AnTe

yes but ultimately chose and control everything about our experience. it's just that it wouldn't be much of an experience much less physical experience if we knew all the inner workings.

ultimately we don't but we do have free will. what this means is the outcome/objective is predetermined but we choose how to experience it.

love to me means simply acceptance, accepting everything as perfectly imperfect rather than judging all these imperfections. feeling unlovable is natural and partially true, because nobody can love us more than they currently love themselves. it's not very hard to notice that most people are already harshly judging and hating themselves, so lack the capacity to fully love/accept us. reality is about mirror reflections of our subconscious from the feedback we get from others. once we have accepted ourselves and have that love inside, then we can begin to share that with the world but also understand that we don't all share the same experiences and timing. the lessons might be the same but not our exact experience and how/when we learn them.

@phill, the self doubt I'm talking about is from constantly questioning and ignoring our intuition. the problem is humans have trouble honestly expressing themselves because of thier personal insecurities. when we intuitively point out something someone else hasn't accepted yet and they deny it, we start to doubt ourselves. if we reflect on our lives all the way back to childhood, we'll notice we're specifically taught to love, trust, and believe in everyone but ourselves. also, to place our value and self worth on other people's value of us.

if you think you should've died it might be because of fear of whatever happened in your past, you rather not experience it again. these feelings are indicating there's a lesson that hasn't been learned, which is prob why you feel you don't want to let it go (before you learn it). you most likely will keep reliving/recreating it due to the emotional attachment (uncertainty) of past memory which is your trigger. this will happen till you finally are able to see the situation from your perspective, the opposite perspective, and finally the neutral perspective. this will answer the what, how, and why it happened and lesson will be learned.

@Melwyn, sounds to me like your intuition was telling you something is wrong and people are only really consistent in avoiding truth. when everyone is dishonest especially when we notice and voice concern, this makes us start to doubt and question ourselves. all this self-doubt trains us to lie to ourselves and place our personal value on other people's value of us and we become our own worst enemy and a product. remember, it's hard for people to look past themselves long enough to see others so nothing people say is ever really personal. this is why we sometimes feel invisible while talking directly to people, they see only what they allow themselves to. as far as the thoughts, thoughts are just thoughts and not real til we make them real by acting on them. meditation helps with training yourself to shut your mind down at will and controlling how or if the thoughts effect you.

@Monkey-man and @Leo Gura, I feel the reason it's hard to understand enlightenment and express truth is due to humanity's reluctance to be held accountable/responsible. it's personal insecurity, lack of sense of self/personal value (that's not based outside) , and understanding of self that prevents this. when we become self aware, i found it also enables us to relate to others more simply because we're more honest with ourselves. as far as humanity and expressing truth goes, we can only express half truths based on our own perspective and experience. when we find ways to relate and compare the common denominators, the real truth comes to light. truth is the sum, not individual pieces.

that simply means we lack self control and clear boundaries. when we get emotionally triggered from unresolved past issues, everything becomes personal when it wasn't meant to be.

the symptom of loneliness has to do with neglect. i found neglect is one of the most undermined forms of abuse. we all have experienced what it feels like to be in someone's presence yet not feel understood or practically invisible like we're an alien who don't belong on this planet and in society. for someone to accept us and have value for us, they first have to have personal value and accept themselves. we all just reflect back to each other what's going on at the subconscious level, so we can learn and grow by seeing ourselves from different perspectives. we're all alone/lonely to different degrees but together share this personal individual experience, since we're all going through it throughout our lives.