Everyday

Passed the exam with a good grade. I am going to take the driving test on the streets on the 24th of September That weekend was really cool. It was nice. We spoke about my desire to leave in 3 years again. She was pissed this time. I missed swimming and the beach. Told her things i thought i will never tell her: that i liked her since we first time met at krav but didnt ask her out because i was afraid of rejection. Initially told her that i compare myself with her exes, that i wonder if i am good in bed, whether they were better, etc that that's my first actual relationship and i dont know how to act sometimes. Is all new for me. that i was afraid she will leave me when she figures out i dont have sex and relationship experience, that i was afraid to bang her for not satisfying her good enough that she'll leave me told her i had sex with a girl once, four years ago and i didnt satisfy her and she criticised me for this. that since then i was really afraid to have sex again for not finding myself in the same position. These confessions made me feel closer to her. she told me how many girls would want me because i am tender, caring, etc. i didnt see myself as someone good enough for a relationship she said i deserve smth better than her, that she is afraid some girl with steal me from her because i am a good boyfriend. that i am good in bed and satisfy her; that she likes i put her first and im attentive to her needs and treat her well. that she always had a problem of comparing herself with her exes' past girlfriends. but with me, being my 1st she feels unique- never saw the situation like this. This week i turned 22! I passed my 1st year of university I am still insecure about not having more sex and relationship experience in general. But i got got practice during the almost 6 months together with my GF. The thing that bothers me the most is my low motivation, not being productive and postponing tasks soo much man. I want to change this now... My sis asked me what i want to achieve this year: i want to do tasks faster, get driver id and keep my relationship with GF.

Told her this last night. She didn't jump or start an argument. Just said i didn't want to stress you about it. She gave me some deadlines to finish reading etc- immediately i felt resentful and mean. She told me how she passed her exam before she was 18, 3 years ago bla bla. Didn't like hearing that again. Felt insecure and envious. She is trying to help me but i get surprised by my thoughts. I have to calm down or i would behave well with her. My first instinct and thoughts are to be mean most of the time. I wonder if this is who am I ..... I going to take the written driving exam this Friday, before we leave for the weekend to the beach. Passed the simulation exams with indulgence and minimum grade. Went through all curriculum and doing tests now. Making progress, compared with a few months and weeks ago i am finally passing most of them, even if it's with minimum grades. I went with my gf to drive and i got really upset on myself and on her. She raised her voice at me for not driving well and resembled my father... I hated that. I dont want to be in a relationship with my father. I couldn't help but worry i will fail the exam, get upset i dont learn faster and be envious that she got her driver id way before me. I thought i am weak for being soo soft and struggling with this. When i was 18 i wouldn't even dare to learn to drive. i didn't believe i could do it. At least now i am trying. So i decided i will stop bitching and asking her for help with driving. I get super angry and upset and is just damaging our relationship. I cant control it. I will deal with it myself

We had this discussion and it was much better than last time. She said '' i am going to have you just for three years, aren't I?, well ok than''. She said she understands i am doing this for my career. I am sure she would do the same. She wasn't angry anymore- i was surprised. She asked me what i am going to do with her when i leave- i said honestly i don't know; I didn't expect you meet someone like you yet....... Not sure how much of what i said is true or BS. But i am sure i am inexperienced and immature.

Told her this last night. She didn't jump or start an argument. Just said i didn't want to stress you about it. She gave me some deadlines to finish reading etc- immediately i felt resentful and mean. She told me how she passed her exam before she was 18, 3 years ago bla bla. Didn't like hearing that again. Felt insecure and envious. She is trying to help me but i get surprised by my thoughts. I have to calm down or i would behave well with her. My first instinct and thoughts are to be mean most of the time. I wonder if this is who am I ..... Some days i feel in love and some days i just want space. Sometimes these kinds of feelings change after hours, days or sooner. She had more partners than me, so i am insecure and ask to many questions in bed sometimes. I watched many vids and read articles online to get better. But it is frustrating, at times. Not sure if she really enjoys or is just faking it sometimes. Does she likes all of it? Feels like a new language i have to learn. I see her getting wet,, aroused but i am still suspicious. She said she was never so invested emotionally as she's with me in her previous relationships. That she loves how caring and tender i am with her. That she was never asked what she enjoys in bed. I wonder why. She said she used to be cold in relationships. Sex was just sex. I wonder how she hasn't had a BF like me before? She had several but none like me? I mean is it true? How are other people in relationships? She said once that she wont be able to keep me. Another, that i will get so annoyed with her i ll break up. Didn't know what to say to be honest. I said this will never happen. It took her some time to open up about some of her traumas. I am curious sometimes what happened, the whole stories. But from selfish reasons, of comparing myself with them. I always tell only if she feels ok to. This made her trust me for not pushing her. To tell you the truth i dont see the big deal of her traumas. But neither she does about mine. I worry she will see me as weak if i open up to her about for example being bullied. I am trying this thing i saw in a tv series, to let go of overthinking and re-living past mistakes, regrets, bad memories and so on. The more i tell myself x thing is over, move on! Forget about it! Pretend it never happened!- the more i realise how much time i waste re-living those memories and how much it affects my wellbeing. Living in the past is not easy.

She appolgized a lot for that. She said she was overwhelmed by tasks and wanted to deal with them alone. She kept me at distance during that week. Now, things are better. We are going to the beach in two weeks. She asked me what i wanna do with my degree. At first i didn't understand what was she actually talking about. The elephant in the room is that i want to leave the country in three years. She said she doesn't want to love me just for three years. I said i dont want to speak about this at the moment. The truth is that i cant get a job in my country in my field of interest. I will leave anyways to be honest. So we are celebrating 5 months together at the end of this week. We still haven't had sex even if we see each other physically for 3 months. Long story short (she told me most of it last night) is that her ex injured one of her ovaries over a year ago when he find out she wants to break up with him. She still has problems since then. Her results came yesterday. Her gynaecologist told her she will bleed and have lots of pain the first time we bang. We see if she's ok afterwards. This will be next Friday. I haven't smoke weed in 7 months. WOW. I would like some now. I feel ok without it i guess. Noticed my mind is clear at some degree, i can see what is bothering me even if is hard to deal with the problem itself. My father spent recklessly again. I paid to make new glasses from my own money. Dude that was so expensive. I dont have much money left. I will also do a MRI for my back. I have been having pain for around 3 years. I didn't do proper recovery exercises because my father said it isn't important and refused to pay for it. Now, i will use my money for it. Cant reason with him. Still barely doing anything. Haven't drove a car on the street for three weeks. I am so ashamed of my laziness. I spoke about it with her. She said i need to find motivation within. I found it. I am resisting to even thing about it. Is too much man. I wish she would help me more. Is so hard to even open the book.. never been like this before about anything else. IDK how to deal with it. Havent checked other journals around here for over a month. Made me feel better about myself. I havent checked my HS facebook account in 4 months i guess. I feel better, much better. I wanted to badly a few weeks ago.

Going there next Wednesday. i am excited. Went there a few times. Really cool. First time i just got super angry on myself for not studying more about the subject and running my own experiments. Felt horrible. I am not better weeks later. I feel so much resistance man...... i am watching tv series all day again. With some breaks for work, preparing for the driving exam, garden, chores. i even watch tv series a work sometimes.

The Erasmus office said we should postpone signing the papers till next year because it doesn't make sense to prepare so early. The company said is ok. I don't like this. I don't have any certainty they won't change their minds until next summer... I am unbelievably happy that i finished my 1st year of university. Last week i read messaged from my colleagues, the ones who failed some courses, pleading for help. I remembered last year and how i was in a worse position than some of them.... I am so satisfied of not having to worry about university anymore. I passed and that's it. Finished driving school. Preparing for the exam. And resisting so much to study for it. I get so angry and so frustrated.... Went with her three weeks ago in the mountains. it was nice. Two weeks ago i went to meet her parents for a weekend in her town. Didnt see her last week at all. She was ''busy''. To be honest i dont know if that's true or not. She barely responded to my messages and i was the only one trying to contact her. I didnt like that. Getting overwhelmed often by destructive, revengeful, mean and childish thoughts regarding her. I have to be alone to calm down. And when the storm is over i see only stupid reasons behind my feelings and negative emotions.

Got it! I will stress the people from erasmus more in order to get my contract signed as soon as possible. Amazing news! Next semester will be online too! Therefore, i will work this summer for the 2nd internship in the lab and then get a job in online advertising in autumn. I found a similar company as the last one. I have hope again. My garden is doing really good. I thought of using some fertilisers as well.

Going there next Wednesday. i am excited.

So i didnt get to the next challenge. I didnt get picked for the second interview in order to get hired. Felt pissed. But later relieved. I am doing too many things at once and i am not doing any properly. Makes me feel frustrated and paralysed. It was a good experience. i am more interested in social media advertising than ever, even if i will postpone it atm. I think that i was too honest with them. I shouldn't have told them that i want to do all this in the same time. Maybe smth like- i want to transition in this field and nothing else matters- would have convinced them. But they would have figured out my true intentions eventually. Look up similar companies and jackpot. Sure i will get a job somewhere doing the same thing. Maybe ill apply in autumn. Still no replay from them. Reminded them again today. Kinda getting to like her more again. Weird. I feel closer to her - but at times i dont. I feel better with her that's for sure. My family met her. My mom embarrassed me as i expected=)))))) 3?- years ago i was listening to this band a girl i liked listened to and daydreamed of us being together. My mom liked the song and i shared it with her. She kept listening to that band until now. Three days ago she said to my GF listen to this: one of his favorite song =))) lol. It's a heartbreak song =))) Felt so embarrassed I got a 5.6 at that exam. Cheated and used my intuition. It was hard especially bc i barely read the material. I kept postponing it. Spent the days beforehand at work or with my gf. Still had time to study but didnt. Sent a copy-paste essay at the ''practical side'' of our curriculum. This essay is the last part of me passing the year. I cant believe it. I thought i cant pass this year at the very beginning- and here i am. I will be 2nd year in autumn. I feel so proud and accomplished. Of course i didnt put any amount of significant work but whatever this semester. I am proud i kept my mouth shut and did the only thing i had to do- passed. Thought of the stress i felt last year for failing uni. It made me feel like shit. I was so so affected by it. That stress was fking my life and everything man. Thought of the bitter taste of beer in my mouth. Didnt understand how i liked that and how i liked getting more and more of that and feeling numb and sad afterwards. That pattern of watching tv series, eating crap and drinking and fapping is still there.Deep down is there. And from time to time i want to do it. I overate fast food after some few months more or less and felt so sick. I cant believe i was overeating a few times a week like this last year. Is HORRIBLE.

yesterday's interview went pretty good in my opinion. I guided my answers based on what that nice girl who helped me so far advised me. At the end of the interview (as she told me this morning) me and them realised that i don't have a clear vision of what i want from this job. They don't see me being 100% certain i wanna work 8h a day at them. That i am doing too many stuff atm and so on. I felt down immediately. 14 people have interviews until Thursday. She said they met a bunch of awesome people. Some people they expected to be top of the line proved exact the opposite and vice versa. Some people gave lines from the internet and from books. I am pessimistic about my chances at the moment. They are right. Not sure what i want at the moment. I do feel overwhelmed. I feel down at the moment. One exam left this Sunday and i am done. There is a possibility we will have to write some essays for the practical part which was supposed to happen in the curriculum. All in all, i fking passed everything until this point. I almost finished my first year of uni. I lost sight of this. I was stressed at the beginning of the1st semester im not going to make it to the 2nd year. I need some erasmus company PIC number from the company who accepted me but they didn't replay to me. They are working very slow. Makes me question their seriousness. The other company i emailed for erasmus didn't answer yet. Curious what it takes them so long. The professor responsible for erasmus didnt respond either. I should do some driving with my brother but felt really anxious to. I hate i am not productive as i want to be. Makes me frustrated. I got bored of my relationship. I am not thinking of her all the time like i used to. I am disappointed of myself for not having a relationship earlier. It dont feel as good as i thought. Is just.. nice. I would like to be alone for a few days. I want to go back to my old routines of eating crap and watching tv series. I had such high expectations about the way a relationship would feel but i am not really satisfied. Everything is going great with us but idk i feel this. I feel like seeing her is smth i am supposed to do. Drank some champaign a few weeks ago when i celebrated 3 months with my gf. That was also almost the amount of time i didnt drink. Right now i would like to be able to get drank. I also started eating sweets and fast food again, because of the stress i am feeling lately. Drinking made me want to drink another and another glass. Not drinking also made me feel and remember what i have been ignoring for months and isnt nice.

Turns out i forgot to press send to the message asking them whether they have decided about me or not. So after 2 weeks of waiting they finally replayed that I got accepted. I emailed other two companies after i asked them because two weeks passed and i was anxious. Apparently, they have decided they want me but didnt bother to let me know. lol. When i found out i am accepted i felt happy and also concerned- are they a serious company? wtf is going on? Just had the 12th this morning. Getting better but still making the same beginner mistakes. Makes me frustrated and anxious. I have a few lessons left and i dont feel ready for the final driving exam. So these guys gave me other 2-3 challenges and passed them. I guess there are only 13 people left for those two job positions. Cant believe it. I am so close. Going to have an interview tomorrow morning. Quite excited. I feel i will get this job. Is paid too! It would be my first paid job working what i like. The girl who helped me told me that one of the challenges was just meant to see who is ready to commit out of 104 people. Only 40 completed the challenge which required to take some time to do it. Yet, only a few are left. I think after these interviews, they are going to select whom to hire. Nice! I am both excited and anxious. It will be an interesting job. So much to learn and so much room to grow. Only two exams left. Passed everything till now with good grades. Cheated a lot. I hope next semester will be the same so i can work at that social media advertising job instead of going to uni. Things with my GF are going great. Tonight will be the 4th day in a row i am going to her place. My family was joking that i al living there now and to come home when i remember them =)))) Lots of stuff going on at the moment. I want to do each one at a time but there is never the right time. I am doing them right now as best as i can. Is better than not doing anything at all. Ideally i would focus on my relationship, than on this job and than take care of driving and so on... I need to organise better that's it. Since i started driving and before i stopped watching tv series late at night. I don't have the energy for it. Having lots of free time made me lazy af. Finished Arnold's autobiography. Really inspiring.

I emailed the girl who helped us. Called her and found out her job is more awesome and filled with growth opportunities. The job application period ended last week, even if i wanted and kept postponing speaking with her. She spoke with them recommending me and asked them to take my application too. So nice! I didn't even asked her to do this. What a nice surprise. Sent the application and one day later i got accepted into the next phase. 104 people are competing for only 2 positions. Crazy. Competing for this job isn't even stressful like driving- its exciting! It would be nice but the best thing is that it takes my mind off driving. But i have to say that i might say is smth wrong with me if i dont get accepted. I will work with this belief. I am quite confident they'll pick me. I have a feeling. Also, from July ill start working in the lab for the second internship. I am working on another growing project with the guy from the 1st internship. Still going to krav. Still going to work. Still speaking with my GF. No answer from erasmus. I would like to know asap with i am in or out so i can find another company. I have been waiting for them for weeks man. The 3rd and 4th driving lessons were horrible. The 5th and 6th much much much better.

She came back in my city for work to be with me. she could start work in July but she wanted to see me. She works like 12h five days a week and has difficult exams. She told me this because i threw a tantrum out of nowhere and than i a appolgised. We met 4 times now. First she came to see me at work and the other times i went to her place. I was so anxious of not pleasing her in bed like it was 4 years ago with that girl that i wanted to go home. I was anxious af. We did foreplay 1st time at her place and the last two times lots of foreplay and mutual masturbation. Made many beginner mistakes. Made her cum many times. I cum 4 times. I am getting better each time. Asking her is she is ok with this and that helped a lot. As well as harder or softer. She was resistant to tell me how she likes and still is. She said she isn't used with so much affection and tenderness. She told me how much she likes this. She is used just with sex and that's just it. Still surprised she isn't annoyed with my lack of experience. We are together for 3 months. Idk when time flew by fast.

I had two driving lessons so far. It was ok in the end. i was so anxious i wanted to bale. i was so fking scared. I vibe with my professor and we always crack jokes while driving. The engine died just once during the 1st lesson. I did good overall, unlike the 3 rd time which was after 3 days without driving. I made some big mistakes. But it was better in the end. Cheated on some more tests and exams at uni. Technical problems with tests and exams plus digitally incompetent professors. Still no answer from the company i enquired for an internship. At the first internship we had some advertising for a big project. An agency helped us and i liked them immediately. This was last November. Thought since then i definitely want to work there and do facebook and google ads stuff. It so exciting but cant say why. Emailed the girl who helped us from them and waiting for her advice. I would like to start it at the end of this month. Also, it would be nice to have smth extra to keep my mind off driving stress. Im lucky i dont have to stress about exams at uni. Some more conflicts with clients. Got me shivering and anxious. I held myself back from not swearing and insulting over the top like last time. Also, my father told me to take it easy.

I am preparing for the Erasmus interview this Wednesday. Finally saw my GF. Last night was the forth time we meet f2f since after the quarantine. Also, starting other driving lessons next week. I did one 2 weeks ago and i was so tense and anxious. It was really bad in the beginning. Cheated a lot taking these online tests and exams. Lol. Online education is a joke. Cant wait to be done with these finlas by the ned of next month. Cant believe tomorrow is 1st of June! The middle of the year, already? My garden is going strong.

I am still tired af. My GF as well. The time we will see each other is near and she seems put back up some shields and suspicions towards me. They say a word about it. I guess is normal to be worried- she said: we'll see if you can get used to the way i am. Noticed that a part of her jealous and crazy behaviour lowered down a lot when it was met with acceptance and understanding. She was used to behave like this in her past relationships. I showed her another way. At least i am glad about it. My brother and sis seem to want my relationship to fail. My sister even asked if we are like together or just speaking. My brother especially. He asks all kinds of questions about her, looking like he's comparing his GF with mine. They both study at the same degree but different years. His GF is already envious mine got a scholarship and has a good job already in the field they are both studying. Anyways, that's what my intuition is saying so far. Overall, I feel embarrassed about the way my family reacts to my first relationship. Myself, i feel like more and more baggage is resurfacing. One of the things i realized is that it not having relationships and more experience really affected my self esteem and self worth. But i suppressed all this and didn't bother me too much. Now, on the other hand i see is not ok to have my first GF at 21. Is quite late in my opinion. I am making some many noob mistakes.... i wish i could have let myself make them earlier. That i have been really bothered all along by the fact i wasn't having a GF or sex. For many years i would just say i don't care about it- and i felt like i didn't. But deep down i did, a lot. It was too much to deal with it, still is. Some of my top mistakes: told her we should move together at the end of this year and if this wasn't enough o told her indirectly i love her- BOTH after just one month. She freak out- i would have. I am still understanding how many self limitations, fears and anxiety i have around relationship with women. Is crazy. All this made me even prouder i got rid of the toxic friends i had in HS. Horrible people- but the truth is that they were a part of my pre-existing fears. I can blame them for everything. One of the traits i searched in friends all these years was not to challenge me on my fears with women. To be comfortable with them, not to think about it and just ignore it. I still have that anxiety when people start speaking about sex and exes around me. I feel insecure, defensive and trapped. I have just begun to heal. In the span of over two months i wanted so many times to leave her- just because i believe i don't deserve to be in a relationship. That i am not yet ready. Four years ago the first time and last time i had sex impacted tremendously my self confidence. The first time i had sex with her she was cool about it even if i was too drunk to get an erection. The second she was pissed on her ex - irrelevant to speak about it. We skipped a lot of foreplay and i came in a few seconds. She didn't take it well. Since then i avoided to have sex on the basis that another girl will make the same reaction. Four years passed and only now i started doing smth about it like kegel exercises. I was so paralysed about it, still am. I still don't believe i can do it. Lately, I started fapping while controlling my breath... i got so excited i didnt cum in a few seconds... that i kept going and going.... and then negative thoughts came in..'' i cant, this isn't me, i will fail, i cant learn this, etc''. Just a taste of how deep my wounds are. This thing made me even more insecure that i can get in a relationship than before. I still am. I still am resistant to deal with it even more because i don't fully believe i can do it. Images of people who made fun me of appear in my mind on a daily basis. What would they say if they saw me? I cant just cant- stuff like this. And many times i think is BS but doesn't mean actually doing it is easier....

The Company i inquired for an Erasmus internship responded yesterday. He remembered we talked last year. We set up a Skype call on the 3rd of June. Studying for botany is going so much better. Woke up at 9 but laid in bed until 13:00. Almost got into arguments with some clients yesterday. Arrived home and watered my plants and i broke on off the pepper plants and pulled off a red pepper from another with the hose. Some more seedlings i planted last week died because is too hot outside. Spoke with three friends from the NL. Remembered how much i want to leave from here. How many potential there is in NL for my growth and career. And that i was such a clown with one of the friends i spoke with. I didn't have much in common so i made a clown of myself to make them laugh. I regret this. At least, i haven't made shit friends since i got back. Is so much better to not have to try to make the wrong people to like me. Some more professors woke up from slumber. They are angry now and want us to be ready for exams even if they didn't teach us shit in the 2 months. They got paid to teach us but most of them didn't. Lazy af. Nine hours left from arnold's book. I am not ok with how much time i waste. I have so much time and i am lazy.

He was an asshole with other colleagues as well. Don't get this old man. We had some homework to do this morning. I had questions but i didn't want to be insulted again. After other colleagues finish it, i corrected and posted mine.

So i sent him screenshots with the error his programmes are showing me. He just told me to read the instructions again. Which i did. It didn't work. I showed him with detailed screenshots what exactly doesn't work. He got upset. He said: Do i need teach you how to write and read? I felt so angry and powerless. I asked him for clarifications just because i wanted to do my homework. He answers me like this...... i wanted to understand and me makes me dumb in front on everyone. I wasn't disrespectful or anything when i asked him for clarifications. I wanted to messaged him and tell him some insults. He kept saying the same thing- to read instruction and write the same code- it didn't work. He doesn't know how to fix his own codes midway! What else? Also, he compared his work with Michelangelo's.......... My sis calmed me down and set next to me while i did all over again the whole programmes. This time, idk why but it worked. I sent him both programmes completed and didn't say anything else. I only have this semester with this human trash. I want to finish college.

Found a hemp plant growing in my backyard!

Some retarded professor wants us to work on one of his programmes, coded in 2001! I cant figure it out and not many of my colleagues did. He is too lazy to use zoom to explain us what to do. Now, after more than a month of not answering emails from us he woke up from slumber and is very angry on us. He wants us to work out his outdated B.S. Still didn't figure out how to fix that until next week. I didn't step forward to confront this dumb professor about the irrelevance of his software. I wont fail an exam again for standing up for myself. Nothing will change regardless. Some colleague of mine confronted him and now he is waiting to be punished. The uni in my country is a joke. Besides this i am feeling amazing. I had two - three days of freaking out about my relationship but now is all gone. I feel calm and chill. Still waiting for a response from that Erasmus company. This Saturday i am putting new plants in my garden. Some of those seedlings from the living room are ready. I expected one of those potatoes to grow out of the soil by now. Still waiting for this to happen. I skipped krav this morning. I was so tired this week. Last night i just wanted to end the session sooner. It was exhausting. ahhahahahahah we had out first zoom genetics class. The professor was really annoyed that she has to manually accept the meeting requests from each student. Like only 20 =)))))). Other professors have 70-200 students and no one is bitching. She is expecting us to study last minute for her exams. Doesnt matter she ignored us for two months. Now we have to do all that studying in no time.

Studying is going better. I will have the first test in two weeks at botany- i am stressed. I started again making flashcards. I have so much to study left last minute again. Oooooof. Finished a project for math in a few hours. It was very simple but I was lazy. Started working on it a month ago and stopped after the first problem aroused. Did some homework one day before due date because being lazy as well. I looked at it a few weeks ago and bailed because i didn't have patience to think it through. Fell asleep during an online class this morning. Still haven't drank alcohol. The seedlings from my living room are almost ready to be planted outside. The quarantine will be over soon over here. I will see her in a few weeks. This Monday i was so tired and doing krav at 8AM was so painful. I was walking around the room out of boredom. Oof. Cant believe I have been in quarantine for more or less than two months!!!! I made a mistake at work. My father couldn't let it go and had to make fun of me and remind me of it over and over again. I reminded him about some of his and he didn't like it. Accused me of disrespecting him but by dawn he got over it. So making fun of us is ok but not the other way around? Are we supposed to not dare to point out his mistakes?

I checked my old Facebook account and saw a message from last Friday from a high school colleague i didn't speak with in three years. The message was delivered at 6AM!!!! He asked me how am i and if i am still alive. Lol. Why now? I assume he felt bad and wanted to check if i am worse than him. He got in the same uni as the girl i rejected. We three were classmates. She told me he is still 1st year for the 3rd time in a row. My garden is thriving. I have some white flies but besides all is good. I have small peppers and tomatoes. I added thyme, oregano and rosemary from the market. The seedlings from the living room are also very good. Hahahah i think i need another row for them all. Waiting for the company response. They said they got an early weekend and will replay to me on Monday. Spoke with my best friend about my gf. He had experience with a few long distance relationships. He said that is amazing that she warmed up to me so fast given her past and that is hard to trust and open up to someone over phone or video. Didn't realize this until now.