RawJudah

All my life I have struggled to talk to and approach attractive girls. Older women, not a problem at all. I find talking to older women a breeze and can even flirt with them effortlessly. (by old I mean about 35 years plus) Hot girls though, I struggle to put a sentence together and can barely look them in the eye, and they can smell the fear off of me from a mile away. I have noticed my posture shrivel up and my chest goes tight, so this is why I think it goes deeper than what I originally thought... Why is this? Is there a deeper issue going on here? Something to do with childhood? I'm really tired of it now, I know that I need to fix this myself, but I would love some answers from someone that has been through this problem, I know there are guys like this out there! Is there something I need to uncover from my past that will make my fear go away? I kind of understand the dynamics of pickup and the benefits although I still think it is kinda creepy, but what is the DEEP reason I am shit scared of talking to attractive girls around my age? Is there even a DEEP reason or am I creating problems that never existed? Many thanks to any that read this and reply.

@Anna1 Good points, something to think about. I have been shy all my life, especially when it comes to girls. So there is low self esteem there that hasn’t gone away and I know I need to improve it. I’m looking around for good therapists as we speak, whether that will actually help or not I don’t really know. I’m also doing shamanic breathing every Saturday too, hoping that heals emotions and trauma that are stuck in me. I’ve thought about doing pickup too, I’m drawn to it because it takes massive action, and it really boosts confidence. The fear of rejection will be eliminated after many attempts. From a girls point of view - what do you think of pickup? Bit of a silly question but I thought I’d ask...

@Anna1 All I was really asking is what is the deep fear of approaching the most attractive girls, when approaching lesser attractive girls isn’t much of a problem. It’s not that I really want the attractive girl, I just wanna be able to talk to anyone without the fear of talking to them beforehand. Which some guys seem to be perfectly ok with, others - like myself - not so. I wondered if there was a deep issue maybe going back to childhood or something like that. I try to see the person for who they really are, to me that’s a better trait. Although looks are important! They have to be. Didn't mean to complicate it, and thank you for the replies. It’s even better when a female replies too, so an extra thank you.

It’s always going to be 1 step forward and 2 steps back. That’s what it feels like to me. Your probably having an ego backlash. Your mind will tell you your not really growing but in fact you probably are. This is slow work too, it takes years... if you can accept that fact then you should feel more relaxed.

He's definitely in stage orange, that's for sure, maybe some green and some yellow too. He seems to have an open mind and wants to know about life, which is great. But like Joe Rogan, he's making money from people coming on their show and spreading ideologies... Enjoy it, but be aware of what's really going on.

Driving is naturally stressful, especially with so many cars on the road now and all the traffic... But you’ve gotta keep your cool and be patient, it takes a few months before you get the proper feel for driving. Being able to drive means freedom! That should make you get more excited about it! Do breathing exercises while you are driving, that might help you to calm down. Or do breathing exercises before you even step in the car.

I have this problem too, being a people pleaser sucks. It really doesn't work. It's great to be nice to people, but if there is something that needs to be said even though it may hurt someone, say it. The problem is that over time people have known me as a 'nice guy' which to me means non-assertive, non-confrontational, emotional, and weak. Well not anymore. I've been assertive for a while with some people and I feel great, it clears the air with everyone and makes you look like you have nothing to hide.

Thank you to all the replies so far. I kind of know what’s going on here, it’s a lack of confidence in myself and me having childish thoughts of attractive girls being completely different to any other human beings. Looks fade, after all... But I acknowledge this will take some deep work on myself and some re-wiring of my subconscious mind. I started holotropic breathwork last Saturday and plan to do it every Saturday for at least a year, hoping this will help me with many areas of my life. I also go out nearly every weekend, as staying in only makes my problem with women worse, as I don’t physically get out otherwise. I wish it wasn’t such a big problem! But as a young male the issue I have with attraction won’t go away. Thanks again!

@Bill W Lol, you can't use that as an excuse. Minimise your lifestyle down so that you have plenty of time for rest and a good night sleep. I know bills have to be paid, but you can still do it along with 8 hours of sleep at night.

That fear is in me too, but at the moment I am in a job where most of my pay is disposable and I actually quite enjoy the job. I know this won't last forever, but I can't think of a business idea at all and its so frustrating knowing that there is a 99% chance of being a wage slave. But I haven't given up on business ideas, its just every business idea I have it has already been done because I've seen it somewhere else, someone beat me to it... But that's life! Escaping wage slavery isn't meant to be easy, that's why most people are wage slaves. I think its good to remove yourself from the label 'Slave' too, we'd all be suffering more if we were REAL slaves...

Sleep is the FOUNDATION of human health. It is the number one thing we really need for a healthy body and mind. Healthy food and lots of water is good too but it doesn't come close to having good quality sleep night after night. Read 'Why We Sleep' by Matthew Walker and it will change the way you look at sleep. We humans are the only animal that purposely deny ourselves of sleep in order to do more, its absurd... Other animals only skip sleep if their survival is threatened.

@wk197 do you have any other solutions then? Lol

@RareGodzilla The only solution for incels is to stop looking on the internet and go out and meet people in real life. Being sociable is 90% of the solution to getting laid. The solution is so simple but instead they sit there on forums playing the victim all day. Also, before the internet, there wasn't even the word 'incel'. They have literally created their own suffering with labels and playing the victim... Sad really!

You need to make all your problems melt away when you're sober, otherwise they never really go away. The MDMA will only make your problems worse when you have your comedown. What goes up, must come down...

@Cepzeu you’re wrong about people being addicted to cigarettes all their life. People quit all the time and never go back.

@Marks199 I think it’s important to have people around you who you care about and who care about you, but you have to get over the deep loneliness and realise that you are alone, always have been and always will be. But that takes a lot of work to get to. Relying on people isn’t all it’s cracked up to be because if they go, your screwed. That’s why it’s important to face it head on. But connect with people more, it’s great for the soul. Just try not to rely on them to be there 24/7. It’s needy and unhealthy.

Didn't Leo say that to get rid of loneliness, you have to go into it deeper. Like a solo retreat or something? Great for introverts, not so great for extroverts...

@Giulio Bevilacqua Of course! They don't want the new you, they want the old you. I'm telling you now... if you stick with these people it will be incredibly difficult to grow yourself, which is what you want, right? Don't make the mistake of looking down on these people though, because they are just doing what you were doing

@Giulio Bevilacqua I know what you mean. Toxic people do rub off on you unconsciously if you spend a lot of time with them. And like others have said, if they are doing unconscious things around you all the time, you might get dragged into it too. It might be best to separate yourself from anyone you think is acting like a chimp and start finding people that go to yoga classes and stuff like that.

You don't deal with them, you let them be

Being single is not a problem at all, but you will get lots of people tell you otherwise. Ignore it... Being in a relationship takes a huge amount of self development. So develop yourself first before getting into a relationship again. Also, you are still young, in your 20s you most likely are emotionally immature, so just focus on yourself and make yourself a valuable human being.

I've made the horrifying mistake of telling my Mum and girlfriend about Leo and his videos. My Mum is really interested but thinks I'm going down the wrong path and my girlfriend just can't get her head around most of it, however, I do not blame them. This is tricky stuff. And I'm still learning all the time so I consider myself a noob with this stuff. I honestly think you should keep this work to yourself, use it for yourself and yourself only. It kinda looks bad putting all this stuff on other people.

I've found relationships to be the trickiest thing to be in. Its a constant battle with yourself and the other person. That being said, I do enjoy having a girlfriend. But for me they are a complete mindfuck, a constant test. And like Leo said, if your completely honest with yourself, all your trying to do it get your own needs met... that's the mindfuck of it all!

Most definitely. I'd say all The Beatles were stage green at some point. John Lennon just wanted world peace, and George Harrison was a hippie for sure.

I blame my parents for me not trying hard enough at school. I wish they sat me down and said “listen son, you have to try hard at school, and if you don’t, it will come back to bite you on the ass later in life” I’m 25, I probably still have time to do something better in my work, but it feels too late. I didn’t realise how important it actually is to get good grades at school. I had way too much fun with friends. However, I know now that there is nobody to blame except myself, which is terrifying to admit to myself. I’m glad I’ve found personal development and spirituality, but that won’t fix the career problem... Ouch...