lmfao

Today is my third time taking modafinil: Just writing this post to say that I think negative effects of armodafinil I experienced have gone away. I woke up at 4:30 am today [ 4 hours ago from this post upload] and took 150 mg of armodafinil at 6:30 am. I felt armodafinil kick in, but its not nearly as overwhelming as the first time I took it. Its a good drug since it doesn't feel overwhelming at all really. Its potent yet during my second and third taking the drug as a full pill, I don't have much side effects like racing thoughts and monkey mind like I did when I first took it. Armodafinil is strong but I think that in most circumstances you won't be getting in negative effects, although everybody is different. The wakefulness you get can feel somewhat subtle depending on your dosage and how long it's been since you took it and your personal tolerance. Like even 12 hours after I've taken a full dose, I won't notice that I have anything in my system until I come around to doing any task involving attention and I think "damn I feel hyperfocused".

@Atic Wow its like you read my mind and know what I do all the time. @Charlotte although I think the example conversation wasn't detailed and in depth enough to give me a satisfactory understanding of what's going, I think I have one anyway. I mean of course you were also being hyperbolic and were just conveying the essence behind your conversations in contrast to how your conversations actually plays out which would make the sentence I typed before this one false. Like @Aticsaid @Charlotte (I accidentally typed "@Charlotte" instead of just "Charlotte"), what's going on is that what you find interesting about a particular topic is not what other people find interesting. It is for this reason that your attempts to discuss a topic with someone results in you going in a direction which is not what the other person expected and is familiar with. To elaborate what I said in the previous paragraph, its almost as though you and the other person are talking past one another. I know that when I have discussed a topic with friends, I tend to take a topic to a deeper philisopical and logical level then what other people are interested in with regards to that topic. Here's another way of looking at it which is a bit different from what I said above. The information a person has about an objective topic is tightly associated and joined to their subjective perspective on the issue and they think that their subjective perspective is an objective given from the information, when in fact that is false. We all do this to a degree and the degrees to which we do it vary on the subject. When you say something which questions their subjective perspective the other person thinks you are questioning something objective. Imagine a Turqoise hippie trying to talk to a hardcore atheist materlist about spirituality and the nature of reality.

@Equanimitize Yeah exactly. This comes back to the question of whether sociopaths and psychopaths are born or made and whether anything can be done about it. From the research I've seen online, sociopaths are made yet there are a small fraction of people who are born with low/zero empathy and are called psychopaths. On Quora you have self professed psychopaths answering questions and writing in detail what their emotions are like and how their mind works. One example is https://www.quora.com/profile/Athena-Walker . In conjunction to zero empathy and impulsivity, psychopaths also feel no anxiety and sadness generally (there are always degrees to which you are a psychopath as well). However, not all psychopaths end up becoming "evil doers" and neither is that the case for sociopaths.

@Outer I can't get rid of the video I've accidentally embedded below because it's on mobile. A lot of what you said might be right. I scored 1st percentile from understandmyself.com The description didn't really jive with me but I assumed that the description was just innacurate but the test and results were valid. If I do have autism though it is very discreet to the point where no one suspects or notices it except for me and one other person. I think that "autism" is just the excuse I use for not having the same temperament and interests as those around me.

I wouldn't mind seeing you make a video on sociopathy and psychopathy. Gives people a guide on how to spot them and it also might be a good for you to communicate advice to people you think "suffer" from sociopathy or psychopathy. Sociopathy might just be something you decide to reference in a future shadow work video, I know I'd find it interesting at the very least.

@CreamCat it's always been my impression that most people in the west go through stage red as very young children and quickly get absorbed into stage blue religion. At least that's what happened with me. But to be fair puberty and testosterone could make you red.

@CreamCat It wouldn't surprise me if what you said was true. I feel like I have a red "shadow" in me which partially motivated me to ask this question. It makes me wonder what exactly "empathy" and "conscience" is. One way which might be useful of phrasing it is that if I was in stage purple my empathy would have a very small area of range (the tribe) but if I'm in Turqoise my empathy extends to all of reality itself. I find this topic interesting because I wonder how other people experience things compared to how I experience things. Like I wonder how if I process empathy is different from most people because I'm 1st percentile in agreeableness and perhaps mildly autistic (although no one usually picks that up). I wonder if I have or used to have some sociopathic traits as well. It is for that reason that I detect aspects of "zen devilry" in me.

Zen seems hella hype.

I think that the main part of becoming enlightened requires the awareness of "what reality really is". And in paying attention to what reality really is, I find that our egoic notions and beliefs about time, "what is real" and also of causility to be huge barriers in our awareness. There are so many angles I could try to talk about this but I'll just go for one. I want you to just try this experiment to get what I mean. Wherever you are, find an object nearby you and just get close to it. Just look at it. You might be seeing a water bottle in front of you. Now close your eyes and keep them closed and ask yourself "Is a water bottle in front of me?". Whilst your eyes are closed you certainly have the memory of the water bottle, but the water bottle is literally not in your experience anymore. This is by no means a trivial finding. Try a variation of this experiment. Everyone has their own mental catalogue of memories of the past. Now consider the fact that as far as the present moment is concerned, those things that you think that happened LITERALLY DO NOT EXIST. The only thing that exists is your memory of the events. Now here's something that might drive you mad. Just say the word "cat" out loud. Now just realise that after you have finished saying the word, you have absolutely zero proof that you ever said the word cat in the past. The belief that you ever said the word cat is a delusion! This is true for absolutely all events and experiences, not just for situations where you say the word cat! Being in the present moment requires a radical rexontextualization and I hope these thought experiments pointed someone to that idea. -------------------------------------------------- Besides what I've just mentioned here, this all becomes far more absurd when you question the nature of what is the present moment. Let me ask you. Suppose that you believe that time doesn't exist and all you have is the present moment. In the absence of time, how does ANY perception and experience exist at all? Could flux be an illusion if time doesn't exist? Because if there's no time, then things have no capacity by which to change. In the abscence of time just what is reality then? Does anything exist at all in the abscence of time? "Thinking" about these questions is pointless. Just meditate my niggas. I don't have a fucking clue what's going on with reality and experience but maybe you'll find out.

@Jack River I changed the title of the thread lol, because it was innacurate.

@Serotoninluv @Serotoninluvn@Serotoninluvn First time I've heard of this. Yeah that hand exercise sounds good. @EvilAngelnp my dude

@Anton Rogachevski Everybody is born with different traits. Some people are born with naturally high levels of empathy, others with naturally low. Some are born disagreeable whilst some are born agreeable. Some are born more creative, some are born less neurotic, some are born more conscientious and etc. So it is that someones deeply embedded traits play a huge role in how someone progresses along the spiral. Since I feel my own particular personality to be confusing I am reluctant to think that the categories "warrior" and "herbivore" are very useful. I feel like most people within these categories are there because of their upbringing and this honestly seems to be the case in the people I talk to. Very rarely does someone have a very strong biological fixation on either of these categories. Genuine psychopaths (which are rare) are an example of people fixated on the "warrior" category. Throwing away whatever models you have of spiral dynamics, people born of all traits can increase their level of consciousness, cease suffering and become enlightened. Enlightened people don't have to operate on a shared set of values and ethics as other enlightened people. -------------------—--------------------- I myself have charecterisitcs of both the categories "warrior" and "herbivore" and so I find it hard to think there is a large dichotomy between these two things. I'm the type of person who doesn't care too much about having money, power , fame, or control over other people but I wouldn't feel guilty whatsoever about pursuing those things if the circumstances were right. I'm actually quite passionate about helping the needy and disadvantaged yet there are many situations where I don't care if the pursuit of what I want "hurts" other people. I have mild autism and am supposed to be unempathetic to people yet I can also be extremely sensitive and aware of the emotional environment around. Another thing to realise is that a "warrior" has some people they love and are kind to and a "herbivore" will have some people they absolutely loathe and are hostile towards. Everyone exhibits behaviour which might be considered self-contradictory from very crude levels of analysis of their behaviour.

@Sahil Pandit Thank you my brother

@Leo Gura Yeah taking a full pill was hella potent. It's just not stable to take large doses frequently. Next time imma just do a tame 1/2 pill. I found the exacerbated monkey mind in conjunction with focus to be interesting. But amazingly enough, even after 18 hours of taking the pill and staying awake with armodafinil in my system I had lots of focus and concentration in my university lecture despite my sleepiness. And psychedelics sound fun.

@Anna What are the panic attacks like in intensity and duration? I've had panic attacks in conjunction with suicidal ideation in the past. Whenever I have had a panic attack I just keep hyperventilating non-stop for 20-30 mins. What you should do about it really depends on where you intuitively feel the panic attacks to be coming from. My advice to you is to just examine where/why the panic attacks are arising and then decide from there. My panic attacks were coming from a deep pit of neurosis which almost made me dead serious about committing suicide. Obviously that doesn't sound like the case for you but just check that you are really convinced that your panic attacks are coming from a place of purification rather than a place of deep despair. Because people can experience deep shit when their neurosis resurfaces and is being cleared up from mindfulness. Just make sure you've investigated your psychiatric health. For your panic attacks, are there any triggers? Any particular topics or ideas which send your mind into a crazy spiral? Are there any triggers for the uncontrollable surge of emotions you feel? Do the panic attacks arise completely randomly? In reference to my first paragraph the duration, intensity and causes of your panic attacks completely define the context and significance of your panic attacks and hence they completely define what you should do about them.

Depends on how you define enlightenment. There are different degrees to such a thing. Most people when they meditate should be experiencing enlightenment to a very small degree I think. I think that raising your consciousness will invariably eliminate suffering. The main key is to let your deep meditative states and enlightenment experiences permeate your 24/7 experience. It's what I'm trying to do. Addressing any addictions you have is key to emotional mastery and its where I need to do a shit ton of work because addiction is the number 1 obstacle to emotional mastery and mindfullness. All of reality is just raw experience/consciousness. The entirety of reality in the present moment has no cause. Now is forever, and you are always in the present moment. At any point during your existence as a conscious being, you exist in a situation which has no cause. The existence of a cause requires a past but the past doesn't exist in your present moment existence. There are all these thoughts, sounds, sights, bodily pressures in your consciousness which are in this uncaused, completely spontaneous present moment. Reality is in a situation which you literally did nothing to achieve. This is true for all waking moments of your life, and the higher the degree to which your awareness "can see this truth" the higher the degree to which life feels effortless. I believe that this truth I am pointing is formulated within the concept of "Wu Wei", as I understand that particular concept.

@Leo Gura What are the usual circumstances under which paranormal powers are unlocked? Do they unlock for people who are enlightened? Is that it?

@Wisebaxter Bear in mind that the contents of your consciousness right now have more than enough ground in them for you to reach infintiely high levels of consciousness and so if it is the case that if you're looking for a mystical experience just bear in mind that it is RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. Once you have a mystical experience you'll think "How did I never notice this earlier?".

Just typing up this post as a brief "trip report" on armodafinil because its worked well for me. Today's my first time trying armodafinil (I've never done modafinil) and I took a 150mg tablet about 8 hours ago. I took roughly 45-60 mins to kick in. The drug really does change your mental state. I felt a massive boost in concentration and also a subtle boost in motivation. It seems to have an effect on speed of cognition as well it seems. On a whim, I decided to clean my bathroom, bedroom and do my laundry. My bathroom and room were hella dirty and messy but it only took me 2 hours to clean it because I was focused and efficient. It would have normally taken me 3-4 hours to do what I did. Armodafinil is extremely potent and hence quite drastically changed my state of consciousness, so I find it hard to articulate how it has felt so far. One thing that I have found interesting is that I was experiencing a paradox between concentration/focus and monkey mind. Monkey mind in regards to negative feelings and thoughts were actually reduced, but monkey mind in regards to random shit was increased . Like I have this one song playing over and over again in my mind slightly louder than usual. Despite this monkey mind there is still intense focus. And wow, meditation was interesting for me. I meditated for 80 mins instead of 45 mins because it felt like time just zoomed by really quickly when meditating. Anyone who's established a routine of meditation, self inquiry, yoga and etc will have a common set of feelings/energies they notice in their body coming up in their practice over and over again. When I started meditation today, I noticed the "energy" (emotions and feelings) in the different parts of my body to be very different. There wasn't much pain and negativity in the start of my session (compared to normal). It felt like my body was overflowing with this cool, refreshing, neutral energy. Its like there's this subtle, cool refreshing energy which is constantly present in my experience from the drug. Meditation felt harder in some ways because my feelings, sensations and emotions were so unfamiliar to me that I didn't know what to do. I was getting lost in monkey mind for a decent chunk of time. It got to a point where when I detected a familiar flavour of pain that I've encountered many times in previous sessions, I felt relieved because the flavour was familiar and it gave me the sense that I was in more familiar territory. The drug had already partially accomplished some of what I normally get after meditating. But since the essence of meditation never changes no matter what state of consciousness you're in, I was able to go as deep as I normally do and perhaps possibly deeper. 2 hours after taking the drug I was starting to feel overwhelmed for 10-15 minutes. It was like I was overloaded with "restless" energy. I simultaneously had racing thoughts and good concentration, it felt very paradoxical. However, I quickly overcame the negative feelings I had and it feels great. Meditation has muted the monkey mind to a degree. There was an acute sense of single mindedness in any task I was doing and I entered flow in cleaning my room and washing dishes. I've never even touched psychedelics, so I'm curious about how they compare in intensity to armodafinil.

Pretty much man. I have found that if I'm trying to reach a high consciousness state, I must initially put in mental energy and be proactively surrendering. What is happening here is that I am trying to to stop trying. Once I am in a meditative state I can then stop trying to stop trying. That's because trying to to stop trying is a paradox. The cessation of trying requires that you do not try to achieve this cessation. Whatever you do, do it mindfully. If you stick to that commitment you may find that in some situations you will naturally be inclined towards the "higher consciousness" choice. I'm talking from personal experience here. Listen to the video I linked my nigga.

If anybody is interested in hearing an extremely profound talk on the whole idea of Enlightenment and improving yourself, here's one: In a different video Alan Watts phrases the issue of waking up by saying that to ask how to become enlightened is the same as asking "How do I get to here?". Getting to here is very tricky, hence people meditate and do conciosuness work. It's perfectly fine to chase Enlightenment, so long as you realise that Enlightenment is about accepting and being at one with the present moment and Enlightenment isn't about the acquisition of some golden material or golden spiritual goody.

@Leo Gura Sound epic

@kieranperez that's some deep stuff my brother, I feel you. I don't know your life situation and I myself barely have a life purpose so I don't really have anything to tell you. On the surface it seems simple, and should be simple. You just do what you find interesting. All I can really do is just try to relate to your experience from my own. Right now I'm in university studying physics. I really like maths and physics but despite this I have huge motivational issues. Hardships in life launch me into a spiral of suffering and I lack the motivation to look to "meaningful" sources of joy and instead turn to low consciousness sources of joy (e.g. Video games).

@Leo Gura @Leo Gura I remember you put this video on your blog: The student responded to his koan by yelling "Mu" yet master told him his answer came not from emptiness. When you say "Mu" is the answer to all koans, are you perhaps saying that it isn't the phrase "mu" which is the answer but the answer is anything which exhibits that you've been in contact with emptiness? So does solving a koan depend on your ability to convince a master that you're coming from emptiness? Like if I had to present an answer to what sound one hand clapping makes I'll just shout "Pop" or something to show that the sound happens and comes out of nowhere despite no cause. Idk what I'm talking about at this point lol. Edit: or better yet, if I was a smart ass I might just answer the riddle by clapping both my hands to show that what is two is one and what is one is two or some shit.