lmfao
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Everything posted by lmfao
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I've now realised even more strongly I have strange OCD thoughts and compulsions. One of those OCD compulsions is maths. I'm addicted to it, and I do it out of a very strong gnawing feeling of incompleteness that never goes away. It's my minds excuse to wage war and struggle. I spent a long time studying topology today even though I didn't enjoy it. I entered some flow state which I didn't enjoy but was real. I was writing a page of insights to myself about maths with a level of articulation I rarely posses. I also have OCD obsessions/thoughts about chess. I don't play chess much at all, I've only played 5 games max in the past few months. But I keep imagining different movement patterns, figuring out every detail my mind can in that computationally infinite expanse I don't enjoy maths like this. Neither would I enjoy chess like this. I hate these thoughts. For those thinking this isn't a bad thing. My mind is locked into an overdrive of anxiety and meaningless activity. Extremely meaningless. Technical details I don't give a shit about but I'm addicted to. My mind is addicted to thinking and it's ruining me
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@Gesundheit yeah I think this is probably an overcorrection for me being lazy and low dopamine before. Things will make more sense in hindsight I think. Just repressed rage/vitality coming out. I have the daunting feeling that this well of karma is very deep. This well must have always been here but I see it more clearly now. A lot of neuroticism, rage, anxiety, volatility, insecurities, etc. Of course "karma" may be a fiction it's the best word to describe the feeling one gets of seeing this wall and how much is ahead.
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@Gesundheit Possibly. I wouldn't mind having bipolar if it's like this, in contrast to severe depression I've had before. The energies behind bipolar are more versatile than, and can be leveraged more than, the energies behind a monotone depression. Assuming this is actually bipolar which it might not be. @Danioover9000 yeah it happens and that's that.
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Read radical honesty by Brad Blanton and follow through on the tasks the book gives you.
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lmfao replied to Someone here's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Mada_ I don't know about reincarnation specifically. You can be conscious of what reality is, and its nothing. My last mystical experience I thought, and even now I can feel it if I pay attention, "I am nothing, I will never not be nothing. And so I know, I know, that I will never die.". Nothing will never go. Framing this in terms of reincarnation or souls, I don't know. Maybe you can find some sort of empirical or scientific answer by researching and etc, but that sort of endeavour seems too difficult to me. When people talk about" past lives", it could be something they're just "making up", your psychological structure expressing itself in a symbolic fantasy. But don't write off the possibility it's real. When I was meditating once, my mind imagined myself in a past life. It was a very vivid experience. If I am to believe the experience I had, I was a tall young African American (or just African) male in my past life who was a criminal and died by being shot by someone. In this supposed past life I killed people as a criminal. I got the impression I sacrificed myself before my death somehow, and changed my ways somehow. Bled to death in the middle of a road after being shot. A chubby African female onlooker who was distressed. They were a loved one or a very close friend I think. Again though, this is probably all bullshit. Who knows. -
lmfao replied to Someone here's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Leo Gura What's your current perception of the apparent paradox between accepting your suffering and trying to change it? -
A clown he is. His over the top paranoia about a radical left wing in America dominating society is so unbelievably disconnected from reality. He's obsessed with the notion of a civil war. He's gone off the deep end, for real.
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My aim is to get people to understand and have a feel for all this stuff rather than uneeded chatter about what's right or wrong. So this thread isn't just about Peter, the essence you feel behind what Peter teaches and what other people teach is the same. Similar to Peter are the likes of Jiddu Krishnamurti, even Jed McKenna. The point is this. By very virtue of the path these guys advocate for, they have to take a particular "stance" on this issue of states of consciousness since it pertains to absolute vs relative. These guys want you to question everything and ask the question of, why is it that you require meditation or psychedelics or yoga? So unless you question why the need for these altered states of consciousness, you won't follow their path or see the point.
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Thing is though Leo, none of my best enlightenment breakthroughs have come from a formal meditation session, it's been when I'm doing inquiry. The questioning I'm talking about is referred to formally as "inquiry" or self-inquiry although I see no difference between those things for myself. Just sitting down normally in a chair, paying attention to my experience thoughts and questions, letting them expand and watching. The "altered state" I enter, if you call it that, is probably very different from the blissful state someone on psychedelics has, but it is definitely legit. I don't know how deep others have gone ofc and am open to the possibility of them or myself going infinitely deeper. I know for sure there is a kernel of truth here to the distinction Jed Mckenna makes between mysticism and enlightenment. Since I've experienced the two in isolation from each other, to various degrees for temporary periods of time, and can see. Hell, I had an unmistakable enlightenment breakthrough very recently but it wasn't some mystical high. It was a high for a bit but not completely. Wrote this yesterday: --- So what I'm primarily talking about here are the misconceptions people have about enlightenment and it improving yourself. I feel that's partially at the core of what's behind people who make the distinction between enlightenment and mysticism. I suppose that's at the crux of this, me making a distinction between enlightenment and mysticism and self improvement. I'll end this on the note that maybe I'm using other people's foolishness about what enlightenment and mysticism means as justification for my own foolishness. Either way, whatever I say or you say in this or that words, the result is the same. "Back to work" ------- The real motivation behind everything I've typed is that I'm terrified of the nothingness and am distracting myself back into fantasy because I'm still in shock from what I've seen. Unbelievable, this all feels unreal. I'm so accustomed to the mundane and trivial that I can't believe I'm seeing the actual truth of things. The reason 99.999% of us, including me, got into this work was so that we could play the game of "The quest to enlightenment". My ego wanted to enjoy and feel good about myself. I didn't really want enlightenment. I think there comes a point for a lot of us where we reach the point of no return, no turning back. You've seen too much and things can never be the same. - Ramana Maharshi
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Well yeah I'm INTP. When I first started to not like physics, my feelings were that I wished I did pure math instead of physics. Because in physics courses they don't explain the origin of where the math and formulas come from in the way I liked. Even though I study math in my spare time a bit, I get bits and pieces of enjoyment but nothing really that that much. I've entered the flow state most or enjoyed math the most when I'm breaking things down into a bigger meaning. I made a "logic word map" for myself, finding associations between commonly used words in proofs e.g."every, if, then, where , for all" and symbols that operate in similar contexts to those words or operate at a slight permutation in order of objects listed. Or I liked researching new symbols to use. I don't enjoy computations and calculations of numbers as much as I enjoy concepts and structures. I've always been psychological and philsophical in temperament. And as cool as some of this stuff in science or math is, it's very "meh" to me overall, even if I discover some fascinating things I can temporarily enjoy. But spirituality and psychology and art stuff interests me more, even though I am no artist. So I'm just at a point where, I'm trying to reconcile making money and what to do with life. I recently had an enlightenment experience and it made me conscious of the fact that everything is meaningless, and given that's so, what do I still want to do in life?
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I'm a physics student at uni but I've started to enjoy it less, kinda similar to you doing maths. So relatable predicament.
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Thanks for the replies @universe and @4201, I've given them attention. The framework of my mind when asking that question is obsolete for now since I've felt my consciousness be struck by lightning whilst contemplating into another mystical state which I'm still in now. But I still wish to discuss this topic. The meat of the issue here is neuroticism (not strictly limited to the big five sense of that word). Simply put, far too sensitive to disturbances and stepping of toes. Quick to anger with a temper. I think I have been "shadow possessed" by things I've repressed for a long time. Partially though I don't really have a problem, just the pussy side of me was getting worried and neurotic about it. I can just come across as intense to other people, and I let thoughts about what others perceive effect me. I think I took the cowards way out in life. Because I've been treated unfairly in the past, no one else gets to be treated nicely. And defensive manoeuvres or reasoning hide that fact.
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I'm 20 years old right now. It could be because I'm reducing my SSRI meds or just what I am in general right now but I've noticed that more recently I'm more mean, harsh and anti-social. A few things have been improving about me otherwise but just an undercurrent keeps growing and creeping on me. And I don't know why it's growing, all I know is that irritibality is creeping on me day by day without me doing anything to invoke so. Perhaps I've compressed my energies and potential for too long. I remember that it was just over a month ago, I randomly felt quite aggressive the next day. Like I randomly become "shadow possessed" or something. Sometimes it's positive energy, but most of the time it's been negative and uncontrolled. And ever since then I've been on little spikes up and down. I used to be a very polite and reasonably compassionate person when growing up. I think my superficial vineer of politeness has withered away due to constantly repressing myself. Now I'm a lot more arrogant and full of it. Guess I need to go back to the shadow work or something. Could just be as simple as, I'm regressing into a brainless chimp with thug psychology, which is just a broad thing to just work on. -- Thinking back I can see that the dominos in place for my personality being this way have always been present in my life, its only later that the dominos were knocked over and epigenetics happened. Maybe I inherited too much red from my mom, who knows
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I know this is it. But It is completely empty. It's nothing. Once again I've been shocked into "higher consciousness". I see everything is made out of nothing. I wanted this to be a "positive" experience but that was fake grasping. It hit me whilst I was intensely brooding and concentrating on my experience. At first I felt some joy, as I felt like whatever it was I was trying to overcome had been lessened, and I tried to morph the experience of complete nothingness into something good. For moments I felt joy. I felt joy and thought that existence itself was a blessing, that I'm lucky to exist and lucky to have something rather than nothing. It's the joyous news! There's something despite nothing! How great! But now later here I am. My life is suffering. Seeing this nothingness, I know, I know, I will never die. And I'm terrified. And there's just this meaninglessness. And I will just exist as this pure meaninglessness nothing forever? There's nothing here, and there will never not be nothing. And so I'm immortal. I'm in a state of shock to be honest. Can't believe any of this is real. I'm used to living in the world of fantasy, fiction, and the trivial. But this is everything. But I can't accept it and I'm in denial. I can't believe this isn't a dream, can't believe that this is really it. This enlightened state does nothing to improve your ego. Anyone thinking it does hasn't seen the true face of this all. My costume, my ego, it's all the exact same. Not a single bit has changed. Only difference is that some sense sees my own character and everyone else as an NPC, a fake character. ---- It's crazy how full circle I've gone. I felt this way back when I was 13 and was a religious muslim high on Islam, high on prayer and mystical experiences. The terror of eternity and imagining an existence of forever. Now here I am. Everything and nothing has a changed at the same time. --- No one can hold your hand, no one can make the emptiness go away. It's just you. It's your show. It's strange how I'm much more animated and joyful in my interactions with people when to a certain extent I feel dead. But I'm still terrified and in shock, despite the exterior appearance of fluidity to anyone who talks to me. Very weird. Existence is strange.
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So I did follow up on cutting down the Zoloft dosage. So it seems like it's been just over 3 weeks since I lowered my dose. I've had some mood swings, probably due to withdrawal of medication. I injured my back two weeks ago, and that fucked up my sleeping pattern severely. That's because the pain made me be in a constant fight or flight response. I'm in the process of fixing the sleeping pattern right now. Going to bed earlier today, hopefully it all works out. One thing I'm a little pissed about is that I'm wasting the days away. But I'm just so tired due to sleeping pattern which is still being fixed. I guess I need some patience. Still got me pissed though. I previously lost about 6kg of fat, but now I've gained 2-3kg back. Smh. Whatever, I'll just meditate and read and drink water and sleep.
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Nope. Sociopath is a medical term so don't throw around. There are clips of Ben when he's relaxed and not really arguing. He's a pretty normal guy.
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+1
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@Leo Gura We need an army of Jocko Willinks in the police force!
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Conservatives with little ground to stand on now have this incident as something they can use against the left. Everyone exploding over this before the real facts comes to light again just shows the problem of media in this day and age. And you can't blame them. This footage wasn't communicated to everyone. Nobody can trust the mainstream media, and for good reason. The chaotic web of messages, likes, retweets serves as an impressive magician illusion. You scroll through all this shit and have your emotions activated, with everyone being aggressive and inflamed. But most of the emotions in this domain are inauthentic and empty, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar. Technology is yet to interface with the human brain properly.
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I've been skim reading this book "The Oxygen Advantage". Been reading it a lot. I'm a mouth breather and have been trying to change that, noticing some good effects of it in just a few days. Someone here made a good thread a while back it seems. To breathe more than necessary reduces carbon dioxide concentration, which throws your body out of whack. I.e. Bohr effect and oxygen not unloading in your tissues, pH of body, arterial constriction, etc. Essentially, a lot of us have the problem of chronically low carbon dioxide concentration in blood. Our body develops a low tolerance for CO2, and so we over-breathe due to this low tolerance. (Humans in nature don't have this problem so much, modern lifestyle and things like processed foods, diary and etc are thought to increase the risk of overbreathing, according to this book). The name of the game then is to gradually develop tolerance for CO2. Which the book describes. First step is just nasal breathing 24/7, there are also some exercises given in the book. Book is a very easy and simple read, my eyes just flow through it quickly. Normally I'm a slow reader but book is simple. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Anyway, I'm making this thread because I don't know how many meditation or yoga practitioners are aware of the pandemic of over-breathing. And I'm trying to figure out how to reconcile or practice kriya yoga in the light of all this. So if anyone here is a real breath expert or has thought about optimal breathing during meditation, state your general thoughts in this area. I'm trying to stop even wasteful yawning and sighing during the day I'll breathe more slowly, not any less deeply, and see what happens. With such a linear problem. ---- Oh yeah, breathing with your mouth and upper chest is associated with fight or flight circuits in your body, so that's a source of stress. For those that don't know.
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lmfao replied to Red-White-Light's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Inshallah -
Fair
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The only thing bad about this is tik tok creators fleeing to YouTube. The youth whose brains have been poisoned by the Information Age will find other corners of the internet to pollute. -- I would rather two year olds stop using iPads and creating adhd in themselves.
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I can't tell if you're addressing the minor math point I made or the metaphysical point about how they've chosen to define energy. The law of conservation of energy is true because of how they've defined energy. In regards to the math point. What k is, nobody knows, so you can't claim it's 0. You already noticed you could say 0,1,27..etc. Hence I called your statement "The total amount of energy in the universe is zero. Every physicist would tell you that." just false . I'm not assigning any spiritual or meaningful importance to this other than to say it isn't a scientific fact that the universe has zero energy, which you already seem to have noticed.
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Pretty funny and good song. Since I have anger issues rock is always enjoyable.