gian

@Raquel I can COMPLETELY relate to how you are feeling, Raquel....I was getting chills reading through your post because I feel that we are experiencing (or allowing) the same types of emotions. I have several past posts in this forum detailing my own situation and my means of reaching out on how to deal with my own struggles. I too feel that i am very self aware, and have been able to identify and work through a myriad of issues I had from my childhood that were still negatively effecting my life. I got some wonderful insight and compassion from users here as well, when I was posting about this several months ago. I am motivated and positive in my life away from home (for the most pt), but when I talk to or see my parents I become so empathetic, sad for their situation, and a deep need to "fix" everything for them, but knowing that it is not possible to change their mindset / negative ways of thinking. I just try (keyword TRY) to be the best version of myself and be as compassionate as I can be for them. I dont have an "answer" as I am still working through this as well, and I know that you know there is no "quick fix" or anything regarding yours or my situation......but doing my own inner work (meditation, discovering/working on my life purpose (and most importantly TAKING ACTION...which has been a struggle of mine), affirmations, self development videos, etc) has helped me a great deal because my focus, worries, and perceptions shift to that instead of the other negative issues. from what i gather, it is so important so slowly shift your thoughts away from those ways of thinking through the means i mentioned above, and i feel that i have been able to deal with my familial situation from a new perception, a more positive one....but everyone's situation is different. i really hope this helps, or at least to know that I know exactly how you are feeling in my own way i truly wish you the best! -Gian-

I have not posted on this forum in months but I feel now is the time for me to become more active here again.... 2016 has been quite an interesting year thus far and I have been really focusing on my own self improvement/actualization. Realistically, I have considered myself in this "self actualization" process for several years now, but recently I really have felt and seen improvements in my life....confidence, familial relationships, dating, finances, overall life direction/career, etc. I have been taking more action as well and reading much more, etc. But I am no where near where I feel I need to be as far as discipline goes to take myself and my life to the next level...at times I still find myself falling back into old habits, mindsets, wasting time, etc. But aside from all that, I feel that things have been "working out" for me both internally and externally. But I still struggle with the anxieties of not being as accomplished as I want to be and growing impatient with my progress, getting very irritated when I have/cannot shake a negative mindset throughout the day, etc. And overall, more often than not I get very discouraged and worried about the state of the world, economy, humanity, life in general...and I feel at times that even though I feel I am on the right path, that the world is against me...or all of us...in the sense that it is all a ticking time bomb and "why bother" pursuing my goals and dreams when I get stuck in my head wondering if/when the economy will crash, some catastrophe will occur, my parents will become terminally ill and die, and that all this work im putting into my life will be for nothing if everything crumbles before me (us). Even re-reading what I just wrote seems a tad bit ridiculous, but realistically, I do not feel that these potentialities are that far fetched, and really could negatively effect millions of people, not just myself obviously. Any advice on how to re frame or accept these thoughts would be much appreciated. Also, I have been doing Leo's new guided meditation daily and it has helped me a great deal thus far, but still I let my anxiety get the best of me at times.

@Kelley White thank you again for the reply. i know it has been a while since you posted this, but i took a step back over the past several days to let these ideas sink in....it has been quite an interesting time with a WIDE range of intense emotion behind it. This is a perspective i have rarely considered. I honestly do not feel that his MS has impaired his cognition much because his medication has allowed the progression of MS to cease, and he still works full time as an accountant. I also see his interactions with others and there does not seem to be much impairment. BUT, you made me realize that the brokenness i am sure he feels with being disabled throughout my life and most of his has really hindered him mentally and emotionally. This is very hard to see and realize, but it gives me another perspective on the matter and I realize I may be asking for too much/placing irrational blame on him considering the circumstances. You're right. Even at the time I knew the trip would not "fix" everything, as I still felt quite self aware to some extent at that age and knowing I still had a great deal of mental maturity and growth to do. But I was still quite naive. I do not continue to blame myself for that, though. I cannot pinpoint what induces the feelings of guilt or over responsibility, but I assume it is from my overall perception of their unhappiness, the frequent verbal arguments, seeing them both so anxious and upset, etc, throughout growing up. You bring up a good point, as I am trying to show my parents that i am ok and continuing on my life journey on becoming further financially stable, content, and independent...as they both knew i struggled with depression growing up. this does give them some reassurance. I think my main issue is being able to mentally free myself from their perceived judgement and anxieties about my own well being. I feel like when I become more financially stable and get in a healthy relationship w/ myself and others (i have been going on the path of discovering what career to pursue, the life i want, visualizations, meditation.....i know it is coming together and beginning to fall into place) i definitely do not want to control them. i just want them to be content with their lives and somewhat happy knowing that i am ok. i do trust the self actualization process for myself, but i feel like if they are not pursuing that in their own lives to some extent, they will continue to live the remainder of their lives unhappy. but i cannot control what they do. i just hope they will be ok. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i feel much more content and confident in my life and abilities when i am away from that environment for an extended amount of time. but even every time i talk to them it seems as if something is always going wrong and it puts me right back in that immature, anxious, frightened, angry, and sad state i constantly lived in for so many years. but, fortunately i am able to bounce back quicker and realize what is happening sooner than later.

this is an interesting chart. it definitely makes sense to me and i can relate to the progressions of each stage. it is nice to have a gauge of "where i'm at" in my own eyes. i feel like i am at a 7 currently, and can begin to understand what 8 would be like (in some ways i feel like i may even already be there?) although, i still feel like i have a great deal of personal development work to do in order to become who i want to become, accept myself, and to live a more and more fulfilling life.

@Kelley White Thank you so so so much for that detailed reply. That means so much that you would take the time to do that. Even just opening up like that has been very difficult, but freeing in a way. Yes, I really feel like I have never had any very deep conversations with my father throughout my life, we had quite a dysfunctional relationship once I became a teenager. He seems so emotionally gone I can barely hold a conversation of interest with him anymore. I know he cares for me, but I feel his own self worth is so low, and that is very hard to see. My time abroad was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I have always been a very social person and that experience also got me further out of my comfort zone to meet people from all over the world. I was very naive back then thinking that living abroad would "fix" all of my problems and give me a brand new outlook on life. But I was still very emotionally immature and still felt a great deal of loneliness and negativity even though I was surrounded by great friends and people the entire time. And yes, I did and still do feel very responsible for my parents. Like I mentioned before, I almost feel guilty for being happy at all when they are unhappy in their own lives. We are very different. Especially because they both have issues to some extent, I feel like I need to care for them and somehow get them on the road to "fixing" them. They do want me to live my own life and not be so concerned with them, which is very generous and selfless of them, but I still feel responsible and guilty in a way. I have thought recently that maybe that whole mindset is a lower, immature, version of my self still clinging on to the security of childhood? Yes, this was very painful for me growing up, as it was somewhat consistent for the majority of my life. I have never even really seen my parents display any sort of love or affection for one another throughout my entire life. And I am sure that many of my insecurities in life and especially relationships is due to witnessing this. I began to accept that constant fighting as normal, and know that many of the neuroses i developed were majorly due to experiencing that and not being able to escape. Yes, you are absolutely right. I hate to admit, but I do feel ripped off in a way. I have always been very angry internally growing up and that had a lot to do with it subconsciously. Just with my whole home life in general, not 100% because of my father's disability. I still do feel ripped off in a way though, Although now I do not feel as much anger as I do deep sadness for the well being of my parents lives, and now imagining how they must have felt throughout their lives, raising me in that environment, etc. Yes, when I focus on my own life and my own improvement, I feel much more content, stronger, confident, etc. Every time I go home I feel like I step back 10 years just from being back in that environment, even if things seem to go ok. But I sometimes don't feel I should allow myself to not think about my parents well being. I always have this thought in the back of my head that I need to always prepare for the worst and that it is only a matter of time before everything goes downhill, my life and their lives completely fall apart. I would say that is a main part of it. Honestly, yesterday was one of the most depressing days I have had in years. Maybe it was because of actually opening up about this whole subject and deeply getting into it within my own mind. I am feeling better today, fortunately. I do not really see how these 10 steps back can be a good thing, all I am gathering from it now is that I may be able to learn a thing or two from it, and how much I have grown and do not want to let myself get back into this deeply negative mental state again. After much advice from channels like Leo's, I have a document that generally lays out my life in the next months and years, where things are beginning to turn out the way I would like them. And that has helped me a great deal. I just need to be more consistent with it. I try to let myself just imagine them taking care of themselves for the most part, but that is very hard for me to actually believe. I mean they will survive, but I think of the quality of their life and it depresses me. And yes, I know that question "if others are not happy how can i be?" is irrational and I do not allow myself to think that way very often anymore. I feel that whole feeling is just rooted in guilt. Yes, my emotions and anxieties have gotten in the way big time. And that is an interesting question, because I have always felt that I really should never complain about what I have been through. I feel like I have been through a lot of negative things in life, but then I always think "you haven't been through nearly as much negativity as some people. you are just perceiving something minor as negative. grow up and stop complaining about it. your life has been incredibly easy, only you have made it hard." I really haven't considered seeing a therapist, but once I have some disposable income, I may consider it. But I feel that I can continue to grow a great deal like I have through absorbing videos such as Leo's and pursuing my own self development. I almost feel like spending much time thinking about these issues will set me back so far....when most of the time I am actually quite positive, passionate, and happy about life. Thank you again so much, it means the world to me that you replied with such compassion and detailed questions. -Gian-

i have smoked marijuana off and on for several years now. both socially and by myself. honestly, when i smoke every now and then (mainly in the evening after work when i am relaxing before i go to sleep), i feel it really can help me have a better perception on certain matters as well as help me see my anxieties and overall life in a different light. i honestly have personally experienced what i perceived as personal breakthroughs or small epiphanies about a wide variety of topics while under the influence. however, when i used to smoke everyday, i became lethargic and unmotivated at times. so i really feel it effects everyone differently, but can be very useful for some if they are ready for it and use it in moderation.

I have been putting off posting something like this for a while, because I feel it can sound quite petty, unimportant, and embarrassing for me because I know everyone has their own story and I have had it wayyyyyyyy easier than so many people. I am an only child and lived with my mother and father (who is disabled due to MS, I have never seen him walk without the assistance of a walker or cane) until my late teens when I went away to school, was back home again, lived abroad for a semester, and have been on my own living about 2 hours away for the past 3 years. my parents were very loving towards me but they were constantly arguing and verbally abusive towards one another, mostly due to other family issues I was unaware of at such a young age, and also I feel there was a great deal of pain (on both sides) due to my father’s disability and the fact he was not able to do as much as the other fathers I knew in my suburban middle class environment. I hate to say it but I honestly cannot recall any truly happy moments with my family because I always felt their expressed and non-expressed) distress and unhappiness with their own lives, individually and towards each other. i feel both of my parents have deeply unresolved emotional issues as well. I know that environment really shaped the way I perceived myself and the world as I always had low self-esteem growing up, anxiety, and depression at times. I always (and still do, as much as i hate to admit) have extreme anger and resentment towards those I perceive to have happy families and a positive upbringing. Being on my own, maturing, and absorbing self-improvement work like Leo’s over the past few years has definitely changed me for the better and I can really see my hang ups and the roots in which they began. However, I still have deep anxieties and grieving empathy for my parents (still) unhappy lives. The majority of the time I see them something always goes wrong, is always emotionally draining, and I come back extremely depressed and grieving for their own unhappiness and (selfishly) my unhappiness and resentment for those of my peers who have seemed to have it much different than I. They do want the best for me (even though it doesn’t seem to come off that way at times) and I realize that the majority of anxieties, anger, and deep/odd feelings of being “stuck” is rooted in my upbringing and my old thought patterns….also, the fact that I just want them to have happier lives. I feel like “how can I be happy if they aren’t?” it feels like it is too unfair to them. I know it is irrational, but I feel it especially now because my mother has been having some medical problems and may have cancer (not sure yet, though) Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated. I know that the only thing I can control in life are my own thoughts, emotions, and actions….sometimes I feel I have come so far in my own development, other times (like today) I feel like I have taken 10 steps back and haven’t really accomplished as much as I thought I have. thank you to any that will reply. i truly feel this forum will and has helped me share some of my issues and get some insightful feedback.

i can relate 100% i am about 5 ft 7 in and have had insecurities about my height for such a long time. i try to go wayyy back in my mind and think if there was anything that occurred in my life (aside from societal norms and pressures) that made me feel insignificant because of my height.....i really cannot think of anything else aside from it being in my own head and believing that i was not good enough.....i honestly cannot recall anyone really even putting me down because of my height....just myself i still struggle with it at times, even though a few years back i dated a girl who was 5 ft 11 in! and i definitely let my insecurities get in the way with that, even when i have dated girls that have been my height exactly. it is absolutely ridiculous to put yourself down and feel insecure about it. i realize how petty it is even though i keep doing it to myself at times. what has helped me has been weight training (or whatever physique goal is ideal for you in your eyes), taking care of my physical appearance, affirmations, meditation, tons of personal development work (such as Leo's videos), studying social development and psychology, eating healthy, etc....nothing really outside of the realm of finding one's own true path and personal development work. (obviously i did not do all of these things solely because of my height insecurities, but it has snowballed into acceptance of my height as well) sometimes i do feel that i put too much emphasis on my own physical development, but i am aware of those insecurities and my mentality with that continues to improve. but all i can say is that when you are happy (or at least improving) with your physique and working towards a goal, that will automatically increase your confidence (no matter what your height) i hope this helps. i am in no way "cured" of my insecurities with my height or anything, but i have been able to consistently conquer these silly insecurities, hopefully eventually to the point of non existence. good luck!!!

@Stretch i recently graduated with my MBA and I really don't even feel like i would have a great idea on how to plan all that out from scratch hahaha. BUT, with the proper research (and the fact you have that much starting capital) and focusing on what it exactly is you want to build you would be better off than most people in my opinion. do you have a clearly defined goal or at least a direction you want to go in? your ideas sound quite broad, but definitely malleable into something concrete (i didn't intend that to sound like an oxymoron) if you put the time into it. i would strongly recommend checking out some material from Tai Lopez or others alike. He is more business oriented, and does offer some online courses for business development/entrepreneurs. (i am current watching his 67 step program and find it very helpful) also, if you have a LinkedIn account, i would try and find some professionals (or even those just starting out) in a similar sector or niche and pick their brain. (even if they are not in a certain niche, just someone who is involved in business development, or any line of work that they may have some valuable knowledge) feel free to personal message me. i am pretty fresh out of grad school and am in my searching process for my "life purpose" and honing in on finding fulfilling work for myself. id like to try and give you some broad ideas on where/how to begin if you'd like.

@Mohsinuddin yes it has been helpful to me to see many different types of people gain success in their lives while pursuing very different things. it helps change your own perspective and eventually hone in on what success and happiness means for you personally. you are welcome! yes so many people create happiness in their lives

@Thesleeperhasawakened im going to have to disagree with that. i have been going through his 67 step program and although he is very different than Leo and other channels, he provides VERY good ideas and information. look past his materialism and all the negativity against him. while it may be true, i feel many people can benefit from some of his ideas as well.

@Mohsinuddin funny i came across this topic. i have watched tai lopez's youtube videos here and there and have heard a TON about how is a scam artist blah blah terrible person blah blah materialistic blah blah even if all of those things are true......i recently purchased his 67 step program and am on video/day 17...i think it is very useful information. these certain "self help" channels (including actualized.org) cover a wide range of ideas all from people with very different personalities/perspectives. but i feel they all compliment each other and are good to expose yourself to if you want a well rounded idea/approach to your own personal development. Leo provides information/ideas Tai Lopez does not provide and vise versa. same thing with other channels i have learned a great deal from like Elliot Hulse and Ralph Smart (Infinite Waters) i used to be all about finding that ONE channel that will be the best and the person/personality i connect most with, but in my opinion the absolute best idea is to take a well rounded approach and check out as many people/ideas/perspectives as you can.

@Vaishnavi i have struggled with this is as well (as i am sure most everyone has) i used to think setting a routine and habits were too conforming to society, lame, mundane, the list goes on.....i cant believe i went all the way through undergrad and graduate school with that mindset..... i have been working on self improvement through videos like Leo's for some time now but only recently have i discovered the power of routine and habit (check out "the power of habit" if you can as well) i know how insane everything can be especially while in school, but just start with small habits and all else will begin to fall into place. tweeks to your habits and minor changes/additions will be inevitable as you learn, grow, and progress. like some others mentioned, just start off with making a habit to meditate. my first habit that has been very consistent for months has just been to meditate first thing in the morning for 15 minutes....i created another habit by listening to Tai Lopez's 67 Steps once a day. (even if someone doesnt like his work just the habit of consistently keeping up with it is important) in order for this to make more sense, here is an example of the habits i have as well as those i have honestly just begun to implement.....and i personally do not have set times to do the majority of these because of my sporadic schedule so even just composing a small list of habits you want to accomplish would be good. everyone will approach this differently. meditate for 15 minutes every morning complete the 5 minute journal right after http://www.pdf-archive.com/2014/10/30/the-five-minute-journal/ (those are the only things i try to accomplish first thing in the morning...the following happen whenever because my work schedule is all over the place) postural stretches/yoga 15 minutes listen to one of the 67 steps listen to an audiobook to some extent while driving throughout the day write a post or reply on this forum at least once a day work on guitar exercises for at least 15 minutes a day complete the 5 minute journal at night writing simple habit like these down and checking them off for each day is almost necessary for me to make sure i do them or at least complete as many as possible. hope this example helps!

@JeffR1 this was very helpful, Jeff. thank you very much! i know i am going in the right direction, and your words definitely give me some calmness on the matter. i will check that book out as well!

I am a huge fan of Elliot Hulse, and found this video particularly helpful. Over the past few years I have taken a break from porn and masturbation periodically and I have definitely realized how bad of an "addiction" it was for me, as well as the amazing benefits I feel I received when I went on a long streak without any sort of sexual release or watching of porn. sex is also infinite times better, more clear, and more passionate. the urge to view porn and masturbate is still there and honestly i do cave sometimes...but a few times i have looked at some sexual transmutation tutorials, or Qi Gong. when i REALLY focused on the meditative practice (this is personally how i describe my experience) i felt i was able to concentrate the sexual energy from my genital area into my hands, and slowly move it up towards my stomach up into the crown of my head. repeating this several times and the meditative motion of it did control the urge for me and I felt the benefits from it (even if the only benefit you feel is the lesser urge to masturbate or watch porn)