Arthur M

Like mentioned above, inner work. Hitting up things like self confidence, leadership skills, relationship skills or even being funny will help you build that social circle and if you are doing it right, it will filter out weed as well (by that I mean toxic people slowing your progress). In the past 2 years I've lost some old "friends" just because I changed...Either it is that we don't have anything in common anymore or my current attitude annoys them. I've reached a point where the incessant opinions of other about how cocky or rude i've become just amuse me. Apparently telling what's on your mind and making your own judgments on how you want to live your life make you a bad person...hah! Best part is that's just half of the story. The other half consists of all the numerous new faces who share my views i've met without effort.

By being more authentic. When you start acting yourself and speaking what is on your mind with spontaneity and with minimum filters, your self esteem just tags along. You would think people will judge you for it, and yes they do but trust me, even as recent as yesterday a friend of mine told me that she wished she could just act as freely as I do. Know how one might wear different facades when around strangers, around close friends, around colleagues or family or by themselves? Yea..be that unique authentic version of yourself when alone in all situations. Smile when something dumb happens, bad jokes, do not act happy if you are not really happy, tell someone if they did something wrong, dont say sorry if you arent really sorry, you know, just betruthful and.....human if that makes sense

@Simona Ctin You can be persistent without being assertive; It is more like a balance point around passive-aggressive behavior , standing up for yourself and your values while taking into consideration other people's rights, needs, opinion ....But ultimately it is a honest course of action independent of external thoughts. Check multiple definitions from diff. dictionaries and stack similarities.

i've dramatically changed in the past 2 years and sometimes me being confident and assertive is mistaken as cockiness...well the problem is I really do not care how others take it. Am not doing that to impress, it is for myself. Anyways if I can share something from that difficult process is 1st before you can express assertion towards others you obviously need some degree of self confidence. So i would start there. Leo has a couple of vids up revolving around self-confidence. Also another vid i think goes well with that process is on how to stop caring about what people think. Sometimes occasions to practice what you learn won't show up, and when they do you are not mentally prepared to apply what you've learned. Trigger situations that are uncomfortable yourself and act upon them as a confident and assertive individual. Start with minor things like during a doctor appointment, not getting some discount promised at the store, disagreeing with peers during a conversation...oh and the basic eye contact goes a long way. Eventually when crazy situations arise and you have to be assertive, you will be ready. I hope you find what works for you.

A fellow genetically scrawny- prone brother! haha. I feel your pain strongly man. But cheer up. There's hope for us. After some long research and some common sense I found a way to go from 168lbs to 190lbs during last semester (and i walk/run a lot too) and my goal is around 210lbs cuz dude...i am 6'3 . The solution? No complicated diet or anything of such nature....Just eat. However the important is when and what. Simple: Every 3 hours ( set your alarm clock to remind you...might sound silly but if you are serious abt it u will do it.) What to eat? Glance at nutritional label really quick, and look at calories per serving size. The higher that number, the better it is for you. Don't fear the fat. How often have you heard of a skinny guy complaining that they gained too much weight? Most of the time it is more like "It doesn't matter how much I eat, i just do not gain weight!" Which feels true , but when you sit down and track what you are eating daily, you will be amazed how little much you are missing. Oh and when you have time look up online how to calculate the daily intake of calories you need in order to gradually gain weight. With the 2 tips mentioned above you are guaranteed to reach that number before dinner time

I've struggled with this all my life and still do sometimes. But I've found something that works for me and hope it works for you too so let me share some insights. 1st the real reason you are studying is to genuinely learn about the world around you to be able to create something that will benefit it before you die. I believe this is why we are here in the 1st place hence finding your life purpose important. Keep that in the back of your mind. I realize THAT alone is not motivation enough so play around with your psychology. As humans one of our greatest motivation is to see the work we put on produce good results. And we enjoy doing the thing that we are accustomed to, that we have mastered, or are comfortable doing. I can guess you have mastered let say the task of taking a shower every morning before going to school. Are you necessarily motivated to do so every morning? Probably not. Why do you still do it? The unconscious mind. That thing operate the majority of the activities of your daily life. Aim to tap into that. At 1st use external motivations (good grades, praises, impressing your peers sure that's fine but that isn't the goal). you are trying to implement the habit of studying as an unconscious effort, so all these external factors are just temporary. They buy you time to build the habit. When I started going to the gym a year ago I would motivate myself by thinking"just go! do not miss a day for 1 month it will become a habit" "Of course it didn't become a habit....1 month is not realistic enough, but after 1 month, you see few changes, some results, your peers starts commenting on those changes and you are motivated , but to boost it furthermore keep telling to yourself " I have to make it a habit" repetitions, repetitions repetitions.....like a drug you build up tolerance. Like that math problem you have done so many times that instead of a 8 lines solution you did it in 3, as if automated. Progressively,you become less aware and 1 day while thinking about your schedule for the next day you suddenly realize that "wait a minute...when did i get in the gym?" Myself, i am in my 3rd year of college and I wish I knew this stuff a long time ago. I am still in that process of implementing the studying habit as an unconscious effort. Not easy but the simple fact that I know it is going to happen sooner or later motivates me every time.

I am not saying thinking too much is a bad thing and myself used to be told that too often, but know that you must have some work to do on that. You can be spontaneous and achieve the same results as one overthinking all the time. In fact, I recommend being spontaneous without even thinking; at first you might come up as stupid or even tell to yourself:"wtf am I doing?" Good! you get exposed to different situations and you learn how to react from em. Overtime, this will help you overcome the unexpected and you even come across as exciting and unpredictable; those are good qualities. And if ever you plan on leading people successfully, this is a skill you must possess.

Stop caring what that thing called "society" think of you? Who would care if I labelled let say any of you guys here as a dick? Not someone with just basic self development. Labels are invalids if yourself don't believe in em. Sure it is funny how when guys talk about their multiple partners they are praised vs women treated as sluts (sucks even more since in reality they do like sex more than men ) but ultimately the choice is yours. Deprive yourself from learning about a whole important side of life concerning relationships just because you want to keep your image of Mr/Ms Righteousness just to feed your ego, OR dropping the BS and start being yourself? To drop my 2 cents on this topic, I would say date and experience with as many partners as you want and every time make sure you kept something from the previous experience.

Balance in everything. Nothing wrong with entertaining yourself. On top of that you mention that you get what you've planned to do in line. it is no different from someone taking a break to check their personal email or to go to the bar. It is like hitting the gym; To progress you need rest days in between. Again, balance in everything. As long as priorities and discipline are in check, fear not.

I can see clearly why you would say that. It does feels that way at time. It is important to say sorry when you actually mean it though. Trust me when people around you know that you are not apologetic but when you say sorry you really mean it.....That "sorry" weighs ALOT. But too many times it is used the wrong way. It is like you are about to make your opinion heard and you start with "Sorry if any1 gets offended..." or you purposely hurt someone and when confrontation arise you say you are sorry. And the classic one...saying sorry just because you do not want to appear an an asshole or a jerk.

Thanks to Leo's vid, Ever since I learned how to contemplate my death, things like holding grudges just seem so petty. Either I just cut off people holding me down if they can't find common ground, or just forget about it if it really has no impact in my ability to grow. In any case I forgive, just because it is for my own good not theirs.

Yup. Def an attachment. Been there countless time. But always keep 1 thing in mind."What's the worse thing that can happen?" rejection that is. And a tip from a bro who has been in your shoes, don't be ashamed to read books , articles and learn more about what is attractive or not. Just like you learn math in school, the psychology revolving around human attraction can also be learned. And eat more (5-6 times a day) and find your own work out and make it a habit. Enjoy the plateau you will hit during the 1st month where you hurt with no results. That's the most important part, the fruits will fall when the season comes. It is working for me and yes i was also scrawny haha

Don't let it go. Embrace it, laugh at it, realize that it is just a burst of emotions, that u must have alot pent up inside, that your bottle might be full and that's why now it is overflowing so much . 2 choices, empty that very same bottle and start over, or expand its volume infinitely so that no matter what life throws at you, you just stare at it, dust it off, smirk a bit and move on. The 1st choice would be attacking the root of the particular problem triggering your anger. This will work ...for a while that is. The other option would be accepting with open arms whatever it is that is bothering you and instead realize how feeble the human body is, contemplate your death, the shortness of a lifetime. You can die at any moment, this is not only a fact, it is an universal truth for any living being. With the small time you have , invest it in building a Jess that will be known not by her burst of fury but for leaving something useful for others who will live on. You know that feeling when you just wake up after taking a long nap? Your inner thought is just blank, you look dizzy but that's just because you are so calm? You just feel like" Hmm yea , ok sure, whatever" That's you mind after rest. after letting all your experiences sink and making room for more stuff in your life. What I imply is take it easy, get enough sleep and don't rush. We aren't wired to process too many things at once so find time to pamper yourself. Good luck Jess

No need to delete or take drastic measures. I was addicted to video games at some point but like mentioned above I've noticed a pattern. We like to do things that are routine, that we are used to do, that we are good at. It reached the point where you do it unconsciously. Try to substitute your phone handling habit with something else of interest that will be productive in the long run. Working out, reading books (non fiction), approaching people and talking to them, make new friends, baking, It could be anything as long as it involves implementing a new and useful skill in your arsenal. And expect negative response from your body, but give it some time, let the new activity fall into you unconscious routine In the mean time, it helps to have a schedule you go by. If you planned to take a nap, do the laundry or walk your dog from 3p - 4p make sure that's what you are doing and don't do a half assed job while daydreaming about a post on facebook. Give it all your attention. good luck

Name: Arthur Age: 24Location: Texas, USAOccupation: College Stud(3rd year)Marital Status: NoKids: NoneHobbies: Reading self help books/ approaching strangers(mostly women i am attracted to)/ chillstep music and vid. games/ Driving around town. Got into personal development randomly thru an Actualized.org video titled "How to be a man" a year and a half ago during my freshman year. One day it just popped in my mind and i was looking for insights on how to be a better version of myself. (many times my mind take me on journeys that usually start with "What ifs...." ) . I was already on an unconscious path of improvement compared to how my life was during the preceding years. From there YouTube just lined up a list of related videos and before you know it i am caught up, subscribed and tuned in every Sundays. Right now I am struggling hard to implement all these good stuff I learned into my life but I can definitely see a huge difference with just the basic improvements I've made so far. The thing I am mostly frustrated with presently is knowing what has to be done but not giving it my all...not even my 5% . I am trying to be more mindful of my actions and surrounding during my day to day life and I am amazed to see how asleep most people I know presently are. It is scary to think that I did not see this side of life until now and that some of us never will. Things I believe I've overcome: Shyness (whatever that is) Authenticity Online gaming and social media addiction - Not as much as some do but it did negatively affect my life at some point so i'll call it addiction. Scrawniness - I was, for the most part of my life (still working on the healthy body I want) Low Self-esteem ( I was recently called arrogant with a good heart i thought that was funny) . Caring about what others think - This here changed so much things in my life. Pointless living (My life purpose is not yet crystal clear but I know what results and goals i want to achieve in this short lifetime) Other small things that added up that I cannot recall right now. What I'm working on now: Meditation Leadership ( positive improvement curve on this) relationships/attraction ( I've recently practiced this alot, even with some cold approaches. I've got the attraction part down but even when the relationship/sex part is bound to happen, I step down making up a bunch of reasons to myself as to why I shouldn't get a girl just to have fun...knowing that this is a skill i need for my self improvement) Procrastinating (This right here is my biggest worry. I deeply know that I am very lazy despite what I achieve from time to time that might lead others not to think so. I see some of my peers at school working hard and doing well academically and I know that even though my grades are putting me on their level, I am not nearly working as hard as i should be and that's a habit that scares me. I am just doing enough to go by. I want to tap into my potential so bad b/c I know greatness will emerge...) backsliding (constant battle) Mindfulness