Brandon Nankivell

#1 The Book of Not Knowing Followed by Pursuit of Consciousness. These 2 are enough.

@Davino Yup, this is called candy-flipping. Checkout Icarus480 for wicked stories on YT for entertainment purposes. But if you're looking to use for spiritual growth, generally would suggest doing it properly with intention, correct dosage, and not mixing substances as Leo has suggested. In my experience, it was beautiful. It feels like LSD really helped smooth out the chaos of shrooms. It was the first time on shrooms (thanks to the LSD) that I entered a DMT-like space that resembled the visuals depicted by Alex Grey. I also began having ego dissolution which normally doesn't happen on either pure shrooms or LSD, at least for me.

James Fadiman or MAPS newsletter / resources

Cross the border into Colombia Medellin and hit up Lawayra retreat for Aya.

Actually found taking by myself has been incredible. With that said, the traditional shaman music was dope when I tried in Colombia.

In my experience, Aya has never been for going 'right, i'm gonna sit down and deconstruct my mind', but rather letting Aya take you where it wants. When I've drunken Aya, a 'divine mother' has always made itself known, invisible but felt as a feminine loving energy spirit guide that simply leads the whole experience. Sounds like LSD/Weed is more for your intent.

Let go of all fear, anger, and attachments.

Are you seeking assistance to overcome the shame?

It's possible to repair.

Sure sounds like it, I feel you already know the answer. You'd be the ideal candidate to answer this. We don't know all the details of your life, you do! You have to want to break it, and be sincere. The past is the past. Speaking negatively about yourself is a choice. It may be a habitual pattern now, but it can be broken with understanding. Continue self-inquiry until its crystal clear to you why you talk negatively about yourself, and the benefit it brings you.

Really understand why you care what others think of you. What are you fearful of them finding out about you? What aren't you accepting? I wouldn't be concerned too much with the day-to-day, but to sit down and really understand the root of your self-image. Consider writing down every aspect of what you want others to think of you, and what you don't want others to think of you. Once you've fleshed it out, ask yourself if you're willing to remain fearful if others find out that something about you. If not, accept it, or change it. Psychedelics could help with the right intention (+ setting, dosage, type of psychedelic) but its definitely not necessary.

Depends who it is. My father rarely projects his anger on to me but the last time it happened, I quickly confronted him by walking up to him, looked him directly in the eyes, and asked him what the issue was in an attempt to understand him. A few back-and-forths later and we came to a place of understanding and the anger died off. He apologized. He had made an assumption that I locked him out of the house on purpose, which is what my Mother used to do to him when they had an argument. An ex-co-worker on the other-hand, I didn't anticipate anger coming from him at me and I decided to handle it like a coward. Went into fear, didn't say much back, tried to get the job done, then suppressed the anger then quit my job instead of working things out. I'm learning that there's no need to ensure they cease projecting emotions, that is outside of my control, but I still will attempt to encourage them (directly or indirectly) to calm down, so a productive encounter can ensue.

Yes, intuition. Just be honest with yourself like Leo has said.

My understanding: Conceptually speaking: To give X importance by investing attention into it more than other things. Practically speaking: To improve X.

Yes, because I want to. For example, I recently suffered when I was out on a grape harvest and I didn't do my job correctly. I potentially left thousands of dollars worth of grapes on the vine. All that was required of me was to look at the vine to ensure the grapes were falling in to the machine, and tell the operator to adjust the machine to catch them. But I was day-dreaming. Simple job but I messed up. And I suffered, because I feared my supervisor's response. It was really fear of my perfectionist self-image being tarnished. "I'm perfect and I want everybody to know, I can't be seen to make such a foolish mistake!" I suffered because I wanted to hold on to the image, more than being free of the image and therefore the suffering. I continue to catch myself suffering because of this deeply-embedded and many-tentacled perfectionist self-image that I developed in my Youth as a response to some personal experienced I had. Work in progress to let all aspects of it go for good.

They are conditioned to that response by others around them. Conditioning starts in the womb. Parents, teachers, movies. Psychological fear is made of thought (expectation) and time (of the future). "If this body stops, freak out!!!" There is instinctual fear as a self-preservation mechanism. God's design that makes humans humans. If we didn't have this, we'd most likely die very early, thus negating what it means to be human! The typical individual doesn't recognize there are truly no individuals that exist. To recognize it (not intellectually), they'd have to experience the Truth.

Why do you want to exit your comfort zone?

What makes a life purpose selfish is whether it's about your self-image, or others. In the ultimate sense, its both selfish and selfless because God is serving his own life purpose for himself, through himself, as himself - but concerning yourself with this will likely just lead you down mental masturbation lane!

Kudos to you for reaching out for support ? Let's get truthful so you can not just combat the issue, but solve it for good if you're open to it ❤️ You'll get the most out of this if you are honest with yourself and set aside time to carefully reflect on each response. Don't skim read and don't always go with the first answer in your head! Are you sure you're not? If you keep telling yourself that, indeed! Great job on giving it a go. You haven't failed, you've made an attempt and didn't get your desired result yet. What was the thought that entered your mind to take another swig of alcohol or smoke that blunt again? Was it a helpful thought or non-helpful thought? Would you like to listen to that thought next time you feel like a swig? You do, but you don't want to. You want the substance more than you want to discipline yourself to not have the substance. The substance has made a big impression on your subconscious, which has you feeling it's very difficult to give up, but it is possible. Avoid this language like the plague. It will never lead you to a solution. Try: "I would like to know what I can do". This is psychological fear speaking. It isn't necessary. Don't listen to it. Indeed, this is escapism and will not solve your problem. The key is to want to give up alcohol and smoking more than you want to keep doing it, but first you have to get honest and admit to yourself, and really feel it, that you want to keep doing it. You keep doing it because there is enough benefit to you to continue it. So consider the pros and cons of continuing the habit, versus giving it up. Set aside sufficient time to do this. If at the end of it you still see more benefit in continuing the habit, then think harder! Or feel free to ask for further support. Would be great to hear from you if this helps

?

Why do you want to develop a reading habit?

I ran like my life depended on it. Got my cardio up at least 10 minutes a day for weeks, then it gradually went away. Lots if science backs this up as equal if not more effective than SSRI's. Then focus on the basics - meet survival needs, eat organic wholefoods, get your sleep, have a goal you are working towards, speak and share what's on your mind with a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist.

Dm me if you would like to chat ??

DM me if you would like to chat ??

When I moved to the East coast of Australia a couple years back, I had moved in with a self-proclaimed Narc. I was accused of moving his nuts in the pantry. On the day I moved out, I hopped on my motorbike to get going and the postman rocked up. There was this awkward scenario where as I was about to ride off, narc guy made multiple attempts to step in front of my bike so I couldn't leave along with erratic verbal prompts that seemed to be stemming from abandoment issues. There were also multiple occasions where he would say things to 'try and pull me in' to an issue. It was my first time dealing with a true Narc and I learned quite quickly that when involved with a Narc or anyone for that matter, always stand in Truth and a Narc can't get the satisfaction they desire, and so the sitch they are trying to create never gets momentum. There's many tricks they will try but If always just took what they said on the most objective grounds possible, I would remain unswayed. My replies were often just a few words because that's all that was needed, and gives them less bait to work with.