lmfao
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Everything posted by lmfao
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@mandyjw Wow, very true words. That rings some forgotten bells. Hmm, now I feel some sadness and regret that I used to have such wonder and awe but not now. Hey, whatever works, works. Lol -
I only jest What keeps me away, my lack of vigilance or my worrying about vigilance? Yes having the dedicated spot and ritual is very important. Doing 1 thing there and nothing else. I see what you mean about not obsessing over the thought outside of the session yes, good point
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Monday 26/04/2021 14:42 Typing is faster but my best journalling happens on paper. Why? Probably because of association. I use my computer for wasteful activities and to get connected to The Wired (Serial Experiments Lain is such a good show, need to watch more). I use it to set up constant streams of noises and distractions. What's the mechanism there then? Some sort of way to avoid facing and accepting feeling...I don't know what name to put to it. But it has addictive component as well. Maybe there'll come a day when typing, the superior format in terms of word speed, starts to appeal to me. But I will always be an analogue>technology man in terms of what I appreciate. I've ranted before about my fear of a world where everything is reduced to 1's and 0's, everything becoming grey, colourless and standardised. Natural things simply have more character and have a real feeling. I like the sensation of touch of different materials or of dirt. Paper feels better than a Kindle. Real wooden logs>electric VR fire
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@Hello from Russia Hahaha. I don't know what exactly they're eating there, but at least cattle can eat leftovers or crops that are inedible to humans, and then we eat them. But if you feed them shit it makes sense they wouldn't be very healthy for us. @soos_mite_ah In regards to your ethics point, yeah this video didn't address that and the ethics can be different from considering economics and environmental (although some people will argue they happen to fall on the same side, conveniently so perhaps). Ethics about is it right to kill animals for food, etc. And yeah, it's obvs a systemic thing to change from a government perspective. If veganism is your ideal and you're into politics heavily, you still have to admit how far away your ideals are from being actualised in the world. When you consider all countries and societies, the biological and psychological history of mankind eating meat. But what you do have is control over yourself, and that's the only thing that matters. When having these discussions, I think the facts of economics or environmentalism don't matter. Not that they shouldn't matter, but describing what's actually animating people. It's all just representations and dialogues of ethics. The world and all speech being everyone talking to their own projections Lmaoooo you might be right tbh
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@Tim R I'm in the 3rd year of my university degree right now. I hate physics and my degree, for context. I have tonnes and tonnes of catch up studying throughout this e-learning year to do now within the next month, so I understand your question of negative motivation (not wanting to fail is mine) and procrastination. What I have the tendency to do is enter panic mode of forcing myself. I end up getting stuck in the same place for a long time but keep trying to push despite not being able to focus. And then when I push myself and feel shit, I eat junk, masturbate a bit more than I would normally, etc What I'm slowly learning is to take it easier mentally. It comes down to 1) basic letting go and not resisting or changing your feelings, listening to them 2) cultivating a more optimistic outlook, although that's hard for me.
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Sun 25/04/2021 17:03 This depersonalisation, it is feeling like nothing I am doing (ie with moving my body) or I am speaking is me. Some sort of robot or automatic program is running me but it isn't me doing it. It's as though my body and the entire world is moving far, far too quickly. The feeling therefore is guiding me to slowing down and doing less of this automated activity. Becoming aware of whatever program is acting of it's own accord. And to speak or talk or do too much feels discordant. Two days ago I thought I somewhat pinned this feeling of depersonalisation to feelings behind my eyebrows in my head. And being mindful of it resulted in random jolts of energy. But ultimately I didn't get far with it. 19:07 Now I'm left feeling irritable and impatient instead. My usual coping strategies and cognition for working failed, and so instead an impatient rage aimed at efficiency has taken over. In some sense I think this needed to come up but to get lost in this would be a mistake. I shouldn't allow myself to be "run" by this either. Anger is tiring and destructive. So, lets relax. Jumpy and impatient energy still fills me. But those are labels.
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@TheDao When it comes to 13/50 statistic and the high rates of crimes in black population, consider economic and sociological factors for WHY it's like that. Consider all the karmas, causes and effects of history. And even if you wish to dismiss all that, consider the empathic and solution orientated response. Consider where the solution lies, in contrast to some of these conservatives who like to label all poor people as lazy, or all criminals as poor decision makers, and then proceed to make no changes. Many conservatives like to ascribe blame and judgement in order to not solve the problem. That's quite literally the opposite of what you should want to do. They have no solution to any of these problems, they aren't interested in one. In fact many of them have entire ideologies of just wanting to go back in time to an unspecified period, when things are worse.
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lmfao replied to OneIntoOne's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@OneIntoOne Good stuff my dude. I don't agree with or see for myself the distinction you've been making between 1) and 2). Not because I think you're wrong, just it doesn't do anything for me I've seen Leo make a similar distinction to you perhaps. Where he talks about 2) as the embodiment and mastery of insights and things he has discovered -
Ahaha, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah.... Yep, that's basically the only decent regret to have. Before even a word of the judgement has been spoken, the movement or framing to speak it IS itself already the judgement, and a "misperception" at that. Insert words about inherent self referential nature, tautology, strange loop,........etc
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I think with these discussions the bottom line often just becomes "do the best you can". What else is it besides of the question of "can I reach that high?" "can I be happy?" Discussion still interesting though.
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I think it's hard to tell. Not only are all people different, but we're all trying to find out the truth for ourselves. We run into problems of whether we believe or don't believe what other people say. I've tried doing meditations where I give up any method, and I just sit with the single minded intention to find truth, as best I can. I usually end up being distracted, things get intense and I'm distracted. I was hoping to enter non-dual realms. What instead came up was lots of my unconscious and primitiveness. Journalling then later, I came to the insight or idea that I'm supposed to live "unrestrained". That I always have the freedom to respond and act as I want. It was no progress towards enlightenment or the such however, unfortunately. I got somewhat of a more non-verbal understanding of my ego though. The image of it in my mind is one of crushing/constriction, and catharsis. I don't know what to do with my ego. I just get the urge and temptation to crush. I just end up finding myself being more and more animal than I thought. And then I realise I need to discard all notions of animal vs civilised. I'll try meditating like that again and again though. Just need to get better at not taking the bait of my thinking. -- @Leo Gura makes good point, convenient excuse to remain a devil. My first impulse was to just reply to this thread with "If you say so" lmao
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Different ways to use MBTI. You can treat it all like a fluid bunch archetypes, impressions and intelligences, which you attract and visualise. I like it like this. And then when you have those other conversations you tell someone MBTI doesn't change and whack them on the head.
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@Phyllis Wagner lmao @m0hsen I think the common ground you will agree with Leo or Tim R is that meditation practice is vital, psychedelics alone won't carry you. Leo's position has usually been that you need meditation in tandem with psychedelics to make serious progress. And Psychedelics speed things up. Leo sees it as a probably factual thing to say "Yeah you can't recreate DMT trips without DMT". I haven't tried psychedelics, I have no idea. But he could be right. But, even if he was right, would it be bad news? The conversation is expanded by those conversations about absolute vs relative, "states of consciousness vs absolute" being the framed argument. I remember Leo's analogy of a lightning bolt existing for a very short period of time being no less true than anything else.
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I can't tell if this is sarcastic or self righteously indignant. If it's the latter with no sense of irony, just look at the ridiculousness of what you've presumed.
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I guess so as well lol. In a nihilism here as well, and I suppose I just say "well I'm alive so may as well just let this play it's course". I have the strong desire though for truth and freedom from suffering, even though it looks impossible to me. Getting high states of consciousness used to feel so easy for me...now with so much biology and mental health changes I don't think it happens easily now. Nonetheless though, that's still the intention. In trying to make that intense commitment or intention, I come across my old habits and egoic re-enforcements that distract me and stop me going all the way in. Or rather, it's like my unconscious contents come up, and I become more aggressive as my ego backlashes from my attempts to go deep. So I almost feel like I'm oscillating between the extremes of "selfishness" and "selflessness", not understanding what I am, and trying to understand both sides. Maybe there's "nothing to do" or "nowhere to be", but maybe your perception of whatever "it" is isn't unbounded and free yet.
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@Someone here Do you have any addictions or compulsions as such? Can you tolerate boredom or doing nothing?
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@RoninWolf It's all about the unconscious. Something changed for him, something came up. Who knows what caused what exactly. But all humans have the personal and collective unconscious. All humans have repressed or veiled/undiscovered things inside of them. The animal brain is in all of us. We all have a shadow. The existence of a shadow is more encompassing and certain than the existence of these spiral dynamics stages. People can come into sudden and abrupt contact with something in their unconscious, and it causes a big change in them. Sometimes it could look like they've been "possessed" by something. Phases or changes like this simply just happen. People digest and work through various things that arise in them. -- Maybe view the stages as general patterns/forces which interlock chaotically, where "Me=orange" isn't end of discussion. Using the spiral dynamics angle to look at mystical changes and spirituality often fails imo for the people on this forum it seems. It doesn't work or feel right to do that, in my eyes. The imposition of SD onto that domain seems a bit useless.
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Monday 19/04/2021 11:11 I think I often forget the very obvious fact that whatever I'm thinking, I'm indeed thinking and is in my mind. I can get so lost in my thoughts that I imagine the thoughts to be something external to me, but it is in fact here with me. I think this partially adds something to not procrastinating. It's then somewhat impossible to procrastinate facing my fears and negative emotion, because whatever I'm thinking about and am lost in thought about is already here. The alarm clock is ringing, it's already time. Whatever I'm thinking about is indeed already here, in my mind. This is a very important point to realise. The mental lag between not even realising that your fantasy and bendy maze of mirrors is indeed actually occurring. -- The pain in my stomach yesterday was unbelievable. Eating any food sends me into an intense nausea and pain right now. I had this for 1 week several weeks ago, and now I'm having it again. After I only had 1 meal yesterday, I was so nauseous I was making gagging sounds but no vomit came out. And so I instead forced myself to vomit hoping I would feel better. It hardly helped. I tried eating yoghurt later yesterday, my stomach made lots of sounds and I had the same problem. I've been losing weight quickly due to this. This has all been very unpleasant, but at least I'm getting one benefit perhaps. I'm gonna be ringing and going to the doctor ASAP, this is all so unbelievably painful and debilitating. I have too many stresses in life as well regarding uni, but I'm now taking steps to face them, god willing. My imagery is one of my intestines being all tangled up and tightened. Plus a deep pit of negative emotion and misery. This is all going together with all the pressing deadlines I have. I'm gonna have to change my course, I can't just "push through" some of this. Need medical advice and support from uni. -- Yesterday was an intense day. When I was feeling extremely low, someone reminded me by mentioning one of my best friends who commit suicide. All that repressed grief came out again. I just erupted crying. I had forgotten about him and had repressed it. Typing this now, I'm tearing up slightly. I woke up this morning feeling a lot better. Just briefly, I was feeling great. But then I remembered the events that happened yesterday I felt and the guilt I felt, and this guilt was a very old thing I recognised suddenly coming to the surface. It's as though the universe will present me with the same situation again untill I choose differently. And so I've chosen slightly differently. But I felt like shit. Saw some other thing which made me feel like shit as well. And so it is I wonder. What was that sweetness in the morning? Why does any of this have to happen? What is my choice now, and is existence + reality a prison on what I can do, where I am predestined to go through all sorts of garbage? But why ask such questions? What are such questions? The taoists like to say war is the opposite of reality so as to prescribe how I should align, but if I'm not in a war then what am I in? I've had a hope or fantasy that I could terraform and recreate myself. Platitudes about Plato's cave are another plateau.? Lmao. I'm pruning the ___? Hedges. Ledges like the Freemasons are ___. Praising.
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Sun 18/04/2021 09:53 Alright so let me switch off the music first, it's just noise when I play it constantly like this. I woke up at 04:30 after sleeping at 23:00. I couldn't fall back asleep, but my body is groggy. I had some contemplations and things whirling in my mind earlier but now it's vanished into the thick fog in lieu of my sleepiness. Too tired to do anything, but I can't fall asleep either. Am I to accept my place and lie here as a starfish? Through will alone am I to attempt increasing my consciousness and let go? Despite torpor and sleepiness being the very things which prevent from concentrating and increasing my consciousness? What's this double bind. 10:11 So be a starfish if you must, but keep your eyes open. Feel cold, sick and tired, but keep your eyes open. Don't let your distraction be hijacked. Know when to not use your phone and laptop. That alone is enough. However you might close your eyes or avert your gaze sometimes anyway. It will happen. Maybe you lose focus for a few moments or for a few lifetimes. Doesn't matter. When you remember again, remember your intention and keep trying. Perhaps this is what dhikr means
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@ilja One angle is the term "NPD" as a clinical psychology construct. So you can have the clinical psychology perspective there. Another angle is that the word is used by someone to describe people who they perceive as being focused on themselves in a manner which is detrimental to their agenda. Another angle is that narcissism is an abstract/pervasive quality of all "ego" in general. So something to be aware of, maybe you transcend. Narcissism then is literally resistance to reality / the present. Because the ego juices resistance, it IS resistance, it loves all that juicy drama and victim narrative. The narcissist always thinks they've been wronged or slighted by others. Its all in the framing and language. You can use what I said above to just label anyone you dislike as narcissistic. At worst you can have an anti-life position that dislikes display of colour and emotion.One should be careful to make a pathology out of demonising narcissism in the same way you wouldn't want to make a pathology out of demonising ego. Someone could rationalise mistreating children because they perceive children as narcissistic, for example. Be weary of judging, projecting. Maybe it's all a hologram
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Sat 17/04/2021 11:47 I finally tried to talk to _____ online in the end after dodging it for so long out of fear (Too long a story to explain). This is a situation which opened up my PTSD. I feel unsatisfied from the outcome of it. I don't know what to do about feeling unsatisfied. Before I was fearful on the verge of a panic attack. I still am anxious. But now I'm pissed and annoyed as well. I could "take revenge" or act more out of spite. Now I must remember my goal is to ensure I handle being meek and fearful, unafraid to express myself in the future to avoid all these problems to begin with. Now, I don't know whether my inaction to express my anger further in what will look unsightly will be restrained by fear or in seeing how it's futile to do so. To ensure I put more finality into addressing my original problem of anxiety, I will express the anger. Better to overcome the fear and be spiteful than to be fearful. Intention to put this demon to rest. Rather than it being spite or anger though, it's an authentic and innocent, joyful last joke/expression of mine. Press F for _____ hahaha. I will do this at a better time during the day as well if I want this joke to work. Let's set a time for it !!! It's perfect then. Feeling like an evil villain right now and taking glee in it. Even if my plan doesn't work or get the results I hope, oh well. At least I tried! Go into it with zero expectations of result, just do it until the bare minimum happens. "This is my last war troll!!....LA LA LA LA" --- Okay what else do I need to do today. I should contact uni support or something today. Message ___ and ____ as well regarding project progress tomorrow. Probably need to have a meeting with someone. So I'll message that today. That will be easy. And I should also have busy days filled with things I want to do on top of what I have to do, and not making so much excuses with my health. Ofc I will know to take it easy, and pick path of less resistance and don't fall into old patterns. Just know that this sloth and anxiety is another pattern. I have a lot on my plate but there are some things to do -- 12:55 Alright let me write an actual schedule for things then. Next 45 mins I spend messaging some University contacts. Maybe even contact my tutor as well. Then I'll set up things on my second account for this troll to work for sure in case of emergency. Maybe even a third account I should do it with? That's maybe too far. Anymore is a waste of my time and excessive. Anyway, I'll set up those logistics in a brief time. Let's give that 20 minutes of planning. And I'll execute the plan maybe 1am or 2am {this is nothing involving actualised.org btw, in case people are worried} I'll do some kriya yoga probably then. I haven't done kriya yoga in a while, just breath meditation when I meditate. Maybe I'll end up wanting to take a nap during the day I don't know... And then after that, unless/until I nap, I'll do my university work. Oh, but maybe I should got for a walk some time today though and go outside. Maybe go outside BEFORE I work. 18:23 I instead spent 4 hours on a walk in the car. Now because of my sleeping pattern my day probably ends here. Depends when I'll wake up. I might have to do my troll another day or time. And fuck, I'll message the uni peeps after I wake after sleeping now.
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@Leo Gura This might have been the government's tactic all along. They're gradually exposing and familiarising people to the concept of aliens until people will no longer be as shocked when they break the news to everyone. People will be very shocked ofc if it ever gets confirmed 100%, but I think there will be a small factor of people being like "Meh, we kinda already knew that". But fuck being jaded, I'll still be excited. With all these pieces of fiction, video leaks, maybe it will help prime us for the true revelation/story/confirmation if it ever comes. [Ofc Idk myself if aliens exist].
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@Ethan1 My main addiction is to lots of technology crap and distraction there. I don't mean to dramatise it and make it sound theatrical, but these sites were designed to addict. They're all trying to compete for your attention, having designers who had in mind "How can I get people to spend the most time here?" Scrolling is a low level gambling mechanism. Most of the time you click and scroll, you don't find anything very entertaining/funny/interesting. But sometimes you find something good. Uncertainty in reward raises dopamine higher than certainty of reward, experiments on monkeys with levers showing iirc.
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A myth/narrative on this forum is that "high consciousness" entails that you have certain values. It comes along with all the spiral dynamics talk as well. -- That video was hard to watch. Also good post @Roy