lmfao

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Everything posted by lmfao

  1. He's ripped, christian, wearing glasses and giving a makeshift ted talk on fascistic values. Living the incel dream.
  2. Now I don't necessarily believe any of this, I'm just typing it out. Ken Wilber says that there are two different aspects to a person that they can develop along. One aspect is "waking up". This is often referring to as spiritual progress, enlightenment, and it is describes well in eastern religion. Eastern religions also have their various models for enlightenment. Iirc, Ken Wilber formulates waking up with a sequences of stages ("gross, subtle causal, empty witness, non-dual").* Second aspect is "growing up". Now this is about spiral dynamics, western and jungian psychology, integrating the shadow and the unconscious. So the idea here is this. You can be high in "waking up" but be low in "growing up". That's the enlightened nazi. -- Personally, I stopped finding this spiral dynamics theory to be helpful. That's technically lie, I think it's moreso that once you've integrated from it conceptually what you needed to, it becomes counterproductive to think in those terms. SD has sometimes been like a religion on this forum. *Need it be said that defining "enlightenment" is a shit topic.
  3. David Hawkins is amazing, love him a lot. Only thing I'll say though is be careful about nuance or buying into him fully. You might try to force what he says into your experience but that won't work. You might end up trying to force some of what he says about "letting go" or "surrender" , but that's a trap. With him I think it's possible to fall into the same energetic traps of fundamentalist religions, like Christianity. The trap being that you end up repressing yourself and suffering, out of the belief that repressing yourself and your needs is in service of God. [ This isn't necessarily a critique of David Hawkins as a person, just the effectiveness and practical results of a student trying to learn and apply this] You can't skip to the stage of letting go if you're scared and all repressed. First you have to fully honest and admit what you're feeling.* Which in David's defence, he does say in his teaching about the energy field of courage, but I do think that this is still a trap many of his followers can fall into. Because David himself is so radical (which isn't bad, I love it, but it means caution) with his approach to letting go, it means you need to take steps back or look at things with nuance. *Which means that a lot of what you might need is emotional therapy/investigation, shadow work, psychology and psychoanalysis. A self-actualisation approach as well as meditative.
  4. @Tim R The way I see it, gaslighting means in abstract that you're degrading or invalidating someone else's emotions and values. A woman might have it done to them if someone says "She's just on her period" if she's acting a little 'crazy'. Another example would be someone who's undergoing moral injury by being forced to conform to some superficial social standards, and in expressing that they're labelled as "just sensitive". A lot of people gaslight others everyday, unconsciously most of the time. -- Deconstruction might be telling someone that they're not seeing things correctly, but you don't invalidate their current being or make this an issue of them being inferior. And you tell them to not give anyone else control and authority over their internal emotional state.
  5. @Javfly33 I have no idea what this experience you're talking about is , because I'm not you. In my experiences, the word I find apt in the aftermath of any steps or progress made is "further".
  6. I used to be able to lucid dream a lot when I was younger, but I lost the ability for whatever reason (probs because I never cultivated it) One random thing which sticks out to me is that to be able to lucid dream, you have to be in some particular stages or states of sleep. Whenever I lucid dreamed, I would wake up soon after. So I could only lucid dream when I was in some stage of sleep where I'm already close to waking up. I can count on my hand the number of times I could lucid dream in deep sleep, and stay asleep for a very long time after.
  7. @SamC You've definitely hit upon a big dilemma and paradox. -- One piece of the puzzle might be the negative motivations and negative fuels we run on. We can use fear and negative emotions as motivation to do productive things or worthwhile things. e.g. you're intensely scared of the prospect of being a failure so you force yourself to study, being miserable whilst doing so.But if you use that negative fuel, perhaps it's self defeating and negates the whole point. So look into those negative motivations -- You're basically on your own to resolve it, but you in of in yourself already contain all the keys and help you need. But you can still seek outside help, in fact it might be what you exactly need. Outside things and outside help only work by aiding and invoking the potential that's inside of you.
  8. Some months ago an acquaintance of mine told me about that Junko Furuta case, that shit was crazily horrific and stills sticks in my mind. It made me feel physically sick when I first read it, not so extreme a reaction anymore but it still leaves me unsettled with a "moment of silence" mood. I think we have to see the fact that we don't know why suffering and human cruelty like this exists, or don't know if the universe will make things even, as hard as that might be. I'm not sure if you were ever religious, but when the worldview of Islam fell apart for me, one of the things which bothered me was surrendering the idea of heaven and hell. Because those two concepts give you the security that no matter what happens in this life, a higher wisdom will sort things out once everything is done and we're dead. Maybe there is a higher wisdom, but we have to empty our cup of old and familiar, and recalibrate our senses to see it. And that includes emptying the cup of old unfounded beliefs in a higher wisdom. --- https://filmdaily.co/news/junko-furuta-2/ This very simple article summarises a lot of the wisdom to be learnt from acts of cruelty such as these.
  9. @DecemberFlower Fear means that we don't touch hot objects for too long, we don't jump from tall heights or approach dangerous predators. If you relax every muscle whilst standing, your body will have a fear reflex to stop yourself from falling over backwards (the reflex to retrain if you want to learn to backflip) Fear is a withdrawal and contracting (from something, perhaps). That remains the case whether the fear is public speaking or falling off of heights, although intensity of the feeling and level of consequences to them are different. A lot of the people or places you read from are very ungrounded in what ever ideas of love they're trying to give you, since if you made their lives just a tad bit more stressful they'd abondon everything they say or preach about it. Or they're full of fear but avoid acknowledging it by creating a castle of ignorance called "love" to laze around in. Talking about fear as neccesary for physical/biological survival, that gives more light. But why was reality made this way? (if such a meaning/why exists). That I don't know or couldn't tell you. Survival has physical dangers and physical barriers, and fear seems to come with that. But why or how that all works deeper? Not sure. It's for this reason I admire people who do stunts or put themselves in danger.
  10. @Elshaddai the interesting thing about Anti-Natalism is that it's almost impossible to argue against. Just by looking at very basic arguments on the wikipedia page you can see why. Look at Anti-Natalism, it's very tricky to argue against (as a Natalist for example) if you're willing to be honest beyond cultural conditioning and concede that they have a point. It's similar to how it's very difficult to argue against a vegetarian. That utilitarian analysis of benefit vs suffering, its very streamlined. Perhaps it looks that way from axiomatic systems of perception that are invisible to my recognition, but are nonetheless there as a part of me, or they are at least present for formulating things in a convincing way.
  11. What makes you say this? Sounds as though you must know someone or have experienced something to think so. That, or something along the lines of a seeing/idea that life is suffering. -- You an anti-natalist by any chance? Sounds very in line with what you're saying and the vibe. I'm not strongly against that idea, I moreso find it very interesting, with it making one feel a weird way inside. Not in a bad way, just very interesting.
  12. @sausagehead Thanks for all the advice! I've started exercising again recently. Interesting that you tried psychedelics and it didn't work. It feel lightheaded or dizzy most of the time when I'm awake, so I can't push myself much when exercising (since I get weak/lightheaded very quickly) but I can still do low intensity jogging for medium duration as a starting point. My strategy to compensate for feeling lightheaded and dizzy has been to just load up on lots of carbs. I don't really understand my own medical situation in this regard tbh. I've had blood tests a while ago and nothing came up. @Red-White-Light I kind of had a mini insight along these lines a few days ago. Dpdr or no dpdr, I can still live life and go about business. People have lived functioning lives with far more constraints than I have.
  13. I've had fluctuating DPDR for a while now. Brain fog, finding life to feel dreamlike/unreal ( in a bad way). I've recently stopped my SSRI's and the DPDR has gotten worse, for now anyway. Maybe DPDR is like having one long bad trip. I of course have no plans to take psychedelics anytime soon, not until I'm more stable, and it's not like I would have access to any for at least several months anyway. Supposing I get things under better control and am stable. Are psychedelics capable of curing DPDR? Or at best, can they leave it untouched but heal other parts of me? Psychedelics are used to cure depression I've heard. I'm searching online about psychedelics and DPDR, all I'm hearing about is psychedelics giving people DPDR after a trip "gone wrong".
  14. Yeah. It is a 'profoundly sick society' indeed that sets up these shitty ideals and inspirations. As someone who's been suicidal before, I know what it's like to have other people dismiss it.
  15. I always thought Mr Beast was stage coral personally. Coral = Tier 2 Red, and he gives away money to both help himself and help others !
  16. It be unfortunate like that. It's luck of inborn temperament, life experience and other factors. It can make you start to feel like everyone around is an NPC lmao @electrobeam nailed it on the head about suffering and misery
  17. Oneness gone wrong, isis-indoctrinated children edition.
  18. @Someone here "There is nothing and there will never not be nothing", I once thought. I have had experiences of perceiving myself to be immortal, but I'm not in those states and it's a memory. It would be what they call "the void". If I really open myself up to it it's still there.
  19. Answering this question doesn't feel correct, since it's legalistic and philosophical. And that domain is separate from how I'd act. Asking about "rights" becomes a question of government, the collective, etc. I'm gonna answer the question by imagining what my reaction would be if I met or saw someone suicidal who was about to take their life. My knee jerk reaction would always be to be against it, unless the person is very old and terminally ill, and they wish to go out in a dignified way. But otherwise, I'd mostly be against it. It would take me knowing this person intimately for the remote possibility that I wouldn't oppose it arise. I think you'd have to be a 0.01% case for me to be convinced this is optimal. Hypothetical starts to breakdown here since I'm not a mental health worker or doctor who takes responsibility and frequently engages in these situations. So to answer your question, it's basically a no, since I would take that right away from someone if they were in front of me.
  20. In ordinary speech we don't distinguish between sensations/feelings and thoughts/reactions in regards to "emotion". When we act in the world, we can respond to "how it actually is" or we can respond to thinking about how it is. Investigating what is already there in experience in contrast to "what was invented" is very interesting, since you/I start off not knowing and can't tell.
  21. I don't know what to consider "fake" or "real" when it comes to emotion. Because I have seen the crocodile tears that I shed, the false hurt that I have imagined, I don't automatically trust other people's emotions and reactions. From one perspective the hurt I and others have is artificial programming, thus you should be resolute in breaking through it and not giving in. Looking at what I just wrote above and relating it to what's in my mind, it masks false perception I have. Because "on the other hand", emotion is emotion, feelings are feelings. If someone is hurt and suffering, well they are hurt and suffering. Even if it's being made up a lot at times, whatever exists exists. What was written in the first paragraph can justify an attitude of self-denial or denial of expression in others, and it did for me. An insight which was co-opted to some positionality. I'm not wrong that the programming is to be overcome though.
  22. OneNote is cool but I wish it had an option to put notebooks inside of notebooks, ad infinitum. I will soon have way too many notebooks with no organisation.

  23. lmfao replied to lmfao's topic in Self-Actualization Journals

    Wed 23/12/2020, 06:45 Am just watching how my mental state unfolds in light of SSRI coming off. I can't tell if it's DP or DR, but one of those two is remaining a persistent bug which has gotten worse. Another thing is that I'm now more irritable and aggressive. Also, randomly been feeling more horny. I masturbated 4 times two days ago, and 3 times yesterday. Not quite sure what's going on there. I think SSRI kills libido, but now I'm off them. But I definitely need to be careful, because this is an addiction which might only get worse. I actually don't think I'm more horny, my mind and body just did it unconsciously for some reason. I really don't know, I just did the habit automatically without thinking or pausing. Kinda like when you're munching and eating a snack before you even register that you're eating, it's completely unconscious. I am still grateful however that I have this opportunity and situation to change. I sort of had an insight yesterday about how I don't need to be perfect or fixed to operate in the world. I just do what I want to do. A nerve-wracking but slightly exciting development is my distaste for basically everything and everyone I engage with. Old friends, old ways of being with family members, old habits, disliking the forum even. A lot of all of it is hatred, but that's the more superficial element, it also feels like a magnetic repulsion under some guiding force. My sleep is ruined, but I woke up at 3am and I doubt I will be able to go back to sleep. I'm just gonna stay awake. I did get 6 hours sleep so hopefully I can last till tomorrow. 18 hours of staying awake. Now is the time to be productive, before I get tired later. I'm feeling hyperactive and aggressive, but also exhausted at the same time. Only way to exorcise this state is exercise. If I had some weights that would be ideal right now. My anger only grows until I do something....But the anger contradicts the exhaustion. A calm middle way. -- I do any deep journalling on paper and I should just stay there maybe. Since I dislike this forum overall as a waste of time, except for the moments I journal.
  24. I'll try and keep it brief. 20 year old male here. When I was 14/15, I found an online group of friends who'd play smash bros. I met them all on a public smash bros netplay website, but eventually everyone talked on a private discord server in 2016 (When im 16). I invested a lot of time into this online friendship group, I considered them good friends. I end up getting banned from the group out of the blue. Server owner decided to do it. I was essentially kicked out of a place I considered my home. I was kicked out by the people who I considered my friends, and that hurt. No one genuinely cared either or considered me a friend or stood up for me, it was accepted as just one of those things and everyone moved on. Fastforward 1 year later, the group server splinters off into 2 servers. I join the second one. However the old server owner who hated me was active in the 2nd one and hated me. Things got worse from here on out. I was bullied for reasons I didn't understand, be made to believe I was crazy or retarded for 0 reason. I was so gaslighted and manipulated that I had little tangible memory from which to make sense. Made to feel retarded or crazy when I'm really not. I don't want to bore you all with specifics, but it was pretty darn bad. They made me believe I was "gullible" , socially retarded and would play cruel elaborate jokes that don't really count for jokes. And when I tried to fight back, I was degraded even further, belittled, bullied, and banned. Long story short, I end up getting banned, then unbanned, then banned again.This is by the 2nd server owner who was good friends with the 1st one. And this time I don't go back ---- Fast forward to now. I decide to talk to the first server owner who banned me for closure. After greeting him the first thing he says degradingly is "who are you?" deliberately, I brush it aside and get him to engage in a discussion about the past. I told him about all the pain I felt, mental breakdowns, anxiety, fear. The gaslighting (not exaggerating with that word), manipulating, maliciousness. He replies I explain more in detail about how bad it was, how it didn't feel like jokes I acknowledged what he said. I asked him what he's feeling. Later he said I then write a massive essay, detailing all he did as being beyond jokes. Detailing some important incidents, how they made me feel, what happened. How it makes no sense for him to say he didn't dislike me, considering how malicious and cruel he was. And all the blatant insults and declarations he made of hating me. His response is the same _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ My problem is this. I built up this entire emotional thing in my mind, but I can't get this guy to be self aware of the injustice. It feels flat, a dead end and I don't know what to do with all this energy and annoyance. He gives a limp response, barely anything. It's like talking to a brick wall. I can't make him conscious of what he did. I asked and explained things multiple times, each time I got a stonewall response of "it was just jokes" And so I don't know what to do with the emotions surfacing. Whether I continue the conversation, how or why or what. I'll ask him explicitly if he can admit to gaslighting or maliciousness. But I've already asked this multiple times, and each time it's a stonewall. And so I don't know what to do. How to proceed, to continue the conversation, end it, what. I see the duality even more between suppression (holding things in) and expression (blindly believing your mental stories), how neither is transcendence. But I'm stuck nonetheless, dithering in what to do or how to handle. Any advice? Let it be mentioned since it doesn't come across in the tone of this post, but I'm overwhelmingly glad I did/(am doing) this. I can feel the cleansing, positive emotions despite lots of overwhelming negative ones coming up.

  25. lmfao replied to lmfao's topic in Self-Actualization Journals

    I feel like I learnt or did an interesting thing in conversation by accident with someone today. I told them very critical comments about themselves. But I did it in such a way that the person probably feels good about themselves and was receptive to what I said, despite most of what I said being comments that almost certainly hit on their nerves, fundamental shadow issues and insecurities (if my gut/intuition about them is correct. The gut/intuition about what someone is sensitive about is very important I think, and thankfully I have some of that empathic and analytic skill.) By acting in a particular kind of honest and agreeable way that most people aren't used to, you can disarm and disrupt normal defensive programs someone operates from, especially if you validate them but still completely criticise them. It's very effective to have a co-operative/agreeable attitude with people often, so that even when you dispense criticism they have little fuel or little way to reverse the situation and get mad over something unimportant. By being honest, open and co-operative, you tend to invoke the same in others. Here's the thing. If you're able to first let go of your ego in an argument or conversation (at least to some degree e.g. in the form of making concessions about your own shit and not projecting to other people), you tend to invoke the same in others. You facilitate or force them into an honest confrontation with their own issues and shit. Admitting your own shit, not projecting (or at least acknowledging out loud that you might be projecting), it disarms other people (and yourself) of their regular patterns. Unless the other person isn't ready to engage at that level and turns away from the light, but hey ho, nothing was lost. Doing this sort of thing is uncharacteristic of me, since this skill involves good people skills and that's one of my weaknesses usually. It certainly ain't my primary strength but I'm picking it up accidentally. --- Dealing with people and understanding them is ultimately projection. If I am aware of my own ego, sensitivities and negative aspects, I use that knowledge of myself to understand how others are. Since we all have egos, we all have the capacities to understand others since they are egos as well. The most basic point but overlooked point of all I suppose. -- A lot of what I talked about above is also idealistic in the picture it's painting, but it was excitement over a strange conversation. But now to did deeper. I don't know what to consider "fake" and "real" when it comes to emotion. Because I have seen the crocodile tears that I shed, the false hurt that I have imagined, I don't automatically trust other people's emotions and reactions. From one perspective the hurt I and others have is artificial programming, thus you should be resolute in breaking through it and not giving in. Looking at what I just wrote above and relating it to what's in my mind, it masks false perception. Because "on the other hand", emotion is emotion, feelings are feelings. If someone is hurt and suffering, well they are hurt and suffering. What was written in the previous paragraph can justify an attitude of self-denial or denial of expression in others, and it did for me. An insight which was co-opted to some positionality. I'm not wrong that the programming is to be overcome though.