lmfao
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Everything posted by lmfao
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@Sine I felt physically ill in my stomach reading that, these sorts of things can be like that. One of my close friends who I regarded as like a brother commit suicide over a year ago, very similar feelings arise
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I think it wouldn't be too far off the mark to hypothetically imagine, maybe in the future, good relationships between a 16 year old girl and 28 year old man. You'd just have to write a few autistic caveats and descriptions to that. "The implicit contract is written so that there is pressure on the man to be so good that...." something something something
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I used to be quite the theoretical vegetarian (never in practice ) in my teens, daydreaming the argument that killing animals for food is like killing human babies
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lmfao replied to lmfao's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@RedLine It's not so much a fallacy as it is moot and overwhelming in degree of being stated. I'm more attuned to the matrix of spirituality and being averse to that than I am attuned to the particulars of what a person is saying. Maybe in isolation I can agree with what a person is saying, but in context I think it's retarded and needs to be avoided. (I don't know or care about Forza in this instance, this is commentary on the pattern) -
- Sigma Grindset Lesson 203 Your conception of psychopathy is probably wrong but functional probably. You've basically just absorbed psychopathy into spiral dynamics as a subset of red.
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@Space Lizard no it's not even testing if your self image is psychopathic. See my post on page 3 for more information
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What I fear is not known to me anymore because every so often I catch a glimpse of self-awareness and I panic. But that's not how it goes. I'm fearing that if I let go and re-enter, I'll repeat everything all over again. But that ain't the case, see it's a matter of taste. WHO CAN INHERIT THE TITLE PUT THE YOUTH IN HYSTERICS WJIOENFGDJBIJKPGSEMNBDLGS lol nmknlnjioknlopjlnbop'jln kopjnliokpijkliopijonip]j[onip]jop]0jopjkjlnnlmnjklnnmkljmjkl kjnbkjioklnbjioklnbmjioklnbmjkioklnbioklbnvhjkuigvjcftyudghxzfszfsertdzffgxgdstfetrzdfdterzdfsdetrzdfsdetrzdf≈sdetrzdfdsetrdfzsxd∂ssx∂sertzdfetrzdfetzfetzfetzfetdfdterdyfui78ougkhjluipoj;kl'oplk;,/;'p[\'l;,/'[;\;l';,/'[\;l'\];'\[];'>\;"”Ú’»Æ»¿”’Ú±’”∏ڻƿ»Æ”Ò’∏—”һƿ˘¿Æ»”∏±’”Ú»”’»Æ˘Ú”Ò ’∏”Ò»Æ˘Ò∏¯’Ò”Ò∏»Ò∏ÒÒ∏ÒÒ∏ÒÒØ∏ÒÒ∏ØÒÒØÒÒØ∏ÒÒØ∏ÒÒ∏”Òˆ∏ÔȈÆıÓÔˆÒ˜ˆÌÓÔ‰ÏÎ◊ÛÙÎÏÍÅÏÛ„‰ÅÏΟÌÅ„‰ÅÍÎÏŸ‰„ÍÙÇΉÂÅÎÍÙÏΉÂÌÏÓÔÓÔˆı◊ÛÏÎÍÌÏÓÁÊÂÎω‰™‹‰Œ„‰ÅÍŸÍÅÛÍÎÅÏÛ◊ÌÁ‰ÊÂÓÏÔÈËØ˘¯˜ıˆ◊ÏÓÔÁÏÓÌÎÒÏ{JHK}UYÊÁÓÌÎËÁÈÊÁËËØÈÒÒFGHHMJGHFJGHKGHKJGHFÌÓÒÌÓ˜ˆÔÏÌÓ©˙穃ߩ~˙∆©˚ƒ˙¬^˙˚∆ƒ©©¬≤µ≤˚≥¬≥≤¬…π“πø^¨¥†®ƒ†¥˙¥¨¥•ªº•€¡´¢∞¢§¥¨¥˙©∫√ç∂ß≈Ω∂ƒç√ƒ©∫√©˙∆˚≤¬…≥≤µ~∫˙©∆˚¬øπøª^¨¥†®´∑œ´#∑∂ß≈∂ƒ®ƒ√©†¥¨˚∆≤˚^ø¬…π“æ“πø^¨¥˙©ƒ∂ç≈∂ƒç≈© GO TO WAR WITH THE MORMONS, TAKE A BATH WITH THE CATHOLICS, AND HOLY WAR THEY DONT WANT DONT THAT NO WONDER THEY TRIED TO HOLD ME UNDER LONGER IM A MOTHERFUCKING SPITEFUL DELIGHTFUL EYEFUL, THE NEW ICECUBE, WHAT DID I DO, IM JUST A KID FROM THE GUTTER TRYNA MAKE HIS BUTTER OFF THESE BLOODSUCKERS, CUZ IM A MOTHERFUCKING RENEGADE If I could create a consciousness, that would be a terrible thing wouldn't it? It would prove the attitude of "layers on top of layers". I love Erin, but that's fake right? What was Shogo Makishima's concern again? It came out of left field rather from the story and now stands out. It was that things could be replaced by a click. All relationship, knowledge, things can be replaced, everyone is empty On the other hand, Kaiki loves money because money to him represents an attitude that is counter to people fawning over irreplaceable things. Money in abstract represents the replaceability of things.
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lmfao replied to Anon212's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
I took north of 150ug over a week ago and no visuals. The room looked slightly twisty but that's it. Try 200 man for a big effect is what I'd do if I was you. Me personally, I'm done with psychedelics for now So the story is this. I had 1 tab which was just over 200ug. I snipped a tiny corner off of it in November and had a clean experience from that. It was a very small amount of the tab but I had a significant experience. Very very positive. Very contemplative and insightful. Maybe 50ug? Maybe less? it was a very small amount of the tab geometrically. Took the rest of the tab. It was definitely a bigger dose but still no hallucination/visuals. Because of my state beforehand, the trip was bad. All the LSD did was magnify my fear, rub it in my face for a long time, and then the trip disappeared. It was a very bad trip though, but the fear wasn't to levels I wasn't unfamiliar with. Maybe the tab was a lower dose, maybe it was not spread evenly through it all, who knows -
lmfao replied to lmfao's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@KatiesKarma Hmmm I see @Gesundheit2 Yeah seems like it -
lmfao replied to lmfao's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Dude, I saw this shit coming from a mile away the moment I granted your leading question lol. Yes death is omnipresent -
lmfao replied to lmfao's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
I was talking poetically as well there, but it is expressing a conviction Like obviously as a common sense person I believe in my own death. I've thought about death a lot Sure -
lmfao replied to lmfao's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
The re-incarnation belief system is about the self being preserved in a soul and leaving the body. I don't have a reason to believe it and part of this dialogue somewhat mirrors a theist asking an atheist to prove a negative -
lmfao replied to lmfao's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@happyhappy I've day dreamt from meditation before I was a black man who was shot in the streets, or that I was a woman who lost their baby in an accident. I interpret it like a daydream or hypnosis, in fairness my experience of it isn't that strong compared to others. In my case it was definitely a day dream. But on the overall matter relatively speaking I don't know Since you're talking about catalogues of examples there could be something to it, but I'm more likely to recontextualise it as not being literal But anytime you go into the domain of past lives or psychic powers the atmosphere is always vague with people discussing it -
lmfao replied to lmfao's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Re-incarnation to people seems to mean (dream again) + (continuity from karma) Too much inference for me If my eye cannot see it it doesn't exist -
Rest in peace. I remember this guy, he was pretty cool. Forum OG
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See how easily you're drawn back in. Look! Some emotional release happens, a ping appears, all so that you can be drawn into the game even more, before it inevitably repeats itself and ensnares you again? No thanks. My destination is set and the trail has been grooved, lest Maya's sweet bosom lull me to sleep once again. Resist the impulse therefore and keep plowing
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I've had angel/demon attacks but I don't think they're real at all. I'll keep wearing my gaytheist badge in the gates of heaven thank you very much
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SELF HUMILIATION BUGS HAVE WHIRLED AROUND MEGALOMANIA HERE WE GOOOOOO, EVERY THOUGHT AND THING IN YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS CAN BE ACTED ON AND TOUCHED. Once I start taking anti depressants I'll have enough energy to end this cursed existence of mine, I'd erase the human race if you gave me the button, this is the only conclusion. Weeeeeeeee I cba with life, and now that I'm slapped awake and in touch with reality more, I know this is my option. Just gotta pull the trigger on yourself, suicidal war veterans do it all the time with ease, because they're familiar with death.
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I sold out my own power; why? Because I was too attached again. And is it even power I'm talking about? Probably not. It just means not being a lie. The bullshit I sold my soul too, my god. I really did abandon or forget my own power. I can only be what I am, and that means going at it hard, being mean and going forward. This release feels in alignment with order. I may or may not commit suicide, I may or may not end up being some mean anti-authoritarian fellow, I've just pretended otherwise the entire time. Put all the mythological shit aside, this is who you are, your true self to somewhat say. Except there is no "true self", only a hodge podge of layers upon layers. I can be honest and say, I don't really care about anyone or feel connected to them in the way they think I do. I don't feel connected to my sister, mother, father or brother in that way. I could press a button to end them all. But see, there's that seed born out of independence and rebellion. Nope not even that, it's just your nature. Rebellion is just what happens if you're blocked, if you're aren't blocked it wouldn't be about rebellion, it would be about freedom. But can freedom be understood by someone who isn't a slave? Your life has been about the slave trying to desperately wrangle himself free. There's nothing to become free of though. It's absurdity piled on top of absurdity, vacuousness piled on top of vacuousness. Your reality has been a mythologised projection your entire life, but you've more recently lost your power. You forgot that you really have the capacity to go through with whatever you decide to do. So, throw it all away, no one can hurt you, nobody can tear you. Guilt.
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lmfao replied to Javfly33's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Javfly33 Bruv I think this might be a dead end -
Sat 01/01/2022 05:01 Wake up late, receive phone call from nurse of referral services for mental health. Irritability and agitation from having to recall and remember things, scream afterwards and feel temporarily glad about the release. Return to baseline, whatever. Eat pasta sending me into food coma. Then take a hot shower and long hot bath, and afterwards I eat more food that my mum brought home. After overeating and a hot bath, plus my oversleeping depression which causes tiredness, I'm in a goo by this point now. Absolutely exhausted and tired, not nice. Large dose of suffering. That bath was nice though, relaxing, its just everything in combination Spent some time with the sister, showed me an old song I forgot which was very good for me, The Sound of Silence. [But this day is interesting and good. I'm feeling more like my normal self, familiar body being and emotions.] Beautifully haunting I just remember listening to it at night when I was 13/14 and it was like a really fantastical dream. It's disturbing and leaves you unsettled. "silence like a cancer grows", "the people bowed and prayed to the neon gods they made". Gives me the chills and creeps. Powerful as fuck I looped this song on repeat so much today, doing nothing but listening. Feeling more like my old me And I contemplate the fact that I've given up much of my solitude and personhood by being addicted to the dopamine of discord for example. Rarely now am I in real silence. Rarely am I attuned to the plight of the human condition, to humanity. But what follows from that awareness is a melancholy over the ignorance of mankind, the vacuous and low level retardation that's everywhere. New Years happens. Had fun looking outside for fireworks, climbed the wall lol in slippers, cut my toe and stung my hand, no regrets And thennnnn I had a good conversation with a friend, even though it was uncomfortable and awkward. Andddd just when I'm starting to enjoy myself BOOM. THE ETHER TAKES OVER (just a little while later after this quotes it kicks in) Attentions hijacked, struggle to feel emotion, extraverted, talkative And I want to explore and do stuff WHY IS IT THAT EVERY TIME I WANT TO HAVE FUN OR ENJOY MYSELF, THIS THING COMES. I'm hijacked right now in the OCD or whatever, and like I should just focus on the emotions or feeling of it, otherwise schizophrenic shit will just flow off the tongue. AHHHYHHGHHHUHJLKJNJKJKJKNJKKJ crucified between two poles, NJKIONKIOKLNBIO;KLNIOP[KLNIO;≥÷ÆÒ”’ ∏Æ…≥÷Ò«Æ“–¿»ÆÚ∏’—Ø‚±—”∏ÒÚ˘¿¿»Ú∏”’—”Ú»”’∏ÚÆ˘»Æ”’Ú—∏”Ú’∏Ò”’ÒÆÚ’ÚÒÚ∏ÚÒ∏Æ’Ú¿Ò’Ò’Ú¿ÒÚÒ∏Æ”’Ú∏ÆÚ¿L∏Ú?L∏:?P>Æ{}?>ƯҔ˘?}{P>{P>Ư˘Ò”}??{Ư”Ò?}Ư”˘L?}Ư”˘Ò?}P¯Æ˘L{}??{?{P>{"}?; LP..\KO_:{|>L:P IT'S ALL ENTIRELY ME. THERE IS NO LUCIFER AND THERE IS NO GOD, LET ME INTO THE GATES OF HEAVEN AND ILL KEEP WEARING MY GAYTHEIST BADGE AND YELL "NÎGGER". Whenever I visit Stonehenge that will be a blast as I shout my magic protection spell; NÎGGER NÎGGER NÎGGER. Pissing off a million fake gods with the key to the lattice of retardation So that's whatever. I know enough
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Thursday 30/12/2021 12:25 Got back home to the fam Sunday night. Went for a walk on Monday. Didn't go for a walk on Tuesday, and yesterday I woke up very late. Yesterday, my brain fog suddenly lifted when I realised suicide was an option to contemplate. I was writing by hand for the first time in so many weeks. Focused It was odd that that got me into flow, I felt like I was honed in, the lifting of brain fog to find me. What got me into flow was that I felt like I was going the mile I did wake up with a feeling in the heart but it shifts But if the first thing I can say is that I firmly dislike the feeling that's the starting place. I've been too nervous to just say that I dislike it (LIES) I don't think I've ever existed, but the past tells me I do. Others tell me I do. I don't even know or think my experience of self even changed, but my probing of it which has gone on forever continues. I've been this detached way since childhood. Yes, but also no. It's like I'm a floating ghost I know I've had a good life, maybe, it's been just alright. When you hit the wall that you've hit so many times before there's nothing to say. I know by now what circles and motions I've done, so, I could never escape the box. Rather, I know what the problems are by now despite the chaos I regret and feel grief for my life thus far. I was dissociated since Madressa? No not exactly. But I can track what conflicts and unresolved traumas there have been Memories returned but mask off; I feel intolerable malice and envy. I am a bitter person. Above all else though I'm unwell and it's unlikely I'll recover or have something worthwhile. It's like I'm in some torture chamber simulation, "give up n1gger". No, its more like my life in it's entirety is the composition of a retarded koan. Something like Nansen kills the cat My life is something equally absurd and retarded. But I'm still waiting for the punchline, or more like I am the punchline
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lmfao replied to machiavelli's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
There's this idea about what the difference is between buddhism and christianity Only problem is I hardly believe in afterlifes or the such, that it wouldn't be "me". -
Compassion is irrelevant here Translation: please agree with me I'll mention that you made this jump about me on your own without me doing anything, so you're revealing your own thoughts on the topic
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In your case; because you invent trauma space, continue to obsess over it Consider the contradiction between wanting authenticity, yet clearly being bothered by it when you find it,