Everyday

Hola 🌽 Forgot to mention that I fapped and watched porn for two days at the beginning of this week. I felt really bad about that. I started practicing Duolingo for 3 days already. I got Duolingo super and I'm excited taking this seriously. I am switching between reading psycho cybernetics, Duolingo and games of thrones. I find psycho cybernetics a hard read for me. But I learned a lot. I am already reframing my thoughts. I have so many negative ones! I said this before in this journal, several years earlier. I also worked out 4 times this week. I forced myself hehe. I was shocked to see how I am telling myself I can't learn Spanish after mistaking one word. Wtf?! I'm speaking with more girls and I am asking them for a date. We'll see what happens. I was talking about my cat with a girl and she asked me if I actually own one. What do you mean by that? Apparently other guys got with her on Instagram and they sent her pics with their dicks hahaha. Wtf. I told her I wouldn't do that since I have my mom, friends and sister and I don't want to have those pics sent to them. That's true! After that she acted like I got friend zoned. Telling me that she drank like a big a night before and other stuff lol I have to keep working on my thoughts. The whole model I use is wrong. I keep imaginging the bad thing I don't want to do instead to visualize success. Interesting! For example thinking all day about watching porn and fapping on the day I did that instead of imagining what I want to actually do. I find psycho cybernetics interesting but there it's a lot of fluff as well. Soooooooooo much talk about god. Off. I contemplated the fact that I enjoy my life now. I'm working on my goals. I feel good about this. After I got drunk and high this week I kept feeling guilty and thought about all the things I should do and other negative outcomes. I always do that. But now I see that I can think of a positive future. I should change my thoughts when I think of exes and other drama. I learned my lesson there

Hello 🌝 Last weekend I finished the second part of the first games of thrones book. I already started the first part of the second book. I also read from psycho cybernetics. It's hard to read but I kept doing it. So much knowledge even if I have to read unimportant anectodes and other shit. I was shocked that I got so much knx from just half a book. I realized that I let my mind think of whatever and mostly sad thoughts. Some about how one day I'll be happy if I have x or y. But I can be happy now! Just by doing my routine. Work was even more boring than last week. I was thinking of the days I'll work from home and I will do whatever I want. Didn't even work or Thursday. I spent my day reading, working out and doing other shit. Last week I worked out 4 times a week. I'm so proud of myself. Met with friends at a bar. I drank 4 beers and arrived home having the usual negative feelings. But why? I'm doing the work, I have no reason to feel bad. I'm working out, reading, taking care of myself, etc. I saw a poliglot on Instagram and made me feel insecure for not learning a new language. I have been telling myself I will learn Spanish one day. Man, it's been 6 years since I returned from the Netherlands and I didn't learn it. I have watched more tv shows than the available Duolingo courses ahahaha. So I got the up once again and hit the second day. I was thinking to get the premium package. I spent money on dumber things. I have the money. I want to learn this language! It's part of my vision. I didn't manage to get new dates. Many girls don't even replay back and I am also not checking the app very often. I bought 5 more used books from vinted and olx since they were cheaper.

Hey💪 I worked out Thursday and Friday. I felt resistant but I forced myself. I felt good afterwards. I doubt myself I can do it. But is all about discipline since it's free to work out. Nothing stops me. Just myself. I almost finished the second part from the first games of thrones books. It's awesome. I didn't read more about the psycho cybernetics. I order 2 more books. Remembered about some other recomended books. Put them on my list to buy them later. I met with the guy who helps me with eMag. Got more insights from him. He confirmed that I need to spent even more money on products to be profitable. We aren't on a winning streak so far. We just put a lot of money in and got stuck with those stocks. I feel a little discouraged. I hoped it will be easier. I had to ask my brother several times before we did smth for out business. He kept saying he's busy. At the middle of the day went out with his mean girlfriend. Called him since I expected him to work as well. He arrived several hours later saying he's busy. Told him that busy messed up his mind. He than left our house and went to meet with his girlfriend again. I got annoyed. He told me that he need some rest since he worked all week and this business doesn't make money. So the solution is to not work?

Hey🪲 Work was boring. I realized like week that the reporting on some account I have wasn't working. I got the account last year in September. Only now I actually checked that. I don't know why I make these mistakes. Of. At work I found some shit to work on to not look like I'm not doing anything. Got back on work when my supervisor came next to me. I started a compliment journal and a self discipline journal. For exemple I resisted buying junk food several times. I closed the bank account I had last year. I got some money from that since it's been a year. When I closed my account I felt worried and anxious. What if I am making some mistake? I want to put half in our business and half in stocks. I feel worried to waste these money. I asked the beautiful girl out again yesterday. Wasn't a good moment since she was out. She said she's free when I have the weekly working out day with siblings. I refused her. We spoke a little more and she seen my last message. I reframed the situation. It does bother me. Maybe the conversation was boring? Anyway, keep up the good work. I got sad at work for not making more money. But this should actually make me sad overall. I can leave all worries and just work out. This doesn't mean I shouldn't work out and so on. I did hesitate to work out. I'm worried I won't be able to work out 4 times a week. Even 3 seems too much. I am worried I will give up because of imaginary reasons. Some self imposed limits. I doubt my ability to finish the games if thrones book series. Interesting. I find it funny. Of course I can finish them! We had more orders the last few days. I bought some interesting books from Leo's list. Books I kept saying that isn't the right time to read. I have the book list since high school. I'm 25 now. It took me a long time to actually start reading. One if the biggest obstacles was to get over watching tv series mindlessly. I'm thinking that psycho cybernetics it's really deeper than I thought the first time I listened to it. Indeed, I can control my mind. I can tell myself what I want to do and envision succes regularly. Maybe I should take a break from reading and focus on analyzing my thoughts. I'm looking forward to work from home this week and basically just read and ignore my job as much as I can. I also need to do more side hustle work. I need to find new products. I need to figure out for what categories to include in my brand application. I have to pay for each category. I feel resistant. I want to make that my full time job but I am afraid to move on. I'm worried to loose all that money. The way things are now I won't be able to get a raise anytime soon. I made mistake after mistake so my supervisor doesn't trust me to get new accounts. It looks like eMag it's the only way out right now. I have to make it profitable asap. Realistically I can make the side hustle work but I need to be patient. Maybe I have to wait a few years. I have to keep my job until than. It's normal to be afraid. You'll make it work eventually. Others have done that.

Hey 🐛 I sent the final list for the 3rd order from china. I'm working on another one as well, coming by ship. Worked on our business. Found new products and brainstormed new listings. Worked out again and to be honest I didn't want to. I have a mental wall 🧱 built about being able to work out 3 times or more per week. I almost finished half of the first games for thrones book. I researched new books I want to get as well. I finally managed to start the ads for that difficult client. The guy from data didn't do well the tracking part. After I enabled those campaigns I mailed him. He didn't even know what starting the campaigns even means. Wtf! I had a feedback call with one of the bosses. I didn't complain much. She even asked me if I'm ok with my salary but I said no. I asked her why do many people leave from SEO. They where fired. I didn't expect that. They weren't making as much progress as they should have done. Off... I felt that this might happen to me soon. The beautiful girl canceled the date because she had to help her sister. I don't know if she lied or not. It does affect me but I need to move on. I messaged the date from money and she seen my message. It affected me but I need to reframe it. Most of the life I want isn't found in a relationship. I just need to keep working on myself for myself. I went alone to see dune 2 today. No body else really wanted to come. I found myself wondering why I'm there when I could be actually home working on myself. For example why not working out 4 times a week? It's free! I just think I can't do it. ✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅But I can! I will show myself I can. It takes just one hour! Working out more often is more of what I want myself to do and become. I liked the movie! Can't wait to read the books as well! After the movie, I checked my phone to see if I had any orders or messages form the girl I was supposed to meet tomorrow. I had a call from my father and aunt. Didn't call her but I called my father. My aunt called the nursery home and threatened them with he police for keeping my grandma there. The nursery manager called mom to take her to out today. 🤕🤕🤕 I can't believe this! She was taken care of there but she kept called everyone to say she's in danger there and so on. I was really thinking the whole problem is solved. My grandma is getting fed, washed, medicated, etc. Nope, my aunt had to make a scene and now she is back at her house. She wasn't able to open her own door. Yet, my aunt says she's able to take care of herself. My mom said she won't take care of her anymore. She had enough. I don't know what will happen now. I didn't expect this at all.

Hey 💐 I had a date on Monday and I wondered if she will show up or not. It was the first one this year. She was actually nice and we spent a few hours together, first at a bar and later walking. I kissed her at the end and judging by her body position and movement I had a feeling I won't see her again. I reframed what might have been her reason. Maybe she looked for someone who had his own place. She mentioned smth about we'll see where we go after the date. Hmm. Maybe when I have a place I can just to with girls at my place. Anyway, she was a foreigner and I had a good time with her. I didn't feel like I wasted my time but I did want to see her again. She didn't replay to my last message and I got a little disappointed. The other girls I was talking with found reasons about why we can't meet. Most of them told me they don't know their schedule for this week. It looks like they waited for smth better. Hmm. I have no idea. Anyway, it was fun and I am looking forward to keep working on myself. I almost finished reading metamorphosis and other stories by Kafka. I find It absurd how the guy was so stressed of making his boss mad. He was a 🪲 but still wanted to go to work. I ordered the games of thrones series and now I started reading the first book. Just like those people did before me. I felt excited reading it at first because it's entertainment for me. It got easier to read after I don't have the option to watch tv series. But after I started reading I felt weird. Sad for some reason. Can't explain it. I 🤔 think I'm not enough. Work was boring overall. I made new mistakes. I forgot the add the 0 from a phone number from an ad and it wasn't working. Looking again I realized I had a wrong number in the ad as well. Lol. That was active for like over a year. Haha. Again, this means no new clients. Another client started threatening me because the data department didn't finish his tracking sooner. I found it funny. He was saying stuff like I'll change password for the cpanel if you dont fix this in 20 minutes. Haha. Fuck you! Today I saw that Data put the wrong code. We don't have access to that one anyway. Lol. haha. I finally set up a date with a very beautiful girl. The conversation didn't go very well in the beginning. She told me that my attempt to start a conversation wasn't funny but I brushed it off. I also find it interesting how I want to see her just because she's beautiful even if we didn't have interesting conversations :)))) We'll meet this Sunday. She was busy the whole week or smth. The other two girls I asked put said they have plans this week after telling me they don't know their plans. I'm not sure I want to see the 3rd tomorrow. Meh. What else? This morning I went with my brother and mom to send my Grandma to a nursing home. My mother was barely keeping herself sane. She can't deal with the stress my grandma is causing her. We tricked her that she's going to do some exercises for her back just for 2 days. The home is nice. My Grandma walked around there with her bag full of money besides her. While she was doing exercises my brother and I noticed she can move better than we thought. She's just exaggerating. On our way home, mom broke down and strated crying. Taking care of her mom is too much for her. A few hours later she stated calling all of us over and over again saying she doesn't like it there. The tv is too loud. The idea to come there was stupid, etc. My mom got a lot of messages from different relatives after a few hours. My grandma must have called them. Yesterday she spoke with one of the and that lady told my mom she's sinning for abandoning her mom like that. My mom started yelling at her. After work I arrived home and I was surprised to see that my mom still isn't feeling relaxed. She's still worrying and so on. She is back watching tv series to escape reality. Arrived home and did my routine. It felt good

Hey🗡️ Thursday was such a difficult day. I really felt down and spent most of the day playing some defense video game on some website. I started reading the stranger by Albert Camus. I did some stuff at work too. The day started walking up late and already stressing that clients will mail me some shit. Next day I finished the stranger and I don't know what to say. Life doesn't have meaning and that's why I should strive to be better. Also, I felt so amazing that I finished that one. I didn't feel any accomplishment when I was watching tv series. Interesting. Just a day before I wanted to give up. I saw M in traffic, first time since October. She didn't see me. I was thinking immediately I'm shit for not getting other girl and how I should do x and y. But I made lots of progress since than. I'm thinking to finished all the games of thrones books or the dune series. Hmm. Maybe game of thrones. 6 years ago I felt bad when a guy from NL talked about the fact he read all of them. An ex and a friend said that too. Anyway, I'm also reading the confidence course and I want to be sure I am applying everything I learn from there. I quit several courses and self help books. I need to build this new habit. I was thinking that I didn't even bother to check the books that my exes where reading. Interesting. I didn't care at all. I didn't feel like I can read either. I feel so amazing that I'm reading now. I feel that is unreal how I can finish a book in a few days where as I didn't feel good after watching so many tv series. Nothing but shame. I want to do even more but I think it's enough for now. This month I want to pay for my new glasses. I read the metamorphosis by Kafka. I got bad reviews about her from my sister and her boyfriend but I liked it. It's absurd, he woke up a bug and worries so much about his work. Just like I worried so much about university and work. Pathetic. The stories from his books resembles the ones from soft white underbelly.

Hellos 🏇 I finished the book at the mountains of madness! The the second book this month! It was amazing! Lots of films I like are inspired by his books. I started reading the stranger, now! I feel good reading. It feels right. Fuck tv series and movies even if I still feel like wasting my time with them I feel like that junk good urge isn't as strong as it used to be. I understand at a deeper level that I don't have to actually eat junk food just because I think smth or feel bad. I feel like a superhuman passing by junk food without stopping there alone. Work was stressful and frustrating. Made new mistakes with these clients. Wasted time being at work just because I had to be there. I think I made some mistakes helping that girl from work. She didn't give me extra stuff to do but shes too nice to point it out. Idk. I didn't get new accounts since I kept making mistakes. Man, I didn't even think of those problems. Asked for help and my supervisor said you are the specialist! Find a solution man! I really didn't know what to do. Offff I have this belief that I cant work out hard and cook and take care of myself because people will think I'm stupid since I don't do well at work. Lol. Funny, right? I should do these things because they make me feel good. These habits make me feel on the top of the world. It's such a great thing to take care of yourself. It's really hard as you see so many people struggling with this. Everyone is wondering what are they doing with their life. I just need to do it, I need to work out. That's it. What I'm best at - doing stuff on repeat. Make it great! I learned new tricks on eMag from the guy who helps me. Hehe. Told him what I've learned as well. Hehe. I'm testing a theory about getting the top favorite label on my products. I really want to do eMag full time. Man, I can really achieve such great things. I don't feel like I'm growing at work. It feels so hard to make progress at my current job. Doing eMag feels so easy. It feels right. I feel affected by the fact that I'm not doing well at work and I don't earn more either. I don't feel like growing as fast as I want. It makes me feel upset having to take care of these clients man. This client had two different GA4 and GTM accounts and I never thought to check that. He has no idea what is going wrong. Seo had access on the other account and the GTM remains a mystery. He has no idea who made it. I'm getting lazy at work. Besides these crazy clients I don't have to do much. I don't feel like doing the little shit left for me to do. Lol. Id rather do my own thing Spent more time on my phone from time to time but nothing crazy. Its a disease indeed. I'm excited to work out again and read more books. It feels right. Went to bed super late and u had a hard time arriving on time at work. I kept talking with some girls and it goes nowhere each time. I feel like they get bored and don't want to actually meet me f2f. It was way easier to get dates last year. Now, it feels like these girls just want to talk 🤣. I don't know man. Saw my friend's ex on Tinder. They just broke up last year. He's not doing great.

Hello 🙌 Didn't work much for my job last 2 days. Just searched for new products. Some of them weight too much to even be worth bringing them here. I should have checked that too. I didn't want to think extra. I am frustrated that we aren't selling more with out side hustle. I presented them the products I found and my brother kept talking shit. That we need to do x and y but Im doing most of the work. He doesn't feel like working. It makes me feel frustrated. I'm also frustrated that I have to go to work on Monday to get paid shit and not actually do anything important. Just checking my little accounts and pretending to work. I want to make this side hustle to work and quit my job. That's the plan. I want to use my inheritance money to pay for bigger imports. I want to make $1000 and quit my fucking job. I can do eMag full time. I know I can! I need to work more and more and more. I can fucking do it man! I'm wasting my time at my current job. I'm shit after 3 years there. So choose a better job suitable for your goals and shit like that. Man, I really don't want to go tomorrow at work. Fuck that shit! It was a Sunny Saturday so I went in the park to read a book. Awesome! I finished the book on speeches I had from my ex. Took me 3 years to finally read it. How did it influenced my life? Great things take time. Also, I have some expectations that great things will happen to me as I'm doing the work. I expected girls to jump on me just because I'm productive and a so on. So the problem is that I expect to get a girl just because I'm making my life better. Look around! Smarter and richer people are still single. There is nothing wrong with me. Do the work. Just because you work out, read, cook, etc doesn't mean that a girl should like you. That's not enough Fapped and watched porn after my last post. This happend a few times, right after writing down my progress. I felt so upset and disgusted of myself. Yesterday night was hard. I wanted to watch tv series. Spent 2 days playing video games on my phone. Went to bed late listening to podcasts about drug addicts, prostitutes, etc. I also restarted a confidence course I bought 6 years ago. I need to understand how can some people be so confident without being for or having money and so on. What is the difference? In one of the podcasts I listened to them was a obese girl with more confidence than I ever had in my life. She referred as herself as beautiful, a model, etc. Unreal. How? How do you love yourself so much? Was it fake? I bought some books after I finished my last one. I'm reading at the mountains of madness. It's fucking amazing. I can wait to read again in the park. I'm not feeling great. I even considered watching some tv series. Like It wouldn't matter, right? I just can use my time in a better way. I know is hard. It's supposed to be. Keep doing. Keep going.

Hey🍹 Kept doing my daily routine. I'm very proud of it. Found. new products as well. Went to sleep so late I slept through my alarms. My mom woke me up to go to work. Went to work and my supervisor scolded me for making mistakes on a client's account. He told me he'll make me only do implementation if don't think more when dealing with these clients. I felt upset. Why am I here if I keep making mistakes, don't earn more and so on. Fuck that shit. I'm here for 3 years and I still struggle with my job. Maybe I should quit and do e-commerce full time. I'm feeling like I'm wasting my time at work. I do like to work like a robot endlessly. Basically this means searching for new products or doing listings. Again and again. Met with a friend and a colleague from high school. He's doing great! Just bought an apartment with some money he saved and a loan from his parents. He still has a girlfriend and a side chick. He quit his previous job and found smth better. Damn! Good for him My friend quit his job as well but he's spending this unlimited free time to play video games. He's struggling to get his shit together. I still didn't fap and didn't buy junk food. This is going well. I'm talking with some new girls. Things are leading nowhere. One of them went from warm to cold after asking her out. It should be my conversation skills that make it hard for me to get more girls. I decided to read some books about making better conversation with strangers and girls. This will definitely make me better. I'm thinking to start an improv course next month. It looks really cool. I think it will help me with my conversation skills. 🥲 Me and the guy who helps me with eMag strated checking the companies of the people who ran the telegram group I joined. The boss has just 2 companies and just one of them is actually selling stuff online. He has a brand and a website. He did make as much money as he said but is exaggerating. For example he's showing us products that he's planning to sell but in reality he is lying. Damn, I really believed him. You can trust what others are saying. I checked a few more and I was shocked they aren't actually making money. One of them had all the products standard. Not even hot. Pathetic. These people bragged about how much money they're making. The reality is that they are some barefoot people lying.

Hey 🍹 So I forgot to mention that we spoke a little about books. Apparently she only reads romance novels. This explains everything. 🥴 Maybe I should have asked her out on my knees, face to face 🤣🤣🤣🤣. She wrote me again and I spoke with her a little bit. Yeah, I shouldn't replay to her anymore. Time wasted. I think some of these girls just want a pan pal, not to actually meet with someone. Idk, last year wast as hard to meet them lol. I made some time to text but got bored. I think before I asked them more questions and insisted much more. I don't know. Maybe I should ask more about their lives. Idk. I do want to get laid but I'm fine now. I am looking forward to work out tomorrow. I asked for help and solved some problems I had last week with some clients. One if their programmers isn't doing his job because he's in vacation yet again in Thailand. He's always late with simple tasks because of his schedule. What else? Cooked today as I do each week. Went out during one break, worked more and felt bored at work. I did my tasks and my colleagues tasks. Listened to some interview while I was working and a few more while I was cooking. I tried new combinations with sweet potatoes, pork, Chicken, wellness mix, sauce and a Chinese mix. Awesome. It's already midnight. I have done enough. I still feel I am not doing more. I'll do more. și am becoming more and more extreme in my approach to self development. A few years ago I couldn't live without tv series. I got that shit under control. Damn it's a plague. Last weekend I thought about watching some tv series but I remembered how bad I felt watching some shit the whole weekend. Especially on a Sunday night, Knowing I have to go to work next morning. Oh, and I arrived earlier at work. Nice. I was supposed to get a paper from my doctor to go to the dermatologist. I planned this meeting since November last year or December... I kept postponing and I can't go tomorrow. Damn, it's the second time I make this mistake. A new sales guy was kicked out of his job at our agency last year. I never asked why. Turns out he did some shit. He wanted to steal the data from some of our clients. That's why we changed the door passcode. 😂. Well, I'm basically selling the products form one of our clients. I didn't tell them that and I won't 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Tomorrow I go at work and work out afterwards, I will also read and meditate Wednesday I will go to work and search for new products Thursday I will work from home and search for new products. Friday I will work from home and got o my sister's bf house to work out This weekend I will do the same thing as last week. I'll search for new products.

Hi 😅 Last night all went to shit. I fapped several times on Saturday and this Early morning. I even watched porn. I couldn't control myself. It was so strange. I even thought of watching a TV series. Damn. Horrible. I feel disappointed of myself. I found new products tho. I was resistant to start searching. I read a lot but spent some time watching reels on insta, fb and YouTube. I feel ok now, just disappointed. I also lost some hope searching for new products. ☹️ Today I will work out for the 3rd time this week, I already read, I'll meditate and search for more products. Hehe.

Hey 😌 I spent more days without fapping and reading instead. It turns out I have a habit of fapping just because I saw some hot girl or smth. Interesting. Also, some of that fapping is due to feeling frustrated. I feel like I should fap now but I don't feel that need as much. I can resist some more. Damn, I'm proud of myself. I decided to work out 3 times a week. It's fucking free! I do have the time now as well! I feel super excited. I set up a mental limit to work out just 2 times a week. I can do it for sure more times. My schedule is free. I want to go to a park to read but I think it's cold tomorrow. But I'll do this. At least I'll read more tomorrow. I will work less instead. I should take more care of myself. I am close to finish the book I'm reading. Looking forward to read psycho cybernetics. Asked a few more girls out and I got rejected elegantly several times. I am not sure what I'm doing wrong. 🤔. I need to update my profile but still. I am thinking that I need to replay super fast to each new match to make some conversation before I get forgotten. Asked a girl out for drinks and she said she doesn't drink. Asked her out for a coffee. She said she doesn't drink coffee. Me neither but the point is to meet. Why is so complicated? Lol, that conversation was really funny. Didn't insist to meet her. I'm good, thanks The rest of the year looks promising as fuck. I'm proud of myself doing my routine. Things aren't great at work but I don't stress as much as I used to. Made some mistakes again and I'm trying to make things right now. Some client is threatening to leave and I couldn't care less. He is charging more for the services I'm advertising for him and therefore he has less clients now. He still can't understand why people won't pay more for his shit business. He's messaging me daily about not having enough clients. Man, I told you already..... He keeps asking stupid questions and I'm getting annoyed. I didn't have time for much yesterday. Instead of doing my routine I helped a colleague do her own campaigns. Off. Just say no. Met with a friend the other day. We talked about how we are already 25 and we aren't where we want to be. He was also talking how hard it is to get dates now. I still live with my parents haha. I didn't travel as I thought years ago. I didn't do many things. 😂😀😀 So here I am doing these things now. Awesome, it's not late tho... He's not doing great now. He also feels frustrated. So you are supposed to work hard but also socialize and go out a lot. But if you do both too much isn't good either. After my first break up I just waited for some girl to fall from the sky and date her. Didn't happen. I didn't even have a single date for a year and a half. It was hard to even take some pics and use them on tinder. Damn. So I didn't get any experience on dating just by simply working on myself. I need to keep asking girls out and get more and more experience. This is the way. A few years ago I looked down on people past 30 and wondered what they did with their lives. Why they didn't do more? Well, why didn't I do more by this age? Fears, etc. I spent so many years watching tv series. That is where my time went my friend. This is why I'm so proud of myself now. I really grew so much last year. I learned from the book that I'm reading that great things take time. I can talk about an amazing life in 5 years. I'm building to get there bit by bit. I finally feel I'm ready to read the books that Leo talked about since I was in high school. Bro, it's been years but I'm there at last. I finally have nothing better to do than read these books. This came after a year of not watching tv series and yt. Also, after stalking teo1 and realizing I need to fuckin read books. What new things are left to do now? Some courses, driving and going to the gym. I'm getting my life together.

What's up?🌸 I came to the conclusion that I should work out 3 times a week and more intense. That's what I need to do. I should use more of my free time to work on myself. Read more books and so on. Do stuff for myself. Also, I should go out of the house more. For example I can read in a park. That's an idea I got from a tinder girl. I'm staying too much indoors. Work was boring and I felt stupid for being there. I could do smth more productive with my time. I didn't get more clients because I struggle with the ones I already have. Offf. I feel stupid. Sold more stuff on eMag and I wonder when I'll make enough to quit my job. I feel like I'm wasting my potential with my current job. I kept talking with girls on tinder and I get seen or the conversations get boring and we both stop trying. I feel horny but also happy with my routine and how my life is now. I managed to not fap for a full week and one day. Awesome. Man, im working on not fantasizing about dating some girl from tinder. We haven't even meet I'm better single than in a toxic relationship. What else? invest more in yourself. Read more books. I find it difficult after work tho. I'd rather do nothing. I spent some time on reels today. It was a plague. But it could be worse. Used to do this daily last year. An older colleague from work who used the go to the gym for a few months for 3+ times a week gave up since December. He's feeling down. He won't work at home either. Paid for another gun membership but he still doesn't go there. He's 35. So this work doesn't ever get easier. Keep up the good work.

Hey 😌 I figured out I can read Leo's blog post to practice diction by reading out loud. I didn't think of this before. I spent an hour today reading out loud some tv series recap. I'm still waisting some time doing that. I should avoid waisting my time with those recaps Evel if I'm not actually watching the episodes. I was supposed to have a date yesterday but she canceled last minute. I don't know why. I also didn't speak with more girls from tinder. I have some matched there for a few days already. The other 2 girls I was speaking with didn't text me. After I woke up late I felt bad for not doing it earlier. I calmed myself down. I spent most of the day doing listings and other improvements for the business. I was tired and didn't wanted to go on. I was thinking what I can do more but how about improving what I'm doing now. I can work out more often and better. I can read more. I was wondering what am I doing with my life. I'm 25 since September. What have I done since? Do I have enough time to change my life until I'm 30? It feels so stupid to spent my limited free time to watch tv series. I better read some books. I'm proud of the way I spent last year. I'm proud of how I started this year as well. I'm not feeling like watching porn and the fapping urges went away. Another week has passed and I'm wondering if I'm on the right path. I'm doing more than ever. Reading was smth I have been postponing for years. Others were reading since middle school. They have hundreds of books ahead of me. I feel stupider with each step I take. There is sooo much more to improve. But I'm not feeling hopeless like the way I felt watching YouTube videos, tv series and other crap. Man, my brain was melting because of Instagram, yt shorts, porn, etc. I feel so proud of the way I lived last year even if I spent most of the year going to university. My mind was so stressed around this time a year ago. I didn't even think I have time to read smth useful. Nothing. Just going to university, working on that disgusting thesis and shit like that. Time passed so fast. Four years in that disgusting university, wasting my fucking time. Now, im not doing anything with that degree. I was so afraid to quit tho. I had such a hard time staying as well. I just thought I'll figure things out after university. Now, it feels like real life started. So, am I taking advantage of this life? Maybe I should take a walk in the park tomorrow. I haven't done that in awhile. Maybe take a long walk as well. I'm not hyped to go to work tomorrow. Maybe I should get another job. Until than I'm trying to make this side hustle work. Maybe I should get a job at eMag. I could get some insider information. I'm wondering why I have my current job. I'm not feeling excited anymore. I'm just getting my little paycheck each month. I'm not seeing how can I use the things I learn at work right now. I feel like I'm comfortable here.

Hey🧞 Didn't fap but I did watch porn. Man, last night it was so difficult to resist. I just didn't want to hate myself for fapping so I didn't do it. I felt so proud of myself. I spent several hours scrolling on tinder, Instagram, Facebook and some other crap. I was glued to my screen and remembered how addictive it is. Damn. Made me feel stupid. We had like 15? orders yesterday so a new milestone was achieved. Awesome! I set up a date with a girl from tinder. She is nice and 27. I spoke with another for a week but she has exams now. Our conversation got more boring and I didn't write to her at all. She didn't either. Today work was intense. I did a bunch of phone calls, which I don't like. Solved some shit. I procrastinated a little as well. I felt bored to do my job. Helped a colleague as well. I am waiting to get new clients to ask for a raise. I had an idea💡. Why not get a job at eMag in a division which is searching for new products to sell for them or smth similar. Maybe a job at support. Last year I had a date with a girl who said she was doing smth like that for this company 🤔. Im thinking to text her and learn more. That would be a dream job! My current job isn't alignment exactly with e-commerce since I don't want to have a website now and I don't make enough money. That girl I told you about is traveling monthly. Awesome!

Hello 🍻 Had another call with a client and fixed nor problems. Spent my weekend working on our side hustle. Read more from that book 📖 , worked out and meditated. I went on Friday evening to meet with my friends for a b'day. I got drunk and high. It was fun. Bought some good on my way home and walked home. After I arrived I watched porn and fapped. I felt very bad the next 2 days. Went out again on Sunday. It was fun and I didn't overspent. We are almost out if stock on the most sold product. Jeez, the new products we bought arent even selling. Of. I felt stupid and discouraged. I talked with my family about renting a car and it turns out is more expensive than I thought. Shit. I can't afford to buy a new car now. I had that old car for several years but I was too afraid to drive. I made some more mistakes at work. I didn't get new clients. Doesn't look like I will because of these mistakes... I feel discouraged. Spent the whole day there and I can't say I got much smarter. Not at all. Arrived home and just cooked. Did my routine tired as fuck and started all over again the next day. Same for today. I'm 25, what is the point to watch tv series, movies and shit like that? I'm growing older and I get no value from them. I still daydream about changing my life magically in a few years...just like i said a few years ago. Should I do more? Maybe work out more, read more, date more, do some courses, etc. Am I even doing enough? I wasted sooo much time. I'm reading now but I have to do this for the rest of my life to see benefits. That's the point. It takes time to actually grow. I also should be dating now. I'm 25, what am I waiting for? I keep myself form swiping too much because I might ruin future possible dates. Lol. I should date now not later in order to learn! I also should have a place of my own to bring these girls smr I'm wondering how much can I really change in a few years, before I turn 30. I basically have a limited amount of time I can do in productive stuff besides work. I can use that time to learn smth new, read a book, work out, etc. I should look at one of the root causes of my complaints - my job. Maybe I should go somewhere else and work there for more money. Maybe I should invest even more in this side hustle. What else? I didn't actually went to sleep on time lately. I also fapped yesterday. Thought of an ex and of some girl I'm speaking with on tinder. A month of this year already has passed. It was good overall. I'm really stressing about this side hustle. I'm impatient.

Hey Yesterday had a call with a client. I got anxious so I told him that his account is going great just to realize afterwards that isn't the case. I figured out what new things to try. Good, let's see what happens. I finally asked for more accounts. I'm scared and anxious bur I want more money. I'm weak. I need to get used to stress. After work I walked for a few hours. Stopped at KFC to congratulate myself for asking for more work. There, I saw the girl I spoked with last weekend with a guy on a date. Lol. I didn't realize who is she at first. Hilarious. I went on the other side to not make things awkward. Continued walking to the mall to see a movie with my siblings. Got more KFC. Felt sick. Arrived home and felt horny as fuck. I didn't feel like that in months. Fapped again even if I did it already on Monday. I felt upset on myself but I really felt like I have to get it out. Later that day, I saw some porn like reels on a website by mistake. I went straight to porn and fapped to some videos. Yeah, after resisting a whole year with one/two exceptions. What else? The new listings I made from some new products got blocked because it's about the same old products. I felt so upset. Worked for nothing. Had to figure out how to list them again. I found it upsetting that I have to deal with this. It wasn't a big deal anyways. I need to keep up the good work. Get these things fixed with no drama. I took a break and I did a part of my daily practice. I am also a little discouraged for NJ it selling more Right now.

Hey🦚 After work, on Monday, I met with a friend and bought groceries. Cooked and did my routine. I think I forgot to mention that I started reading a book I got from an ex about famous speeches. It's amazing! I tried to read it twice but I gave up. Tv series where more interesting. I couldn't focus. Went to work as usually and wasted more time. Texted some girls and helped a colleague implement her campaigns. I will ask for new accounts. I have to. I want to earn more. I don't have my own place because I can't afford that. Anyways, even if I can make more money I can still be miserable like my work colleagues. I feel afraid to become like one of our colleagues in his mid 30s. He is miserable. I was thinking whether I can afford going on dates with these girls I'm talking with. I need to pay for the second shipment and also buy new glasses. I was thinking to ask these girls about their living conditions. I went out with girls in the past just to find out they share a room with 3 other girls. Basically we don't have a place to bang. Also, if this is my prime goal, why bother going on multiple dates? I went on several dates with some girls and still didn't get laid. I just thought that if I spent more times with them smth will happen. I should have accepted that that isn't the case and moved on. It was obvious with some of them. What else? I really get triggered by some mean email from a client. I imagine things. My stress level must be so low if I get affect about some client at work. I daydreamed about fucking this girl from tinder with whom I was speaking for a little bit. I fapped on Monday and dreamed of the things I'll do with her just because the conversation was going well. Just to have her not replay after a day. Lol. I should not even register what is happening unless we actually go out. Hack, I even paused my tinder, thinking I'll actually date her. Lol. Im funny. What else? I'm so proud of my routine and achievements so far but they are just the beginning. It feels like there is so much more to do and fix. It feels like I really numbed everything with those tv series. I have so much to improve. It feels overwhelming. Tomorrow the second shipment will arrive in the country. I am wondering when I'll be able to just work for myself. How many months or even years? I realized that I'm bored at work most of the times. There are so many things I don't even want to do. In comparison, eMag feels exciting. I work for it for hours. I feel that is getting harder to do the same at work. The days are passing by regardless. I feel tired. In a nutshell, I'm doubting myself today.

Hello 🤗 Woke up very early for some reason. Liatened to some music but felt guilty for wasting time. I did some diction exercises and replayed to girls ok tinder. I forgot they have exams now. I adjusted the age range. I looked over some more old conversations. I gave up and just asked them basic stuff life how was your weekend/week or just plainly hey what are you doing. I didn't really show any type of fun through my messages. The rest of the day was spent working on my side hustle. I improved some more listings I did wrong last year. Man, they look sooo bad :))). I made more product families. We had 5 orders today. Good! The second import should arrive next week so our products will arrive in 2 weeks or more. Let's see how much will the taxes and shipment be :))). Worked out with my brother while my mother watched a Netflix show in the same room. She refused to join us. She gained a few kg last few weeks just because of the stress she feels taking care of her mother. My grandma started accusing us of stealing her money from the bank. She pulled out a large sum of money just to tell us she doesn't remember why. I spent the day with my family and siblings. I even felt bad staying too long eating with them instead of working 🧐. I wondered if I should do more than just work, mediation, working out, side hustle work and cooking. Maybe I should read some books as well. I also messaged some girls back and forth. Some of them have exams so I wasted my time in a way talking to them. Eh. I needed just to talk and have fun. I am trying to not take it too seriously. It's just texting. I can't afford to take them all out anyways. I didn't feel like watching tv series or porn but I did want to fap yesterday and this morning. Going to sleep with no music is easier now. The thoughts aren't so mean. At least not all the time. I could swipe less so I'll speak with less girls and take it easier. I started too strong. I'm so glad that I'm not watching tv series to cope with life anymore. I don't have much to do nowadays but do the work. I see my mom going down the rabbit whole and isn't nice. Just a year ago I reacted like her. I would feel annoyed going to sleep or hang out with them. I was upset when they didn't let me watch those shows. I'm so glad I'm not consuming that shit anymore. It was one if the worst things i was doing for years. I also remember the shame I felt about it. I'm going tomorrow at work and as you know I'm not hipped about it. It's alright. i don't have to be. Ill do my job, spent some time outside, answer to girls on tinder and so on. You know, passing time. I want to ask for new clients as well. I'm looking forward to quit work but I can't tell you when this will happen. I'm learning a lot now and I'm making it work. I'm working the most to make this a full time thing. ^⁠_⁠^

🍻ahoy new page🌞 Went to bed at 2-3 am because I was swiping on tinder. I didn't expect to stumble across my ex. I woke up from a dream of her and some Gypsy. It was so early. Checked tinder again and she was there. I meditated and i had a moment of clarity - I blocked her. This was the adult thing to do instead of swiping right. I'm proud of myself. Anyway, the block won't last forever since I dont have her actual number anymore to block on the app. I deleted her number from the block list last year because I didn't want to be tempted to speak with her. I spent a few hours swiping and talking with these girls. I finally read that mini book about texting. It was so hard to read it and use that info. I can't explain it. I looked over some messages I sent last month. It's boring and cringe. Nothing interesting, most openers where just a sign of giving up by asking how was your week, etc. I need to look over those conversations and figure out how can I replay in a better way. Man, I need to force myself to read some dating advice. It's so hard for me. I have read that before and did nothing at all. I'll figure this out as well. One great things I learned today is to stop putting so much hope and pressure on those texts. I'm texting them from my bed. One insight I had last few days is that I need to read more. Also, it was super smart that I stopped watching tv series. Now I'm reading recaps 😪. Isnt perfect but better than actually watching hundreds of hours just to learn what happened. The idea is that when those thoughts that hot me when I compare with other people, I already done shit so I wasn't so affected. I'm proud of my life lately. After texting and reading that book, I worked out, meditated, etc. I finally cleaned my room after months. I feel great about it. I made a list of other things that needs to be done. The rest of the day was spent improving old listings, making new ones and so on. I finally figured out how to make families of products. They look so professional now. I'm so proud of those listings. I kicked that guy from another of our listings on Friday. He didn't do anything but lowered some prices. Interesting. He calmed down for now. Nice. I have to say that I liked not using tinder so far. It stressed me out that I have to answer to those girls. But I want to get laid. I have to put in the minimal work required. I tried some new ways to text them and on some it worked better. We'll see. I'm proud that I didn't reach out to my ex out of desperation. There are so many other girls there. Don't complicate your life. I wondered today if I did the right things today. It doesn't look like much, just my routine, texting and side hustle work. Nothing wow but I do feel so proud. I stil feel I should do even more tho 🦚 I also need to take new pics. I'm using the same ones from 2022. I used just those in 2023 as well.

Hello 🤗 I woke up, did some diction exercises, worked, did some tasks I have been avoiding, worked out, meditated, listed some more products and that's it. I went to work out at my sister's boyfriend's place. It was fun and I pushed myself. I arrived home late and I was wondering why do I still feel like I have to do more. I set in bed and I thought of the girl I was banging last summer. The sex was really good. I thought of other stuff. It worked. I concluded that I need to get tinder back and get laid. Again, make the dates count. I'll exercise to text better. I need some new pics there. So I got tinder and started swiping. I need more experience, man! I have no choice but practice. I have learned so much last year because of my dates. Swiped way to way until... i stumbled my ex profile, Daria1. When we broke up, in November 2022, she didn't have pics ok tinder with her face. I'm glad she found the courage to post them now. We bough grew. I didn't block her profile. I didn't swipe either left or right. I should get involved again with her Also, maybe my standards are too high. I was thinking of this lately. I'm no price. What am I waiting for, a model? 🤣 I need to upgrade my profile haha. I've been using it got over a year. Just the same shit. What else? I'm proud of my progress over the last year. Amazing. Meditation and working out for longer periods of time is tied with my self of worth

Hey 👋 I had a productive week so far. Wednesday was a free day so I wake up late and just worked for eMag. Improved some listings, made new ones and so on. Things are looking great, I'm learning and improving each week. I figured out that people didn't buy some products because the old listings where shit. Now I'm In the process of changing all of them. I fapped on Monday night. I got triggered after speaking with a hot girl friend and from some music video. Lol. - I felt bad two days ago around bed time. I remembered that I sent a follow request 9 months ago from the internship insta and I should deleted it so she won't figure out I'm weird for trying to stalk her after rejecting me. I didn't contact Teo 1 since she told me she got a boyfriend and I told her he's a lucky dude. She made that second account public. I could have resisted but I chose to check all her pics and stories. She did get a boyfriend. I felt triggered that she didn't choose me and it's alright. I haven't felt so bad since the first break up, 3 years ago. But this time I got back on my feed In no time because I have on what to fall back on - over a year of working out, mediating, no porn, less fapping and so on. Life is getting better and I don't need a girlfriend. It's ok. She didn't want me and it's alright. You don't have to push her. So now I have closer. Keep working on yourself! You are doing great! 😃 I did check some stories on Instagram and some posts during the hours I stalked that girl. I had some thoughts about stalking all other girls but I resisted. Enough is enough. I won't beat myself up for using insta a little bit. It's ok. But I do feel great not using that app like I used to a few months ago. It wasn't healthy. I'm not losing anything by not being up to date there. Honestly there isn't much interesting things to see there. Most stories aren't even wow.

Hello 👋 I want to write a post about what I was up to during the last few days but it's bed time here. I should go to sleep and face whatever emotions arise. I don't want to feel some things right now. It's ok. . Turned off my phone but didn't fall asleep right away

This morning I get a notification from the courier that my package will arrive this morning. I had no idea what is he talking about. Could it be that crazy guy sending the notification? No way! So the delivery message came on my phone because I used my number back in December to order the product he associated on our offers. It turns out that dude really sent us his notification. He checked all the order he had until he found mine. I refused the package. I was shocked. There is no way he's that crazy! Right? We made a ticket to eMag mentioned all of this situation. I am waiting for their response. I felt bored at work and there was not a lot to do. I hate I have to just stay there all day regardless of my tasks. I am thinking to ask for more accounts. I'm not learning once again and it doesn't look like I'll do e-commerce full time soon. People aren't buying online during this period. I see this at work at my client's businesses. Two colleagues from work told us what they did this weekend. One of them got high as fuck. Another was sick and watched an 8 hour tv series in one day. I did my routine and spent lots of time working on this business. I need to keep working. I fapped twice on Sunday. I didn't feel great tho. I also checked my messages on Instagram and replayed on some memes. It makes me feel so good not scrolling there. I thinking that I'm quite dramatic about my life right now. Lots of things are going great. Yet, I'm finding some stuff I don't have yet and making a big deal out of them. I watched a few videos about the recovery of a drug addict. The things he's going through doesn't even compare with my struggle at all. Mine is nothing. I was tired and frustrated after work. I don't have it that bad tho... I was thinking how amazing my life is now. I'm actually started a business, I have been working out for over a year, meditated, finished college, I'm cooking weekly, I'm awesome! I'm looking forward to keep doing the same things and keep growing. I was thinking last night how hard it was in the Netherlands depending solely on my father for money. I didn't even believe I can get a job. I was eating so much junk food and feeling so hungry. I was sick hearing my father so worried about money. I was feeling uneasy. I was also failing in university. It was hard one I arrived back. I hated working for him and my brother's at the family business. I was watching so many tv series. I was so miserable. Going to uni didn't make things better. My father was complaining that I arrived late from university and wants on time for my shift. I hated that he was so lazy that wanted to go home even if I was actually studying. I didn't even wanted to think of it. Just washing life away. I was so happy when I got hired here. I got rid of that shit hole. Compared to that here is heaven. But now I'm looking towards the next step.🪜 I remember how hard it was for me to even date or let my hair longer. I have come a long way. I really did. It looked so unreal to do all these things. I can say that I have done amazing leaps in the last 3 years especially ✅. I was so shocked when the 1st relationship ended for real. I really didn't take action to change my life if it wasn't someone to get angry about the way I lived. I didn't see the problem... I just wanted to see her, have sex, hang out, etc. I was wishing a better life tho 😂 No I'm preparing to make a new leap - being my own employer. What a change! I was thinking of my exes and how much hate and frustration I still have about them. While I was with them I wanted to be at the level I'm now. Just working out, meditation, cooking, etc. Isn't that funny? I had those relationship while I really hated my life. I was simply not taking care of myself 🥲. I remember talking about the days I was taking care of myself in high school. I was daydreaming to do that one day. I was thinking that dating them won't allow me to finally take back on the track. It was easier dating them than even working out 10 minutes. What now? I spent almost everything I had on this business. I'm waiting for the salary next month. Maybe I'll be able to save some money after paying for the second shipment. I want to get some dates after that. I need more experience and I do want to get laid.