Jamie Universe

@Nahm Yea, a bunch of weird stuff happened today. Ok so first, I don't think it was the urge to cry. I was in class, and I was panicked because I feel my eyes feeling weird again. And I was trying everything, trying to do anything that could make my eyes less dry/feeling weird. One of the things I tried was pretending to shoot laser beams/light out of my eyes, and it worked?... I know that's some weird shit. I don't really expect you to believe me unless you know what it is, and I don't know if its some spiritual stuff, science stuff, or whatever, but it worked 70% percent of the time. And I didn't really care how it worked at the time, because it did work for the most part. Any Ideas? I could also go into more detail if needed, there's a bunch of other little things I was taking mental notes of. Though there is a nervous apart of me still with the whole coming out stuff. And I had a class today with the person I told, and I was actually not to nervous, just the stupid eye thing...

Dang..

Yea I guess that makes sense. I think what my mind was trying to say was, that (what I said previously) is a form of deconstruction. But I over-stepped my bounds a bit and said that the whole conclusion thing was something we needed to change within the game.

So I see a lot of conclusions, and don't get me wrong I'm not saying the conclusions are right/wrong, justified/unjustified, or anything else. But it kind of feels to me like nobody listened to Leo's self-deception video (which btw is a conclusion and a assumption my mind up based on no real-evidence). Where he basically says "self-deception inside a self-deception, inside a self-deception" which btw got my mind running, every conclusion I came to, I ended up questioning, and I questioned the questions, actually starting to feel a little insane (which is healthy to a certain extent maybe). But me at least, and I see other people doing the same thing as me. Where you come to a conclusion.. and I don't know I just feel like people aren't going far enough (another assumption + conclusion). But even contradicting yourself is another self-deception... Because isn't whatever you 'got' in a sense a conclusion? (Another assumption, probably totally false). But if you can ask yourself the question "Can I go beyond this conclusion" And manage to not really know, pushing through all your beliefs, and every inch of "I am right" sort of mentality, or "I am wise" sort of mentality, you can always find more (another assumption, shit I feel like Derrida). So I'll leave you on this. If you've read this post and walked way doing nothing, then realize this. You (Maybe) have a egocentric behavior. If you want to expose yourself, then go reread any recent arguments you were in. Or find a way to reach inside your brain instead of others, because this forum is communicating with others and less with yourself. Don't underestimate this, I'm basically just saying what Leo said in his self-deception video, You've got to just try, it can start here, with each reply you post.

Me to

@BjarkeT Thanks! I've watched that video and have applied it a couple of times, though I honestly need to re-read my notes on it

@Nahm Thanks!

@Nahm Thanks! Though I don't really know how to trigger crying, I mean sure stuff makes me cry in the moment, but is there any technique I can do for that? Because I want to get the emotional relief, but I don't really know what or how to do that out of class.

great story! Part of the problem sounds like you can't let go of the past, and I don't honestly know anything about that so much. But I remember Leo making a video about it (I haven't watched it.) But otherwise I know that want to just feel good. But see I don't think the problem is the need to feel good. I've felt a want for something good and craved it desperately, but (at least right now) I could feel crappy but I wouldn't have the need desperate need for something good. Its less your requirements for ultimate satisfaction and more your belief system towards it. I think I saw a ted talk on how your relationship towards stress makes the entire difference of your physical health. But in my experience at least, not saying this will be true for you necessarily. If you recognize your pain as not a lack of the stuff you want, but rather the reason your so unhappy is because you want shit so bad. Leo talks about life purpose and how to seek success and all these physical practical stuff. But he also talks about self-deception, enlightenment, all these things which contradict life purpose. As I see, how you see thing is a choice. And most people underestimate this. I personally change my mind about something whenever I realize its wrong/true. Which is why contemplating is so useful.

@Nahm That's confusing as shit, but I'll take it thanks!

@Nahm Can you describe a little more about what you meant about... I'm doing the do-nothing technique, and I feel successful in not controlling things.. But I don't know what you mean by the "difference between 'monkey mind' and do-nothing meditation" not to say that I don't notice what the difference is. I just don't know what you mean by "Do nothing meditation" (I mean I know the technique and what your supposed to do). But you say it as if there's a 'special' state or distinct difference. And me not knowing what your referring to, might be my problem. But I might recognize it, if you can describe what you mean.

@Heart of Space stop being a spiritual piece of shit. Also I love you <3

Pessimistic: tending to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen That to me sounds like a bad habit your carrying on, which Leo has a video on. But you also might want to try Affirmations which are basically just telling yourself a short phrase about what new/old belief you want to take/put in your subconscious mind. But if all else fails, then consider that you might just not be happy with your life, and in that case you will need to do a self-investigation to find out what's wrong.

@Truth Cool

What's your stance/conclusion on not repressing conclusion? If its one of those things that language can't really explain, and only truth can. Then just tell me and I'll shut up lol.

True. But are you sure about that? I'm not sure about what you just said. But I'm also not denying it, because if I was denying it, I could also be deceiving myself. But as I see it, there's always a possibility, which is yet another conclusion. Though To be honest, I do feel like a sort of philosophical piece of shit when I talk like that. I could get as confusing as I wanted to.. But I'm really only using that technique of self-deception for some sort of personal-gain - Truth. At which point its useless to sputter on about them unless I'm actually contemplating them.

So just reading the last 2 pages it sounds like there's some legitimate debating going on, working with each other to get somewhere, but mostly arguing. And honestly arguing every once and a while's fine (I think) but any form of arguing seems to me (not to say that its true) involves pushing your own ideologies forward, and if you cared about actually debating/elaborating on the truth then you would communicate that you weren't infact being a dick to the other person. The fact that you came to any conclusion at all should say something about self-deception (But then again, what I just said was a conclusion soo...)

lol, just do everything you hate jk But the ego hates change for one thing, because this concept of 'you' is damaged when you change, because this 'you' concept is alive because of the thing your changing / Leo made a video on his blog about changing perspectives, that's one way. It also just degrading any beliefs about you / also don't take any of my advice to seriously, go try it for yourself, I haven't even had an enlightenment experience yet)

lol thinking the same thing

become a strategic mother-fucker yo! THIS IF LIFE, AKA WAR! ARE YOU GOING TO JUMP ON THE BATTLE FIELD WITH NO PLAN? NOT YOU! THIS IS WHERE STRATEGY COMES INTO PLAY!

@Omario There's also Affirmations, which Leo has a video on. Meditation is definitely something you can keep up with, and it might be better to keep up with meditation instead of affirmations. But Affirmations take about 1-3 months to change a belief/negative thinking, meditation might be quicker I honestly don't know, but you might want to consider it

Leo in his "the brain doesn't exist video" idk about the being 2 dimensional and whatever. And @star ark I agree also, its pretty vague, also Leo agrees its vague, I get the general idea of his video, but I pretty much take notes on every topic he talks about. Sometimes my notes are redundant. it might help you if you pause after he said something confusing, or you didn't get, and at least write it down, so you can go and figure it out later, or ask questions about on the forum. Same, Leo said at one point that a bunch of the spiritual bull crap/enlightenment quotes are meant to sound like shit because you can't really explain enlightenment. Though (I think at least) that the social problem on this forum between the spiritual junkies and the newer or not 'spiritual people' is that all the spiritual people talk like "all is one, and nothing, be in the now, the now which is greater than anything" and all the newbies are like WTF? Just ask for a non-spiritual response if it doesn't make any sense.

@mitch311 The advice here is really good. But if it still hasn't done anything/much for you, then you must jump into your own mind. suicidal mindset changes when you realize for yourself, not because someone told you, that all the obstacles/shit that faces you is able to be overcome. And let me tell you it is. You won't understand that from me telling you. I mean for example... You've got breathing problems, some people don't have legs, that doesn't stop them from moving forward, it also doesn't stop them from being happy You don't feel much feeling in your life and body? Same right here, I wanted to feel like hell, and then I just decided I shouldn't get so worked up on wanting everything, and I still don't feel great 24/7 but that's not a bad thing anymore. Also some people here, and in the world have the same problem. You've also got a lot of complicated emotions/social situations. Which you need to realize, a lot of people have. And it is OVERCOMABLE. You don't feel nothing or you don't feel bad without some reason in your mind. Just because you don't have the answer doesn't mean there isn't one. I didn't know what m.e stood for, so I looked it up. I'm sorry that sounds like it sucks. But you've got to realize, that's an obstacle. All the things I've already written are obstacles. M.E. is not what's holding you down. So yea I get it, it just sucks. I was suicidal once, I thought I was schizophrenic lol.

True, but I guess its how you interpret it. The quote might be useful for when you know your going to have to go through something painful and need a reminder that there's a positive outcome.

lol, get wrecked humanity