Tony Tellez

are emotions my path to enlightenment? because I want to experience what I haven't experienced in the past, and all this buried emotions that are just coming out of my system ( because I decided to live a sober life) are making me stressed

So whenever I have a bad time and I need wisdom I think of quotes From my role models.. Like leo, infinite waters, and other role models but none came from family and that thought its making me feel like I can't trust nobody not even family all the "small wisdom" I got from family is wrong and it wa effecting the way I see the world, like all the wisdom from family its really low conscious, and its getting me a little depressed what should I do

I was walking to work one day, it was super hot, and as I was listening to a song I decided to look up the lyrics and I just started to get really emotional, "There was a time, I used to look into my father's eyes In a happy home, I was a king I had a golden throne Those days are gone, now the memories are on the wall I hear the sounds from the places where I was born" the song lyrics got me to realize I don't have too many good memories from my past and that my family didn't really cared for my emotional well being, I realized that there is so much emotions that I haven't experienced because I been drinking and smoking way too much weed the last couple years, so ever since then I promise myself that not matter how bad I feel I would never do those drugs again because all it does its numb my emotions because I didn't want to face my bad memories, I also want to have children in the future to teach them how to be emotionally happy...... I been sober but oh Its been a hell of a emotional ride, I realized I have zero people around me and Im super lonely (specially because I been moving to different cities all my life), I realized that maybe life should not be about being happy all the time but more of experiencing every emotion and learn from it, not getting numb to avoid it, but really I feel like I'm in hell right now... due to bad people in the past I cant seem to trust nobody and I just found out I might have fleas in my house so I might have to throw away everything, somebody please tell me that all this is part of the journey...

@Shin exactly thank you!

@Shin right, thank you, honestly I stopped watching porn I don’t know how long ago because I’m not counting, and I been doing lots of exercises and that has clear a lot of fog in my brain and I realized that I always have high expectations about everything and they mostly not come true and that got me stresssed out a lot.

i Have zero friends and nobody to talk to and I bet if I get fit and try to be good looking i will get more friends and people will listen to me more.... I don’t feel right about this buy this is how the world is... I can’t stop thinking about this

So I finally hit the motivation to go to the gym every day and that’s what I been doing daily for the past two weeks, and the only reason why I have this motivation is because I realized that everything is a ln illusion and that nothing is true, like having parents that helps me to feel better is an illusion( because they never did) having friends is an illusion and that everything really is an illusion that I can’t control,i realized that all my friends just come and fade away and that they don’t care about me really, the only thing I have control over is my body and my health and that’s it, I every realized that if I had a boyfriend is only because I’m fit and nothing else..

I I’ve edm music because a lot of the lyrics are positive, post your favorite lyrics that talks about enlightenment or self actualization!!

So I been trying to go tho the gym but I been failing a lot, I realized yesterday that I wanted to look good so other people think better of me, also I realized that I don’t love myself enough so staring today I’m going to have the mentallity that I’m whole and complete and I just wanna get “awesomer” and by going to the gym I’ll be getting more awesome, like my mentality before was to go to the gym because I’m too “skinny” and I don’t wanna be that way and that’s a horrible mentality, when I felt that way about myself my thoughts will focus on my weakness and That would lead me to eventually avoid the gym, also I’m surrounded by people that have really low beliefs about me and I’m trying to use everybody’s opinions to make myself stronger, also I realized that I might be stronger than I though because I have nobody that lifts me up and makes myself feel good, like even my parents always make me feel down, so for now on I’ll be posting more updates on my blog and I’ll be helping people out on here, it’s time for me to change

@pluto awesome video bro thanks!

So I just finish watching this episode from Black Mirror on Netflix, it’s called “hang the dj” for the second time and I got and insight about life from this one, and that is that we might be living on a matrix or a simulation.... the reason why I got that insight is because at the end of the episode they revealed that everything was a simulation and that’s the reason why she met her “husband” and they met at a bar while they were playing the song “hang the dj” that’s why they named it like that, so I did a little research about the song and it’s an old sing and the song kinda talks about how we live on a weird world... and all the comments on the video were talking about that same show I was just watching, did all this made sense to you guys???

@Leo Gura quick question, I’m planning to work 2 jobs this year? (I want to have like enough money to live for a year just in case of an emergency) and after a year take my dj skills more seriously and work way less, do you think money it’s worth all the stress?

Thanks you for all the replies! I’m actually going watch that video tonight

So I talked to few people about my self actualization journey and everybody looks at me crazy like “why you make your life complicated just be yourself and stop listening to other people’s opinions and habits” like why does everybody think they are so special? Like I realized that everybody is the same in a way, the only think different is that we have different hobbies and tastes but we all have a lot things in common, so why most people think they’re a unique wave in the ocean, I don’t believe I’m a wave, I’m the whole ocean..does this makes sense?

Thank you guys for the replies!!! Yea maybe I should listen to more motivational songs, right now my role model for music selection is Martin Garrix, he sucks as a dj but a great music producer lol