lmfao

I found shame again, sexual. Tried being a bit excited to find it; fake. Deepthroats and skull fucks. Psychic tentacles perceive a world of dumbness, where all interaction constructs as rape, child rapings and beatings— So obviously the states change so much. Right now I am shame. It is me (Tetrahedron). Sinister faces appear to surround me as well. Paranoia over those two fellas sitting yonder, I'll walk up to em. A lattice of sadistic opera masks, Slow wave beats and sound, freaky as fuck. Now it's a double dodecahedron, woah. Slow and solid, quiet, and spacious by virtue of its compactness. Absolutely mathematical Absolutely like a Tetrahedron. Breathing steadily, the math completely defines it its just ____of my complete imagination and bias, must be because My left hamstring is warming, the brain revs up to exit this place. That isn't logical at all to do, so shut the fuck up and sit down, retarded buffoon. You have to sit here for a while longer, fagg0t. I'm still slightly happy about this lmao It's not formless hell because you're not suffering, but its probably hell. Where the fuck am I walking off to, wow this is crazy but panic will not originate from nowhere. It cannot enter these lands There's only one thing to try but I don't want to do it because I'm so fascinated by this place, how amazing. Wow Absolute math is absolute darkness and absolute light is . Absolute darkness is I would calibrate at level - 250 or so? The function generating numbers spazzes, - 350 or - 450 would be closer. - 660, - 690, -340 it's all warped into oblivion, felt a stab in my chest. Even if it can't be denied, what is believed is not true, but it rings hollow like that. "Just drop the thinking and go straight to it" lol Don't forget your way, bastard.

I talk to my self, self, I think I need help, help. So what if I'm not not not not okayyyyyyy

>MHA Literal fagg0try My pfp is akiyama from Liar Gama

The solipsism stuff messes with me sometimes, but it might be moreso superficial when I try to pretend it's some moral crisis A lot of pretending and construction in experience The logic of sin starts to sound retarded Or of condemnation of sin starts to sound retarded, For if I cannot know others exist then my misdeeds to them, how are they weighed on scales? Only by newton's third law surely or by appeal to symmetry and ultimate oneness of some kind But how bizzare is it, That we cannot know whether the other person exists I don't know I exist. I should move to Texas, wouldn't that be funny. It's so weird this reality, Prison and law exists So much threat of hell And it at least seems to exist I mean I'm in some kind of hell usually, is how the judgement goes "Sorry" 's exist in a relative sense, also in a practical manipulative sense, but in an absolute sense they don't at all Edit: >If you're 555 I'm 666 lmao, im just vibing to country music rn

I have to record this, RE the above. After eating eggs for the first time in weeks, + masturbating to lolicon, BOOM, I found my regular "self". I found "me" again in this moment. Memory return, being me. Got me so happy, dancing and shit to anime bangers. Here's the funny thing though. I was reluctant to be my regular self, so I forced various bipolar manias and dissociations, because I thought my regular self was a bitch. It turns out my regular human self is far more "monstrous" and venomous than any alien bullshit!!! Right now I'm me. Far more hateful, spiteful and real than anything else I can pretend to be! I'm a piece of clay yes, but a spiteful burning one. Nipped it in the bud to not ask my acquaintance why they didn't abort their child

@Michiryoku Yeah it's pretty dope. I'd still throw SD in the bin if it was me lmao. Can't stand that shit. Also psycho pass and code geass are pretty good. Psycho Pass is very philosophical and talks about freedom in a very interesting way, there isn't a cyberpunk anime like it.

I've already hinted at it I insulted spiral dynamics, so you're weaponising confusion with all these questions and demands Alright. So I heard of Captain Ahab, a character from Moby Dick, being mentioned by Jed McKenna first. An idea of Ahab is this. He's someone pursuing absolute truth with full determination, no matter the cost or journey. Because of it, he looks insane to people. In fact he is insane, but that's what it takes perhaps. Ahab will break all walls (walls =delusion=falsehood=slavery) no matter what it costs him. Eren is doing that as well. To ordinary people, Ahab looks completely insane. He just looks demented and maniacal for no sensical reason. Ahab and Eren are myths about freedom, truth and enlightenment. Just myths and stories you may or may not like Even if you were capable of understanding the point, you wouldn't grasp the extent of Eren untill you read more of the story beyond the anime

You're missing the point completely man

Alright first of all, read the manga to finish the series. Or wait for the anime to finish. You don't know the full extent yet It gets amazing if you read more, however the ending of the manga is absolutely trash. There's absolutely no tying up or unification of the themes, no story or morale, and the characters are badly written at the end But so far in anime, and a bit further in the manga, you'll find a very strong and interesting narrative about freedom. Untill the end of the manga absolutely flops Drop all the spiral dynamics shit, AOT is above that. I would liken Eren Yeager as someone transforming into a Captain Ahab from moby dick, he'll do anything to escape the walls. Any means necessary. Quite literally physical walls in this case lol. Look at my signature for Captain Ahab. The full quote goes on longer and is even better, explaining exactly the emotions and state of mind. "Truth hath no confines". It's quite devilish and hellish yeah. I wouldn't necessarily be jumping out of my seat to preach contempt and malice, but there's something about it and something about the overall story Forget about the spiral dynamics shit, this is about something infinitely more meaningful

@MFateh what is my opinion on this? I have one, and you're gathering those, despite the fact those are irrelevant to metaphysics. My regular "common sense" is something like this. If a family member or friend of the murdered individual took justice into their own hands and killed the murderer, who can rightfully object? Only another family member or friend of the individual murdered. To who is this issue most impactful, and who are the people entangled by this event? >Someone who was having as rich of a life as me, you and everyone else? As far as my opinion goes, I'm inclined to believe that bitterness over this is a pseudo emotion, unless you were acquainted with the person who was murdered Perhaps your circle of concern and sadness is "genuinely greater" (this enters territory I won't prod/question) than I presume, either way I can't prove or disprove this, and I'll have to put my hands up if you say so. But I won't believe you and will prod it anyway -- It's very easy to play Devil's advocate to worries you have with murderers not being punished. It would be unfair if morality existed, which is most definitely on the table for you to seriously question if you're considering absolutes Morality is absolutely imaginary So pick what you're doing, delving into opinion or metaphysics. Has this computed for you? Why not? Lmao

I'll probably heed the letting go advice, it could be that I'm resisting ecstatic-ness

@Thought Art hmm, by chance I clicked this website just after you replied. Um, no, that won't be what I meant.

Haha, maybe just keep going down this! Maybe just explode into laughter and have sex if you don't know what it is Are you trying to understand the Ahabian tumour? It's an alien of no volition which you have zero grasp of, hearsay is that it comes in waves Is this some zen tradition stuff? Anyway, this is all empty meaningless speech Did you gulp down a shit tonne of david hawkins videos, doesn't seem like it, but that's the letting go ideology. Spoiler alert, but when you're trying this "letting go" what'll happen is that you focus on some image

@decentralized "I don't know if it's satire or not" mate they're describing their thoughts during a trip

Moby who? Ahab what? Shogo when? Lucifer who? Huh? Ummmmmmmmmhhh ummmmmm -- Huh? Umm.. Mmhhhhhhhhhhhhh hh. Hhh.. Hhh What?

As i am, like this, what is it.... __? Entangled in the blood, what is this arrangement and what is my desire for something else. Oh lord make thdi hard How is it not my defeat long ago? Well before he sprouted between two rocks wasn't I defeated? I was defeated. Pseudo humility wants to prostrate before me. Luck has it that I'm ____...? Why was I set into pl;;;n; m/ "Sucks to be you" lol, yes I'm a lolicon Before euroclydon had his first gust, before Darwin checked his first pea, before that first doorbell rang, before L solved his first puzzle, before Tobias did his first deed, before Luke wrote his first gospel, before Krishna made his first scabbard, in any way whatsoever was I different from that moment? In no way I am. It was exactly now it happened. So why pick up the sword, arjuna, "lelouch" ? Then was now, exactly as the nursery rhymes would say. You're in school. You're in the kitchen standing on a chair, the bell just rang. You're in swimming lessons. Ethan is a faggót on benefits who thinks Muslims are Hindus who wear bindus, motherfucker needs an inhaler to run 10 yards without wheezing like a cripple. Jacob just got you to take his queen and lose at chess, Cavan is a ginger Napoleon who bigs himself far more than he can exerts. Jake is an aneroxic kid whose mom probably drank when he was a fetus, Imogen's some alien who's good at just about everything and Hannah King is pretty pretty. Now Jake is waving goodbye, it's last time I'll see him. Richard Snell "prank called" your mum just now, omg shut the fuck up Cavan don't tell anyone I told you that, twat In the G-Block, in the B-rooms; wait, whats this cool creepy cartoon. THEN IS EXACTLY NOW. Now you're playing catch with a rugby ball and Martin's chipped his tooth, wonder why he grew out his hair. Looks cool but he's changed, THEN IS EXACTLY NOW, THEN IS EXACTLY NOW, THEN IS EXACTLY NOW, THEN IS EXACTLY NOW, Lmao this lesson was so boring, why am I writing about alton towers rn for homework or scribbling out slim shady lyrics. And why should churches have to give gay cakes to people? Fucking retarded that is, wait, why is Ella Temperton such a bitch? Holy shit I just went outside to play catch, were you trying to flirt or was it something else. Such a cûnt, holy shit. And why is Poppy so slutty? Have some pride woman. Tch, dad might have raped. Not very funny is that now, so judgemental and mean. And after dreaming naruto 1000 times over 1000 times, he's in the next life, and now you're a 74 year old man on his death bed repenting to Allah. No, you're dreaming of lying down in the garden instead, and of reading that treasure hunt satan in town fiction book on Amna's bookshelf. They think it's right to murder, they want to murder. Look at all the people and they get a kick out of it, a sexual kick out of it, The whole thing I think is sic the whole thing I think is sic the whole thing I think is sic the whole thing I think is sic the whole thing I think is sic THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SIC THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SIC THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SIC THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SIC "Pain, made to order", the whole thing I think is sick Beep beep. Now you're goo in cyberia raving to speed. Now you're on the treadmill watching hisoka fuck gon up. I can't find Kurt Kobain oh wait there he is you're there now, and kaiki was a? Ugh how did kaiki come? So bizzare THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SICK THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SICK THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SICK THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SICK THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SICK THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SICK THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SICK THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SICK THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SICK THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SICK THE WHOLE THING I THINK IS SICK "!" [>>[ random noises, uh Izaya? When? What? ¿¿¿¿ Zenbou Zenbou Zenbou what?.... What¿? ¦©~} ^??????... What?.... What?.... What?...... What??.....what?..... What?....huh?...uh what?.... Huh?.... Huh? Bleach smelling and...___..... Wait what? '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' ' SPIT, IT OUT. What?.... What?....W... What? Uh, what?..... What?.... What?.... What?.... What?.... What?.... What? Zzzzzzzz flamingo, football head. Wait what?... Uh, vanilla, summer. Tanuki? Huh? What? Bleach bleach blech. ((green))??? ¿Whodunit? Horseman??? When was the horseman? Wait what? Alan Watts what? Why am I walking home listening to him? Huh? What's going on? Chains of gold? Tf this nîgger smoking... A HOP SKIP AND A JUMP. HOP, SKIP AND A JUMP. HOP, SKIP AND A JUMP. HOP A SKIP AND A JUMP. SKIP HOP AND A JUMP. HOP JUMP. HOP JUMPM. Wait why am I on the bus. Huh? AM I ON THIS SOFA OR AM I ON THE BUS, WHICH IS IT FAGG0T. -- It's no good, it's impossible to remember right now. Uh wait a second...(({u know how u got this}))... Ummmmmmm, sooooo...... ¿???? Nah I still don't get it

Just some fun ordinary thought here. I think anyone could find themselves bisexual, it's just circumstance. For example, I was sitting next to my friend who's a dude and sitting next to another girl at the same time. We're shuffling in our chairs and shit, adjusting out legs and pressing against each other, body language, etc. I was attracted to the girl a lot, but I found those seem heart opening feelings tinging towards my friend My gut tells me they both felt something as well, my friend feeling something "stronger" for me than I did him. I don't know what it is for him. But for me, my feelings are loyalty or comradeship, now that doesn't capture my heart, but yes I see him as a friend undeniably. (I didn't strike when the iron was warm with the girl, my bad and social anxiety that I didn't talk to her. She was probs lonely as well and was expecting something. My bad!) Would I do the gay? It's possible! It really is! If I got puss though this would maybe become a less relevant hypothetical to be actualized.* tldr, feelings won't care about categories -- *A comparison could be made to men in jail or to priests molesting boys, if you can look past the cruelty of those situation (which makes me feel sick imagining).

@TripleFly Jews be like —_— — | $_$

@PepperBlossoms Thank you. Shrooms actually crossed my mind recently Idk how to get an escort either, but it can't be that hard and I'm sure you can get it if you wanted to. It's just a matter if you think it's worth trying or you have the motivation After reading what @Tudo wrote I honestly feel like prostitutes aren't so bad. I'm open to it, doesn't mean I will do it. But I would invite you to consider it Alright so I'm apprehensive about it as well. Like there are a few reasons you can think of. You want the sex to be due to someone valuing you and them wanting to bond with you. You want it to be something you earned or was special. These are completely legitimate sentiments I empathise with But start from scratch. What's the difference between doing it with an escort or someone else? Why in the first place do you subtract value from the experience you have with a prostitute?

You're framing it as though feelings and thoughts are constant, and not situational, but it's hot and cold. One moment yes, another moment no --- @HypnoticMagician"Exploiting holistically" hahahaha

Addendum: Heart is an abstract thing and spreads. E. G., It is possible that I hypothetically would fuck anyone if that warmth is felt

@Hello world Feel for you hard. I'm close to wanting to and flirt with killing myself as well. Anytime I got close to wanting to go through, after dwelling in anguish, I explode into rage or mania instead. I'm too prideful and spiteful to kill myself. I'm much younger than you and already feel very similar, so I can only imagine the load you've carried. Jesus didn't have it this hard. The only thing being better than his third eye is the platoon of whores over the horizon, wherever he went Pride and shame are two sides of the same coin in a manner I don't understand at all --- I'm extremely contemptuous and arrogant, spiteful of others. Insecurity harvesting myself. Issues socialising and depression from that. Angry when I'm not getting attention What Leo and everyone else said is a passing thread to feel For me, I am extremely impatient and unable to be even-tempered to go through with plans. And that's the place I have to start. It's just so hard to not be impatient at this point, and I have no guarantee of success given my starvation and mismatch with society/people. A little more effort, I can manage that much after enduring. A little more dabbling in trying to "heal" or be healthy. If doesn't work, I'm grabbing the gun and just ending it. Ended up here due to trying to halt and oppose the imposed autolysis of my balls, a large collection of humiliations and violations forming spite Women do not get it, they live another Alice in borderland. The speech that leaves their tongues is hollow, precisely for the purpose of affirming and repeating lies they were sold. It often hides under labels like "self reflection" or "deep talk" Don't demand from me an equal reprimand of men, 1) no obligation, 2) I have nothing to say

They were all trapped in guilt projections and are completely non-existent, there's nothing else to say which flows forth

Other than some things with humiliation and shame

I don't know what path I'm supposed to take. I'm honestly quite out of stamina, don't know what direction to go in. Do I try and make myself "healthy" and "heal", or....? This flavour in my experience, what it is it? buzzing "I am an infinite being only subject to what I hold in mind" Where will this take me? You have a few tangible goals to go through the motions of regardless, enjoy the ride Silence, but not really. An electric shock Protein protein protein protein protein