Jamie Universe

You'll get through this!

He's your brother that raped you, this is serious, I know action is the hard way out, but long-term its way easier than if you did nothing. You don't have to ruin his whole life by confronting him. no you don't, but if its gotten to the point of rape for him, then that signals to me some trauma. If he's attacking you for arousement then that says he's desperate, unless he thinks rape is normal. But whatever the case, I can't imagine he's perfectly fine like this. My point is, he's already hurting. This situation is already a mess, your hurting, everything already seems fucked up to me. And there isn't going to be any easy way out. And when you say this I know its fear talking, its toxic, don't you see? Its cocaine, he's cocaine, your love for him comes at the cost of your happiness. And for what? Does he treat you the way you want to be treated? Do you want to be raped? He gives you arousal and fear/hate, throw that out the window, and its replaced by happiness. If you want the pain to stop, then stop being a victim, Its grossly confusing, but its not going to get better by playing it easy, there's some quote and I don't know who its by but its (and I'm paraphrasing here) "The lazy person works twice as hard as the responsible one". But look I'm just giving advice, you need to take this into your own hands. If you can't think because your head hurts, good there's your first problem, deal with that and then consider this advice and think for yourself.

@Matt8800 's advice sounds like the better option, but if for whatever reason you can't right now, go to a police station, or at least find a friend or someone you know to stay their and hidden. This is serious, if its unconsentual and you don't like it, then its sexual assault/rape. If there's anyone you can talk to other than the people on this forum, maybe a friend, do it, even if your afraid of there thoughts on you, long-term you'll be happier you said something. I can't tell you all the right things to do, but this is some serious shit, you need to take action, stop being a victim and stand up for yourself. Some other advice: - consider doing a pre-mortem as soon as you can, if your going to confront your brother, will he attack you? Do you know him as an aggressive person? If this is true, tell the police, or don't be in the same room with him alone. - this might scare you, and I'm sorry that it probably will, but if you really feel unsafe, and think it might escalate to the level of arrest and a trial, then (assuming you have an I phone) have the voice memo app recording for your next encounter (or just record with video and your iPhone in your pocket), and make sure you have enough space for it to record, and I'm not an expert at the court system, but just incase, having evidence might be useful, and if its not, you can always delete it. Though having your parents as witnesses might be enough. I'm sorry I know that was some serious shit, but you can only move forward, and as bad as this is, this is what all of self-actualization is about, you run that marathon to finish, and finishing is an awesome feeling. Know that all growth happens when we deal with the stuff that previously hurt us, fear and pain is all apart of the shitty process. I believe you'll make it out of this way better than you were before. - Don't be afraid to just scream your thoughts out on this forum I've had the same exact thought, possibly coming from that same emotionally confusing place that I once was, but you can do this. Because if you can't do this shit, then that means you have to do this shit, because by doing nothing your actually making yourself live that shit life for longer.

the general categories are: Theory (or miscellaneous ideas) Practices for dealing with emotions meditations enlightenment (also lots of theory videos that are enlightenment related) And more. If you have any current problems in your life, like lack of confidence or beating yourself up, look up those. But if your not pressed by any huge emotional needs then try out meditation and try watching his enlightenment/theory videos.

proactive worked for me after like a month, and I still have some acne but its a lot better. I think I heard somewhere that dairy was a huge cause of acne for some people?... Not sure though may want to research that one.

@Karin12414 Something similar happened to me (though not as serious) and that friend I just cut out from my life, also considering your brother raped you, I'm guessing that relationship is somewhat toxic, plus I also think the legal age you can live alone is around 18 in the US(depending on where you live though it may be different). And I'm not telling you what to do here, but if its something bad like that, you should definitely consider getting the fuck out of there. getting rid of toxic relationships are really important. As far as I can tell I don't have anymore past trauma, if your worried about emotional damage though try out meditation, holotrophic/shamanic breathing, and I don't know if this actually helps, but writing out your thoughts honestly is something I did. I feel its also important to say that sexual attraction doesn't mean love, in this case I see sexual attraction sort of like cocaine. You like it, but look what it does to you, try not to worry to much when you get turned on by something you don't like, just acknowledge for yourself, that the only thing that matters is that you don't want to be with him, and that sometimes your emotions can dumbasses. Also something I did, which sounds sort of counter-intuitive, is I accepted those feelings, but that doesn't mean you have to be with him, Infact accepting that your aroused by something as horrible as this, is what typically makes it go away, especially considering that this trauma is what's causing it in the first place. You can accept these feelings by telling yourself "I hate you and what you did, but I still accept what you did and who you are" and remember accept doesn't mean like. Do-nothing meditation is also really helpful, since its based around accepting everything. And there's also some techniques for accepting strong negative emotions, I'll link videos.

Thanks for the advice everyone!

Whenever I have to answer something in class, I'm ok for like 2 seconds and then I can feel my heart go up crazy. I'm relatively not really scared to answer the question beforehand, but its really been irritating. Also I have this thing when someone mentions something I'm nervous about I start shaking a little, even though it doesn't get to bad and I can handle it, its still irritating and a problem. I'm currently doing an affirmation "I am a master performer" to try and prevent this, and also make it so I'm less nervous when I go up for bigger presentations. Any suggestions? typically dealing with fear, you get over it by going through it, which I've done multiple times with what seems like little help, and affirmations are supposed to change your view so you react differently to something, and I've been doing it for 21 days so far, and maybe its not long enough.. idk...

@lmfao I feel ya

maybe try resting before you meditate, take naps

I could see how his speaking techniques are influencing, I think Osho had something similar (maybe). But I don't get how meditating (something he suggested) is actively getting myself to die, I mean unless your talking about ego-death, then yea.. I guess sitting and doing nothing is a horrible thing... Also don't assume because someone's influencing, they're automatically evil. Though it does seem shady.

Anyone else think we should get a mega-thread at this point?

Yay! When will I get promoted?

lololololol

This is a very serious topic and it matters, but also notice that were not talking about any other suicidal person, just one. And simply because someone made a topic about it, otherwise if it never came across your radar, you wouldn't have ever cared. Infact think of all the people who die horrible deaths daily, all the people who lead horrible lives daily. And I'm not saying we shouldn't care, but it should show you your limited perspective, and how you only make decisions with information that comes into your life, and if any of you are emotionally affected right now, that's totally fine, but just remember that there's a world full of suffering going on around you constantly, and its very unlikely you'll be able to help all of them. Its sort of the same thing with the school shooting, there's huge protests going on right now because of school shootings in the US, but meanwhile there's PLENTY of other suffering. And I don't really know what I'm trying to say, I guess open your perspective, also this should help if you feel traumatized in any way. And by no means am I saying to not talk about it, its important, but its only a fragment. Just know the worlds bigger than this forum and your life P.S. Don't take this in as dogma... I kind of just wanted to add contrast to the conversation

Based on these two videos, do-nothing (or Zazen) do-nothing is basically accepting everything in the present moment, and not controlling anything, the video below will explain the smaller details. And I personally do Zazen while laying down on my floor, whatever position your in won't really matter until you do your meditation for longer or if you fall asleep easily, yoga may be different.. but I'm not sure exactly. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZ6cdIaUZCA

I've been doing do-nothing for almost 100 days, I used to do 20 minutes then I switched to 25 minutes, so far I've noticed, I can get nearly/perfectly still, and my monkey-mind has calmed down a lot. I've also noticed I have a lot more self-control, though that could've arguably come from other sources. I've read other posts where some people notice that do-nothing combined with something like mindfulness meditation can be really powerful, but other people said otherwise, so who knows. What's good about do-nothing is that its a lot less demanding, its also considered (by Leo) more useful than regular types of meditation like sitting there and trying not to think of anything, etc. But that's also arguable. It can be done at any energy level, and if you should probably watch Leo's video on it if you want to try it out, also note that you should contemplate the instructions or you might get it wrong (which is fine it happens to a lot of people.) I can link you several videos if you want. According to Leo's video on Kriya yoga, yoga is a lot more useful than meditation, allowing faster results, but from what I've heard it also takes longer (30-60 minutes a day I think) and also requires more effort in terms of eating, etc. If you have lots of freedom and time on your hands, you probably want to consider kriya yoga. You also need to get a book.

your expectations for enlightenment should be, that you'll work so hard that it will kill you, and whether or not that's actually truthful, it will make you more prepared for any hard tasks.

@littleBIG I wanted to do it because I wanted to sort of explore nature and etc. But I live in the us, and the nature there is inspiring, but its limited and would probably end soon, there's was also just other places I wanted to explore. I also tend to have a lot of temporary passions, which is sort of annoying but also cool.

@littleBIG I so fucking support it, I wanted to do that for a while too.

Maybe my information is wrong that I've heard from enlightened people, but technically speaking.. ego death is the same as literal death?.. In a sense that the only difference between the two is in one version of the story you keep the body and continue doing shit until the body dies. Or the alternative is ego death, in which the experience of all that fear and ego death still happens, but you still have a body, in which case it doesn't matter if the body physically died. If this is true (And I'm not sure, you may want to research to be sure.) Then your afraid of dying, which is what you set out to do.

What I want to gift my future self is knowledge and perspective, reading this forum is a good tool, I end up quoting a lot.

@key How about exciting? Or engaged? My best guess is maybe you've become naturally unfocused/concentrated, I don't know where the source is, but concentration meditation might help if it becomes a problem. Maybe a cause might be do-nothing meditation, when you let your mind drift without controlling it, but nothing for sure. Also I'm jealous because I go to bed typically way to excited and it takes me hours of laying around to get to sleep. Also I think I heard somewhere that trying not to fall asleep makes you fall asleep faster.

Do you find his videos interesting?

Potential causes of depression (maybe): - past experiences (repressed or unsolved trauma) - interpretation of your world is pessimistic (you believe your life is shit, and so you feel like shit, but its only because of yourself) - Can happen randomly (according to science but I don't know if I would take that very seriously) - Ongoing bad things in your life which leave you at this depressed state This definitely takes some analyzing, if you have any will power at all, use that to do your own personal investigation. Sadly that's pretty much the only way out (that I know of anyway), but seeing the other side of depression is amazing when you forget how cool life can be. You can just ask yourself questions and observe how you feel and what your thinking when you feel those things. Some questions: - What bad things that were significant happened in my life? - Do I ask myself "What's the point" - Is there any belief or historical reason at all for this happening? You might want to consider anti-depressants, but only short-term, you definitely shouldn't rely on them for curing your depression, I hear its good short-term for giving you more will-power but it can easily become a drug problem.