@Ilya Just an hour ago I was looking through my journal and I found myself quoting an old green day song twice (in February and in August)
"Something unpredictable, but in the end it's right"
I was thinking why I did that.. and I came to the forum to ask this question actually, is there anything unpredictable in our lives? But while I was answering your question, I also answered my own question.
What seems accidental, arbitrary or even unpredictable is actually an accumulation of series of events (might not be linear time, might also be circular). Meeting him at that exact point required me to be ready. If I'd met him a year before that, just after I got out of my needy relationship, I wouldn't even have noticed him maybe. So from a broader perspective, nothing is accidental. Everything is happening at the correct time and place. You not having a girlfriend means maybe you need to improve until you can be comfortable with just who you are.
@Ilya I never tried to get a boyfriend, especially a hypothetical one. And my school and workplace has always had a majority of females and married/taken/homosexual males, so in that manner we are similar. I've never been in a place where I could meet a potential boyfriend. And I actually wanted a boyfriend when I was a teenager but never worked for it. I was too insecure and my body language I think showed that. When girls worse looking than me had boyfriends/dates, I spent all high school and university alone (I had friends but no relationships).
When I started to become more self-confident, and accepting the fact that I'm not incomplete without a boyfriend actually helped me start a relationship. My first relationship and the second one (now I'm married to the second boyfriend) were completely different and showed me there are basically two types of relationships:
1. ones that are out of need: You feel lonely, needy and helpless. You need someone to take you out of this rut, this vicious cycle of loneliness. You have all these emotional and sexual needs. You need someone could fix these needs. Sensual needs (not only sex, but touching and the presence of someone) can be more easily catered for but you also expect this person to feed you emotionally. Trying to suck energy from your partner at the end results in breakup in the best case scenario, or abusive relationships and even violence in the worst case scenarios. Both parties feel like a victim because they only want to get the energy, not give it.
2. ones that are out of love: You understand that only you can help yourself, and although you can't fulfill your sensual needs on your own, but you can raise your consciousness and feel that you can love everything, not only a human being. But if you are lucky or if you look around carefully, chances are you meet someone who can experience love like you, and together you can go for something higher. This is what happened to me, and I wasn't looking for it, I literally wasn't looking at him when we first met in a big crowd. I was lucky that he could see me. (and he wasn't looking for a relationship either, he actually left a week later, we had 7 hour time zone difference for a year.) Despite all odds and though we weren't looking for anything -or maybe because we weren't looking for anything- we had found each other just fine.
I really believe the best things come when you aren't looking for them, and love shouldn't be an ego game. When egos get involved, then everything gets messy. My best advice can be continue your spiritual growth and along the way if you meet someone, fine. If you don't, then it's not worth getting into relationships just to fulfill the sensual needs. Or admit that this is just for sensual needs and don't try to suck your partner's emotional energy, and don't let people suck you just because you are their boyfriend. One last thing, personal development is indeed, personal, so also don't try to involve your future girlfriend/s into this unless they are really interested, too.
