Everyday

Hey I starting feeling a light headache last night and i couldn't sleep very well. Woke up with a massive headache like i never had before. I couldn't think or function until midday. It was horrible. I added more products on the platform to give me bare codes. Had problems with some pics. We ordered some packaging for our products. Yesterday we got one of the packages without being called by the boarder. I looked some more into Fiverr. Besides Google ads and Facebook i see that there is a lot of interest for amazon services. I am doing enough things for now but i will keep this in mind. Now, i just want to get better at my job and also start selling products online. There is so much to learn and earn from, man. Cant wait! Maybe i should have focused on SEO and amazon 2 years ago instead of choosing Google ads. It is so complicated, man. Maybe i will ask to work for someone doing Amazon or Google ads on fiverr or upwork. I can learn from them much more. We will see.

Went to bed at 3 and woke up with a lot of struggle at 9.30. I already felt bed for not doing my routine before work. One of the clients i got from my colleague messaged me and i panicked. She helped me answer but i reacted ridiculously. I still worry to get fired and not do a good job. I struggle with analyzing data on these accounts. I felt very stressed and i didnt look forward to go on the date i had planned tonight. She canceled last minute because she found out a relative has cancer. I didnt mind, i wanted to stay at home anyways. I did some research to decide what delivery company to choose. I made some description for a few products. My sister promised she will do them but she went to see her boyfriend. I waited all day for this guy to help me with the bar codes. Turns out is really easy. Just need to manually do all those codes. Pff. He was lazy. I still need to buy my codes since his are only for his company. Time wasted. I will help him do them to learn. I cant believe how lazy he is. Offf. I am thinking again to take a break from dating new girls. For some reason it stresses me to speak with these girls a few times a day, even if we meet once a week. I feel overwhelmed with work and this new business. Maybe i should indeed take a break and stop for a while. I am not helping myself feel better by going on these dates. I feel stressed having to replay during the day, meet them and so on. I feel i should do it all at once but it feels like too much for now. I have all this free time and i am wasting it trying to get laid. Hours and hours in a park with these girls and most of the time nothing comes out of it. Better use those hours to do your job better, make some packages and so on. Also, i can date once a months or smth. I will think about it. Right now i should invest more time in some things which really matter, this is for now the new business and my job. It would help a lot if i had a place to bring these girls. Now i am just relaying on them to have a place. I could use that time dating to get a better salary and use a part of it to move out. Also, use some of your free time to drive again. I have all this free time and i am wasting it. I can really get faster to becoming a freelancer if i learn at an exponential speed. I feel stupid that i stopped cooking to save some money for the last 2 years. It is just stupid. I should have made time to cook food in bulk instead of eating from my mom and being happy i saved some money. How about just making more at work?

Hey Each morning i got late at work. Tried to wake up several times. Went to bed each day around 2 am because i tried to do more (diction, working out, new business). I had more dandruff and worse skin since i got the new accounts and waited for the raise. I was stressed as fuck. I am also tired. The new clients are fine so far. I am still afraid to fuck up but it will be fine. I struggle now to analyze accounts. I block my mind when i have to do it. I need to learn how to. I want to ask for more accounts to learn faster since i want to do freelancing. I need to get used with this new business and afterwards i need to take some freelancing work. I have nothing to loose. I will try. I wont get far in life with just 800 euros per month, man. I am learning this skills in a better way right now. I am putting more effort and i will see results in a few months. I spend some time again on Insta. Didnt make me feel better. I set up a date for tomorrow night with a new girl. I will meet with M on Friday and with Teo3 on Saturday. I am thinking to stop seeing M since it goes too much into relationship territory. I need to watch some dating advice. I need to improve my texting. I need to save some more money as an emergency fund. I am bad at this. Eat last 2 weeks only food from home and nuts, other snacks at work. I feel very good about this. I am not sure if i will do my masters next year around this time. I dont see the point. Asked a friend what he does all day since he isnt employed. He kept saying all along that he works all the time. I tried once to talk with him about my work-life problems and he said yeah, i work all the time man, i cant relate. Well, it turns out most of that is bullshit. He works a few hours a day and after that meets with his gf or watches shit on YT. Really? I really thought i am not doing enough. It was all bullshit. Man, i am so glad i dont have uni this year or the next. It was so stressful for me and it ate so much time from me. I could have started around this time. But i feel that it is more to be made and learned from what i am doing now. I wasted sooo much time with all that shit at university. It was ridiculous. I felt so stuck. I just wanted to be paid at work and didnt really bother much. Yesterday was my first ex b-day. I had a nightmare, meeting her after 5 years with her BF. We broke up 2 years ago, almost 3. Why did i think of this now? Why did i dream that? I doubt my drive and motivation. She had that. It was a toxic relationship tho. It is funny but i cant remember the b-day of my last ex. It has been a year since we broke up. I have learned so much since than. I was so dishonest with myself. I just wanted to date more. I felt so stuck with her. Had to deal with all that drama. Pff. Well, in order to become a good freelancer i need to be much better at my work. I need to put even more effort.

Hey Woke up and wasted 2 h on my phone, journaling about doing freelance work. I came came with another idea - to message these freelancers and ask if they will hire me for a few projects. This is seems so logic but for me so mind blowing. I can do the same work but i will get paid much more. I had thought about this for hours. New plan - learn as much as you can from my job and look into freelancing again once i figured things out with the new business. I am wondering why arent more people doing freelance work or asking for employment at top upwork sellers? What is the catch? Why do my colleagues work for this salary when they could make more that way? Meditated, exercised and did some other chores. I met with friends and bought some veggies. I arrived home and wasted some time on my phone. After that i cooked, first time in 2 years i think. Wow. Ironed some clothes and did some other tasks. I listened to some interviews. Did some diction exercises. Did the product list which we have to upload on the marketplace. We need to think of some names for a few products. I didnt go to my brother;s GF's b-day party. I didnt want to see her honestly. My brother got upset. I am glad we are finally doing this business and not just speaking shit about starting. I am so proud of mself for almost achieving a whole year without tv series. I do crave them from time to time but my life got so much better. I had to sit with my emotions frequently.

Turns out i ordered 90 units of one of the products. Lol. I have to wait 10 days before i ask for a refund. Today was quite productive and i also met with friends. I finished a list evaluating how much i will learn selling those products, did some gardening, worked out and some diction exercises. I harvested 3 bean pods from my garden :)))) I am still thinking of FIVERR. I dont feel yet that i am ready to do it. I need to deal more with clients at my work and to learn to use GA4 in a more proficient way. I also need to learn how to do tracking for Meta and G ads. This seems complicated for now but i didnt watch any videos about it. At work i just need to do my part of the whole process of setting up an ads account. I can learn to do this.

Done! We ordered almost all products. It was more expensive than i expected. The profit we will make looks good for now. Forgot to order and test some of them a few months ago. I am so glad we are finally over with this step. Tomorrow i will try to take some pics and learn more about those bar codes. I am so excited to start selling in a few weeks. I feel excited as fuck. I am also worried people wont by all that crap that we want to sell. Who would do that? But i do know that people buy shit. I checked on the Fiverr how much do people doing my job charge for their services. Bro, i was shocked how much they make. Why not try this before that whole agency thing? It seems easier to get jobs from this platform. I was shocked that some dude was charging like $50 for basic keyword research. Unreal. I am doing that all the time. Man, i feel inspired to try this as well. Even if i make $100 per month from this is still amazing. I can get a few clients and not even worry about my job. A new door opened. I dont know why i didnt think of this before. I just got stuck doing my job and not asking for more. I got used to be lazy and not think what can i do more. I could have done this years ago. But i didnt even think i could. I still dont. Insane. Working full time and worrying about money doesnt give you time to grow. Why dont more offer PPC services on Fiverr? It looks like you can make more than your current job, doing the same thing? Am i missing something?

I used it to just buy some snacks :))) The 3rd diction class was awesome but i felt bad not practicing more at home. I was lazy or tired. I need to practice even more. I need to speak much better. Now i am fully aware of this problem. We finally got the EORI number. We can order the products tomorrow. Awesome. All we need now are pics and a delivery contract. Went to meet with M, had lunch and went to her place to bang. I felt bad lying about going on vacation together. I dont want that. The sex was better than last time. She told me about 2 friends working in a company doing affiliate marketing. They just need to add banners to different sites. They work 3h a day and is super easy. I cant believe it is so fucking easy. Lol. I looked online on what can i do with it and i need to learn to do social media and edit videos. I watched a guy promoting starting your own agency. Interesting. I can actually use my knowledge makings ads to do ads for people in the west or start my own agency and make even more money. It doesnt have to be anything big, just a few clients. What do i need to do that? I just need to get better at my job. Keep up the good work, bro. Why not try this as well at some point? It sounds amazing. I need to learn to talk and explain what i am doing much better. I didnt really think about this before. I can do my exact job but actually make more money with less clients. I can simply not get clients for free or the ones who have no money. I am not looking forward to get clients like the ones i had on my own. It was too annoying for all that stress. I can at least try to message a bunch of people in order to get some awesome clients. Why not try this? rainbow kitten surprise - its called freefall.

Done My mom finished her massage courses this June but is still afraid to apply for jobs. I took the initiative at last and i will apply for her. She is scared as fuck to work again. Work was fine. I arrived earlier and did my tasks. Some stuff i avoided to do for many months. Awesome. I need to get used to do shit as fast as possible. No delays. The new clients dont seem so crazy. After work i walked for 40 min and did some exercises once i got home. I listened to a webinar about investing in stocks. While i took a shit on the toilet i opened my first credit card. I could have chosen to borrow as much as 4000 euros. Unreal. I chose the least amount - 250 euros. It was super fast and easy. Lol. Now, i am going to build my credit score. I invested some more in a P2P lending platform. I'm looking forward to order those products. Now, is time to get some awesome pics! Cant wait :)) I dont like to see my colleagues with more experience at work being so stressed and unhappy. Most people going at work in the morning dont seem happy or excited. I am not looking to stick around for several years. Get as much knx as you can now and get the fuck out.

Hey Went to bed late. Woke up and fell asleep again so i arrived late at work. I didnt want to do shit. Just to take it easy with work. I did some more tasks which i usually would have avoided. I wanted to work even more but what was the point? I can use that drive to work for myself. This is the point in starting this company, sir. Im excited. Arrived home and did some more papers. We are waiting for a response soon. Maybe we can order by the end of the week. I need to figure out how to deal with the shipping company. I need to figure out how the marketplace platform is working. I feel some resistance there. Hmm. Tomorrow i will buy the same stocks my grandpa had many years ago. Today i bought 2 gas company stocks. Three-Five-Zero-Zero

Hey My previous post got deleted right after i sent it weird. Woke up late but did diction exercises, worked out and mediated. I felt proud as fuck. I met with friends and didnt get fucked up or spent too much. I got beer and water and felt good as fuck. Told them about my progress at work and my raise. They told me about their life since we met at the beginning of the month. One of them sent his first CV at 25 and waiting for a response. Another one sold 2 paintings and another one failed to get to a new uni. I need to focus more on work in order to make more money and after that i can get to 1000 euros per month. But i dont want to go overboard since i want to also focus on this new business. Looking forward to order those products this week, bro. Invested some little more money in stocks. Looking forward to start a faceless YT channel and also try other side hustles, bro. snow patrol - just say yes

Hey Yesterday i finally spoke with my boss about the raise. Starting next month i will be making 803,90 Eur each month. My salary so far has been 582,82 Eur. This is my first raise ever. I am so proud of myself for asking for it at last, after worrying for weeks. I am basically working the same hours but getting more money for them. Cool. Next step is to get to 1000 eur and so on. I didnt even think that i will ask for a raise this year. The last trip gave me a boost. Next week we can order the first products. Im excited. I want to learn and earn more. I would like to quit work. Doesnt make sense to work here if i wont have a website anytime soon. Did some more diction exercises and felt amazing. So proud of myself for doing this course. Met with my friend from uni whom i havent seen since June 28th. We got drunk but i kept drinking water so i didnt black out. To be honest i didnt feel better after we hang out. He didnt want to slow down and kept drinking and getting annoying. He told me how many things he regrets in life and so on. He earns lots of money but is very unhappy. We spoke about how much we regret going to university to study Horticulture. He noticed as well just wanting to finish and not carrying at all about the future. He wonders what was in his head willingly coming to uni each morning, putting up with stupid professors, weeding and so much other shit. I could have focused more on work from time to time but i chose to be lazy. I was overwhelmed of stress and exams. It wasnt the hardest uni. Sad. I regret not quitting and going in NL with Erasmus. It doesnt look like i will have this opportunity now. Just work. I noticed that another things which stresses me is my job, this is why i want to quit and do my own thing. I cant earn more and invest more if i am just working there. This is the truth. I am looking forward to have my own thing going with my siblings. I am not sure if i will start a masters next year. What is the point? Solomun - Something We All Adore (Solomun Love Song Mix) [Unreleased]

Hey I got 4 more clients yesterday and another one today. Man, i feel worried as fuck that i will mess thing up. The most afraid i am of calls, asking me why they dont have results. This is what happened last year. I had these calls and the client came with more ideas than i offered them. I didnt ask my colleagues for more help. It was so terrifying. Now, i find myself in the same position. To be honest i dont know what am i doing. I can implement very well but i am bad at analyzing an account. I dont know what to do more but i can do it. Is hard to come up with recommendations. I will keep asking my colleagues what the fuck to do. I didnt get any call from my boss to talk about the raise. Nope. I waited all day. I still wonder how much money are we talking about. I guess he wants to see if i will make mistakes or not. I like to implement these tasks on fb and google ads but i dont like speaking with clients. I dont see myself here in 5 years. It seems stupid to keep going to this job if selling products from Aliexpress will work. I just feel stupid being stressed about these clients and getting fired. I would like just to sell those products and not worry about these clients. I am really looking forward to order those products. I have to order them asap. Cant wait. I am less anxious about that compared to my job.

Last month i talked with a girl from tinder for about a week while she was in vacation in Spain. We spoke to meet when she gets home but it turns out she lives next to a town, 3 hours from me. I imagined she lives here. I told her that i dont want a long distance thing and she agreed. She messaged me again a few weeks ago to ask if i would like to meet her while she is in my city. I declined at told her i dont see the point since we dont live nearby. She asked again if we can be friends and i said no. She just messaged me again today. I am not going to respond this time around. My superviser told me i will get 4 more accounts from another co worker. I panicked a little bit. I asked my boss if he has time today to speak about that raise but he didnt have time. He assured me i will do get a raise and we can speak on google meet tomorrow. He didnt specify an hour so i had to cancel going to the doctor and getting the last paper for this new business. I feel worried that i will fuck up but i just need to ask questions, call the client and set up campaigns. I can do that. It isnt that hard as i make it to be in my head. I am learning to do my job better and also getting paid more. Awesome. Managing more clients feels extremely hard right now. So get more and grow! One of the reasons that i want to make this business work is because i am so afraid to get fired. I am looking forward to actually order those products and start selling them asap. Cant wait! Hehe. I still want to make more money from doing that compared with work. I cant believe i asked for a raise and more work. I feel the drive to do more but it scares me. This shit was dormant while i had university going on. Man, i was so stressed with that shit. I invested some more today in another P2P platform. I am looking forward to make invest more money soon. I wait to see the returns in 9-10 days. This week i managed to only eat food from home and nuts at work. Amazing. The diction course is fucking amazing. I feel resistant to do those exercises but i want to see results.

He was at work but seemed full of tasks. I will speak with him but i dont know when. I dont want to be pushy and try to hard either. I started the campaigns for the new client and everything is fine so far. i felt so good about myself. I was so afraid to get new clients and i see now that isnt that bad. I realised so late i can just ask my colleagues for help. I can ask them what campaigns to even do man. Ridiculous. What i have to do is call them from time to time. Why am i so afraid of new clients? Our accountant messaged me to tell me he would prefer to wait until next month before getting the last document needed to start. Why? Because he is lazy to do extra papers this month. He asked me why am i in a rush. Really? Why not? WTF. After i get that shit i can order those products, man. It is that simple. Why would we want to wait another month??? I started the diction course and it was so awesome! I felt cringe doing some exercises tho. I was surprised seeing how the trainer was speaking and just being. She is so charismatic in comparison with the trainer my boss pays at work to teach us communication. That guy is teaching a mediocre course but he still gets people to pay for it. Why would i put some shit product out there if someone will buy it? I got food from home and some snacks at work so i didnt have to buy food. I feel amazing about myself for saving those money each week. I should count the number of days before i buy food outside. I watched some videos online about saving money and these expenses do count. I cant just eat junk food because i feel bad. My parents are fighting all over again and i keep telling mom to divorce. Over the weekend my family went to the vacation house of my sister's BF. My father got super motivated to finish his house which he cant afford as well. He blamed mom for not supporting him enough. Cringe. What is the point of most relationships people have? Just to go out in the city often, fight, speak non stop and just wasting time. All of this just to break up in the end. It seems so stupid. What is the fucking point??? Becoming frustrated like mom and so many other people? zola jesus hikikomori

Hey, The boss didnt arrive at work today so we didnt even speak about the raise. Messaged some friends to ask how are they. They have their own problems. Went on a date with Teo3 and she let me actually kiss her now and we kept kissing. I wonder if she would have let me upstairs since i walked her home. I had to leave earlier to meet with M. I went to her place and had sex. For some reason it didnt feel wow as it was before. Interesting. I left from her place to sleep at home. The bolt driver who took me home was 24 and previously worked in UK. He made around 900 euros last month driving ppl with bold. I felt envious. Here i am stressing so much about a small raise and this guy doesnt even has a boss. Woke up and went to work. The new client asked me how the work is going and i was just finishing his ads. I hope that tomorrow we can start the ads. If things are fine ill ask for more clients. I need to learn. I felt again i could be doing smth better with my time which would give me more money. I was just doing some tasks and not really making progress overall. Just same tasks i had last week - set up some campaigns. I listened to a podcast yesterday where i heard am amazing idea. Someone complained to him why he doesnt progress in life with his job even if he has a 3 hours daily routine with a bunch of good habits. The speaker said maybe try to use those 3 hours to work on your business. He said that he knows successful people who are still taking drugs, fapping, lazy and drinking. Of course, is harder that way but they also use some time to work on the actual habits that matter - for example making more calls. Well, for me this means that i can chill. Right now i am living the same i was a month ago even if i invested money and i will earn from that. I made a really good habit and now i am benefiting from it. Same with the new business, i will use my time to make more money even if the time investment isnt that big. I am thinking how insane is that other people do more and make more each day while each day has 24 hours for anyone. But they do some jobs or businesses which make them nice money instead of a shit job. So i can invest 8-9 hours at work or i can use the same time to do smth which brings me more money. Insane! I walked 1 h after work and worked out. I felt so good and proud of myself.

I feel very good about this decision. I almost set all ads for the new client. I felt resistant to start to be honest even if i knew i can do it very well. On Friday we had again a course on communication with that weird trainer. I felt envious on him for getting paid to deliver little useful information. He was very proud that he doesnt have a job and so on. I admire that but i feel frustrated that he is living his own life while delivering a mediocre course. I asked my boss if i can leave work earlier in order to arrive on time at the diction course i start next week. He said yeah, sure and we can also talk next week about the raise you asked. Wow, i didnt expect that, i thought he wants me to get those clients first and after that i will ask for money. Amazing! Yesterday night my colleagues asked me to join them for beer after work. I didnt wanted to go at first. I found out some cool stuff about the new colleagues and i got drunk haha. I asked one new colleague how much he makes since i am only making 583 euros per month. He was shocked, he makes around 1000 euros per month and i think he started in April. This triggered me since i have been at this company for over 2 years. I want that money and i wont get anywhere in life with my current paycheck. I am anxious to get more clients but i cant live like this anymore. I feel frustrated giving so much time to this job for a shit salary. I could be doing smth more else to get paid more. I choose to stay at this job and not even afford to move out man. I didnt even think of this until i finished uni for good. I just put a pause on my progress and waited to be done with that crap. I think i wasted several years with that. I am not even using my degree. I am also going to learn more about making ads for these accounts besides being paid more. Cool! I am not sure for how long i wanna stay here. I feel that i am wasting my potential here. I could be home researching how to make more money and so on. But i am stuck at the office. I feel amazing for actually starting this new business. We dont just talked about it. I have been stressing for months about whether those sellers from ali will give us invoices or not. Two of them didnt even answer. I found out a browser extension which makes invoices lol. Amazing. I feel so much better now. I invested some more money into Peerberry. I deleted the brokerage app from which i bought my stocks since i checked the price so frequently. I am looking forward to see how it goes. I knew about this platform for 1-2 years. Today i solved some big problems but i am still feeling i didnt do enough. I did exercise and meditate but i procrastinated on doing research for the new business. The nest step for the business is for the accountant to send some more documents and that is it. Might be ready next week. After that, we can finally order bro! I am so excited. I am very proud of what i have accomplished this summer. It was amazing.

Hey Woke up tired since i played minecraft and listened to interviews until 3 am. I pushed myself to work since i didnt want to do the set up for the new client. I did 80%. Not much else. I went to the print shop and got a company seal for our business. I feel so excited! It looks so fucking awesome! Tomorrow my sister will take the final papers from the notary. We are almost ready to order those products. I cant wait hehe. It was a good idea to do it with siblings since one of us can do different tasks at once. Next step is to speak with each vendor and ask for invoices for this company. I am anxious at this part since one of them didnt even answer. Another step is to wait for them and figure out how to use the marketplace site. After that is how to send products and so on. I feel tired of tinder. I didnt get any new dates. I think my messages are the problem. I dont make the conversation exciting. I answered to some questions of a colleague from uni. She didnt sent her thesis on time in June. She was stressed as fuck right now and i forgot how i felt just a few months ago. I feel i grew a lot since end of June. This whole uni chapter is behind me. I cant wait to feel the same about work. I will look back after i quit and say damn... I had to wake up each day to arrive at work, spend there most of the day and come home drained. I hope that being on my own will be much better for my stress levels. I think it will be awesome to stop working when i want to and also make more money. I helped a friend make ads for his reiki business a few months ago. Someone who knows him reached out and asked if i can make ads for the shoes she wants to sell. Turns out she doesnt know shit about having an online business but still started - i felt stupid since i am so afraid to start and this woman jumped right into it. Lol. I refused her since i dont want the stress that comes along, all the extra work and having to teach her the basics. Soon i will have my own online business to take care of. I really dont want to spend so much time doing all this work for her for not much money. What is the point? I better focus my energy on my job and soon to be side hustle.

Hey The cooking class on Tuesday night was nice but i felt frustrated for not knowing what to do. The chef got frustrated seeing me just stay there at times just watching instead of taking the initiative and work. I didnt know what to do. I had a hard time each day waking up. Arrived at work late. I kept helping each day a colleague from work with her tasks. I sent to my new client the marketing strategy we will use but i avoided actually setting up the campaigns. When i woke up i felt weird not going to work. Like it is something bad to stay home and so on. I took a walk alone at lunch today. I felt frustrated with not being paid more and not being already better at my work. I am giving away my time to work here and not making more money. I am literally coming to work and giving them my time in exchange for some money, but not enough to travel and move out. What a joke. I feel that i am missing out on life while working here. I said to myself that i will quit this job once i make $1000/month with the new business. But that would me more than i make now so why wait so long? If i put more time and work at the new business i will see some results versus nothing at my job. I am already 25, what do i wait for? I spent some more money buying stocks. I didnt order food at work and i am very proud of that. I chose to eat fruits and nuts. But in the same time i felt stupid for not eating a big meal just to save some money. I wont get rich with $10. I am not going to have the life i want to have if i am still at this job in 5 years. I imagine i will be stressed as the girl i help at work. I wont enjoy life and i will just be working to survive. It is clear i wont have an apartment and a car by just working at this stupid job. We made some more progress with this new business doing papers. I will run some more errands tomorrow. On Friday we can order those products after i get all papers in order. I am so excited man. I would be able to do more than just work all day. I could make my own schedule. I wont have to worry about getting fired and working until the end of the shit and crap like that. No worries about clients. I really want to get out of this job. I was frustrated today because i had to work until the end of the schedule when i didnt feel like it anymore. Why do we have to work our asses while our boss goes home and is free to do whatever he wants all day. Why do i have to be stressed in the morning that i need to arrive on time at work? Why do i have to give him my time in return for some money? I can do better for myself. I really can. Why do i limit myself? A girl from work made a comment about poor people making a ton of kids. She said the parents just work and make food all day and have no time to grow and develop themselves. She complained that those people vote and bring the country down. That those people dont go to courses and dont have hobbies. A college made and interesting argument - this is what you also do but is different. You just work at this job all day and have no time for those courses. Man, that hit hard. What life is this really? Did exercise twice this week already. beatpete vinyl session #80

Hey I felt tired and low motivation to go to work. Arrived there and i had to do task after task for my colleagues. The fashion season started and they had a bunch of shit to work on. My boss didnt ask me to talk with him but gave me a new account today. I was stressed but i called the guy and it was ok. I made a mistake in the email i sent to him. My supervisor was very understanding. I hope i will also get a raise eventually. I asked for more clients and i got one so far. This is very challenging for me and i am stressed and worried about keeping this client. I fucked up a lot in the past with clients. So this is a opportunity to grow and be a better person overall. My supervisor showed me how i added the logo of another company in some display ads i did in June. I felt embarrassed. I am happy that i got a new challenge at work and that now i feel that i am making progress again. I feel like i am not reaching my full potential at this job. I am helping my colleagues do their tasks and getting paid less. I could use this time to sell online and learn how to do it better. I am basically just getting by in life, not really making a big difference for myself. I am going to work to help my colleagues do their tasks. I am not even using feeds and ecomm each day. Not really. What is the point of living like this? I am not getting fired for dealing with clients but i am also not progressing in life. I am just ... there wasting my own time. I could be learning more about ordering from china and so on. Right now i am just doing junior work. I am too comfortable. What can i do? Ask for more tasks dealing with feeds and ecomm stores. Do research on yourself and observe my colleagues accounts. I should have clients which have e-comm business which i can also do. This way i can transfer these skills into selling my own products. I basically got this job so i will get paid and focus on dating, going out, etc basically just getting by until i finish college. Now, i feel stupid about this way of life. I am not making enough to even move out, let alone travel and invest in real estate, stocks and myself. I am wondering what else can i do to earn more money by using my time. I could be using the whole day to learn about different ways to make money, learn new things, i could get a job as a social media manager and learn that as well. I could use my time way better than i do at this job. I am not getting the best use of my time each day. I just make ads, assets and campaigns for different business all day looong. There is no time to learn about tik tok, buying and selling, social media, etc. I am just doing a part of what makes a business work. It feels like i am limiting myself. I am just getting stressed about selling products for someone else and getting a fraction of the growth and money that person gets. I am helping someone else make money off my back and i am stressing so much i will get fired from this job. Lol, this is ridiculous. Man, the 17 year old guy from whom i learned this didnt even learn to make ads and still sells like crazy. He made his own ads on tik tok for some products. Now, he just sells online from the same platform i am going to use. Why do i stressed myself so much in life? I can start this with less experience than i think i need. Man, the last trip really got me going and lit a fire under my ass. I stress at work about not being able to hold a client and do others tasks instead of just using all this energy and time to make my own business going. Imagine using all this time i work at my job to sell and buy shit from china much much better. In 6 months i will learn so much. I didnt learn much in the last 6 months at work. I am doing the same tasks. I am disrespecting my own time. Basically i will be doing the same at this job in 6 months. Man the amount of time i give to this job is crazy. The returns are not justifying my effort. I need to see my situation for what it is. I am not paid enough - i can get better at my job and solve this. And even if i get 1100 EUR per month i will work my ass off for it each month and i will sad like my older colleagues. I also dont want that. I

Hey Earlier today i was laying in bed thinking to play some minecraft but chose to clean my room. I didnt clean my room really well in over a year. I threw out a lot of shit. I worked out. My shoulder and right arm are getting better. I have pain for a few weeks. I took it easy. I cant believe i turned 25. It feels like years passed so fast. I wasted 5 years with to get a college degree. I will be 30 in 5 years. Wow. It is so close. I need a clear picture what i want to be like by than. I didnt think much about the future while i was in college. I just wanted to graduate. Just wanted to live in the moment and not worry much. Also, i know i dont want to waste time watching tv series again. My sister started watching gossip girl and she is hooked. She is even watching that on her phone. She behaves exactly like i did several months ago. Just wanted to be left alone and watch that crap. I am looking forward to start selling these products online. I dont feel like i can grow more being an employee for the rest of my life. It feels so stupid to have a set time to work during the week. It would be amazing to choose myself when i want to work more or less. It would be awesome to not work crazy like my older colleagues just for a few hundred bucks. If i sell enough online i can make that faster. Also, i would have more money to invest and do more courses. I would learn and read more. I wouldnt just waste whole day at work just to come home and have a few hours of free time. I do know i can be a digital nomad as well. I am trying to think how would be my life without a regular job. A year ago i was proud if i worked overtime but now it feels stupid. My boss left work hours earlier than us so why would i stay over my work schedule? Lol, instead taking a walk or reading a book i spent my free time working some more for same salary. Anyways, it is hard to imagine actually quitting this job and not doing shit for a month. Literally, just chilling, working out, reading and having a good time. I am imagining i wont have money to go out and shit. Lol. But i can really do it if i want to. I dont need to keep working a regular job forever. I am still overthinking the day i will tell my boss i want to quit. My colleagues will move on fast af. Someone else will take those accounts. I will have the rest of my life to invest my time as i want to. emotional content by kels - analog journal

Hey Celebrated my b-day and it was fun. I didnt stress as much as i did last year. It was chill. Got some cool gifts, ate well and laughed a lot. I feel a little bad for getting drunk even if i didnt loose control. I was a little sad for not making more money from my job and not starting the side hustle faster. Usual stuff i think when i get drunk. I played some minecraft again before i went to sleep. I want to play again even if i can do better stuff with my time. I didnt meditate or do back exercises yesterday. Today i want to be productive since it is still early but i feel resistant. I cleaned my room yesterday. I had stuff around i didnt even clean since last year. I just kept saying i am busy with university.

Reached out to her twice but she just replayed to my texts basically. Just like the girl from April. So i let her alone. I will trust my intuition here. I got a link from a co worker to a trading up and got my first stocks today, right before i turned 25: coca cola, mc donalds, black rock, pepsico, bp and shell. Now she wants to take her bags and move at our house by surprise. Played minecraft last night. I felt so bad. I watched online some girl masturbating and fapped after that. I feel better now but still, that was intense. Arrived at work and i just didnt feel like doing anything. I helped a coworker do her own tasks. I had a training and i just couldnt focus much. I was upset for not doing smth better with my time money wise. I can find a similar but remote job right now if i really want to. I dont have to invest so much time at this job. I really want to have my own schedule. Why do i need to work at set ours and not do my own thing? I cant wait to start selling those products online. I want to make more money and quit my job. Exactly one year ago i had a GF and i was on tinder for about 2 months. I got so much better since than. I didnt even imagine dating other girls while having a gf. I felt stuck with another gf i dont want a long term thing. I literally didnt had sex that year besides technically doing it with her one time. Man, i kissed just her the whole year. Unreal. But 2023 was so fucking amazing! I learned so much and i am still learning. It was definitely worth it. I will get even better! My sister said that she wishes i will be a real man once i turn 25. She complained how bad is it to go on dates while having a gf. But i feel good and i am proud of myself. Now, i dont see the point in having a serious relationship and going on dates so often and speaking all day. What is the point? It will end soon again. Why make that person your everything? I am waiting to talk about that raise with my boss next week. I am frustrated of limiting myself so much with this job. I can work for another company making more. Maybe doing ads for onlyfans is paying better. IDK. I am the only one stopping myself. I find it stupid that my brother is paid more than me and has less experience. I do deserve to earn more man. I really do. I can really leave this job to earn more. I can find a remote position and travel. I JUST need to do it.

Hei At the end of the work shit on Monday, i messaged my boss asking if he has some free time to speak this week. I asked what can i do more for a raise. He said yes, sure. I told him to let me know when hes free to speak. He seen my message. I felt stupid for being so anxious to even ask. I am waiting to have this discussion now. I am afraid to get new accounts but i cant keep wasting my own time at this company and not learning more and not getting paid better. The girl from Monday cancelled the date, the cooking class on Tuesday was awesome and tonight's date was cute. We need some legal documents but i think that all lawyers are in vacation now. I will use my birthday gift money from my work colleagues to invest in some stocks. My grandma is calling all of us for stupid reasons. She said she has some keys from the Eiffel tower. We find it funny but also annoying that she keeps calling us for shit like this. My father cant accept she is crazy and is actually stressed of her calls. He lost one of his credit cards for alleged stressed due to stupid calls from grandma. WTF.

Hei, Drove again today with my brother even if i was scared. It was all good. Woke up earlier to do it. Had an argument with my father and i was so annoyed i have to listen to his bullshit. Mom was upset as well. He cut down all my mint plants because they were weeds and all over the aspersion sensor. I got super mad and threaten him i will destroy his stupid lawn. Meditation habit is going well. What else? Just waiting for those stuff to solve so i can order those products from china and finally sell them. I am looking forward to learn and earn money. I dont want to be in this job forever. But for the near future is seems that it is my only way to earn money. I can be patient. I waited over half a year just to actually start this business. I saved money for half a year. I am doing it now! I didnt push it again until next year. I know i said i am going to ask for a raise tomorrow but i am scared as fuck honestly. It is normal, man. I can send the message at the end of the workday and wait for a response next day. I can use my money from now on to invest them in stocks. I saved enough for this business. What else? I am back using instagram because i am speaking with a girl. But i didnt open all stories and so on. I dont see a point doing that. I am looking forward to not do it again. I am thinking to watch tv series and i dont like this. I worked out twice this week. Good. I have pain in my shoulder from pushing myself too much. I need a break. My b-day is next week and i am not that excited to get older. I am feeling i am not using all my time to be productive. For example listening to a book or watching some YT video. webcam model interview jazmen

Hey I will have a full week starting from Monday. I want to ask for a raise and i also have a 2nd date with I. Tuesday - I go to work and cooking class. Wed - Work and a date with a new girl Thursday - WFH, university diploma and date with M. Friday - just work and workshop at work Next week we have to solve some final things with the new business. Hopefully we can do it asap. After that we can just order some products hehe. I was thinking today that i am basically wasting my own money not doing better at work. I am basically not earning more and also not learning more. Ridiculous. I am just stalling and wasting my time each day. Why not use the day to actually earn more money selling shit online. I am looking at my older colleagues and i dont want to be like that at all. They do earn more but are also stressed as fuck. What is the point? I can basically do my job but selling for me. There are so many stupid clients who dont know how to sell online but are still making money. Why not us as well? I love that this journal talks about my journey from the begging to present. Here, i went from leaving to NL, to returning home, being afraid to work, getting a job, working for my parents, working out on and off, giving up meditation and starting again, leaving old friends and coming back at them, getting my driver ID, my first dates, my first relationships, giving up tv series and watching too many, my tinder journey, being afraid to get pics of myself for tinder and now starting my own business with my siblings. the weeknd heartless