Dreamwalker

I meditated maybe just 10 times. By that i mean i seat with legs crossed and close my eyes. After third meditation i just lied in bed and started focusing on a single imagined dot on my ceiling, the more i focus black sphere starts appearing and expanding, sometimes changing in black cloud-like shapes. The more i focus its like some black clouds but very tight ones start to fly around me it's like i can feel them like they will reach me they feel very light. I start feeling cold, get some weird feeling in my chest, my hart rate is speeding up and its like that black sphere is sending some waves in my head and when they reach me it starts buzzing in my ears, every time is louder and i have to stop because feel very exhausted. Last time i've done this i felt like my chest would explode i started to shake, couldn't control my legs, my eyes. Then i have those dreams where i am paralyzed and my legs are in my usual meditating position, that sphere is in front of me and its moving to the right, then my legs start to levitate to vertical position then back down and up again it lasts for a short time then i wake up. Last night same thing my legs levitating but the sphere is very close to me but it has rays from it. What could this mean? It's like in a close eyes meditation when i am in complete darkness and i see these different shapes of black color. But what about this "open eye" meditation?

This may turn into longer post but I will try to keep it short. Ok we all have dreams yet can't remember them or remember only some pieces the day after, although we think we sometimes summed our all dream in our minds i think that some piece is always missing. Since i was a kid i had very realistic dreams, i was always fascinated by dreams i used to solve problems in my dream, i always could find a connection with something in real life but someone would say to me, you just dream what you think of, well i can't deny that but it has a deeper meaning i think. What i wanted really is to someone help me to make a difference between my "realistic dream" and a lucid dream. I had them more than i could count or remember. It started when i was a kid. I had a really strong imagination i could stay alone for days and not to feel need to hang out. But let's return to dreams. I often as a kid had nightmares too then i wake up in the middle from it and go to my grandmas bad and lay next to her so i could continue sleeping. As time was passing i was afraid of going to sleep so it could happen again, i had my own bedroom and so i was always sleeping alone. In those dreams i could feel presence of something like something is watching me, of course i was thinking that aliens are here. It was frighting i felt helpless. Just before i fall asleep i could feel that i am very small in a very big place i always picture that in my mind as i am very small in a big room, but i am not claustrophobic. You know those dreams when u are falling from the sky or from somewhere and then wake up just before u fall down? Well i never woke up i always felt down facing the ground and feel strange pain it lasts for a short time and then it goes away. Later i had a dream that i was stabbed with a knife in my back but i wasn't dying just after that dream goes on to something else. I later often had dreams of natural disasters, tornado and bad weather and tornadoes don't even occur in my country, later i had dreamed of war. Dream starts peaceful where i am in a forest that was close to the place i used to live just it looks different in my dream. Then i just start hearing plane engines from far away, they are getting closer then starting to drop bombs, everything feels so real, people start to panic i her explosions mixed with those plane sounds then i see a fighter plane i start to think its targeting me then i starts shooting at me, i run and hide and it stops. I dreamed that i was killed by a mortar. Shell exploded behind me and it ripped of part of my back. Next scene i am at operating table and i could feel someone stitching my testicles. After that i dreamed armageddon i am on a field sky is red, then fireballs start falling and destroying everything, crating big holes in the ground. Just recently i had another dream of war just when i start hear those war planes it's like i could her my taught " here it comes again" i was in a room i see those planes bombing every thing then doors blows open a man with an AK enters the room i lay down on the floor and he blows my head with a bulled, always that same feeling like when mortar destroyed my back or when stabbed with knife.. I just felt a need to share this and to . I figure it has some meaning, probably relating to my emotional issues. But those tornado and armageddon dreams were before depression hit me war was after. What I meant to say that depression is not the main reason for dreams like this. But it could be kind of emotional stress i had before. But one the bright side I have this realistic dreams when i do other things it just feels so real, I tried lsd once but it looks like guy that gave it to me didn't say that it's to strong i took whole piece, then next 8 hours were indescribable its like i could see my mind, if that makes any sense. Anyway what i wanted so say is that later i had dreams in which i am on acid and it looks just like when u are on acid but just the visuals. So i think those are lucid dreams but i dont have full control, maybe its because it happened to me many times i consider it as just a dream, i don't know what that control could mean, i know that i just cant jump from ground and fly to outer space as some people think lucid dreaming is. I think its something like your world but sometimes full of strangers. I pretty much see that i jumped from one thing to another in this post but i don't feel like changing it. Have a nice day and keep dreaming

Just last night i had similar dream, it starts in my bed but room looks a bit different and i don't usually have same sheets as i fall a sleep with or i don't have any sheet at all. It feels like sleeping paralysis i cant move but i feel like i will start levitating i had these experiences before but i always try to resist because i feel extreme fear cause to sleeping paralysis. Few times i was levitating in that lucid dream and that time i saw a black sphere in front of me, looked like a portal i just stared shaking my head and my eyes were turning in circles or up and down. It happens every 10 days sometimes frequently. I don't know what to say about it.

I taught about that, interesting stuff. Will try to remember as much as i can and draw it , and maybe eventually find that place..