lmfao

Member
 View profile  See their activity

  • Content count

    2,875

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by lmfao

  1. @Leo Gura Hey Leo, random question I know, but do you still avoid gluten and dairy (entirely?) in your diet ?
  2. Serious and very pertinent question here. I mean this genuinely and sincerely. How do you meditate without going crazy? In the "altered state of consciousness" my beliefs and conceptions of reality are stripped away. In the face of the radical truth of the present moment, my gaseous existence, it's all too much. How do you guys manage not going crazy or feeling like you're going crazy? Did you just push through with conviction, faith and determination and it was all good? Is this some sort of metaphysical "suicide" process you have to go through? Does the crazy never go away? What is your advice/thoughts/experiences? 2018-2019 I had a fairly regular routine of meditate. But now I repeat the same pattern over and over. I meditate once or twice over a one or 2 days, get scared by what I experience, and then go back to living my life for a month or some weeks before I decide to meditate again. I've decided I'm going to push through this time. Well I hope I do, lets see
  3. @Happy Lizard I can't relate because I've always wanted to win and I'm competitive. I don't care if we're playing Cards, Tennis, Badminton, Chinese Checkers or Mario Kart, if there's something to be won then I wanna win it god damn it. And it's as simple as that. I can take losing well, and I don't usually get hung up. Especially if it was luck. But under the right conditions I'm a sore loser. Being a sore loser for some moments is fine if you bounce back and don't linger. If it's playful and fun there's not much to be bitter about. Sounds to me like you already know how to be competitive. Isn't losing frustrating? That alone is enough -- I'm only recently discovering that there's real power in ego and "will" (different from common understandings of willpower), having dismissed it before. Higher psychic/energetic states of consciousness being accessible through it, although it can't be forced too roughly or you'll burn yourself. But you have to risk burning yourself. It's a high stakes game. Because deadpanned seriousness and determination is like that. Because with "strong enough will" can come single mindedness and concentration, as there is in deep meditation. Understanding how letting go and "will" are compatible is tricky, so abandon all talk of "willpower" . Because talking about willpower and framing it like this invariably leads to negative results. But just know that they neccesarily aren't and to keep mind open

  4. lmfao replied to lmfao's topic in Self-Actualization Journals

    It wasn’t even meditation yesterday, I unplugged myself from my parasitic stimuli addictions and sat in the dark, with no aim. I felt a phenomena I used to describe as “tornado thoughts” where I’m overwhelmed by surges of energy, but my understanding of it was incorrect. What I was wrong about what the root and defining feature. It wasn’t thinking, it was an overwhelm of whirling and pulsing energy. And a whirling of emotions, clinging , etc. But in that madness, there was single-mindedness. As the single-mindedness intensified, the swirling, pulsating energy intensified (my visual field was light pulsating and sweeping, oscillating). With the single mindedness, I was focused on a particular image and impression. I know trigger pieces of music that I can play in my mind. It was like a silent prayer for my life and mind to change, visualising things. In those perfect moments, all the tornado and all the pieces are working together perfectly. Just a spectacular state where I felt extremely elevated, and I felt all sorts of structures vibrating and lighting up. But after my sitting was over, my tornado mind continued. My mind gets completely lost and absorbed in images and emotions that I can hardly tell whats real and whats mental, and the lines almost blur. The lines blur because my mind is just that vivid and loud. I'm not psychotic or delusional, but I get shocked by just how overwhelmingly loud and strong my mental noise is. The tornado is having the mind take over experience so much that I enter hypnotic states for seconds at a time without noticing, distressing and jittery lapses in my perception, awareness and concentration. My entire awareness and perception is consumed by energy, and its like I black out in my experience for seconds at time. On the outside to other people I look normal, but internally I'm not. Just goes to show how perspective is everything. But I mute my mind most of the time. During the times my mind is out of control, I’m at my most lateral and creative. Impressionism and non-linear thinking take over. Words and sentences can’t keep up with my thought process at that level, it’s a completely useless endeavour. By the time a sentence is said, it is already irrelevant, it was too slow. Trying to put words to my insights and my mental activity during this state is just a physical,mathematical, structural mismatch. The grids don’t mesh, the joints don’t fit, square peg in a round hole. And I sincerely worry about this in the future if I unlock this part of my mind. If words can’t aid me, what will protect me from the tornado? How can I share the contents of my mind to another? Is is only because my mind is mellow right now that I can even sit to type this. Otherwise I couldn't -- My mind and emotion feels out of control, hence I lock it away. I was feeling rough around the edges earlier today, and I mellowed myself out by masturbating. Or I mellow myself out by eating tranquiliizing food. Or I mellow myself out through a technology and youtube overload. I have to face the tornado of my mind and perception. But I must be honest about my own powerlessness. Whirling and swirling, I feel myself completely lost in it. Entering the tornado is like playing with fire. Every time invariably I hurt or burn myself. But what else is there to do? The way to enter the tornado is to do nothing and unplug myself from all activity. -- Before I forget that
  5. @Vibroverse I study physics at uni, but that doesn't make me a good physicist at all, because I haven't put the work into it. And neither do I identify myself as someone who preoccupies themselves with science or physics. But I used to be, and I was obsessed with abstract math and logic. And some elements of that thinking were fused into my inquiry of reality, flux and time. And how I happen to explain it to others in metaphor
  6. hahaha, I hope I'm not on that list. @Mason Riggle You're using mental gymnastics to not see the obvious, which is that Sam Harris is epistemologically stuck in physicalism. And doesn't appreciate the first order nature of consciousness or the present moment either. That's where Sam is at, I don't know why you're so desperate to contort and twist what's so simple.
  7. I get annoyed by some things and users on this forum. And if you feel that way (or however you want to frame it), I think you should go about another way. Sometimes I'm scrolling and I see people or types of posts I dislike so I understand where you're coming from. Maybe you could fully write your thoughts about certain things and users on this forum? iirc you leave scattered one liners criticising people for being jokey but that's about it.
  8. I'll be very hyped for any health videos you make, I'm in the slog of doing research and planning, and progress is slow I'll buy your book Leo whenever it comes out, and hopefully read it too
  9. Yeah I agree it definitely is a bit weird. He's been in monasteries and taken psychedelics. Funnily enough if it wasn't for Sam Harris I wouldn't have ever discovered meditation, and then discovered this world of non-duality. I have the temptation to over-read into Sam Harris' psychology, but there's no need. I think he simply is just that dense and committed to materialism. He's a funny idiosyncratic fellow for sure though
  10. @Emerald MGMT is great, I discovered them with that song at first about a year ago and just kept replaying. When you die is my most listened song of theirs. And then Little Dark Age. Little Dark Age album + a few other singles are great. Unfortunately, the gap between M and G in the alphabet is more than 4 letters, and it isn't a code for D and DMT Besides MGMT, the only other "psychedelic music" I listen to is by Mild High Club. The album Skiptracing is very chill but colourful
  11. Perhaps Sam Harris will be slightly more conscious of his doublethink through these discussions about consciousness. But I wouldn't be surprised if it made no difference to him, because he shows himself to be so unbelievably dense and fixed sometimes
  12. @Consilience Thanks, I'll give that book a look if I want to read some meditation literature @Nahm I have this conditioning and habit of forcing a lot. Also an aversion to not feeling things. And it's good you talked about that. @calibrate I'm deliberately avoiding psychedelics for now lol, I don't have access, + I have fluctuating depersonalisation/derealisation that might be made worse. With my DPDR it feels like there's a disconnect between "me" now and the "me" of the past, give or take my memories within several months (and very faint connection to things within a few years). More poetically, like a "black wall" between me and my past. Overall I have a lot of negativity that is released from meditation. And that is intensified by "digging deeper" and insights during meditation. And as all the replies have been saying here, the focus is on feeling that.
  13. Original (Thread Title)/question: "Would there be a problem if gender roles and non-heteronormativity were abolished?", which I later changed as I realised what was really behind my thoughts. So just know that that was my starting point. _____________ The way I see it, society places undue expectations on how one should behave or act depending on whether they were born with a vagina or penis. Perhaps what I’m asking is the same as asking “Would there be a problem with X ‘low consciousness’ thing being removed?”, which might become a question of “How or why do these low consciousness things exist in the first place?” ? In which case the whole questioning process might be faultily framed and held in the first place. --- I’ve had plenty of exposure to Islamic religious fundamentalism through my family and environment growing up, and I would like to think I understand some things from that domain fairly well. Understanding Stage Blue and other associated things quite well. Even so I still struggle to “empathise” or understand why various religious and ideological systems have these various themes. What the logic is behind a lot of these things. For example, lots of these systems have a strange relationship to anything sex or gender related. Why would men fucking other men in the butt have to do with anything morality or society related? The only effect I see of doing that is oppression. Perhaps the answer is just that I don’t appreciate the vantage point I have versus what others have, as absurd and retarded I find some other POV’s to be. So was anything in the domain of sex so strongly controlled because before the strong control, people just raped and abused each other? And so these systems exist because men and humans might just become wild impulsive animals? Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh it makes no sense but it does. -- Ultimately, what I'm typing out is my problem with digesting and accepting that people can think things I find completely crazy, illogical and inferior. That's the root of what's going on in my mind, and I "projected" it onto other people as I questioned and pondered why they are so "retarded" with this arbitrary question of gender and sex , rather than focusing on myself. Very strong feelings of frustration arise in trying to understand and empathise with these POV's, as well as the hundreds of other POV's that I find absurd... Frustration because I feel I'm not accepted! Bingo! Despite that mini insight the energy of the frustration is still not expanded. I realise that this is essentially just me journalling to myself but I'll post it here anyway.
  14. Yeah, I plan to make it formal again, otherwise it's pointless Alright, interesting advice I'll probably apply. Concentration meditation and concentration to be the main focus. When I used to be regular with meditation, I didn't have a method other than just trying to pay attention to my experience in totality. But this is a long time ago and I have no such inclinations necessarily now. Whenever I meditate nowadays it's always with the intention of concentration meditation through Kriya Yoga. I find the concentration method in Kriya Yoga very hard to do, but very rewarding. However I should try zen shit of counting breaths more. Because since I find (third eye, or any type of meditative) concentration hard to do, my mind wanders from that objective very often and my mind goes into some tangent or gets lost and obsessed with different energies and etc coming up. But I'm sure it's just a matter of practice. I couldn't turn meditation into some superficial thing even if I wanted to, I've seen too much Okay, sounds good. I'm nervous but that's fine.

  15. lmfao replied to lmfao's topic in Self-Actualization Journals

    In my meditation, it feels like I summoned all my past versions of me. Tension and energy was building and building till it reached some sort of explosion and tipping point. Having summoned all past versions of me, and in the same manner I tried to probe and scan for future me's. It feels difficult and I get a weird feeling from doing so. After the meditation, my typical construct and paradigm of "depersonalisation" or derealisation feels transformed/gone/transmuted. But I'm left with this weird other kind of emptiness thats making me very anxious.
  16. Jfc that was one of the most demented things I've ever read. Very gruesome. I've never liked China, but I never thought much about it. Now I'm definitely more consciously aware of it. As well as the government, I never heard much good about the businessmen who are ruthless there. If they have over a million people in camps, you can just imagine what justifications they use to arrest people. There wouldn't be any reason, they just make one up for whoever they want to arrest. I found this https://foreignpolicy.com/2018/09/13/48-ways-to-get-sent-to-a-chinese-concentration-camp/ This is all literally sounds like the closest thing possible to a holocaust in the 20th century Japanese supremacy for life, I'll continue watching my animes.
  17. I think this is getting off topic now but I'll comment anyway. Some of my anger and isolation arises from interacting with stage blue culture as well. I was raised muslim and went to Islamic Sunday school. Being irreligious made me feel disconnected to my family, so the only thing left is school. Sunday school aside, my regular high school during the week was very authoritarian and toxic with rich white kids trying to outcompete each other in grades and studying. But even the authoritarianism and people's obsession with studying aside, I couldn't relate to many people my own age. Small talk and gossip I couldn't give less a shit about. I always preferred hanging out with older kids whenever I could. I'm the youngest of 4 siblings, and I think that made me mature in some ways for my age. But right now I'm very immature in other ways, e.g. being an independent functioning adult Getting back on topic now The work to do can feel endless. But truthfully, the "why me God?" is more like a superficial lamenting because I love it "deep down". Doing any sort of shadow work is some mixture of "anxiety-excitement" for me. You're right it doesn't feel personal when I do it. I'm basically at the point now where I can't be silent even if I wanted to. Because I'm acting out "what's meant to unfold" , and I learn more and more about how emotions work as I do it.

  18. Official Jordan Peterson Thread

    lmfao replied to The_Alchemist's topic in Personal Development -- [Main]

    Guys guys, we'll all have plenty of time to bully talk about Jordan Peterson when his new book 12 more rules for life comes out in March 2021. I'm gonna read it because my life's that sad that Jordan Peterson is the equivalent of celebrity gossip for me.
  19. @mandyjw The simple truth of it is, unless someone thinks the same as me (within whatever bounds I've unconsciously created), I hate it! Like unless people agree with me, I'll feel lacking or alone or not accepted. So I have just need to let go and be at ease with other people thinking and being what they are. But there's also another thread here. I hate "being the villain" , hate disagreement and hate conflict with people. And that's intertwined with disliking people having other opinions, because I dislike conflict. But the universe keeps guiding me to taking the role of being abnormally honest in real life, where I have to be the one to say and do difficult things for the sake of lifting up myself and those around me. Sometimes I get pissed at God "Oh why oh why do I have to be the one to do it, why can't someone else". But it's all good I guess. Gets me excited and nervous at the same time. If I want things to change or improve, I have to be the one to take responsibility and take those first steps, can't expect others to do it for me.
  20. It's not about you being confused. It's about you giving non-answers like "It's self-evident.", as well as your pattern on this forum of asking other people questions without giving any meaningful input. If you're going to ask people questions all the time, at least type something meaningful and show that you're engaging.
  21. @Derek White This is very true as well. -- @Rilles Good point about fertility Something associated to that is raising children and having family units. Making sure "women be women" by doing their motherly duties, making sure "men be men" in their fatherly duties. Perhaps the male/female divide was the strategy used for division of labour. Whilst seeing it as a division of labour is one angle, I'm open to others. Humans don't always do what's best for their survival. Sometimes they do quite the opposite due to "ego", and that is another form of survival. It's important to make the distinction between "ego survival" and actual physical survival. Sometimes you can link the two (since at the deepest level the reason for "ego survival" existing is no different to physical survival) , but sometimes you can separate. "She'd rather die before admit she was wrong" , sometimes humans are stubborn to the detriment of their survival. -- @Leo Gura Male/female duality being heavily enforced for the sake of survival makes sense. Coming along with that is the taboo of homosexuality. It looks like a strategy with "wisdom" behind it (in the right situation), but it's not always an "optimal strategy". It just looks like something that was done because from that limited POV it looked like the best thing to do.
  22. @levani why do you want to cry? Is this about more than just crying? Or is this a random question? Recently I don't cry very much, but I used to cry a lot. -- When I was younger I used to have the ability to cry on the spot. As a fun acting skill, but I never used it to manipulate, just a fun trick. The trick is to just create very specific internal thoughts and feelings to cry. Finding a specific trigger or internal image/thought that makes you cry. But as I got older and have had all sorts of mental health and psychological disorder changes, I don't find it so easy. Trying it now. I can get my eyes to water, but I can't get more than a small tear or 2. But I'm happy I still got it!
  23. Makes sense that there's such strong polarity for survival. Sex evolved for a reason.... And family units. @The_Alchemist yes good pun lmfao Hahahhahah
  24. Very true. As well as "tackling one problem at a time" with whatever tools one has, one's curiosity will naturally lead them trying to discover a 3rd or meta-perspective since problems seem to be endless. Easier said than done and I've yet to be/see/do.
  25. I was journaling to myself because I yesterday I spent time in a social gathering, and something felt very off. I felt negative during it…. I feel more lonely in the company of people sometimes, and that confuses me. Why am I setting myself up for failure to desire having company and then hate it? And I realised I had felt this feeling before as a theme throughout my life, as early as when I was 4 or 5 years old. Okay, so I put the pen down, sit down with myself for a bit. Just brooding and thinking about it all, what’s going on. Then I realised best tangible example or thing to investigate and look at. I have this friend who I talk to, I’ll just call them “X” here. I enjoy talking with them about philosophy and psychology stuff. Why they’re a good example to investigate is that it shows how my mind is self-contradictory and doesn’t know what it wants and can never be happy, despite talking to this person who I vibe with. I realised that even though I enjoy talking to them, very often I still feel uneasy and dissatisfied. The truth is I regard this person as different and an outsider from “my tribe”, which has a population of 1, me. I think they’re too mundane, happy and satisfied with unimportant things. I judge this person as not hardcore, and as fundamentally different from me. - I then contemplated a fallout I had with a close online friend some time ago, although it’s not really comparable to the previous example. This online friend guy, who’ll I just label “Y” , is normie and not into any of this intellectual or intuitive psychology/philosophy or spirituality crap at all. But, it was still an example I thought I also thought about my old close high school friend who’s normie and boring to talk to (again, not comparable to X). I then started contemplating more generally about my entire life. - And then suddenly a breakthrough. I realise, I hate and despite all people who I judge to not be on my level! I judge them all as inferior and beneath me! I need to inflict my wrath and vengeance upon them all! As I dug deeper, I found a desire for revenge and payback. Payback for being ignored and ostracised, laughed at and ridiculed. Anger and wrath for not being accepted. A desire for mindless destruction and murder of everyone! And I let myself just get possessed and express this all in written form to myself. Violent fantasies of wanton murder and destruction. Accompanying the spite of “I’ll shoot you all and chuck you off cliffs”, “I’ll slit your throat you stupid cu**”, there is anger of not being accepted and loved, self-hatred. The hatred and the spite, it's juiced for a twisted sort of pleasure. For some reason, there's a sick and twisted enjoyment to negative emotions and positions, as hard as that is to believe whilst you're under the influence. But it takes honesty and humility to drop it , since you feel self righteous, indignant and justified. And I'm yet to embody this or dig deep, I've only scratched the surface. -- And then I realised a different point. Why is it that as a society people are so averse to their dark side? Why don’t people accept themselves and accept others? Why the taboo around any of this? From reading this, 99% of people will get worried, scared, concerned that I’ll act up and be violent. Well I won’t! I feel quite good and friendly instead! It’s that false interpretation that allows “the shadow” to ever exist in the first place. Because of all these taboos, and then we suppress and hide our true selves and get miserable. -- Fundamentally, the ego wants to kill and desecrate all enemies that disagree and disrespect it. BUT. Such intense severity is like a child temper tantrum, or an angry dog which wants to bite everyone. Almost sounds cute when you put it like that. I'm sceptical of anyone who disagrees and I call you a liar. I accept the possibility that I'm projecting. But I'm strongly convinced that you're a liar. This doesn't mean that I reject perspectives around positivity which might be judged as lovey-dovey, for then I am at the equal and opposite delusion.