lmfao

Random entry: In regards to neurotyping and the lexical vs impressionist dichotomy. The fact that creative writers are often on the impressionistic side of things shows the grey area of this all. They're using lexicon to be impressionistic. And math which is the best analogy for pure lexical thinking is reducible to verbal-philosophical statements. A dictionary alone doesn't characterise a language really. Because if you look up the definition for a word you get more words, and each of those words are defined with more words, which are in turn defined by more words. It's a web of circular ,meaningless assertions. In isolation, a dictionary is meaningless. But it isn't in isolation. The network of meaningless words and associations is endowed with meaning by, and constructed in the first place by, some ineffable process. Which you might call "induction". It involves context. At the most simple level, you hold an object in front of a baby and say "ball". The baby gets it. And in general that induction, which is the very basis of learning and grasping something, is not describable. -- The fact that this indescribable process of grasping can be pointed to and alluded to by words like "induction" will in most cases create an ignorance about the process. Because often accompanying the naming of something is the illusion that it has been understood, and "explained away". There then comes the feeling that since it's been explained away it is no longer magical. The word "induction" is pointing towards a process that involves consciousness, the observer, the subject. But I imagine the typical modern day philosopher might get lost in semantics and not see the bigger picture and magic about that. This isn't just about this particular topic, but about the general notion of naming something and making words for something. But it hasn't been explained away, any such notions that it has been aren't looking closely enough at existential assumptions, and circularity of the minds' thoughts. There often isn't any basis to your mental noise when inquiring into these things. Your mind just has a response for things that you don't know why it gives.

Came across some psychological system that an anime YouTube called Digibro made in categorising anime characters but can also be applied real life people. In addition the dichotomy in the title of this thread, there's "lateral vs linear". Check bottom of post for video link. Lexical Thinkers will have the degree to which they can understand something be closely related to their ability to codify their thoughts into "verbal/logical syntatic form" (I'm just trying to give a rough, accurate phrase here). The tendency for them is to process and express things in terms of language and words. Their cognition is more "orderly" in this sense as well. Extremely lexical thinkers will have a hard time understanding things which can't be put into words. * Impressionistic thinkers will understand things but find it more difficult to put it into words, and might find other methods of communication more preferable. The structure of their mind just doesn't lend itself as easily to processing or communicating in precise words. Their communication and thinking is less so in the form of some symbolic logic system. A lot of them might be more artistic, implicit and "naturalistic" in how they interact with the world. A common conflict which can arise in communication is when an impressionistic thinker uses language very loosely as a tool to point to or paint a picture or communicate some image/impression rather than communicating a precise point. The lexical thinker will demonise the impressionist thinker as a lunatic or as being nonsensical, leaving the impressionistic thinker frustrated and thinking they're talking to someone autistic and not on the same "intuitive plane" as them. On the other hand, impressionistic thinkers will perceive curious and honest lexical thinkers who explore things in their way with more precise verbal questioning and exploration to be dismissive/aggressive and missing the point. It isn't that they are missing point just that they're trying to build more and that this is their mode of being. I see this conflict happening all the time in this forum and in real life *Whilst it maybe be easy from this to think that Lexical Thinkers are always stuck in their head, lost in concepts, and hence worse in spirituality, this is not the case. Lexical Thinking and Impressionistic Thinking strange-loop into each other (yin + yang shit). An example of an amazing lexical thinker would be Peter Ralston, who's insatiable curiosity for what is exactly going on in consciousness formed him into a genius and master. You can think of the existence of lexical thinking as an attempt to see reality with greater clarity and visual resolution. It is a way of seeking clarity in hazy unconsciousness. In trying to understand reality in general, it's a strange-loop mixture and it is both hazy and precise at the same time. Think Alan Watts prickles and goo analogy. Another thing, within this video, laterality vs linearity is also talked about as an independent dimension to lexical vs impressionist. Lateral thinkers will have multiple things and multiple threads with the things they say, and will hence be harder to understand because of it. Lexical lateral thinkers will still have it very rough in trying to communicate with people. Lateral Impressionistic thinkers will have it even worse in trying to communicate to people, even if their understanding of themselves and the world is exceptionally intelligent. Whilst you can consider something around the vicinity of "IQ" to be an enabler of high laterality, it does not imply high laterality. As with the previous dichotomy, both have their advantages and strange-loop into each other. Here's the video. For a few minutes at the start he talks briefly about his model in general, what the different terms mean and his system in general. Then he talks about the 16 quadrants he made for different degrees and combinations of (lexicality/impressionistic)-ness and (linearity/laterality)-ness. In the YouTube description are timestamps for the different quadrants and columns he examines in his chart. God I find this shit so fun. If I had to put myself on this chart somewhere, it would probably be at somewhere between analyst and fascinator. Leaning towards analyst, maybe quick-witted. Biologically I'm lexical but have gotten more impressionistic as I get older. Also, take the titles given in this chart with a grain of salt. They aren't to mean you act upon some specific role "e.g. caretaker", the names are just there to try and communicate some impression about the category. Check the YouTube description timestamps if you want to see a description of each type.

I wondered today if its depressing that everything in the universe is space. Initially I was just thinking about threads, lines. ( For context, my mind has always been quite visual and fascinated with structure & motion. ) I was thinking about strings, yes, strings. Like a string also being a set of things that "just go together", an angle I hadn't had felt so deeply before. But then also thinking about strings in the sense of, strings of information. Language being a specific string of letters. It's quite a binary, linear thing. All structures in reality just being like strings of information. And space itself, my mind pessimistically looks at it reductionisticly. The dread and depression I feel from it is similar to the depression of a determinist. Everything is binary, linear. I remember having an insight a very long time ago that space itself, the human mind, can't transcend sum of the parts thinking. And sum of the parts thinking is depressing. ---- I just imagine a ball moving through space. The ball is moving to the right, and the other dual lens is space is moving to the left rather than the ball moving. Or I just think in images , comparable in metaphor to the sort of conservation laws you get in physics. e.g. If there is an infinitely thin barrier between two objects, and a cloud of charge exists in object A and enters object B, the amount of cloud leaving A is equal to the amount of cloud entering B. That linearity, that binaryness, that's what depresses me. Even if the cloud is, instead of charge, replaced in imagery of instantaneous "flow" it's still the same linearity. Colour and flavour exists. But there is a blockage I'm having to it. Whatever this qualitative dimension is, it often eludes me. My mind is like a knife, it dissects thing and seeks to see things at a higher resolution. Any mindfulness I do have is like a knife, making more and more spatial distinctions. It's why I've always resonated with the likes of Peter Ralston or Krishnamurti. (and lol, that string theory exists didn't cross my mind until writing this message now. Idk anything about string theory, just something random and pointless in relation to this) What I'm reflecting upon here, I think it reflects well why I've lost passion for the things I used to enjoy. I never really gathered the words before or could figure out why precisely my passions have changed. I'm now about to finish my 2nd year as a physics student. I used to love math, science, discussing shit. But now I've reached this unsurmountable obstacle, of realising that my mind and that "space" can't transcend sum of the parts thinking, and finding that so utterly meaningless and depressing. Boredom and indifference.

This view of mine in this thread is but another position to be surrendered. @Synchronicity Yes. I've started to see through what I was saying a bit more now. I'm still far too unconscious.

Thanks for the replies guys. All round good advice. A few of the replies changed my perspective a little. I've started to understand him a bit more. I think what it is as well, just very different personality types. He's a workaholic, juggling the equivalent of 2-3 jobs at once. And because he's juggling so much and is under a lot of stress, he can be brash and disagreeable and terse to those around him. He's very much a practical "do-er", can be perfectionistic in a Gordon Ramsay sense, without so much rage though. But I think I might just find a lot of the stuff he's interested in boring and mundane XD.

@WHO IS death=flux. Ask yourself what flux is.

I say this not to dismiss your question but to encourage you to think broadly about this if you haven't already. Don't take for granted that reality is love just because everyone here appears like they know so. The world is riddled with pain. Suffering, conflict and its worst, sadism. So if you're contemplating police brutality, try and see these broader patterns wherever you can. Whilst what I said in the previous sentence might seem to encourage whimsical/abstract thinking, it should be done in the opposite way, where you have a fine eye for detail and yet look a the bigger picture at the same time. Paradoxical but such is all this. Any random starting point is all anyone can do, so thinking about police brutality is great. I also understand you could have made this topic to spark a discussion and just observe.

@Parththakkar12 How deep are you willing to go into this: 1) Taking survival for granted: from a pragmatic point of view, protesting and riots put pressure to get what you want. It can be as simple and linear as that 2) You can contemplate survival in all its forms

@Leo Gura Very true about Trump. I'm just hoping Biden picks a good Vice President candidate. SO LONG AS HE DOESN'T PICK FUCKING AMY KLOBUCHAR I THINK WE MIGHT BE GOOD. https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/29/politics/amy-klobuchar-vice-president-criminal-justice-record/index.html If Biden picks this woman to be Vice President candidate, I'll be lost for words. She's absolutely terrible and uninspiring, probably the worst fucking choice.

@AtheisticNonduality I love The Amazing Atheist. I only hope this newly invigorated hatred towards trump and the government is transmuted into democrats being elected. Because for a while now, I've felt certain Trump was just gonna win again. But machiavellian thoughts of election aside. I hope this is, or at least close to being, the last straw of pressure that the police and government can handle before they seriously reconsider their policing. Provided that there is some sort of epiphany or change in strategy which can be had by whoever is behind the scenes at the top of all this. But it probably won't be. And I have the unfortunate feeling that maybe everyone will forget about George Floyd in a month or 2 , and Trump will still win

For a long time now, I've been having repetitive thoughts. My mind imagines myself to be in the same physical locations, over and over again. This list includes - Various different facilities and rooms and fields in my high school - specific areas outside of my primary school, as well as the fields there - Specific and different areas of this old couple's (who are effectively my grandparents) home - Virtual locations in video games -al-Masjid al-Ḥarām in Saudi arabia that I visited - The village community centre near where I live Just writing that list down doesn't communicate the vividness and frequency with which I revisit these places. Doesn't communicate just how intrusive some of it all is. I could spend a long time enumerating all the places that come up. Or writing down what associations and themes that are with each of them. But that would be too long, I'm consciously realising more and more places everyday that my mind is visiting every day. To describe it all would amount to an autobiography. There's just such a large world of images I've built. Anyway, within the last hour I had a breakthrough in figuring out the meaning behind two the of the locations my mind repeatedly visits. My mind visits the art room in high school because thats where I would talk to my crush a lot, my mind revisits the D&T department in high school because that's where I found out she was dating and asked out by someone else. The meaning behind all the locations I visit. It's all starting to make sense now. Its undigested emotions and memories. Which "deep down I knew" what they represented but didn't actually know consciously. Rather, I refused to let myself know. Weird to experience this first hand. I would call this a facet of honesty. It is a subtle layer of dishonesty and self deception that allows whats obvious in your face to not be seen. My problem however There are still things and locations I cant make sense of. Repressed memory is a bitch. It's so irritating. That I'm on the cusp of grasping something but it eludes me. I feel like I've lost the tangible details or factual account of what events occurred in what location, but some emotional/implicit memories still remain. Does anyone here have any advice or practices for how to bring this stuff up to the surface? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes my mind is chaotic. Just a massive haze and cloud. Which might be in any or no direction. Completely nonsensical, no order. A tornado of meaningless noise. A massive accumulation of impressions, loops of experience being played over again as well. At best it can be channeled into a creative force when doing amateur sketching. Or random obsessions which quickly fade. Threadiness, hairs, webiness, insects, streams of water, is/was a previous obsession. Ended up morphing into thoughts about embryos, inquiry into the difference between definition/resolution and undifferentiated mush/goo. Inquiry into the difference between order and disorder.

@The observer I will do soon enough hopefully.

@actualizing25 Everyone says, you should be in this to seek truth. But I want to be relieved of suffering. You can't attempt to trick yourself into thinking you must do this work for the sake of truth alone, simply because you think that doing it for the sake of truth alone will work and relieve your suffering. That is untruthful, dishonest. And so paradoxically, the most truthful thing you can do is admit you don't give a rat's ass about truth and just want to feel good.

@Girzo Yes, much of this is overthinking very meaningless and mundane things. @mandyjw The curse which everyone who seeks must come to terms with. @Spaceofawareness Yeah for sure. Some of the associations are pretty clear, its just dishonesty which prevents you from seeing it. And even if the tangible detail fades away, all emotional memory is in the present moment. @The observer Well without psychedelics I guess shamanic breathing might be the new thing to try.

آمِينَ‎ , Āmīn brother. @Eren Eeager And dude, wtf was that dark themed image when quoting Leo, making my eyes bleed at that contrast lmao

Yes

Some of the deepest moments of love I've experienced are when I have gotten into a conflict with someone. Two people triggered. Inquiring into that anger I feel, I get to hurt, and inquiring into that hurt I get to a desperate desire to be loved. To be loved, loved, loved. So bizarre really. And entangled with so much neuroticism, so messy. The fear, anger and despair of being vilified, ostracised, demonised, attacked, judged and belittled is a massive "weak point". Perhaps it is THE weak point that almost all other things stem from. My thoughts come down to "How dare you think you're better than me!?" , feelings of being worthlessness due to others deeming me worthless or scum. Love me , love me , love me. And it kinda disgusts me as well, seeing those desperate thoughts. I've been keeping up my guard, not letting myself be vulnerable. One thing to say it, another to directly realise it. And it kinda disgusts me as well, seeing those desperate thoughts. If you're a romantic onlooker, maybe you'll say I'm scared of being choked in the sunlight of love and run away like a vampire. I think my big "trauma" is feeling alienated and not accepted by others. So now I'm just looking into this all and it's so weird. Oh shit lol, someone from my past just messaged me. Notification just went off. ------ Another funny thing, right as I was/am typing this topic up now, someone from a circle of online friends I used to be apart of a few years ago just messaged me. It's been a long, long time since I've engaged with them. Since this was a couple years ago. The circle was extremely toxic, I was gaslighted repeatedly and bullied. He told me he and others were sorry, that the friendship group split from the people who I majorly hate and resent. He tried to invite me to a group chat without those few people just now, saying that he and others were sorry. I want to overcome these scars, but that suggestion and him messaging me alone is enough to get me way too fucking triggered and angry. Especially since I don't even think him and the other people are sorry enough. Thanks God. Edit: I made my peace with some of my old friends who bullied me who contacted me whilst I was writing the topic for this thread, but I'm not in sustained contact with them

This post reminded me of something Om Swami wrote, so I'll just transcribe it here. So my opinion. This reminds me of a question I've wondered before, in what way is automaticity antithetical to mindfulness. We live our lives on autopilot. Enlightenment work involve unlearning what is "false". Which involves unlearning bad habits as well. Yet the problem comes in the fact that it is pretty much undeniable we operate from memory. Don't take it for granted though, just pretend that you don't. Breathing, walking, moving your body, talking, skills, it's all memory. The smallest glimpse we've all seen, to a degree at least, of where the resolution to this conflict resides is the flow state. But my direct experience is still weak. In the domain of the relative. Video games make it easier to go into low mindfulness and autopilot for most people, imo. And that's what the quote I posted is referring to. You're reacting quickly to shit. In spiritual work, you're usually introducing a bit of a pause between your neurotic instinct and action. But video games make it hard for this, and you become a robot. It's a bit easier to get consciously absorbed into sports since its more wholistic and involves your entire body. Whilst it's theoretically possible to be fully mindful whilst playing video games, I think it's a difficult one for most people. But don't let me stop you.

"You don't disprove solipsism, solipsism disproves you" - Wise Internet Sage, 2020

The transition from physical books to digital books, just another example everything becoming digital. I have a romantic preference for things which "feel real". I want to sit next to a real fire, burning coal or wood. Not a fake holographic fire which is just a radiator running on electricity. I love nature. Everything is becoming mechanised and identical. Millions and millions of office cubicles all repetitively arranged, all of them the exact same shade of grey, with the exact same chair, with the exact same desk. Takes the life out of life. I prefer handwriting to typing things. Handwriting has a certain flair, idiosyncratic nature to it that I'm attracted to. In contrast to this digital form of transcription where the thoughts and emotions of all authors blend together to form this grey, dull conglomeration of binary digits. The random fascination and resistance I have to certain aspects of technology is just a manifestation of something deeper, not sure what yet. I like dystopian novels and films because of it.

@danilofaria Very much so they can. When I was a fundamentalist Muslim there was a period of time where I convinced myself with 100% certainty that Islam was true. This was when I was 13, and this "breakthrough" would follow large periods of time of doubting the validity of Islam, with whatever rigour a young teenage brain can muster. At the same time, I resolved all doubts in my mind about God's mercy and love. I fully, fully believed God was perfect, all loving and that existence is a complete blessing and that all of creation was showered in uncountable blessings. How could I possibly worry about hellfire for myself and others when God is all just? And so I just had mystical experiences, spiritual highs. It briefly made me feel like a loving Jesus Christ. Spiritual highs faded quickly however. And it all fell apart eventually when I had more doubts about Islam. Its all such a big mess isn't it. I don't normally cry to myself, but I'm crying a bit just thinking back to this all.

@Espaim Yes thank you for the encouragement sage. I've been getting too lazy with kriya yoga. It's like, you can experience how good it is for you but then you don't get around to doing it.

@Rasheed He probably has a love-hate relationship with boxing, and in whatever way he's come full circle to boxing again, but in his own terms and different this time. He had to traverse the entire circle though, it was necessary. Even if he attributes boxing to much of his spiritual dysfunction in the past, perhaps that dysfunction was a perversion of something pure which he has rediscovered.

@Xin Yeah I'm like this as well. I see too many interests. I used to purely love math/physics. Now I have a very complex love-hate relationship with math. I've become a lot more "right brained" as I've aged. Now its like, I want to get good at drawing, piano and writing. It's so bizarre. I was terrible at English in school. And whilst my spelling is still bad, through the act of just talking to people about things I find interesting I've improved my ability to communicate a lot. It's nowhere near amazing or high percentile, but it's a lot better than it used to be. Which was far below average. Also, good video Leo.

@IJB063 hahahahahah @JessiChell I'll think about raising may testosterone, never a bad idea. Although I really wouldn't want to take something artificial, and would rather do it all naturally @Espaim Yeah I've have suicidal thoughts directly from taking antidepressants as well. I'm glad someone replied to this thread with their progress. That you're trying different things to recover from it all now 2 years after About the sex drive thing, I've been having that as well. It's probably gone from very high to now very mild. I don't think it's completely the anti depressants though. I think my ideals/fantasies about sex have changed a bit. For example, the prospect of having a girlfriend or ever having kids in the future has lost its appeal to me, perhaps maybe due to seeing dysfunctional relationships with my parents growing up. Or in seeing my asian sister getting stressed looking for someone to marry.