lmfao

Got ya. Imma chill it, just a smidge bit

THE BEST IMAGE IN TELEVISION HISTORY. I coom. I thought to myself "I have unfinished business" and BOOM. I remember this. His unfinished glass Walt was about to give up. But then he saw the interview with Gretchen and Elliot. And he got up for one final Act. And what an act it was. -- I thought I was almost fine with the decision to be mellow/warm/content, but I'm not. I have unfinished business and there's a sense in which ambition implies dissatisfaction. This pattern has played out a few times for me. But it shouldn't be an excuse for me to go about things in the exact same way and get burned. In my happy go lucky mode, I'm somewhat ignoring or not addressing my deep problems or discomfort. But. I can reach a better balance between extremes of hardcore mentality vs happy go lucky. Choice of words is irrelevant. All I know is that my Act isn't over yet. I was ready to cease my ambition, but I perhaps I won't do that exactly. It's a balancing act. And like I said, the way I've done things until now is unsustainable and lacks wisdom

Rest in peace the homie

@Leo Gura I've heard you say, reality is as it exactly appears. If that is so, is it merely just a fantasy to cling to the hope of and have fantasies of "relative truths" becoming true later on? .... I have fantasies or hopes where I awaken, but still get to keep my perception/interpretation of the outer world. I will get to keep my interpretation that other people exist, keep my interpretation that time indeed exists, etc. A hope that I can have the "best of both worlds", having my cake and eating it too. Is that all but a myth? Solipsism "isn't a bug but a feature". The magnitude of the problem far transcends anything within the confines of a forum or any advice. Because the second I even think in hypotheticals of you Leo being an actual person with their POV who's reading my message, the problem is already arisen. And you Leo are typing of your own accord to someone who you don't know exists either. -- Odd question, how connected and grounded do you feel in your body? I've recently opened up to going more meta to "different ways of holding and relating to my body" and my experience regarding why I feel disconnected. Doing shit like going for runs or lying down in the grass with my skin touching But I'm curious about whether you feel grounded in physical body, although I know the question might be pointless since I can't project onto you, even if you existed. -- And despite all I've written about absolute truth, apparently I can still walk downstairs, cook some pasta and live my life. How odd. And so that's what I'll do

Those two seeming opposites are something that's always been a bit weird for me. "Macho vs nice" is a common meme. I perceive myself oscillating between different things, struggling for an identity. You will be a cuddly teddy bear in someone's eyes, a ruthless devil in someone elses. If there's anything I've learnt from seeing my own and people's different perceptions, it's that the world is a hologram. To "me", the world is infinite in foolishness and ephemeral voices which are to be brushed aside. Concerning myself with matters of stiff vs spontaneous, authentic vs non authentic, saying nígger vs not saying nig***, retaliate vs turn away, etc

Pfizer > Oxford. I got pfizer, injection site on arm sore for 1 day but then nothing else unusual

Cool that this thread was just bumped, le synchronicity I tried Jed Mckenna's suggestion today of trying to write what's true, and questioning and taking apart things. And you go all the way with it. Pushing your mind's sanity and thoughts to the limit like that, "going meta" (that label is secondary) like that is a very interesting thing. Doing the exercise showed me the limits of my mind which I weren't aware of. Apparently, doing that sort of thing is what "koans" are about. Concentrating madness and frustration of the mind. I ended up being filled with panic and fear by the end when questioning how I know "I" , "fear" or "suffering" exist, in relation to a specific and intense fear I have. Still feel it. I've been perceiving a weird conflict between "depth" and "breadth" in searching for truth. Sometimes "breadth" is an excuse to distract yourself from something you find unpleasant, but is perhaps good for you. Being scattered. Sometimes "depth" is an excuse to get stuck in the same place and be miserable for no reason.

Standing up from my meditation, I take out my ear plugs and hear people mildly arguing. In this particular instance it doesn't off centre me much. There is the conditioning to act or distort a certain way in social situations, and the pattern is active before you even know it is. You have to alert to catch it. Critiques of my living situations and life decisions aside which I already know, one doesn't keep their meditative state when active in the world usually. But I'm wondering if anyone has, and if there's any method to it. When I concentrate in meditating, all I do is attempt to keep the deliberating mind on one thing, the breath. Other people and things can throw you "off centre", and the only thing I'm trying right now is just vigilance/alertness. Maybe I'm a bit too taut trying, who knows. But it's all trial and error anyway I know someone might try to start a dialogue to point me towards transcendence which takes the angle of poking fun at and deconstructing the idea of practicing and meditating. I'm fine with that if you do So I suppose I'm just contemplating "How can I keep that state?". "Do I just have to keep remaining alert and vigilant?", thoughts like that. The obvious thing to do is just meditate deeply and regularly. Has anyone here managed to keep their meditative or high concentration states in the world?

Considering the economic and environmental angle here. Made me not take for granted the misleading statistics and arguments vegans give about why meat production is bad for the environment. Don't know how true the stuff in this video is, my gut is 50/50. 50% bullshit Video starts off by referencing the idea that beef has a high water footprint as being a myth, "94%" of the water coming from rainfall. Then goes on to address the talking point of growing crops to feed humans instead of feeding cattle, and so on.

Human interaction and events are inherently chaotic and misshapen and non-fitting. Thinking, thinking, I'm tired of fucking thinking. I'm tired of thinking. To hell with low IQ rationalists and unimaginative dullards, get with it or get the fuck out. Let me fuck bitches get money and live in peace. "Thinking has never done me good"-the sentence's function is to express the current truth and feeling. But pernickety faggots will always say "oh but that's no true"....blah blah blah, no fucking shit you retarded nígger. When two people are together and interact, it is quite literally a matter of instantaneous chemistry. And when the jigsaw doesn't fit you reroute, maybe repeat yourself or instead go in circles, or something. But it's all so fucking slow. After observing my family and humans for long enough this should have been apparent to me. All my contentions to observations of them were in sense bullshit and too complicated. Humans who are in mutual agreement over a topic will still bicker and bicker. 1: "Oh why yes, I was just saying that because I saw you were XYZ. Oh and don't get the wrong idea, and I dont mean ABC, and I can see you're DEF" , 2: "Yes that's right, I am DEF, but I was reacting with GHI earlier because I perceived you were being ABC. But that's just my perception, and maybe it was wrong , Insert more gibberish" .... Then person 1 continues this shit anyway , 1: " Look, I was trying to just comment on the XYZ, why are you so defensive". And then person 2 keeps the rally going People in agreement still manage to talk in circles and circles. Emotions and arguments are like that, I'm like that. Life is like that. Emotions-thoughts are like quantum electron cloud forms which dynamically change shape. Overlap; no now it's collapsed; wavey and hovering the next moment And then at the root of it, fueling all those machinations is a dog forever chasing it's own tail. Now time to study for my retarded exams -- This rage is naught but an attack against myself ,my overreaching and stale mind. An attack against my previous modes and formulations. An attack against a life wasted due to second guessing. Ironic that my mind and thinking should be hyper active. Was intensifying and intensifying. *exhaling noise*. Whenever I'm writing on paper, I wish I could just make some system of markings and symbols to save time writing words, and to format and contextualise things efficiently. Always used odd symbols and markings, triangles, squares, using the margin, dashed lines.....but maybe if I found some way to just use it all well. That way, I could actually animate and get in the flow. Then I would feel like making my notes, my process, is alive and flowing. A proclivity for impatience and hastiness can be my strength. When my brain is hyperactive and chaotic, I get impatient and give up the task of writing. Calm down a bit, without entering some lazy full mode of torture.

@CBDinfused There is the seeing of one's own true nature. Of being infinite nothingness. And if you see it well enough, you'll see that this infinite nothingness (which is everything) is immortal. And so it is that I know that this nothingness will never die. Physical death is an illusion. Me, Mujtaba, my human self with a name might die. I don't know. Whether I have a "soul" which will reincarnate I don't know, but thats a lower order structure to absolute infinity/nothingness. My true self won't die. Naturally this is a scary thing when seeing. My mind keeps itself distracted from seeing this.

Friday 14/05/2021 +1 01:34 I'll stop clinging to the black. I really don't know why I was doing it. It was curiosity, and just the program. Voluntarily descending myself in this manner isn't the way. Being impulsive, mean and harsh is a waste of energy. It is pettiness and hyper (ego?) sensitivity. There is more yet to understand about it. I labelled my endeavour of contacting that "dark" as "becoming more conscious of". Which first of all, I don't really know what that means, and I shan't equivocate with pre-sumption being more conscious to becoming possessed by some obsession or meme. But that's what I've been doing a bit. I am very not okay with this dark black hole feeling of misery. But when my contact with it started to fade, I got scared and wanted to contact with it again. I then deliberately masturbated to hardcore porn of sadistic taste to bring to surface those same feelings stronger again, and it worked. But overall, I have no clue what I'm trying to do or what's going on. And that's the thing to see, that I'm just going along with some patterns and memory. In some sense, I was trying to erect a 2nd ego bubble of perception, one which is more mean. This little dark orb I've discovered, it's so weird. Maybe it's great I've discovered something, but I don't feel like that. I fear it's power may consume me. Maybe that's why I made it "unconscious" to begin with. With the dark orb in your hands, the ball is completely in your court. Now that you can feel this thing, what do you want to do? Predicting the future is impossible. One hand can't clap. Seeing the pain without getting lost in fantasy or turning away is what's hard

Friday 14/05/2021 11:05 After a charged conversation with my dad, something in my unconscious awoken. So I'm glad something happened. I feel as though I've discovered some sort of highly selfish, emotional but also very cold/mean core. It's like I'm conscious and in contact with some sort of black orb/hole inside of me. It feels so uncomfortable though, and I don't know why. It's making me stressed, agitated, upsetting my gastrointestinal track further. I'm just glad to have discovered this hidden thing, but I've been unwilling to examine it or let it go. I'm clinging onto the image of discovering a black orb. It's a energy of linear selfishness and coldness. So in a sense, extremely not complicated. Controlling and domineering tendencies. But, those tendencies are unnatural, they make me feel physically ill to be in contact with. I feel no love or heart right now. -- I'm glad to have made this discovery. And because of that, I'm unwilling to let go of my images and preconceptions. But I think I can become willing of that. And now I have to be willing to surrender to these uncomfortable sensations. Its so fucking painful. Holy shit The uncovering and presence of this dark orb was what I've been motivated and acting towards. What the hell is it? What's this dark orb and unconsciousness about? What's this selfishness and impulsiveness about? It all feels linked to me discovering my shadow through meditation from that day. Radical honesty, authenticity, all these things. It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts. For a very long time I've admired the psychopathic and joker archetype characters and modes of being. Admiring authenticity and not giving a fuck about what other people think. Is this the karma from that? Am I paying for my sins, for I wished and admired the selfish, and am now becoming the evil? Don't kid yourself Mujtaba. Who cares if God is punishing you if it's all a hologram.That said, I absolutely know this is linked to my life long prayer and fantasy to become authentic like that. This is a junction, a reaping or uncovering of something I wished upon to become actual. This black core is so extremely painful, but maybe this is the time to step into it. I'm ready for that. I'm starving and hungry, sleep deprived, moody, agitated, on the verge of mentally exploding, but you can open anyway.

@Vision I can't draw lines between these things, I can only ramble. It makes no sense for me to, I can't. I will borrow Leo's analogy of dials on consciousness for later. Trauma and anxiety is thought to be a variable involved in DPDR often. People with DPDR are typically metaphysically existential, perhaps due to their altered state of consciousness. Maybe you can also draw the arrow of causality reversed or double sided partially though (e.g. perhaps questioning reality leading to anxiety maybe) I couldn't tell you how long I've had "DPDR" verses not had it, so it might be moot to make a lot of statements about it (ie contrasting it to no DPDR). Since I can only talk from my own consciousness . My earliest mystical experiences happened when I was 12, I've had a double whammy of crises in faith with my world turned upside down , discontinuities and black-outs in perception/identity, little connection to my past or past self. DPDR; The world seems unreal and dreamlike, but also foggy and somewhat visually distorted at times. And it isn't only the world which is affected, so is your self and mind affected. DPDR can feel like hell. Your ego and self may be a bit more loose than the average person, but you're still in Maya, and what you instead experience from this disarray is suffering. DPDR has a large brain fog component often, and you struggle to concentrate on anything. With DPDR, there is sometimes the feeling you are watching "yourself" but yourself is a robot/film/program which isn't you. I look at myself in the mirror, it feels very strange. -- In regards to the hidden "trauma". When DPDR gets at it's most intense and suffering, my monkey mind of thoughts, emotions and imagination are so powerful and overtake my mind that I almost blackout. I lose so much awareness of the outside world, as my mind just produces such powerful images that engulf my awareness. It's like blackouts due to getting lost in and abruptly switching between thoughts, emotions, outside world, imagination ; A disjoint and lateral mess. My most recent (several months ago) biggest mystical experience however happened in relation to dials on my consciousness which DPDR touches. Somehow I was just sitting outside in my garden contemplating and it happened. I saw for a fact that everything is Nothing, and that my true nature is immortal. I saw that dying was impossible, because you can't kill Nothing. It was certain. But then the dial kept turning up painfully. The ungrounding increased and increased, reality just increasedly felt more and more dreamlike in substance. And instead of "blacking out" it felt more like "whiting out". It felt painful. TLDR: For analogy, we might say DPDR and enlightenment touch dials which are near each other, or maybe sometimes touch some of the same dials. But those differences between them can mean the world, whether you describe the differences as big or small . "Heaven and Hell are a tenth of an inch apart" Perhaps the smallest of dx distinctions and nudges can be the difference between rambling anxiety and insanity such as this and crisp enlightenment. Or perhaps not, since everything I'm typing is not but a story --- Serial Experiments Lain was a really good anime, the vibes of it are very DPDR. The way things are disjointed and things don't make sense. Time, past, identity and location being in a postmodern non-linear shambles When it comes to things like my brain fog and not being grounded in my body, those are things I wish to work in. But it's hard, and part of the ungroundedness from "reality" might just be my temperament and have spiritual connections

I get ya. Shuzan held out his short staff and said: “If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality. If you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact. Now what do you wish to call this?"

Tuesday 11/05/2021 +1 01:30 Man, what will it take for this dissociation fog to lift? I'm not sure I even understand it anymore. I look at the world, and it doesn't seem real. It's dreamlike. Why am I not psychotic instead? If I was capable of psychosis surely I'd have got it already? Who knows. I'm somewhat insane, but not in the psychotic variety. What is my DPDR? Get tangible and grounded now. Well, it feels different. There is no space for thought if you try to focus on it

Monday 10/05/2021 +1 09:42 Love and Kindness alone isn't the answer, but it sure as hell is powerful. It's how you remain centred and to heal? Maybe I'm wrong about "it" not being the answer. Whatever the case, it's at least a great place to operate from. Very fed up of straining, "forcing and not going with the flow". But I refuse to give up my quest for understanding just cause I may start to discover the heart. Not gonna give up on "deconstruction", just because níggers like Sadhguru or David Hawkins recommend you transcend yourself by making yourself a stage blue bitch. I get it already. Your Fe vagina is huge and warm, and you've found your purpose in being subservient and cleaning old people's poop. That's one way to distract yourself until you die. [We get it already. Your Ti dick is huge and sturdy, and you've found your purpose in being a contrarian faǵ who dispels people's illusions] Truth or no truth. Love is great. Perhaps it's more powerful than everything else you run on? Despite how tempting that way of being a submissive nun and caretaker looks, it's not for you. Hahahaha Those were all roles you played! You played them like a fool, but perhaps it was good fun? It was good fun. Personality and times may change, but humour is eternal. So relax. You needn't get caught up in people's bullshit and taboos, e.g. where they believe that seeing the word nígger is a psychological mind attack. Alongside all other manner of empty rhetoric and sophistry. Cursing and brash with everyone. "At times it's vindictive, but most of the time it's playful fun" - I am beyond such justifications, and simply am. And if someone says they're hurt? There's no pre-planned response. Perhaps if I see honesty or realness in the other person, extend grace. All these perceptual filters and programs the average person runs on. They talk in "category" and mistake that for using words. -- There's a reason you stopped being so nice. And you still haven't figured out yourself yet because of that. And that's something interesting. Whether you're nice or not nice, love. Love, love, love. AND SLOWLY...... YOU COME TO REALISE

@Nightwise Good post. Religion is entwined so much in the matrixes of culture, society, upbringing and culture. So in some sense you need a discerning eye to see beyond the outer layer, for we struggle to express ourselves, and can only rely on the language and tongue native to us. Despite that however, I prefer to keep it simple a lot of the time for cutting through shit. It depends on the purpose of the conversation as well. -- In reference to those different people you were talking about, I know a woman who's a strange mix of blue and green. They really are a Muslim who believes everything in the Quran is true literally, but their nature is very green and very empathetic/multi-perspectival values in how they act and view things. Very liberal and tolerant. That's such a strange contradiction to me, insane and illogical. Too much cognitive dissonance. I have concern because I can see two opposing forces, and it already causes internal conflict. Cognitive dissonance such as these would send me into an existential crises or would turn everything upside down, but some people manage to ignore it and don't think in the same way. Many normies have such a large capacity for cognitive dissonance, because they don't wish to actually question or reflect on what truth is. My tolerance for cognitive dissonance is so small that at heart, I am a zealous extremist of sorts.

Thursday 06/05/2021 +1 10:03 I wasted too much time chattering. I should have only replied to the messages of my friend talking to me about Christianity. I have always had the urge for curse words and colourful language, but I restrain myself out of fear. "They're asking me to commit to a giant lie. When the naked emperor looks into my eyes and asks me to tell him how good his suit looks, I can only say n1gger". There is no reason or justification needed. People who are deeply afraid of language and taboos are acting out programs, they are regurgitating someone else's ideas.* I call everything and everyone n1gger. As I do with retard and fagg0t. *I am full of programs as well, regurgitating and mimicking someone else's ideas and principles. The foolishness of other people and the outside world is unlimited. If you believe in it, you'll forever be the slave of something -- Fear over being authentic or honest. Habit of not expressing or verbalising feelings and thoughts as they happen. Remember to go the full way though. Honesty means honesty all the way. I wonder if there's such thing as "authentic dishonesty" or "authentic liar". Those are funny conundrums to contemplate.

Wed 06/05/2021 +1 05:39 What are the anchors of sanity that I've lost, and what can I gain? It's pointing wrong however, "maybe I can reverse this". I am comfortable or fine with my own physical death, but this is incomplete or off. My indifference towards my own death seems to be due to hating life and finding it hard. Oscillations between ambition and indifference. I can't work out what this indifference is. It's me saying "I can't" rather than "I won't" it seems. And so I then subtly aline my life with my own self destruction. Despite the "negative" indifference however, the "insanity" is still a strength. It's not insanity, that's just a label. Framing it like that is off. But I'm not fine with anything, and I'm not fine with death. For if that was really true, why does the thought of certain things flood me with fear I avoid? Yes, you can handle the fear. That's the key thing to realise. For even if my worst fears concocted in my mind actualised, it wouldn't matter, I could handle it. Perhaps then my indifference to my own death could take on a different form. "Do you have the grit to sit through all the pain and emotion?". You'll be using the computer, but you have a really bad eye strain and head ache it. But to distract yourself from it, you keep using the computer. But the more and more you consume, the worse and worse the pain gets. Likewise, will my pain not intensify until I am able to pull the plug on distraction? You may finish Akagi at a reasonable pace. And vote at the AGM. I've seen a few of these impressions and forms come up many times before. Will I learn otherwise? Will I relate to them differently. The options appear limited. The paradigm of forcing discipline in that particular manner doesn't work. What I'm doing there is putting pressure on the arising/future. Weaving and pushing the slinki (black plane) to occupy space on the right/forwards. Occupying all the space there is a god awful idea and contortion. Unsure what bending left/backwards mean in this analogy if there is one. I don't feel one.** What are my options? I see one perhaps. Give up on fantasies of health and improvement, and instead work with the real. Give up on all fantasies and strict standards about what's "grounded" to adhere to as well. Give up your out of control worrying and ambition, let it be. Actually fuck it, none of that made any sense, and this whole conversation was for nothing. -- None of my problems were due to the digital. But this dry mouth and thirst, that was the problem. Yes. I can feel myself almost transported, yes to my childhood. But beyond that bubble I cannot go back any farther. There is nothing for me to see or have to know there beyond that, perhaps. Perhaps there is nothing else to know. You know about the heat, thirst, ordinary childhood, ordinary people, the madrasah, the slight boredom, the ordinary joys and annoyances. What else do I need to know about my past? It is not exactly thus? The ordinary friends, the ordinary adults at St A____s, your ordinary father, BBC News, playing Badminton, going to the Park. Your friends at school, bullies at school. Your loving father and mother. Your loving siblings. Your overactive and hilarious mother, playing on the wii, sitting in the hot conservatory, sitting in the cold conservatory. Watching Friends, watching Cartoon Network, watching Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends. Watching Big Brother. Playing in the Garden. What else? What else did I need? What else was there to do? Do I need anything else at all? I could simply die and fallaway exactly thus, and it wouldn't matter in the least bit. I could die with order, in this unchanging human-ness. A simple life Everything's changed, but nothing at all changed. I am ordinary. And exactly thus. -- This is your sense of ordinariness Mujtaba. However, that may not be the complete story. It is simple the reunion of all the different versions, images and perceptions of you. This is meshed in with a sudden flood of Si. "A self is constructed every time you look at yourself" Speaking of mental locations your mind visits. How long have you been imprinted in Uncle Memon's house? For such a long time now, you've hd the same image stuck in your mind of your own death and future. Why are images of Karl Marx and communism imprinted there? You see yourself split between cradle and death like a bowling split, it was all over in the blink of an eye. Image of lying outside in the grassy garden in the breeze, and fading to black like that. It must be some strange mixture of my depersonalisation and Si flooding which leads me to have the perception/illusion that I'm having freaky probings and reunions with all past and future versions of me. My attempts to rationalise it or give it words usually seems to get detoured. I understand visions of the past but it's the future element which is weird as well. My brain will hurt if I try to explain The spiders web/prison of memory and impressions is here. And it all started from feeling this thirst in my mouth. From this thirst, I was transported into 6 year old me, sitting in the hot car and being thirsty. Memory is a bitch. Fuck this boring shit. What will it take to get these chains off of me. The chains of memory and karma are bothersome. It doesn't help that my impressionistic and symbolic thinking knows no bounds in rumination. Any second now I could burst into an obsession with threads of hair, insects and embryos in visual impression. And then freak out about how trees and nature are alive on that super slow rhythm. ** Maybe this is what happens when the worm bends left, answered my own fucking question. Congratulations Muj. Fuck the worm, fuck the black plane, fuck right, fuck left, fuck that entire dumb shit. I made the whole thing up, this is all a thought stream of nothing "Tornado mind", obsession with that past label of mine is more tornado mind. It's been 9 months bro, stop ruminating over those memories.

@Shin Consciousness can be described with numbers. Yes or no?

For context I'm not great at chess. But I don't think it's only the elite who "significantly" benefit from opening theory. I see openings being important at my low level. Opening lines is extremely important is my impression. It all goes together. Trying to draw the lines between skill and memorisation is a silly task to try and do precisely, outside of the rough idea we have of that difference. Separating "latent ability" from what you've memorised isn't easy to precisely do, but we know there's a difference. Although it gets grey and is a fucking mess (aren't the more able also able to memorise more? How are we to make any distinctions ultimately?) But all that hog wash of that words aside, I have the general feeling memory plays a very important role for playing chess. Extremely important. But perhaps you can choose to describe the mechanics and meaning of "memory" however you want. You can make distinctions between different kinds of learning/understanding, different kinds of memory, if you're able to do that. I don't have enough tangible grounded experience to be able to make those.

@KhrLeo will resonate with some more than others. That's how it goes. But the way you reference "EQ" there to label and dismiss people, it's disgusting and reprehensible @Ghost I find it ridiculous too haha

Tuesday 04/05/2021 16:27 How can I ever figure out what's true? The words "what's true?" and everything spoken is a thought, only a subset of all experience. What's the significance of everything that's written or spoken being a thought? It drives me crazy. What even is the self, every time you look at yourself it's as though one is created. What even is my body, and how am I moving It? Does asking "What's true?" even have any meaning? How can anything have any meaning? I ask what is true (what object or statement or thought or thing has the quality of "true") but I haven't asked what is "truth" itself. I am unhappy and wish to seppuku. Feel the jolt awake. Create it. So where does that put my thinking? ughhhhdisugjhfi. This is severely distressing apparently despite no sensations or accompanying physical sense of pain or tension, phantom pain and distress. My thoughts and emotions are slower for some reason, but this is still uncomfortable. Mind panicked that itself and everything is meaningless. Shit, dead end. No, it's not a dead end. 1) Don't worry so much about conveying literal meaning into words, very deeply ingrained. Worried about whether other people can understand you. Also worry about accuracy (assumptions of language containing truth) 2) It's not a dead end there just isn't the rhythm for the direction, let your mind move on.

@Blackhawk I once listened to David Benator when he went on Sam Harris' podcast. First time I heard of anti-natalism. That was definitely interesting. The philosophy is something I am empathetic towards. It's not something I'd passionately argue or advocate for. But it's very logical and acknowledges the problem of suffering. Before I heard of anti-natalism I questioned the idea that I'd ever want kids when I'm older. My life has been a lot of suffering, I have a lot of mental problems, and I don't want to pass them on to someone else. Life is hard. All thinking aside, having kids just doesn't resonate for me rn. For reasons besides inherently anti-natalistic ones. Moreso that my personality and desire for it isn't there rn. -- Efilism sounds reprehensible. That's just a fancy justification for murder. -- Whilst much of anti-natalism makes some very reasonable questions and observations, its mixed in with much depression/apathy and victim mentality. Which I don't find to be very helpful for anyone still alive