Everyday

Hey I recommend you Permaculture by Sepp Holzer. Also, volunteer at a permaculture farm through WWOOF. I have done this and is very interesting and met cool people. You receive shelter and food in exchange of working at various farms.

Hey I felt different degrees of not enough during the whole day. Woke up at 5.30. Staid in bed until 5.50. Arrived at school at 7. Left at 11. It was very hard to be focused at work and not fall asleep. I arrived at home after work and collapsed on my bed. I listened to McKenna's book food of the gods. I laid like that for some time. Did my routine. Father called me and said to stop complaining that i'm tired. My friend from the 2nd internship called me and asked if i wanna hang out later. Told him i want to but after BJJ. Today was 5th lesson. Decided to go to BJJ. Gained more energy. My partner was a repulsive guy. He disgusted me. After BJJ went to hang out in the city center with him and his gf. It was interesting. They encouraged me to go to erasmus next year to study besides just doing the internship. She said you will work for the rest of your life, why not take this opportunity? You will find another job if it will be the case. But you will never find a similar OPPORTUNITY. I watched myself interacting with them and i was shocked how little coherence i have in my own sentences. It is fucked up.

Hey bro Had a wet dream last night. Didn't even realise until i woke up. Dragged my ass to university. There a girl from my class asked me why am i said. I was thinking how many things i want to improve and so on. Yesterday, i wear a shirt at work and got a lot of compliments. Even from my family. I didn't wear shirts because i feel i am not good enough to dress better and other shit. Blah blah. Same reason i never bought a watch. Searched online for watches and shirts - got blown away how relatively cheap they are. I mean i spent money on so much shit but i wont invest in myself? Seriously? I fried 1kg of pork meat in a wok with tamari sauce and sesame seeds. Then, i fried spinach, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli. I added a mix of vegetables for wok. Delicious. Im moving out next week. I got used to this place. I feel resistant to move out. update. I meditated and did my routine. I remembered i was hating my life long before i met my ex. My life has been a long story of being jealous and feeling spite on other ppl's achievements, skills and objects. I have always been waiting for the day i will feel like it and things will ......

Hey I had a shit day to be honest. I am not where i want to be in my life. i am getting better but is a slow process. I had lots of negative thoughts about myself today. Went home and ate like crazy. I dont know where that hunger came from.

Hey Went to BJJ on Friday night. We did only sparring. It was fun. I was focusing again on what i was doing than previously. Even so i still think of what i would better do and blah blah. Went swimming yesterday but took it easy because my back was already sore. Went to an event held at the new house. They appolgized for delaying my schedule. I moved it from the 21st to the 24th (Saturday). It will be easier to move in the weekend. They were happy im moving in with them. Arrived home. Ate unhealthy and laid in bed like a potato. Done some gardening. Brewed 6L of tea for Kombucha. Watched two movies. Weeding, tied some plants. I got my 1st harvest :)))))))))))))). Really happy. Went to a shop and bought a grafting knife and a pruning saw for university practice. Also, but some stuff for swimming. Told parents about the massage course i want to do. They encouraged me. They have been telling me for years that im really good at it and i should pursue it. My seedlings were growing just fine until my mom climbed on the plastic table my plants where =)))))))))))) She broke it and all my feeble seedlings fell out of the pots =)))) Half died and the rest are torn in half =))))))) She was moving smth with my father but he left to bring smth. So she panicked and climbed on the table because her hands were sore moving that stuff =))))))))) Didnt even get angry =)))))))))))))) Ate some more unhealthy food. Went driving a little. It was ok. A little rusty. I delayed to go out most of the day. I didn't drive more because it started to rain heavily and i was scared to do an accident. Felt bad for not taking more care of myself. When i woke up today at my house i felt so relived i dont have to look for cockroaches in my room or bed. And that i can cook without feeling disgusted or having to wash everything a few times before using. My father was angry that the family business isnt doing well. He was threatening my brother to leave. The equipment is failing over and over again. Mom was sad she isnt loosing weight even if she kept exercising. I told her in a nice way she should eat healthier, that isnt ok to eat bread for example. She got very upset and told me bread is healthy and she cant give it up. Is said to see her like that. Is sad to see myself like that too. She talked to me about woo woo stuff about life and spirituality. But wont eat right.... I dont know how to help her. My sister returned from a camp. Two days after arriving she left again to the sea for a bachelorette party. A couple from their group is getting married soon. They are around 24-25. Afterwards, my sister will leave to Greece with her BF family like last summer. My father was grumpy that she doesn't have a job which pays better and keeps asking him for money. My father has always been in this state of fear about money. Always complaining and criticising us for needing money. I always hated this particular behaviour. It was very stressful to be criticised all the time when i asked for money to buy x or y. And above all to be threatened to not receive any if i dont behave. Since i moved out, got this job and i am financially independent we get along better. He doesn't have anything to complain to me about my behaviour. Is really nice. He is nicer to me. I had an interesting thought. I was not productive when i was living alone in NL. When i lived with family i blamed them for not being productive. But now i am living alone and i am productive. Hmm. I have a meeting with a client tomorrow at 11 at work. A colleague of mine will conduct it. I should be there since i will take care of this account. In the same time i have to be at uni for practice in the orchard at 8. I decided to skip uni and go to work instead. Work is more important. I can work smth out with the professor at uni. A mom said and she is right that this job helps me fund the life i want to have. And i really like it.

Im at day 48 of meditating and doing abs daily

Hey Woke up and laid in bed for one hour. I thought i should have put more effort into improving myself years ago. I felt really bad. I don't feel very good right now. I struggled to start work and then do my routine. I feel very lazy and unmotivated. I will just do my routine regardless of how i feel.. I just spoke with the guy from the other place i want to move in. The person who was supposed to leave will be doing so but on the 21 of July, not next week on the 15th. Is OK i am in no trouble because i dont have a contract where i live now. I will just stay a week longer. Thanks. Writing better isnt a goal for me right now.

Hey I went to walk for an hour. I ran into a girl from university, then after a few minutes into a friend from high school. WOW. He was the last person i would have expected to meet with randomly. He wasn't part of my friend group from my class, the one i couldn't wait to ditch. He said he ll message me on facebook. I said i dont use that account anymore, but take my number. I saw him last time 4 years ago. Cant believe that my time passed. Of course, on my way home i was thinking i haven't grown enough blah blah. I am now. I was thinking to distract myself from feeling shit with some junk food and other stupid ideas. I wont. I am not better because i gave up when i saw problems and obstacles. That's not a way to go in life. I thought is just a thing i do when i feel bad but is an established way for me to run from pressure and stress. Currently, i have a weak character.

Organ Reserve: The Key to Longevity If you fall somewhere short of fitness freak on the continuum, keep in mind that the benefits of a sensible exercise program extend far beyond competitive success and looking good. The more lean muscle you maintain throughout life, the better your organs will function (up to a point of diminishing returns; e.g., a bodybuilder has heaps of excess muscle that serve little or no functional purpose and requires a lot of caloric energy to sustain). Optimal organ function correlates with maximum longevity and excellent health. Organs, like muscles, adhere to the “use it or lose it” natural law. When you hit the deck for 50 push-ups, the conscious decision to engage these muscles in a work effort calls your heart, lungs, liver, adrenals, and other organs into action. Blood chemistry changes as you burn glycogen and fat, process oxygen, and produce metabolic byproducts (e.g., lactic acid) at an accelerated rate. You are asking your organs to keep up with your active lifestyle, in the process strengthening them to better withstand the demands of daily life and the natural aging process. In contrast, when your activity diminishes, as in the classic paradigm of aging, you send signals telling your muscles and organs to atrophy. Their function decreases because they are given no reason to remain at 100 percent efficiency. An unfit person has lower bone-density, less lung capacity (the quantity of air you can exchange on each breath) and stroke volume (the amount of blood your heart pumps with each beat) than a fit person. The aging process—at least in America —should really be called the “process of physical decline largely due to inactivity.” Because all of your organs and body systems work synergistically, you are vulnerable to the often fatal effects of your weakest link. For example, an unfit accident victim or a surgery patient who loses a lot of blood and has a heart operating at only 45 percent of potential capacity will often fare differently than a fit person with superior heart function suffering the same trauma. Bones break more easily among the unfit. Pneumonia is a common cause of death among the elderly often due to the inability of their weakened lungs to help clear the germ-laden mucus effectively through coughing.

Hey Finished that book last night. It was much better than i expected. Just wow. Woke up tired and pushed a little to do my routine. I have been making more campaigns for the new account. The agency who made them before did a really bad job. Is said to see that some Ad groups have just one ad from the three recommended. And even that one is made with minimal and not enough headlines or descriptions.

Hey I kept listening last night from the book in my language i was saying yesterday. It is much more interesting that i would have ever guessed. I see some of the author's problems in myself. Anyway, i felt asleep woke up later. After i returned from the bathroom i saw a cockroach running under my bad. I moved the bad and killed it. Then i saw two BIG BIG ONES. Fuck that! I saw a few last week as well. They are starting to move in my room as well. =))))))))))) Glad i will be out of here next week. I like the couple i am living with but i really hate the bugs. Also, the bugs in the kitchen seemed to have tripled. I even saw a live one in the fridge. Wtf?????? I remembered that there are rooms to rent in my university campus as well. Hmm. Maybe i will move there as well at some point. This was last day of Kinesio. I got that new account at PPC. It is a lot of responsibility. I was tense and anxious today setting up the campaigns and ad sets. I feel that they gave me this account to have an excuse to kick me out if i fuck things up.

Thanks man! Wish you the same. That was two months ago and i dont remember what i was referring to. I think i was studying at some test for university.

Yes, this band is so good is unbelievable. I recommend listening to everything they released. Check the albums below as well:

Hey Im getting anxious that i dont know google ads well enough. I dont know how patient they will be. Ill make some flashcards. https://www.ppchero.com/dynamic-search-ads-for-beginners/?cn-reloaded=1 Also, i dont know how patient they will be since i have 2 years left of college. The exam from yesterday wasnt that good. I cheated. I didnt study shit. I told them i have to go to uni next two weeks to work. We will speak tomorrow. I remembered my ex lived in a private dorm room. There are similar ones in the city. I can live there as well at some point. I finished Guns, Germs and Steel tonight. It was so interesting i just kept listening and listening. Wanted to eat junk food for the socking reason of feeling bad because of work =)))))))) Reasoned that is stupid and i cant give up each time i hit obstacles. lol. I added more books in to watch later. Started a book from a author from my country. I havent read enough books in my own language. Because of this i dont know how to express myself very well. I dont have the words.

Hello! I am cooking as i am writing this. Chicken meat with asparagus, oyster mushrooms, tomatoes, red and green peppers, carrots, one onion, celery root, parsnip, parsley, beets. Some BBQ and goulash spice mixes. Rosemary leaves from my garden. I will add hemp seeds at the end. I came home from kineso and meditated. Than i laid on the couch and listened to After i cooked i watch 3rd episode from Rick and Morty. I liked it.

Hey I woke up and did my routine all at once. Felt so good and free afterwards. Went to a wedding ceremony at a church with my mother. One of my 2nd grade cousin married today. It was actually the 1st time i saw him and his sister. I went because i wanted this experience. It was ok. I felt insecure because i didn't dress better for this occasion and i didnt really know those ppl. On our way home some relatives i have seen only once offered to give as a ride. To my surprise my mom kept saying how proud is of me, that i have a job i love, that i am also studying, that i moved out and i am taking care of myself. The relatives reacted very good. I was embarrassed. But also didnt expect them to consider what i have done so far as awesome. I felt even more determinate to work harder, eat better, do more stuff. Once i arrived home i drove alone. Went to more difficult roads. Made some mistakes as usually. But i felt calmer. I pushed myself to do it as usually. But i was glad in the end. I suck at parking but i will exercise this more. I wanted to buy junk food but i caught myself as just an emotional reaction. I would better spend the money to buy a shirt or pay for BJJ or Swimming. I was shocked when i realised i wanted to buy junk to eat now but didn't think of the future. Like how that money can be used better. it was clear isn't a smart idea. I can resist the temptation, even if i feel i cant and bitchy. I came home and listened to Laws of Human Nature and Brave New World. The second is fun. The 1st is wise.

Wow. I felt much more tired after a few repetitions. Just wow. Hey I woke up and dragged my feet to swimming. I was tired and didnt feel like it. Went to bad very late because i didnt feel like sleeping. I bought some clothes. I really had no more shorts for summer. It was not as expensive as i thought. Went home and did gardening, prepared new tea for kombucha, drove for 40 min i think. I went straight through harder routes. To my utter surprise i didn't shit myself of fear. Wow. Hm... I just drove. I made mistakes but is ok. I hang out with siblings and their partners. I cook with my mom, visited father at work, watered plants, washed dishes, cleaned kombucha jar, weeding, put some hemp seedlings from pots. For some reason they are drying in there but thriving in the soil of my garden. Minced some herbs i dried last week and put them in jars. Gave my mother a small sum of money to spent on whatever she wants. My father doesn't give her much monthly and she uses her money to buy courses and classes. She was very happy. It's the second time i do this. I want to keep doing it monthly after i got my salary. Sister and her BF asked me with how many girls i went out already. If i have a tinder and so on. I looked down and felt ashamed i struggle with this. I will take care of this as well. At home i felt i cant stay doing nothing. The guilt was very intense. I needed to do smth, needed to move to not feel bad and sad. Weird. Went driving again with brother at night. He was giving a ride to his GF home. I offered to drive. I was calmer generally. Lost my calm and panicked a few times but is ok. After i arrived home i left my bags and went to walk alone for one hour. Afterwards, i was sitting on the couch from the living room. I was thinking of my day. I want to do more with my time. I have so much energy, so much potential. I decided to start a massage course. It will last 4 months. 3 modules. This made me feel excited. I like doing massage. I have been told i am very good at it many times. I will ask my aunt and my swimming trainer for advice on this topic. Both worked in this field. I look back at the week i had and i smile. Struggled. Improved. I finished a few books.

Update Going to try this: Took a one our night walk. I forgot how much i life walking. I kept thinking. I am at the exercise part from Primal Diet. It talks about overexercising which leads to eating sweets, etc. Also, how much diet matters to loose weight. I thought of a girl from work who was very proud she goes to the gym at 6am daily and the supplements she takes. Yet, she is still not loosing weight. I noticed she drinks lots of soda and eats sweets. At lunch she eats whatever the other order. I noticed they too try to eat healthy but the vegan products they order are made at some degree from grains. Interesting. Also, i realised i haven't been in a club to dance on techno for two years and didn't go to a theatre for even longer. I put it in my schedule.

Hey The package with one Kg of cashew nuts arrived yesterday at my parents house. My sister asked me wtf you spent so much money on nuts? I explained i bought in bulk and is basically cheeper. She said ok. I thought they will be excited like i am. Hmm. Went to bed at 2am. Woke up tired and complained. Did my routine and then watched some yt videos. Optimised some text ads, callouts, snippets and site links across different accounts for work. I kept listening Brave New World and The Laws of Human Nature. The letter book gave me more insights than i expected. Around noon i realised i am getting very hungry since i didn't eat nuts as i was used to at work. I started feeling bad for not feeling fool after i ate. I didnt have much food left. My solution? To buy junk food lol. Which made no sense if i thought of it. Instead, i went and bought a bunch of veggies and fruits. Felt better afterwards. I wanted to act on emotion. I analysed briefly this urge. I feel i cant be the person i want to be. That is hard and blah blah. But im becoming that person. I m going to swim tomorrow. Home tomorrow night?

Hey I finished to listen the book above. I got very sad by the end. I have made so many mistakes it's ridiculous. I could have read that book years ago and saved myself from so much misery. I didn't read it because i was waiting to feel like it. Such a stupid mistake. Today, i felt again i need to buy junk food cuz i felt bad. But i didn't. Is really weird to see that i dont actually have to give in my urges, that i can still be productive even if i still feel bad and craving smth. It makes me both proud and upset. Upset because i gave up so many times. I feel really bad i am not growing faster. I need to be patient. I will receive another account to work on very soon. Yay. Cool. I have three days left of Kinesio.

Hey I finished this book at work. I got so many insights of the many things i did wrong that it really hurt me. I cant believe i didnt read this book sooner. Is a shame. Afterwards i listened to this. I really love how he writes. I watched the netflix series. I like the book more so far. Started this book. Lots of insights. I wanted to eat junk food while i was watching Loki Ep 4. I didn't and i am amazed i resisted. Strange enough that in the end i felt bad even if i didn't eat junk, just because i was tempted to. wtf. After i finish with kineso i want to start yoga classes. I was checking some studios. I will ask my flatmates where they went. They used to do yoga. They are only meditating now daily. Also, i will ask another guy who said he improved his posture with yoga. I am still sore after that lesson from BJJ. I thought to buy some whey powder to drink in the morning besides the raw egg and fruits. Also, i thought to use it in food as well. I ordered one Kg of Cashew nuts. It cost me as much as a big bucket of KFC wings. I was resistant to buy it but i am excited. I cant wait to munch on it at work. I am getting tired of walnuts and almonds. I ate more last few days. It's alright.

Hey I finished the video on Ginghis Khan from yesterday at work. Very fucking interesting. Made some small mistakes at work. The boss who criticised me for not paying enough attention came today and asked for a report on clicks and the amount of products which are shown by google. Turns out 50% of them are under 10 bucks. I was so anxious to mess up and to finish in less than one hour man... But i did good in the end. I also listened toa video of brave new world narrated by Aldous Huxley and it featuring actors playing the characters. There was even music played, the "sounds of the new world". It was the best video i ever listened to ever. Just wonderful. Then, i begin to listen to the video below. Really interesting. Went to kinesio afterwards. I have lots of back pain now, after BJJ but i feel better. I found myself wanting to research more books to listen to on Youtube. Yet, resistant to finish what i already started.

Hey Went to bad late. Woke up at 4 am for some reason. I started reading Brave New World. Meditated. Fell asleep again around 6 or 7. Woke up tired. I thought i am not going to have enough energy for BJJ tonight. Went to work and didn't have a lot of patience to work to be honest. I listened and finished to the prince on audiobook. Then i started listening to an interview with the author of Genghis Khan. Very interesting. Went to kinesio afterwards. I almost feel asleep. The staff was speaking about two of their colleagues, one of them being the son of the owner who wanted to be with another colleague. That even his father was trying to get them together. I remembered they spoke about the same thing last year. =)))) We all laughed =)))))) Afterwards, walked to BJJ instead of waiting for the bus. I felt energised. In the changing room i met with the boyfriend of a girl who used to go to Krav maga. This couple is super active and they are doing so many things together. They are in their thirties. I was surprised to see him. He must have went to the MMA classes before BJJ. For the 1st time since i started BJJ i actually focused on the lesson instead of worrying in my head. For some reason, on my way home i felt bad for not starting BJJ sooner and i don't even know what other reasons i had. I thought that is normal to feel bad and demand more for me. Is ok to be tired. It was a long day. When i arrived i wanted to buy junk food to feel better? =))))))))))))) I decided not to give up. It was hard but felt stupid i even struggle with this. =))))) It's stupid.

Update- A few Hours Later. Last night my sister asked me how many girls i went out with. I gave some stupid replay but felt bad. My sister was extremely tired. She is done with her exams. Went in a short vacation with her BF. Besides this she is just sleeping and watching tv series like i do. My brother is going in vacation for 2 or 3 days with his GF. I read some more from Shadow and Bone. I have 20 pg left. I did back exercises and finished more of my work for the agency. I worked for a few hours while thinking i am going to buy junk food and waste what is left from today. I am so glad i was productive instead. It was really hard to not give up. I kept saying i cant and blah blah. There is a woman in my class and she has a similar short temper as my ex. We helped each other at some tests with materials and she messages me sometimes. She kept complaining to me last night and today. Some stupid complaints about a stupid colleague from our class and about someone who annoyed her during the exam. I rolled my eyes and kept being polite. I remembered how annoying was to have my gf behave like this most of the time. It was exhausting. Btw, i dreamed of my ex last night. I dont remember what it was all about. Today was day 36 of doing 100 crunches and meditating daily. When i said im at day 30 i was actually at 31.

HEY Last night i went to bed late after not eating so healthy at my parents house. Woke up with difficulty. Fertilized my plants. Did some pruning, weeding and tied some of them. I see that the morning glories are already seedlings. So fast! It's raining like crazy now. Hope my plants absorbed those fertilizers. Cut some herbs and placed them for drying. Last night i backed some fruits. Not as i expected. They taste like gum =)) I drove today quite a lot, alone and with siblings. I was very tense as usually. I need to go driving more often. I need more practice. I was very very very resistant to start. My sister didnt look to happy when i said i spent yesterday reading for so long. She didnt seem happy for me.