Leightonm

How have you managed to stop this disgusting habit?

I started smoking in high school and quit when I was 24. It just made me feel horrible, physically and mentally. So I quit cold turkey. I woke up one morning, felt the normal pull, but decided to take a cold shower and take a long walk to nowhere in particular. The physical withdrawal only took one day. It was the mental withdrawal that was the nighmare, since I had a number of triggers. Wake up, smoke. Drink coffee, smoke. Go to the toilet, smoke. Walk to the bus stop, smoke. Walk to work, smoke. Done eating, smoke. Go to bed, smoke. Drink a beer, smoke. It was ridiculous. Anyway, I was smoke-free for the next five years, until I started in January again. I started using weed as spiritual tool, every other week. I had some amazing, psychedelic like insights on them. But since good quality weed is hard to come by, I decided to buy 20g in order to have it around when I need it. Huge mistake. I started to smoke every week, and the trips started to become heavy, almost fuzzy. Then I started to smoke daily, every night. It made me feel like shit. So I had the brilliant idea to buy menthol tobacco to combat the horribleness. The logic of it all. So this time around I had to drop weed. Got rid of the weed and went cold turkey. But I still had the menthol tobacco, and it tasted nice. I mean it wasn't a lot. I would just smoke the last of it and be done done with it. Wrong. Menthol cigarettes took its place. At first it was one a day. Harmless. I mean I was gonna stop. Eventually. Nah. I'm now at two in the morning and about five at night after work. Which is a lot. And it aint even menthol anymore. I'm reaching that point where I'm gonna go cold turkey agian. But there's something that has me worried. It's like I'm constantly grabbing for one substance or the other. If I drop something, then there's something else to take its place. During those five years that I was smoke free I had issues with alcohol and internet over-usage. So my fear now is what will take its place once I stop. PS. More shit happened that I didn't include in my storytime, like I quit my job in December out of frustration (I'm working again) and my mom passed away in April, from cancer. PSS. I realise that there is something that I'm avoiding with all this grasping. I'm almost certain I know what it is.

Re-read my respone as if received from someone also in green. The meaning should change.

You are questioning; you are noticing; you are doing. I would put more weight on that. Here you're saying. Here you're asking. Meaning you already have the answer.

I have asked this question myself recently. Came across the "two glass technique". I haven't tried it myself as the consequences could potentially be severe (according to the Reddit reports).

@Colin thanks, I will try it out.

@Shakazulu This is definitely a trap I fall into many times, talking about stuff I have no clue about. What are your thoughts on what is said in the video?

It seems like he's using spiritual ideas to push his agenda.

The abuse of any substance can lead to negative results; even drinking too much water can be deadly (apparently). All substances has its function, its purpose, its positive influence, until it becomes negative. Some just reach that point quicker than others. So basically - moderation. "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." - Some famous person.

INFJ is pretty common for an uncommon personality type. But then again, this is the type of place where you'll find them.

I view myself to be less than those that are educated, that are higher up in the corporate hierarchy. The assumption is that they are better in every aspect of actualization than I am. In the presence of these educated people my mind usually shuts down. I then don't know how to construct coherent sentences, and end up stuttering. The weird thing is that I envy them, but at the same time don't want to be them. It all seems so fake. I don't want to dress up and play pretend. So the consequence is that I'm stuck in the lower tier dealing with people I can't tolerate. Don't want to move up, don't want to stay put. I have moved sideways a couple of times, but it's just the same shit in different packaging. The rules that people operate by is very obvious and transparent, yet I can't bring myself to join the game. I am actually actively avoiding/rejecting it. I don't ever say it, but my attitude suggests it, which people then pick up on. What follows are questions like, "why are you so quiet/weird/abnormal", "Are you depressed?", "Do you think you're better than us?", "Do you have a mental disease?","Why do you never talk about yourself?". Motherfucker get away from me is usually my mental response. What's weird is that it actually makes me depressed. I completely lack the desire to communicate with people, but I do desire to have meaningful conversation. One can only talk so much about sex, movies, sports, celebs, what I did the weekend, where I went, who I talked to and what we spoke about. So it follows that I'm judgemental. Apparently having low self esteem and thinking I am better than others at the same time. Feeling both superior and inferior. How do I reconcile that? This judgemental quality makes me reject people the moment the conversation leads to one of the before mentioned subjects. Even if I bear with it, in the hopes of small talk becoming real talk. It never does. It's always small talk. Which is why I mostly stay quiet. I don't want to worry about my appearance, or about what to talk about with people in order to be normal. I don't want to wake up to go to place I couldn't give two shits about. I don't want to do anything to be honest. I just want to be. Be without the need to be anything. But nope, I have to do a bunch of things in order to be able not do a bunch of things. I'm tired of this negative state. But I always return to it. What you resist persist, I guess. I'm just so fucking tired.

@Shin I have looked at introversion. Read a couple of books and articles on the topic. It doesn't really change the way I feel. I have taken the Myer Briggs and Enneagram personality tests. Apparently, I'm an INFJ and type 5, with type 4 and 6 wings, respectively. I'm currently doing 20 minutes of SDS daily, with the first seven minutes being breathing exercises with the Prana Breath app.

@WindInTheLeaf I have come to realize this. I just don't know which way to go. My main fear is that letting go will lead to more of the same. Deeper into the game. It's almost like the game is all there is. Just acting out different scenarios in different settings. So I mostly keep quiet, stay still, in the hopes that it will pass one day. What a way to live.

If the function of urinating is to rid the body of excess minerals, and toxins, won't there be adverse effects if you reintroduce those toxins?

@CharlotteWhat dosage do you take, and how often?

I feel like a prisoner in this world. I assume this is the reason why some choose to commit suicide. To escape the matrix. As the ultimate fuck you to whoever placed us here. I am not suicidal, nor depressed, but I admit that I do recognise some aspects of these conditions within me. I have adopted a non-seeking behaviour (or perhaps a passive-seeking behaviour). Why do I need to perform all these practices to realise something I didn't ask for? Why do I need to wake up everyday in a reality I didn't ask to be in, to follow a sequence of events that I don't believe in? It feels like groundhog day, except very very real. But I do admit I don't really know what real means. I don't have anything to compare it to. This realness just doesn't seem to give a fuck. It's indifferent. And for that reason I don't give a fuck about it... At times. At other times it seem to be one hell of an interesting place to be in, beyond beautiful. But this view is not pervasive. Is this an egoic mechanism at work, me trying to attack God, but only hurting myself in the process? Probably, but I can't seem to escape it. This perspective is persistent. The doubt and lack of trust I've experienced from the start of this journey has increased. It's like I'm trying to keep myself from knowing. Whenever I start to make progress in any practice, be it breathing exercises, Samadhi meditation, or psychedelic breakthroughs, I just seem to be pulled? back into complacency and homeostasis. It seems like I'm worse off than I was at the beginning. The frustration, wanting, needing, craving, desire is overwhelming. It makes my mind uneasy. Meditation does not help to lessen the uneasiness I'm experiencing. Neither does introspection. It makes it worse. For that reason I have considered giving up, or at the very least taking a break from all this. But I can't do that either. Not while I know that this path could lead to salvation. I'm feeling kinda lost at the moment, because I have no freaking clue what's going on, or what to do.

Join a political forum.

You seem very emotionally intelligent. You're aware of your emotions as they arise, and analyzing them. You understand yourself. It's not that important for others to understand you imo. You should have a laugh at the way you operate as an organism. It's interesting and beautiful. ☮️

Dear Ego. I can feel your love for me. I can see why you are protecting me. I apologise for not appreciating you. You are needed. You are definitely needed. You are beautiful. That being said, I implore you to let go of your iron grip. I am stronger now. If I fall, I will get back up. When I fail, I will learn in the process. I am not asking you to leave me. I am asking you to assist me in my endeavours. I am asking you to be awesome alongside me. For you are awesomeness defined. Thank you. I love you.

We can see the Pareto Principle at work in the rise of Bitcoin. This got me thinking about the evolution of man, and how we're in the infant stages of our evolution. We're about to hit the curve, probably already have. I'm just not sure about what's at the end of the curve. I have had three conversations about enlightenment after my enlightenment experience. Of course they did not know that we were conversing about it. It is safe to say that all three of them thought that we're heading for/at darkness. That world war three is at the end of the curve. They used religion (god is dead/does not care), the unknown exponential rise of Bitcoin, and the common mindset of mankind as examples. They see the world as negative. If these are the kind of thoughts that people are having than we're most likely headed for darkness. But I refuse to believe this, because more and more people are realising that they are missing something about/in life, that something is just not quite right, and are as a consequence wittingly and unwittingly going in the direction of spirituality. This gives me hope that we're headed in the direction of Utopia. I feel love in this forum. Please take this love and make it part of your reality.

Our existence is surreal, but I obviously don't have to tell you that.

We are aliens. I don't care what they confirm.

Attacking the ruling systems will cause unknown havoc, but it will have to happen eventually. Simply manipulating the system is not enough, because this implies that those less able/unwilling of manipulation are destined for a mediocre life filled with stress. I don't wish this on anyone. The system is not necessary anymore. Way too many people are tired of this system. It is time to adopt a new one. But the ruling systems will not allow this. We have to fight back. We have to fight back in a civilised manner.

My Current Information Intake: The Yoga Sutras The Headless Way The Deconstruction of Buddhism Knowledge of Higher Worlds and it's Attainment The Universal Laws Laws of the universe Mind your Reality Audio books, Podcasts & Ebooks: The Human Machine: Arnold Bennett The Power of Concentration: Theron Q Dumont The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution: Pyotr Ouspenski Jordan Peterson: Personality and it's Transformations Barry Long Talks Alan Watts Talks Jocko Willink Podcast Sam Harris Podcast Actualized.org, Wikipedia and other webpages where I get answers to specific questions. Daily Process, Practices & Positive Habits: Cold showers, twice a day (with stretches and push-ups before second shower) Take in The Information every free moment I get. Train journeys (about two hours a day) Lunch hour. As well as breaks while working Before affirmations, after meditation Concetration meditation (breath, sometimes with binaural beats or solfeggio frequencies) Affirmations (right before meditation practice) I am aware when my surroundings are illusions I am capable to to perceive the inner self of myself and others I am aware when people are being insincere I can see through the illusion of reality I am able to realize and understand myself and reality Nothing is hidden Nothing is elsewhere This moment right now is Infinity I can see through the solidity of reality I will awaken from the dream of reality I will be patient in my approach to enlightenment. I will attain enlightenment. I love you/Ek is lief vir jou I am sorry/Ek is jammer Please forgive me/Vergewe my asseblief Thank you/Dankie I am power. I am life. I am energy. I am fearless. I am strong. I am free. I am success. I am well. I shall be guided. I shall be given wisdom. I shall triumph Visualizations. Not daily. Concrete life purpose is fuzzy as a result. Will be taking the life purpose course, but I fear the guy is in my head too much already. He is sneaky. Known Negative Habits Judgements towards others Mislabeled self-esteem Porn (~twice weekly) Masturbation (~twice monthly) Internet/information attachment (My phone) Negative thoughts/associations/labelling (work in progress) TV (I watch one or two episodes of a sitcom after my nightly shower) Pirated movies (usually in the background while I'm reading)

No Lyrics. I usually listen to these songs when I'm struggling to see the beauty in life. They make it easier for me to let go. Just close your eyes and enjoy.