Jamie Universe

@Hardkill I got an update. I recently had a bit of a breakthrough today in my hopeless feeling, and since we are having similar problems this may pertain to you as well. I realized today while being extremely lazy through writing out and working through my problem that I'm holding onto ideas that are limiting me. One idea was this: Because I am in college and can't focus on meditation, and am not overly motivated to do serious self-actualization work like I used to, I am just waiting until I can meditate, because especially for people here you might fall into the trap that if you aren't a master meditator and completely happy and self-actualized that you aren't going to be happy. But I realized that I set expectations and goals that are to far into the future, and these ideas are simply to grand to exist tomorrow, and since they are so big I am not even motivated to begin working. And simply by the fact that this now seems all so impossible I feel hopeless and unmotivated. so I fixed my problem by appreciating my near-future goals, like getting outside and hiking for one since it feels good, but also the possibility of getting a job soon, or just simple things. The lesson is the near-future is the place where you will get your happiness, not the far-future, its simply to hard to aim for goals that don't allow you to feel good in the meantime. For you that might mean letting go of the political future - I mean hey anything can happen there it feels like - but also letting go of your idea of "getting the perfect job" or being completely self-actualized and enlightened tomorrow. The most inspiring thing you can do is to find inspiration where you are, not where you aren't.

I honestly think you are, and what I'm about to say is hypocritical because I could relate to many of the things you just said. First of all maybe take a second to re-read what you wrote, this is what you believe and these beliefs are limiting you. The first thing I would say is limiting you is the common message that major news networks give - that the world will end if the political enemy wins. And while I personally feel like its very bad if Trump wins I think its important to create a more realistic worldview. Not that I know the ins and outs of your worldview but whatever your currently believing it seems to be stressing you out a lot more than needed. Again I am being hypocritical because I to can't help but feel like the world is ending. But honestly I get that feeling where you begin to see yourself as the person with no direction in their life and your scared about the future because you could lose it. But when I do manage to stay sane its when I truthfully convince myself that my future and situation for one isn't hopeless no matter how pathetic it might seem at the moment. You may find it useful to read books about self-esteem and I think Leo has a video on laziness which might apply to your situation. Watching the video above made me cry because I am to also one of those individuals, and while this pandemic can be frustrating I think its also important to remember that the only person you have a problem with right now is yourself, that's where you start to fix the problem and that's where you end it. Trump or the senate winning or losing won't make any difference in your emotional health if you can't see past your own fears and conquer them. Maybe for getting work you need to take baby-steps, try emailing someone or filling out a job application. Or maybe there's a specific reason that you aren't looking for jobs, maybe your afraid of commitment, rejection, or the possibility of living your life in this job. Or maybe you need to adjust your worldview, is it really that bad to be where you are now? It might help to take stock of what you do have, I'm personally starting to realize with this pandemic that the things I once valued are no nearly as valuable as the things I already have, like my family, health, etc. I know 'being grateful' seems like a cliché and bad technique, but that could be because you haven't done it consistently enough. Also maybe you should think about practical solutions to your problem. You seem to have had a lot of mental health counseling and with seemingly not great results. While I've never been to therapy I always assume that they would be helping me with my process - compared to just giving me a silver bullet. Maybe consider writing down your thoughts and just think through it, sometimes this helps or hurts, also sometimes its nice to just rant about your problems and helps deal with it in the process. Another thing which might help is to learn about psychology on your own if you can, I recently took an introduction to psychology class and it was very interesting and provided more insight into my life.

Thanks for your comments everyone! Its a lot better right now, this usually happens to me around this time of the school year. @kag101 Even if it does or doesn't apply to me, I think your right with those symptoms. Though now since I'm quarantined to my home its not nearly as bad.

I'm being very impulsive about making this journal here, but I think it will keep me working at it if I share with others. It also might turn into a Life Purpose contemplation at some point, or it may be more spiritual oriented or practical (because as you will see I'm trying to inspire myself to write a good story). some insights (that may or may not be true) - Emotional flow/emotions in general: how much your egos concerns are heard (when you cry it sucks, but theirs a rightness to it that you want) - Spiritual: of high relevance to your sense of self (this definition works for this case specifically and may change for other uses) - Communication: referring to human phycology and concepts being shared through a medium - Emotional art includes phycological reasons for crying; We experience the perspective that someone who was actually emotional would have (this is why I think sometimes artists who are on talk shows say - good art comes from the heart) - A mistake I see in movies a lot is that they think that if they cast 2 hot people and make a love plot and they kiss and stuff, first of all, only people who think they are hot will care. Second of all, because they kiss doesn't mean we experience the same perspective. Our perspective is "I see 2 people kissing", but to make you feel emotional the perspective needs to be "I am kissing" and it becomes that when you become attached and care about characters, which you can achieve through different ways (exposure to the character / appealing to audience). These scenes are trying very hard to be clothed porn, but that's hard since everyone has different preferences, instead focus less on making a relationship sexual/romantic, and more universal things: For example singing that's done well feels romantic. to ties those back to my thinking, it would somewhere along the lines of: to make good art you need to create emotional flow for your audience, and to make it more deeper you'll have to make it spiritual, and you'll do all of this through communication which focuses on expressing that emotional perspective. other thoughts - I've contemplated on this subject for many hours now, and it seems sort of selfish almost, because my basic goal is to make good art in hopes that I get that artistic high more easily. I hope contemplating this way will lead to a better way of looking at it, so it might turn into spiritual or life purpose contemplation at some point. - Feel free to comment/question about anything

School is terrorizing me, it feels like everything in school is meant to literally trap me. The problem is, I go to school, I do work, everyday I'm stressed out basically everyday because of mainly socializing (thinking peoples opinions of me are bad, or I hurt someone and I feel shit) / deadlines, again because I care about peoples opinions (my teachers) and don't want them to be disappointed in me. And then I spend my time after school procrastinating / trying to release pain, I dance to EDM music very loudly in my room, I rant by writing my thoughts down, I masturbate usually for the sole purpose of releasing pain (it feels like anyways). And if I don't give myself enough distractions I complain to myself. my day goes on, I usually don't have problem with starting my homework or doing it for a while, but then it's 9:30 which at this point I mostly say "Ok I'm done for the night" and go to bed. I don't fall asleep until 12:00 usually, but I turn lights off way before then, but then I remember I had that government assignment in the class I'm probably going to fail if I don't do it, on top of failing math already because I didn't have enough time for that either. I feel like I'm wasting all my time doing nothing, because I'm afraid I'll become homeless or in poverty and be miserable or something. Even if that's a belief I should drop, I have family pressures, I think of all the expectations they have, all the money they spent so I can succeed in the direction they want for me, and even though they say "we'll support whatever you choose" that doesn't include anything that reaches outside of their paradigm, which is basically most of the shit that I plan to do. I've thought a lot about things I could do, affirmations - cutting out distractions - etc. But I really just want a second opinion, and I'm also just freaking out and kind of irrational at this point, I just want the pain to stop, I'm too tired to deal with this shit.

I find it hard to believe that not vaccinating is the right solution, I probably would've vaccinated my children, although here's a article about a study which says non-vaccinated children are doing better off https://alignlife.com/articles/immunity/disease-rates-of-vaccinated-vs-unvaccinated-children, I do still think it's pretty unclear what the right solution is, in finding out the truth I think it's important to consider the facts - vaccination can be known to help, I think it would be hard for scientists to pull off a lie like that, especially considering the first evidence of it going back to 1000 C.E. China. But modern society is different in many ways, I personally haven't researched it much, but we should consider the Spiral Dyanmics stage orange medical business and what they might've done that we still don't know about. And maybe other un-researched or less known factors about modern society, how pollution, large amounts of people, etc. Might affect this. If your saying you do know, it doesn't matter if your wrong or right, your creating the possibility that you could be wrong, and even worse, your likely not going to do anymore personal research on the subject as well.

Interesting, anything that can hopefully make people more conscious I suppose

probably a lot of factors. - economic strategy/system, for example I think some middle eastern countries have a lot of oil, but they're in the desert, so that's there only resource, and they're really wealthy because of that, but also (I forgot the name for it), are dependent on it, so if anything bad happens the country can go to hell - if you make more institutions, or business, those will create jobs compared to before, but there's a lot of nuances someone smarter should explain that I don't understand

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/voraciously/wp/2019/09/26/mcdonalds-gets-into-the-veggie-burger-game-testing-a-beyond-meat-patty-in-canada/ the article basically says that McDonalds is trying out a veggie burger in Canada from a new veggie-meat product called beyond meat, which I've had before, and although I've been a vegetarian for many years now, I'm pretty sure is supposed to taste exactly like actual meat. So far all of those who don't want to give up meat, now you don't have too to be more veggie oriented. I think this is a good example of creative solutions to problems in society, since meat production is bad in many ways, and I learned that if we didn't produce as much meat, first of all carbon emissions would decline directly from that, but we could also use that land for US grown soybeans which is what 'beyond-meat' is made out of, but also sustainable bio fuel, which also heavily cuts down on carbon emissions. So basically if most restraunts (likely in more green areas like west and east coast) changed to 'beyond-meat' then carbon emissions would decline greatly, not to mention it's probably healthier (although Leo recommends against eating soy). Whatever your job or career, there are ways to have a meaningful impact on society like this.

my government teacher shows tendencies of yellow (though I'm not for sure about anything), and my AP composition and language teacher also showed some tendencies towards yellow. This is in California in the U.S. but as far as I can tell there are plenty of green and orange minds at my school as well. Also I like the point you made

Also there is a whole thing I experience a lot (and is also shared by many). Of what people might call white guilt, here's a funny example of it I feel US housing segregation can make more of a divide between whites/blacks since they're basically raised separately, with some to little experience of eachothers life.

(restating above) If we taught everyone about enlightenment, we would make it a religion, and worship a figure. Which could be good or bad. Maybe a better tool would be to teach practical self-actualization skills, so that people aren't physcologically defenseless, causing less suffering in the world, although I'm sure there is some spin on this story where it could go wrong. Maybe teach spiral dynamics? I feel like it could easily be corrupted but at the same time, it could also move people up the spiral.

I would say as a general rule of thumb - is it doing any good? (achieving a goal, helping someone, bringing up important information, etc.) But you can still make low-quality posts, it just means it would be a distraction although. (P.S. I am hoping this post is helping someone, so I consider it hopefully doing some good)

Hi, my economics teacher showed us this website showing U.S. Debt, as you can see (and probably know), there's a lot SD-Orange stuff going on with spending, and it might be useful for gathering data, it's also just interesting to look at (might be better used in conscious politics section). https://usdebtclock.org/ Also If you don't live in the U.S. (although I haven't seen many) I'm sure if you just type "(country) debt clock" something will come up related

I've maybe had a little of this experience before, but my advice is make the choice that will make you happy. Which in this case is accepting the fact and reality that it could be crap, of course it might not be, but have realistic expectations so that if it is bad, you don't give up on writing forever, stop trying to improve, or get bummed out.