Everyday

One of the agency owners is going to speak with each of us after our trainer is done with us. Not sure how the discussion will go like. He is going to show us how to make other google campaigns and finally some FB ads lectures. This will last 2 more days next week. So many problems for my family today. It was unreal. With business and other stuff. We have problems with the family business. Really heated discussions... Lots of tension. Some shitty client today. I was there for over 6 hours after the internship work. I reminded is a shitty job and to let go. I didn't start arguing with that guy but i regret now. It doesn't matter i don't like it there. Just stupid problems. I laughed so much with my friend from university listening to online classes and our fucked up colleagues. Is like everyday is a show. =)))))))))))))) I was not believing what im hearing =)))

The labs and lectures were ridiculous. One of the professors spoke so much shit it was like watching some tv show. It was unreal. My colleagues too. Man i was laughing alone in the subway and on the street =)))))))) I had to leave the meeting because the internship was starting. Lol. Not sure what is going to happen tomorrow on the last day of this internship.

=)))))))))) SO we all got it wrong .... we have labs and lectures but all online. Then in 2 months we actually go to uni and do the same stuff but 100% physical. That if they wont close everything after some professors and students get infected.

Drove 200km on Saturday and 168km today. I drove with maximum 100km yesterday and today with 100-110km and even 120km(even if i should not yet). I didn't have any accident even if i felt like i will, especially on Saturday. I was worried and shaking while driving in some situation i thought i can do it right and i will fail. Man it was horrible when it happened. That was the longest i ever drove. Mt brother said that i must have around 600-700km done so far only in the city exception this weekend and when I drove 150+ km last week on Saturday. Went to work for my parents both days for 4 hours each. Yesterday, i went walking with my friend from uni for a few hours after work at night. We walked 22,314 steps. I am very tired and my back hurts like shit. I start uni tomorrow. Apparently i will have to go physically for labs and then come home and attend lectures online =)))))) shit. Labs are from Monday to Thursday in the morning. I wont go this week but i am not sure how to pull this shit to pass.

oh man i missed swimming soo much It was so awesome, relaxing and exciting My father told me he would like me to not search for another job if these guys are not hiring me next week. =))))))))))))) He said i should make a sacrifice and work his shifts at the family business in the upcoming months while he will be busy with some stuff =)))))))))) Told him straight away i will search for another job asap and that he knows for months i wanted a job in this field. He said if i don't help him i wont get money to live to BE =))))))) Told him i am already saving up money

I am excited to go swimming tomorrow morning. I went to take a walk after work. Walked for one hour and a half. I needed that. Had too much energy and i couldn't focus on doing productive stuff. I should have done this days ago. It was funny that i run into my siblings on the way home, They were going to the subway. My sis to her BF and my brother to his GF. I thought i need to do smth harder than just to take a walk to relax my mind. My restlessness is almost gone entirely. Also, a guy from 1st year enrolled today. I thought more about Erasmus for this summer. I think i will go to BE to do that internship after all. I will be a dick for working at this ad agency just for a few months but i have limited Erasmus opportunities to take advantage of. There are countless of ad agencies out there.

A family friend of her parents died yesterday. Man, more shit keeps coming =))))))))) I didn't go after all because my grandma is more and more senile and has some health issues. My parents were afraid she might stress too match have a heart attack =)))))))) if i drive and make mistakes. They also don't want any more crap from her and didn't want her to get upset or smth. I found it very funny =))) I will drive this weekend instead. Finally, instead of postponing tasks and pushing them for later i revised my motivational notes, plans, to do lists and so on. Did some stuff from the list and i feel so much better now.

Besides me, three girls from 1st year horticulture signed up for Erasmus. Interesting. Last year i was the only one. Going to drive tomorrow as well longer to the mountains on the highway I feel restless. Don't have the patience to watch a movie nor to study or do smth productive. I also feel guilty for not doing mach. I like the work from the internship but i lack the motivation to study more on my own. That's a problem. I have been waiting for a new SCOBY to form for almost a month. I have one now but is very thin. I knew smth is going well but i was too resistant to just read an article for a few minutes. I didn't add any ''food'' for the SCOBY to form and i moved the glass and now another new thin one is forming on top of the last one. See: https://brodandtaylor.com/blogs/recipes/kombucha-scoby#:~:text=1.,danger of damaging the culture. I made a cup of green tea with brown sugar to speed the process but by doing this i moved the newly formed SCOBY and now another one is forming :(. I should have used black tea. I should have chosen a warmer place and some cloth on the jar. I could have solved this shit if i just google it! I feel bad not helping at all at the 1st internship but also happy dont have to. I didn't like at all what i was doing there, especially the sales part. One of the co-founders girlfriend took my position and i am happy for her. Hope she likes it more than i did. I feel guilty but happy for myself. I realised i dont like this start-up thing, not having someone top notch to learn from. It feels like we are getting together to make an idea work but none of us are actually having any idea what we are doing. I dont like this. I really enjoy this digital marketing internship at the moment. I find the whole thing so interesting. I like the idea of working there. I want that. I like that i will go to work to do smth that i like and even get paid. I like that i will work in google ads and facebook ads. I am learning so much :). I feel stupid for doing those internships before to learn about social media management. I didn't learn much. I wanted someone with experience to guide me. Not someone who's is also not sure what he's doing. I hate this fucking family business job so much. I know i am helping them but is so stupid and feels like utter crap compared with this internship. I thought of keeping working here if i don't get hired or to work here during weekends but i think i will quit altogether. I have this option. I always had it. Or i will save more money and then quit. I started saving money for the first weeks if i leave in summer to Belgium. I worry how i will manage university classes and labs if i get hired at the ad agency.

Surprisingly, he agreed. The other professor, from whom a recommendation letter would have been better said she cant do it because she is responsible for Erasmus for another faculty. No one else from my year got enrolled so far. Just some guy asked on the big wapp group if anyone wants to join Erasmus so he wont be alone. I am still not sure if i will go this year or not. I would like to not disappoint the ppl from the ad agency. Maybe i will tell her im going to leave in summer. Didnt make a choice yet. At the end of next week they'll make a choice. I think i will get hired but i still have doubts. Prior to this internship i was thinking i wont even get that far. Wow.

Man you have more hope and faith then i have in myself. I know i will suffer more but it feels i cant get into this now. Sorry for wasting your time with me now and a few months ago when you encouraged me to move on. Sorry man

@RendHeaven I know and you are right but to be honest i feel i can't do it right now. Thanks

@RendHeaven What do you mean?

Friday night her parents got very angry on her for not taking better grades this semester. She is grounded now and cried for hours. Her parents wont let her see me or let her out of the house for a 3 weeks. Is not a good moment to break up with her for sure. Felt bad for wanting to break up in this situation. She has no fault and i feel bad for doing this to her. I guess her parents also criticised her for being with me, an unmotivated guy who is not a good influence. Every month that is passing by is gets harder to break up. Is smth i have to do for both of us. I thought of telling her after a lot of thinking i thought i will go to NL forever after college but she will feel hurt she has been lied to all along. I am in a shitty situation and i don't know how to get out. I put myself in this shit spot. Update: I think i will tell her the reasons prepared already on the phone after all, in a few weeks or I will go to talk with her this in person after her parents calm down. Yeah.... i need to be patient. Today she had an interview and one of the guys asked her during the interview if she has a boyfriend. This happened to the last place she worked as well. I said nothing and then made some joke so she wont see i am insecure. It does bother me but because i am insecure in my qualities and self worth. But these things happen and is normal. I cant stop it. I just have to accept it. I trust her but i am still insecure. Maybe more what people would say about me if she would cheat- hahahhaha he got cheated so stupid ahahah. Idk. But this would give me a valid reason to end the relationship. She said she didn't like this Law firm because the work isn't as difficult as the work she did for the Law firm she worked for last year but she doesn't have other options. Oh i didn't mention she used to work for some time at the end of last year for a neighbour's company. Her mom wanted them together badly. She went out with him but didn't feel any connection. He still likes her and now he has a GF he doesn't like. She said she stopped working for him because she had to study for exams and didn't want to give him false hope. She said he doesn't even like his GF and he would dump her if my GF changed her mind. When she told me all of this i was like .... they dated; didn't work out; now she works for him and all is good what? I didn't say a thing about it. I knew she would go crazy if i intervene with her career. Every time i see her going bonkers and starting to scream on her family or someone else i think.. shit... she's just like my father..... wtf is in my head? I have this uneasy feeling and feels horrible. She only now told me one of the subjects she was criticised by her parents last Friday was that she wasted time with me instead of studying for exams. Is true. She actually wasted her time with me. Is so true. We both are wasting our time. My siblings are still looking down on my choice to be with her. They don't understand how i accept a long distance relationship and to only see her from time to time. I am ashamed to break up with her now to be honest. I would seem like a huge asshole which i am. I was just too desperate that a girl likes me finally.... and that no other girl will like me anytime soon so i should be grateful with her and shut up. This thinking is toxic.

They said they'll choose only two of to hire. I have a feeling they will hire all three. Is nothing sure just a feeling. We had to choose a segment from a site which is selling a bunch of stuff, some type of amazon but way smaller. That site is a client for the ad agency i am doing the internship. I choose fans, one girl chose speakers and the other one humidifiers. We did 5 ad groups for our segment with 5 headlines (headline 1, headline 2 and 3) and two descriptions. Then we chose our best three ad groups and set keywords, headlines and descriptions. Tomorrow we are going to set negative keywords for our ad groups and maybe some sitelinks. I am going to swim this Friday at 11 My siblings and their S.O. went skiing until Wed.

Drove a lot. It was very stressful but also a little easier. It was first time driving on the highway. Met with my friend. We started drinking and i stayed at his place overnight. Had a blackout. I woke up and felt bad and disappointed of myself even if i didn't have headaches. Had a dream that i am cheating on my GF with a girl from uni. It felt so real. I meant to tell her i cant speak on the phone last night because i am staying at this guy but forgot. When i woke up 1st time i was so scared she is going to be upset for not calling her. I was really afraid of another outbursts like i am of my father's. But i could have used that to escalate into a break up i guess. Friday night her parents got very angry on her for not taking better grades this semester. She is grounded now and cried for hours. Her parents wont let her see me or let her out of the house for a 3 weeks. Is not a good moment to break up with her for sure. Felt bad for wanting to break up in this situation. She has no fault and i feel bad for doing this to her. I guess her parents also criticised her for being with me, an unmotivated guy who is not a good influence. Every month that is passing by is gets harder to break up. Is smth i have to do for both of us. I thought of telling her after a lot of thinking i thought i will go to NL forever after college but she will feel hurt she has been lied to all along. I am in a shitty situation and i dont know how to get out. I put myself in this shit spot. Update: I think i will tell her the reasons prepared already on the phone after all, in a few weeks or I will go to talk with her this in person after her parents calm down. Cooked Thursday and Friday for myself. Ate more junk food. I felt i cant stop. I feel too overstimulated to do anything productive. I am excited i will go to the internship tomorrow. I really hope i will get hired. I am not sure what to do about this summer's internship... I can never do another Erasmus thing but i can always find a digital marketing job.

Had my last exam an hour ago. Feels good. It was harder than i expected. I am finally done and have a one week break. I am going tomorrow to drive in the morning and at noon to walk with my friend. I asked a professor from university for help with a recommendation letter to apply this year as well.

I went driving yesterday, first time in weeks. It was horrible. My father said i am stupid and driving is not for me. He is right. I should give up. Went driving today too. I will go tomorrow as well. I don't know why i even bother. I cant do it :( Bought three pairs of jeans yesterday. I always had only 2 pairs and had to wait until one of them was clean out of the washing machine. It didn't even take me long to buy them. I need to shorten them a little and that's it. Couldn't find fitting t shirts. Neither could i last time. Weird. I need to also clean my shoes again. Two days ago i called her at night as usually and she said i am too upset with my mom to speak with you. I cant do it. I said ok and appolgized. I should have seen the signs. She appolgized last night. Last night i didn't want to speak with her because i was too upset but i did it. I am thinking when to break up with her next week. She will probably come here on Thursday and wants to leave with me to spend the weekend together. She sees me upset for a week and just tells me to cheer up.. like it would be that easy. I don't know if it is better to break up with her when she arrives here or after that weekend together. Not sure how to handle this. I thought of telling her i don't want to spend the weekend together because i don't feel good and i wont be good company---- and break up with her on Thursday. I have been waiting a long time do it. I wanted to for weeks but waited for her to finish her exams. But other problems keep arising in her life and i feel is too much for me to handle. I have a limit and is too hard man.....

So today was last internship day of this week :(. It passed way to fast man. I stayed one hour extra yesterday speaking about how to make sitelinks, headlines, descriptions and choose better keywords. Today we continued the same thing. It was interesting. I am too harsh on myself and to impatient to learn faster. Got a sticker of the agency logo for my laptop The company who rejected me last summer and the one from this month are hiring again. Not sure if the second company even hired someone last 3 months. Weird. Not sure what my plan will be like for the following years. This digital marketing thing seems very appealing for me. My GF has her last exam this week as well. She is very stressed. Thanks! You too.

Had another exam today and i finished it from the agency this morning. It was stressful and i wasn't well prepared. Still watching tv series, not eating well, no back exercises, visualization, lp work and so on. I am sad tomorrow is the last day of this week internship already. I am learning so much and is so exciting. We worked with keywords and account settings for google ads. I find it amazing and i like to work with them. The trainer is so passionate. Spent the weekend with my gf and her parents in her town. Drank again. Her parents like me more. Ate well. But the discussion about me living to NL eventually/ not being sure if i will stay there is ruining everything. I feel trapped again. I am gravitating between breaking up asap and waiting until i finish uni to do it- in my mind makes sense but not for her. Each month gets harder because i have to tell her if i wanna stay in my country or try my luck abroad. To be honest i am not sure when i will leave or if i will be able to. So many things to take into consideration. In my mind i would like to pretend i will never leave until i do and everyone goes on their own way. Everything is fine. No strings attached or grudges. Not everyone thinks like this. This Friday i have the last exam and then one week break from university. We don't know if the next semester will be online or not. Hope it will. I thought of pushing living to BE for the Erasmus internship. I want to learn more and for longer at this ad agency. In two weeks they'll choose 2 of us to hire. Parents are arguing again, now because of my grandma.

They invited us yesterday to take lunch with the whole team. It was nice. I actually disappointed isn't a 5 day work thing yet. I like it there. I thought of the work i did for the 1st internship in sales and social media..... I learned so little. I should have applied for a job sooner. I like having someone to teach me about these topics. I have made more progress in two days then in over a year that start-up business. At the ad agency is funny that i have more experience than both girls even if they are both studying marketing. I just studied ads and made them myself. It makes a big difference. They got this internship as part of their university schedule. I had to make more effort to show them i am actually into this field. We are learning about google ads atm. Next week they'll have us make our 1st campaigns of search and shopping. Apparently, 80% of profit comes from google ads whereas just 20% from FB ads. Interesting. This week we discussed about different types of campaigns, ad groups, keywords, match types, etc I am going again through the udemy course on google ads. Forgot some stuff and have resistance to revise some lessons. I have spent last month watching lots of tv series and movies. Finished yesterday agents of shield. i wasted lots of time with that shit. I lost the desire to study and become better. I cant just watch a few episodes without going crazy and dismissing other areas of my life.

Thanks a lot

It was awesome at the ad agency I am basically doing a one month internship with two girls. Three times a week for 3 hours from Monday to Wednesday. By the end of the month they will choose two of us to hire. Our trainer is super passionate about making ads and marketing and is a cool guy. I like it a lot. I learned so much in just two days.

I am quite anxious for tomorrow but also excited. I wonder what it will be like and if i hope i will actually start work and isn't a test. More problems with dumb clients at my family's business. Just stupid people. I didn't get angry. I will be out of here soon. These problems are just plain stupid and unimportant. Just frustrated people making a scene from stupid problems. Is a waste of my time. A big one. Still watching tv series all night Not doing all the pc exercises on a daily basis atm

Hey The guy from the 1st agency called me today. We are meeting again at the office on Monday Great! I moved the SCOBY to another jar. I want to make a new one. Is forming quite fast : ) d