Everyday

Hey She said last two weeks to meet at her place several times after i told her i am too busy to see her because of the thesis. So i imagined that last night we will meet at her place and there is no need to mention it again. She asked me where are we going two hours before the date. I just thought we will meet at her place but i didnt wanted to seem desperate actually telling her to meet at her place. Stupid. I thought she doesnt actually want me to come to her place regardless of what she kept saying last 2 weeks. So i took it easy and said - do you want to go to the park and afterwards to your place? She said yes but her room looks weird being so empty. Lol. This is the lamest excuse to not invite someone over. OMG. We went to the mall next to the park. Got ice cream and than we walked in the park. I felt so stupid and annoyed. She really wanted just to hang out and talk. She pulled back from kissing just to talk. I didnt touch her all over like last time since i had sex the other day. I was chill. After 3 hours, i said it's late let's walk. We started going to her place i said - i will leave you at the bus station and go home. She said ok. Again, i thought she didnt actually want me to come over. I didnt even ask. Just left home, got some food and felt stupid for wasting my time with her. On my way home she kept messaging me about shit. She told me again how she looks down on girls who wear slutty clothes. While we walked in the park i saw some super hot girls. Wish i was with one of them instead. I remembered what she told me - she doesnt want to have sex after 1-2 months like some ppl have. I didnt think she is serious about this but she really was. Today was her last day living in the dorm room, alone. Next week she moves at a cousin for a week and after that she goes home until September. So we would meet just to talk, lol. She wants to meet several times next week since is the last - to meet and talk =)))))))))))))) Basically, if i keep talking to her i will get laid in autumn, after 4 months. Maybe. Yeah, no thanks. Time wasted man. This isnt the type of relationship i want. Just talking and talking especially that i cant say i have fun with her. Oh and she was kissing just as bad as last time. I noticed i was colder myself with her. Understandable. Whatever, i will meet with friends this weekend and also a polish girl. She is fun so far in conversation. Speaking with other girls but they dont really put any effort so no reason to bother. They arent really interested in having a conversation and this is ok.

I was nervous at the beginning of the presentation but later i got my shit together. I explained to them what i did and my results without reading everything from the slides. They actually liked a lot my thesis. I had no problem answering to their questions. They asked if i am planning to do a masters and i lied. I got a 10 for my graduation thesis and i think that this is awesome. I put lots of effort into making it. Amazing! I still cant believe i finished college for good. I got used to feel guilt and stress daily. Instead of working while waiting for my friend i spoke with a colleague and two of her friends whom i met volunteering in May. The colleague told me she broke up her 7 year long relationship with her boyfriend last month. Wow. They spend the last 4 years long distance. I imagined this guy is doing really good if this girls is ok waiting for him so long. Turns out he was extremely lazy and very controlling. She said she was very stupid for being loyal all these years when they met a few times a year only. She said she chose to be with him because her own insecurities. He told her how she will never find a guy to accept her because of her problems. OMG. I didnt even imagine this guy is like that. I actually met him last year. I thought she is the toxic one in the relationship because she seemed to order him around. After the presentation walked with my friend and got some nice lunch. Went to work and it was ok. Went to have dinner with my colleagues. Didnt drink at all and i actually felt good about it. Two of the new colleagues insisted i drink since one beer wont do any damage. Yeah, but i dont want to drink. The old colleagues knew =))))) I get a little bored being there with them to be honest but i was nice. I was glad the 24 year girl wanted to meet last night. I left after 3 hours to see her. Arrived at her place and she was dressed super sexy. The sex was even more awesome even if i think i could fuck her better. I think i lack a constant rhythm. I didnt expect to meet with her since she said she is busy af. But now she said we can still meet. Nice! This is good news. My sister and brother werent happy to hear i am seeing her again. I feel good about it. It was so fun! Damn, what a day! Finished college, ate good food, worked and had sex! Tonight i am meeting with the younger girl. I am curious what will happen. I was thinking to break things with her. She is not what i want now. I dont feel comfortable getting into this ,,relationship''. In my mind it isnt a relationship. But i am acting like it is so basically i cheated on her with the other girls last night. I am not seeing it as cheating since i didnt want a relationship in the first place haha Two girls told me we might meet next week. I am meeting with a polish girl this Sunday. She is really fun. I set up another date with a girl who seems okish sunday as well. I think i will cancel on that one. Stopped speaking with the girls who didnt put in some effort into the conversation. No reason to stress about it.

Today it was better. My thesis coordinator it is out of town so she cant check my last presentation version. But it is alright. I have to present my thesis at 9:12 tomorrow in 7 minutes. I have 37 slides so i will cut a lot out of it haha. Afterwards i am working at the library waiting for my friend to finish his turn, afterwards we are going to eat at a Vietnamese restaurant and get some beer. I will go to work later tomorrow as well and hang out with my colleagues at work later. Tomorrow night i am going over to the 24 year old girl i already slept with. What a great way to end an awesome day. Awesome! Meeting with the younger one on Thursday. I am curious what will happen. Work was fine. I am learning about GA4 and i noticed i want to just understand it enough to pass a test at work. This is how i learned stuff the last 4 years. I cant be better at work behaving like this. It isnt good for me. I can at last focus on work and get shit done. I was really lazy since i started. I put more work on uni than to learn for my job and the place which i actually get money from. I also need to figure out how to express and explain myself better. I suck at talking with clients. A few of my colleagues didnt manage to pass some tests and an exam from last year so they have to wait until autumn to do it again. I imagine they are feeling pretty bad right now. I know i would. Today was my second day at work consecutively since last year in October i think. It was hard. I was bored, i wanted to sleep and couldnt focus as much as i should have. I almost fell asleep during a meeting. I am trying to set dates with good looking girls but it isnt going well. Some of them have exams and i am struggling to keep the conversation engaging. I got ghosted a lot so far. Man, i cant believe 4 years passed since i started this degree. I changed so fucking much. I will change even more and i am excited about it haha. Life is really good. I made lots of progress the last 4 years. I am proud of myself.

Got worse. I bought the game and played for around 4 hours. I felt horrible just like i felt years ago and also while watching tv series. Just numb and guilty for wasting so much time. I asked my sister to help me again and after 1-2 h we finished the presentation. There were things i could have done alone but i was so stuck and didnt believe i can do it. I was so stressed i couldnt think. Horrible. I swiped right on Tinder only on the girls i really like how they look and have a good vibe. I should have left this 20 year old sooner. I got only a handful of likes back and i felt disappointed of my conversation skills with the ones i had a match. What am i doing wrong? Might meet again this week with the girl i slept with already. The sex was so fun! Maybe i will meet again with the younger one as well. Idk. Anyways, I exercised with my brother today and i didnt want to do it at all. I was stressed all day and played minecraft. I was stuck in my mind even if it was logical to just do what i can on that presentation instead of nothing. So glad i am almost done with this uni. It has been stressful last few months. I m supposed to go to work tomorrow and i really dont want to. I prefer to work from my bed. I have to wake up two hours sooner to arrive on time. Meh. I had to wake up even earlier when i was going to uni. It is alright. I will be fine.

Everything was fine with the last draft. I printed it yesterday and submit it. Yesterday i got minecraft again on my laptop after not playing since high school. I did next to nothing for that presentation. I felt very guilty and wanted to buy the bedrock edition. I dont know what was going on in my head. I was hooked. I didnt use instagram for 3 weeks and i felt better about myself. Got it back today to post a pic of my printed thesis. I was hooked again but it felt too much stimulation to be honest. Interesting. Kept speaking with these 2 girls each day.

Hey I am waiting for the professor's feedback on my thesis. Working on the presentation now and i am worried i wont finish it on time once again. I feel bored to do the work actually. Funny, right? I have just one week and that's it haha. It will be fine! You will see. I mean i will make it to be fine. I need to do chapter by chapter and before i know it will be done. I got bored/ stressed again with this presentation so i got tinder back. Which is plain stupid since i better spend my time working on this presentation. I forgot how it feels to have conversations that lead nowhere. Anyways, i am almost done with this university. I am behind at work, taking some courses. I am worried for that now haha. Lol!

Bro! I just finished my graduation thesis! I sent it to the professor and i am waiting for her feedback. I am literally a few days from printing it and being done with it. I have the presentation to do as well but that's it! Amazing! Last week i was afraid i wont finish it on time. I was stressed for months i wont finish it before the deadline. Amazing! My sister helped me a lot and i am very great full. Went to uni today because we had to submit some papers. I didnt know, i found out from the group chat. I left home not prepared too well and worried i wont make it on time. Didnt work much either. I met with my friend from uni and told him what has been going on in my life. I haven't seen him in weeks. I told him about the amazing sex i had and he reminded me to wear protection next time. Also, i told him about the second girl. He warned me about her - she caught feelings too fast and i dont know how she will react when i dump her. He is right even if i want to get laid again. Hmm. I shouldn't ask others for advice when i know what to do. She kept messaging me complaining that we didnt meet last week. She asked again if we will meet this week and so on. She said some cringe things but i forgot them. I thought to watch some tv series and movie reviews. It has been 6 months, my mind tricks me thinking it is a good idea. No, it isnt.

Hey I was thinking that i stopped playing video games in high school because i was frustrated for loosing my account on several games after spending so much time playing. So i moved to watching tv series and movies. With this habit i didnt even need to sit at my desk trying to improve my level. I would just stay in bed and watch these shows on my laptop. I am in awe that almost 6 months passed and i stopped watching tv series. But i still do think of them regularly. I am still anxious i will fall back on them after graduation but i know better now. Dont be lazy like i was 6 years ago. It will ruin me. I made even more progress with the graduation thesis. My sister helped me a lot. I procrastinated half the day even if there were parts i could have fixed myself. Anyways, i know better now. I ate a lot of ice cream haha. For some reason i love it now. I bought 3 boxes and i kept eating haha. I will deal with this but i am proud of myself so far. The younger girl calmed down. She told me how she needed to get a beer last night to calm her down for feeling so bad. I didnt ask more. No need to get into that drama and take the bait. She asked again if we can meet and i told her the same thing. This thesis is my priority. My brother got a $240 bracelet for his GF. Apparently she wants a present for finishing college. So cringe. I told him she didnt deserve such an expensive one and so other shit. We all laughed. My father went again to the vacation house to build some shit there. I asked her where he got the money. He said he took the money from the family business and the money which where supposed to be used for other stuff. Lol. Classic. He called mom and we answered the phone. He didnt hold the phone right and couldnt hear us and because of that got upset as fuck, lol?! My sister told me how her boyfriend is struggling to loose weight and how hard is for him to abstain from eating when he is out of the house. I am excited to use my time better after i finish the graduation thesis. I have been stressing with this shit for 2 years. I have felt this degree took decades to be done and over with. I didnt even notice but i didnt feel the urge to watch porn. I fapped to pics of these girls i am seeing. Also, actually have sex was amazing and calmed me down a lot. I cant wait to have sex like this regularly. I am looking forward to get better and dating. Like having sex way sooner and with hotter girls. I feel so amazing finally see progress in this part of my life. I have so many frustrations around it

Hey It was very productive today as well. Yesterday i was really tired because of the sex and not sleeping more. My sister is helping me a lot. I got discouraged several times and just wanted to quit but my sis helped me to keep going. Didnt do much at work and i am glad. I need the time to work on this as much as i can. In the morning i told to the younger girls that i feel suffocated by her constant messages. Also, that i feel uncomfortable being asked if i miss her all the time. I prefer to say it instead of being forced. Last few days she kept mentioning that i didnt manage to meet up with her sooner and that she expects me to be more available after i finish uni. She was more understanding than i thought. I should have put down this boundary earlier. It is out of the blue now but it was just too much. After we discussed she was colder for the rest of the day. I should let her go, i also have a bad feeling about her. Things are moving to fast for her. I explained to her i feel uncomfortable of her saying she thought of me all day and stuff like this. I dont feel that. She complained that i am colder on the chat compared to how i treat her f2f. Yeah, i am not comfortable telling her i miss her like crazy. That is too soon. It makes me feel uncomfortable quite a lot. I should even deal with this type of drama, man. I didnt have sex with the younger girls and she texts me like crazy, like we are together forever and shit. Once again, i need to communicate what i like and what i want sooner. I learned this from this experience. I should say from the beginning that im not ok to text each fucking hour. I find it ridiculous when i told her i am too busy to meet this week just for her to get upset saying i need to make up for this. WTF, really? She seems the type of girls who wants to go on dates several times a week and i am not willing to invest that much time anymore. She doesnt really understand why i am stressed and how important is this thesis is for me. She just wants to have fun now. Yeah, i dont see myself riding the train all summer to see her. Ridiculous. Anyway, i am really proud of me for getting better at dating. I made lots of progress and i am looking forward to get even better. What things that bothered me this week is a friend asking for kombucha but we isnt willing to come over and pick it up himself. Like why would i go across town to give it to you instead of you coming over? Are you that lazy, man? Same for the other girl. I like how chill the other girl is. She didnt even delete her tinder profile. She didnt make any pressure for a relationship. So fucking awesome. and the sex was so awesome! So i was on FB today and i see a familiar guy in the friend suggestion area. It was my 1st girlfriend new boyfriend. His profile picture was of a pic together with her. I mean, i guess it was her, i couldnt really tell. I didnt click on his profile like i did 2 years ago. I dont need to know. But it bothered me being a trigger thinking of my ex or seeing a pic of her or smth like that - i just feel bad and not enough and so on. But it is just in my head. Looking back , i was really desperate chasing her, i really thought i cant get any better girls than her. It was so stupid and it made so much trauma. I wish i didnt take it so seriously. What it bothers me is the amount of effort i put in and we had sex maybe 10 times but only once or twice as the sex i had last Wed. I mean, i cant believe the shit i put up with just to not even have amazing sex often. Incredible! On top of that, being sad for almost a year and having a hard time getting over her and for what, man? Just not a person i want in my life long term. Than i did it again last year with Daria1. So much work and for what? Same drama. I took the whole situation soo seriously that it was ridiculous. I am excited to learn more and more. I asked my brother if he gets annoyed of his GF calling daily every few hours. He told us she gets bored. Interesting. I find it annoying to be called so often man. Called my friend from uni and he was also working on this stupid thesis. He told me one of our colleague did nothing all year and had the nerve to come to the professor and ask what can he do now. Lol, the professor had a breakdown and started yelling at him. There are a lot of people who are behind with the thesis. It is ok.

Hey Worked some more on the graduation thesis (keep calling it final project). I am proud of myself. Wrote a lot. I have to submit it on Monday and i am scared i wont finish it on time even if i am writing at the end of the last chapter at conclusions and methods. Last night i went over to the house of girl i slept with 3 weeks ago. We had sex and it was even more awesome than the last time. She asked me if i want to do it without a condom and after a while i said yeah sure =)))))) We fucked for around one hour and a half. She said her pussy hurts and we stopped. It was awesome. So glad i met with her and not the other girl. So yesterday was so fun, a bunch of sex, worked, wrote a lot and had fun. I needed that kind of a break. On my way home, this morning i was thinking that this is how sex should be like all the time, not what i was doing with my 1st girlfriend. I feel so stupid being so into that relationship when we didnt even fuck like this. Unreal. All that drama just to realize 2 years later that it wasnt even worth it. So much drama and shit came from that relationship. But i guess it helped me to know i can do better. I feel stupid being affected so much by that girl. It wasnt worth the effort i put in, man. Also, iafter leaving i passed by the neighborhood Teo1 lives in. I felt cringe for obsessing over her when she didnt even show much interest. I know better now. The younger girl kept messaging me how her friend makes possible a long term relationship and *hint* we can make it work as well. I am pretty sure i dont want to make it work. As soon as i see the opportunity i am out. She keeps asking me if i missed her and says stuff like dont forget about me while you work on your thesis. Cringe. I told her i talk to you in a few hours and she said ok - just to message me even more soon after. She is annoying. What else? I am pushing myself to write more and more to finish with this shit thesis.

I might be supposed to submit my project next Monday. I mean, really? I am already freaking out. Wrote some more today and i am proud of myself. I had to think more for myself instead of asking my sister for help. I still have shit to add pics, bibliography, add remaining data and finish interpreting the data. I asked the mushroom guy some questions and he didnt replay after almost 24h. He never does this shit. I need some data i didnt record. Blah blah I worked a little bit in the morning but afterwards i just worked on this project and procrastinated a little. That younger girl keeps asking me if i miss her and tells me all kinds of declarations about her feelings towards me. I am feeling weird about these declarations so soon. I have to learn to communicate. To tell her i am not ok with this shit. She said - how can you develop feelings so strong for you? Cringe, but this is how i probably behaved with Teo1 if i saw her a few more times. IDK. She is still annoyed i am busy with this project, lol. I wonder why i liked my exes more than i like this new girl, even if she is calmer and more stable mentally. Why was more attracted to my exes? Maybe it was the trauma? I would like to know this. The other girls, the one i slept with invited me over tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I refused at first but i said yes after a while. She said she will be busy for weeks next few months. Like just night shifts and sleep. I will see if we can still meet next few months or not. I am excited to see her, the sex was really awesome. I am looking forward for more. I told the younger one i am busy this week because it is stupid to waste my time talking and walking in a park together. I know i will bang the other girls and that is awesome. Two people i know asked if i can bring some kombucha to them. Told them i dont have time for that right now so they didnt bother to pick it up from my house. Wtf? How lazy are these people? I am complaining about this project for uni but at least i passed all exams. This is awesome. Some of my colleagues still have to deal with some difficult exams. So glad i am over with that shit. I will work out since i was in my bed all day and than i will write some more for that shit. At the beginning of the year i was so resistant to write i would do only 1 paragraph a day or smth like that. I think the problem is that i dont believe i can do it. I dont see myself finishing this crap. Interesting. I imagined finishing it and working on it and i felt more confident i can do it hehe#

Hei Replayed to her less and she kept messaging me anyways. I canceled this weeks' date and she was upset but i think she understood. She said i have to make it up next week. I said i am not sure i can next week either. I explained how i dont want to miss the deadline and that i struggled with this university for 4 years. She understood. I realized i need to work on my communication. I should have started explaining what i am going through first and what it means for me. The other girls is much more chill about this. I kept thinking about what am i feeling about this younger girls and i am sure i dont like her enough to have a relationship with and this is alright. Let's see what happens when i meet her next few times. Depends on my progress. Anyway, i want and have to finish this shit by next week. I made lots of progress today even if i procrastinated as well. But nothing too big. I asked my boss if i can take vacation for 2 weeks for next month. I was afraid to ask for this since i am skipping work like crazy anyways. He said yes but i also have to return to work physically. I should have explained to him i have a deadline for uni to meet but i was anxious. What else/? Not working on this project makes me anxious especially when i procrastinate a lot more. My mom is still scared as shit to get a job. She said she will do it next month. I tried to tell her this is bullshit but it didnt work.

I worked some more on the final year project alone and with my sister. I was so frustrated because i could write down those ideas. I was upset i couldnt explain my subject in a better way. I explained my sister every step of growing the mushrooms and she would help me put it into words. She left to meet with friends and i watched some interviews and wasted some time. I should have wrote some more but i was lazy and frozen. I replayed less today to the younger one and she kept sending me message after message anyways. I told her i am stressed with this project and she just said to not be stressed. Yeah, great help. It was stupid to set up a date with her this week. I will cancel on that. I need to finish this project man. She kept asking me if i miss her and something about her love for me in the future. She was upset when i told her we wont meet if i dont finish this project on time. I have carried this shit for 4 years, wont throw everything away just for her. It is ridiculous. I need to finish work fast today and go back on writing this shit. I searched the data tables with the past harvest i had so far. It didnt make any sense. I actually made fake data and forgot about it. Ridiculous. I also saw how i had no structure from the beginning of the project. I really hoped the mushroom dude will help me more. But for some reason he didnt want to or couldnt do it. I asked him the other day what is he doing with his project and he said he is waiting for panic to pick in and finish it overnight. He went on a 7 day trip with his annoying gf recently. I dont want to have such a bad work ethic as he does. It is said to see him giving up work for his GF. She just wants to go out all week and doesnt respect him trying to do so many things at once. Yeah, it reminds me of this 20 year old girl. She wants to meet at least twice a week and i am not into that at all. Even if i had time, once a week is enough, man.

Hei Went to bed at 3 am and woke up for good at 12. I was a zombie. Around noon i started writing again for the final year project and my sister helped me write down my thoughts coherently. It is so frustrating now having a hard time explaining what i worked on for this project. I cant find the basic words to make a sentence look good. I find it so difficult to just do the basics. I need to fix this problem somehow. I even got frustrated seeing myself act like this. Now my sister left because she is meeting some friends and i am frozen again. I will do some parts which i find easier to manage for me. But it feels impossible. I can still work on some parts. I know this. Some of my high school friends went on a short holiday even if some of them have exams and shit. I wish i had their lvl of ''i dont care''. I am thinking i am quite fortunate i am not addicted to lots of things. Yet, i can still make my life even better. Another few days without Instagram passed by and i feel better and better about myself. I didnt have such crazy urges to check it tho. I am thinking to cancel the date with the younger girls from this Wednesday. I should be writing for this shit project like crazy, not going on dates. At least i can fuck if i see the other one. You know? My father is again acting like a child because my mom said smth he didnt like about the vacation house. It is so exhausting for us to see him behave like this.

Hei We had a family dinner and we all ate so much. Next time try to take it easier. Had one beer as well and some soda. We watched the last movies from the Fast and Furious and it was so cringe and ridiculous. What a crap! Interesting i felt overstimulated of all the things happening in that movie. Maybe this is how i used to feel on a daily basis. My siblings and my sister's BF asked again how is going with those girls i am seeing. I told them i only want sex from them and they went crazy. Should have lied. They looked at me like i am doing something so wrong, that i should just get a GF. My mom said i should stop going to dates so much just to not have an instant match like it should be or smth. My sister said i should be normal, like her and my brother, in a committed relationship. There are millions of people doing what am i doing. So it happens that my siblings are dating like i do. There is nothing wrong with me. Her boyfriend had a talk with me, telling me how i should just focus on serious relationships and how there is no point in dating so much. I explained to him this is helping me but he didnt wanted to listen. He told me how i can have all the sex in the world with just one girl, like he will be doing. And kept pushing his beliefs down on me. He told me about a neighbor of his, 19 old, dating like crazy. That he isnt attractive or charismatic. I said good for him, he will have so much experience by 24. I told him i wished i started sooner. He was offended by this since he has only been with my sister. He feels attacked about my own reality and what i want to do with my life. It seems he is really envious on me and that guy. I get that. He used to have tinder but used other guy's face for some reason. He told me how me and him and destroying our souls and minds by dating so much. I disagree with this. I do feel better about myself. He asked to see some pics of these girls. He said the younger one is cuter but the sex is better with the older one. It was really good hehe. I told them that they complained when i didnt date at all but now there is still a problem, dating too much. After all this talk my mom said that she was worried i am gay because i didnt date at all. This hurt. My sister asked me on the spot if i ever dated men. Horrible. What else? My grandma is used to order my family around because she borrowed them money. She is used to call in the middle of the day to ask for someone to buy her 1 potato fast. She gets mad if we are busy. She is spoiled and i dont like that. She acts like she is physically sicker than she is really. So i got a bolt drive with her instead of my brother or me picking her up. She was upset but complied. She was very nice in the car, since she didnt know the driver. She acted less spoiled afterwards for a while. My family was very worried of her getting upset for picking her up with a taxi. I hate to hear that. Why are you so scared of this old lady? My crazy grandma wants to move in with us but we really dont want that. She is really difficult. We invited her over and we played music loud, kicked the table and yelled to make her reconsider moving in. We all laughed about it even if it sounds sick. She said high noises hurt the blood circulation in her brain. We told her all day that this is how it is in our house. We are all on board with this. She is straight up mean to everyone but me for some reason. She even told my sister to shut up. My mom showed her the garden and she criticized her for not taking better care of it. She saw some rose petals on the loan. Lol! Later we put a movie on the tv and she said to turn off the noise because is too loud. My brother was upset and left. I worked on the final project in the morning. I spoke with sister to help me write tomorrow Kept speaking with both of them some more. The younger one said i should have invited her over to have lunch with my family. I wanted to say nothing but i told her it's too soon. She said she was just joking. I didnt really find that funny. The other day she asked me bluntly if i miss her. I felt that is too much but said yes, i do. I should have said the truth. When we met last time i couldnt keep my hands off her even if we were in a park. I didnt have much to speak about with her. I wanted to make out. Next time dont be so obvious. Take some breaks and speak whatever else. Anyways, that is why i asked her if shed like a movie next time even if we talked about coming over her place. She said yeah sure but how about coming over afterwards? I didnt expect that. I said yes but i am not sure what to expect. I guess we will make out and see how far can it go. Not sure if we will have sex. In a way i hope we wont because maybe it will be easier to let her go this way.

I wanted to mention that i have been feeling very horny lately and fapped a lot. Because of this i had less energy to work out. I am not sure if it is true or not. My mom asked me what is the name of the girl i met yesterday. I told her - does it really matter? Over a year ago i was even ashamed to tell them about tinder. Some things really have changed. I am really proud of myself, i learned a lot from the 21 girls i dated since last year. Of course, took some breaks along the way because of university. I still feel resistant to write for the final year project. It is ok. I will manage to finish it. I am staying inside this weekend. I need to push myself to finish it and take it easier with these dates. I mean i should do so. What else?

Hey I worked on the final year project word document after all. I procrastinated doing it most of the day. It wasnt as hard as i made it to be but still felt resistant to actually do the work. I just have to describe what i did for this project and it is hard to find my words. Had a 3rd date last night with the younger girl, got ice cream and went to the park again. I invited myself over her place again but we wont do anything too much. I told her we will bang when she feels ready to. Unfortunately, my hands where all over her and i was very horny. It was hard to control myself, i have to pay attention to this in the future. She even told me to not look so much at her body but at her face haha. But i actually find her more annoying each time to be honest. Yet, i want to fuck. She talked shit about the couples who bang really fast in a relationship and she was glad i agree that was wrong. Yeah, sure =))))))) Also, told her i deleted tinder and she got a little upset, saying of course you did. It would be wrong to be with me and also have the app. Oh, yeah suuuuuure=))))) But i still want to go back on Tinder once i finish university I told her i had a long term relationship before and it didnt work out. If it is too much for me i will let you know. She was a little upset but i wanted to plan my exit in a month. I dont see myself with her long term even if she is a nice person. She reminded myself of all the reasons i should be with her. I found it cute =))) There is a possibility we dont bang at all, even after a month like it happened to my last GF. I cant explain it very well but it was easier to call my last ex a GF, than it is now, even if technically these girl is my GF. At least that is what she think i guess. But i dont really consider this a relationship for some reason. Hmm. Anyway, i put more effort into dating my last GF, 24 yr, than i put into this younger girl. With the other one i went all over the city at movies, bars, restaurants, parks and so on. Yet, still didnt technically bang. She had lots of problems, should have ran away sooner. She told me she didnt have sex for a year and that is why she wanted to bang after 1st date. She asked me if i felt used. Are you kidding? It was awesome! She told me about her past relationships a little - two long term relationships lasting 3 years each, two relationship which lasted 1 year and some ones which lasted a few weeks/a month. I told her i had 2 relationships so far and she didnt ask more. I really like she was more experience than me and the sex is really good. When i kissed the younger girl on her neck yesterday she started laughing saying it feels tingling in her whole body. She said it makes her feel weird. I was shocked. I actually asked her what she means and weather she finds it pleasurable because i never had such a reaction before. She said she does but i am not sure to be honest. It sounds ridiculous to react like this but she said she doesnt know how to show emotions or smth like that. I still dont even know what to say. I am i pushing her too much?

We teased each other a lot. Ended up in her car where she sucked my dick and i fingered her. Lol. Second date like ahahha. This is what i need now. A bunch of sex above stuff in common and a relationship stuff. For now, this is what i need. So i am not that sure about the second girl now. But i dont have to make a decision right now. I am still accepting the fact that i am done with exams for good. Next thing will be to work on the final year project. I am supposed to send the final draft to the professor next week

Helllllo I passed with an 8! I could have got better but i didn't pay the right attention to all questions. I knew the answer but chose the wrong one. Anyways, i passed and that's what matters. Now i have some work and i can star working on the final year project Also, have a date tonight with the 24 year old. We will go to a park since her mom is staying at her place. Tomorrow night i meet with the other one as well. I dont know what to do about the these two girls. Should i choose one or go with both for a while. Should i choose the 24 year old because she is better at sex or the younger one who is going home for 3 months? I feel more relaxed and i cant believe i am done with exams. 5 years of stress with uni here and in NL are almost over. I have this fear of exams in my brain now. I am almost free to not worry at all about uni. Awesome! My very last exam as today ahahhaha. Amazing! I got an ayran and a burger afterwards. Didnt even finish it cuz made me feel sick haha.

Hei Went to sleep at 4 am. Watched an interview about a woman who escaped North Korea and a hacker attacking child predators. Very interesting, even if i should have been studying. Fell asleep while working. I feel confident about the exam tomorrow. I am just bothered i didnt do anything for my final project for like 1-2 weeks. I dont like that man. Some of my colleagues have several exams to pass these days. I have just one. No biggie. I cant believe i came so far. I feel i am so close to finish for good with this university. I set up another date with the 24 year old girl with whom i slept 1st date. We are just going to the park since her mom is visiting her this week. Replayed less often to the other girls and she didnt complain so far. I didnt use instagram in 2 days or so. I feel the impulse to check it every other minute. I deleted the app. I really dont even need it but i find myself wanting to check it anyways. I watched a few minutes of a movie with my brother and i felt a little hooked. I wanted to just fuck off and forget about everything for a while. But it will transform again in watching shit all day every day, wasting soo much time once again. I

hey Met again yesterday. We make out more than last time. She isnt very good at kissing, like i wasnt as well at 21. She already calls me babe and tells me how good she feels with me, that she was waiting all her life for me and so on. Cringe... I think i made Teo1 feel weird as well when i was so clingy myself I am thinking of the logistics of this "relationship". She will leave home next month until the end of September. I dont like she texts me all the time, sending even double messages after not replaying fast enough. Not sure how i will deal with it all summer. But let's get there first. I am also getting ahead of myself. But even if i decide to end it by July, it was a really good experience. I had to come up with things to say and talk about a lot and it was annoying for me. I am not used to this. I talked so much about every single detail in my life. Just to keep the conversation last longer. I asked her if she'd like me to come over last night and she said she needs to tell this to her roommate first.She doesnt know when she come and leaves. She said i can come over some day. Not sure if will be this month or not. Let's see what happens. Spoke some more with the other girls, the 24 year old. She seems much better at sex compared with the 20 year old one. But the last one is more beautiful. The 24 year old doesnt message me unless i do. I am not sure what this means. It is loosing interest? She said we might meet next week as well. I am looking forward, i liked the sex a lot. Both girls are so normal compared with my exes. I really should have ran away from my exes. They had so many problems. It was ridiculous. I really thought i am stuck. So stupid. All these girls complimented me for being tender and sweet. The 20 year old girls said she had 2 boyfriends before but none treated her like i do. Interesting. I should respect myself more. But not all girls are into tenderness and this style of mine. Some just dont like it and it is ok. Find the ones that do like it. I finished studying yesterday. I am revising some questions and i am surprised things make sense now. I am more confident i will pass that shit exam. Last night i dreamed of Teo1. I was suffering for dating her and she was still cold or smth like that. It was plain stupid.

Hey Man, i feel so proud of myself for having sex this week, second time this year. I never had sex twice with 2 girls in the same year. Studying is going better but i am getting anxious and i want to stop and watch tv series or do anything else. I really want to watch some tv series and forget about this stress which is basically not trying myself to keep going while feeling discomfort. I went to an event with my sister, my brother and his GF. We arrived late because of me and she got mad on my brother. I mean she refused to speak with him and was really grumpy. It wasnt even his fault. My and my sister asked him how can he put up with this shit. She behaves like this all the time. The 20 year old girl i went on a date with this Tuesday is a little bit cringe, talking about the way she feels when i message her and so on. I feel a little uncomfortable. But it shows me better the difference of a girl liking me or not. The other girl, the one i banged the other day is a little colder, doesn't speak so much of a relationship and is quite chill. It makes me feel even more stupid for putting up with so much shit in the past with exes when there are girls so chill out there. I was very happy i had sex so i told my siblings. They insisted i get a GF instead of doing this but i feel i want and need to have this phase now. I am getting better at dating and i am really proud for doing this for myself. Last year around this time i didnt even go on dates. I was scrolling on guys and girls profiles on tinder to see what is out there. I was planing how many pics i need and so on. But it was a necessary step to go through. I was even ashamed to say i have a date from tinder. It has been only 7 months since i actually started telling them i have dates and so on. It was hard for me. I came along way. I am still frustrated i am not better at dating. Not having more sex and more experiences with girls. Going on dates and getting laid it s such an amazing thing for me. I am glad i am working on it now. I have a lot of emotions and shit to deal with from not dating for years. But i am optimistic for the future. My siblings where making fun of me for not getting laid , no dates and not having a GF just a year ago. They even asked me if i am gay before getting a GF. I was so ashamed and frustrated. Now i feel relationships are over-hyped. Lots of wasted time. A friend told me about his worse break up 2-3 years ago. He was even doing drugs and was dating and having sex a lot. I am glad i didnt go that dark but it was hard for me as well. But i felt i couldnt date either.

We met at 20:00 anyways and she was more cute in real life than i expected. Not really my type but cute. We didnt have much to talk about or stuff in common. Idk. We walked afterwards and kept kissing. It was a really strong physical connection. We walked some more and kissed. I walked her to her car and kissed some more. She invited me over and i said YES! She lives alone, really nice place. We had really good sex and it was really fun. I fucked my 1st ex like this just once. This seems to be the norm with this girl. Wow. Arrived home at 4 am. It was an unexpected experience. Never had sex at a 1st date. It was really cool but i was also anxious. I thought about teo1 and how cool would have been to bang her. But just wasnt the case. It was also toxic. It was a really nice experience. It was nice to meet a girl who has less problems than my exes. No long time to wait for sex or fooling around and so far no drama. I am so used to be with toxic girls. Unreal. I finished work shit and now i am studying again. I want to pass that shit.

I have a bad feeling about this girl. I dont know why. Yesterday's date was really nice. I dont see it as long term but she is a nice girl. She is only 20 but i didnt see or feel any dating trauma like the trauma that cold girl had at 26 years old. She was the one from another city. Isnt it crazy? Same for me, I was not even dating a lot until last year. Crazy! I felt a little upset again for wasting time going on 2 dates with that cold girl when there are other girls who really like being tender with. It was a good lesson. Also, i cant believe the shit i put up with with my exes, just because i was so afraid (still am) that i wont find something better. No wonder i was so frustrated. Maybe i knew it deep inside that if i dated other girls i didnt have to deal with all that mess. It sounds stupid to date a girl who is yelling like my father and doesnt live much in the same town. Same for my second GF - i should have run for the hills when i saw how much unresolved drama she has. I am sick to fix people. I just want to date for fun without having to keep a person from crumbling down. My previous message got deleted?? I was sure i clicked submit I am stressed with that exam and not working on the final project. I procrastinated a lot lately

Good luck!