in the world constantly in a natural state of hyper minfullness, even when they are not meditating? Is it their "default" mode to be mindfull?

This video will tell you everything about how to go about choosing a guru. There is something to be learned from this.

@Shakazulu lol what. I don't think it's to do with consciousness work, it's to do with people's desire to be in a world where you can do more exciting things (like alchemy, ninjutsu, becoming faster than light like goku, and etc).