Dsteller

Hi guys, I've been doing a lot of work to figure out what my internal issues are. I've come up with these five KEY/MAJOR issues: 1. Loneliness 2. Caring too much about others and their opinions 3. Jealousy 4. Being judgmental 5. Lack of confidence All five of these internal issues lead to a larger issue of being needy at times and even moreover, when faced with TRUE adversary, I am easily tricked by my lower self to fulfill one or more of these internal issues above. I understand that all of my progress must be done internally and not externally (I've never turned to drugs, alcohol, or sex etc. in my Personal Development,) but I am wondering if you have any reassures you could share with me to point me in the right direction. Thank you so much in advance!

Thought? In times of crisis, the neurotic mind will say "I can't," or "I need," etc. I've been training myself to say "I want," instead but I think to myself, is wanted at the heart of all suffering? Thoughts?

@Annetta I completely agree. As a musician, I can completely agree to the idea that I definitely have used music as a medium of figuring myself out. In the process of doing so, I get to share my human experience of figuring myself out with others. This very action creates a relationship with listeners that makes things very personal (something that I strive to do with my process so much to the extent that I post voice memos of me creating the song before the song is finished to have the listener know EXACTLY what was going through my head when I was writing the song.) To suffer is to figure yourself out in a convoluted and beautiful way. Art is the medium people share their progress but suffering isn't the only way to figure oneself out.

@Nahm yes Nathaniel Rateliff!!! Talk about someone who is truly authentic and doesn't sell out (yet, hopefully never will!) WAY grounded in himself (worked his ass off for years before he got any recognition.)

@Nahm ^

@Mount Bananas I highly urge you too This is a really interesting subject. I think if you find anyone else who has had their "cloud clearing experience" and has found music or art is their path, they too will tell you this truth. Watch any interview of the people above (maybe not VM or BS because they're egos are THROUGH THE ROOF, but that's what happens when you sell out young and have a life full of ego ego ego and aren't stable enough in your self and authenticity.) Look at John Mayer! haha! What a perfect example! He himself calls himself a "recovering narcissist." For people who have made it and aren't egotistical: Glen Hansard, Damion Rice, Amos Lee, The Barr Brothers, John Butler (Trio), Lisa Hannigan, Hozier (believe it or not... He made his album then went on tour, then ghost... Moved back to his hometown and hasn't made a move (with the exception of the Tarzan song but that was at the tail end of his tour so thats an exception) since.), Alison Brown... In the pop world, it's really hard to do this because this scene of ego ego ego can be so consuming and if you aren't stable in yourself then you go down the shitter.

Watch Leo's video on Self-Acceptance,his video on Letting Go of The Past, and Creating and Mastering your Emotions:

@Mount Bananas ^^ this about Bruce Springsteen. A musician is a story teller gone on steroids to make people feel more with vibrations and wavelengths.

You cannot be true with your universal energy if you are not authentic. To realize your universal energy is to find your true life success. To do that, you must not only be authentic, but completely independent.

As a musician, this post caught my interest immediately. I recently went through a fairly nasty breakup and I can say that as a result of that breakup, I wrote 41 songs and was approached by a record label (Which I turned down as I do not think I am ready for that and have SO SO SO Much more to learn and grow emotionally and musically.) Now the question is: Do I attribute that success to the breakup and the pain I went through? Yes, but not in the way of "heartbreak" and "rather love and lost than not loved at all." But rather, I attribute the success to the fact that I figured out my life path (cloud clearing experience leading to personal development etc.) and was able to tell stories about my life. Sure, I wrote maybe five songs about the breakup and her and the pain associated with it, but then I quickly started writing about my growth and my personal journey (my dogs, my home town, waking up in the morning, etc.) This breakup and emotional state pushed me into my path of personal development and therefore I realized my path of pursuing music. This is what pushed me towards my success, realizing my path, executing it, and not being in a neurotic state of mind. For me, music has NEVER been about the fame or materialism, but rather about FEELING. Not telling people what to feel, but just making them feel period as we live in a feelingless time. To me, it is my path to make people feel through my music and creativity. This is the understanding I came too when I got out of a neurotic time and saw clearly for the first time. Yes, the breakup got me into a place where I could start over and figure out my life path. Heartbreak had to happen. THAT HAD TO HAPPEN. For me. For someone else, it could be anything that pushes them to see clear and get on their path, a death, eating problems, a pet dying, whatever it may be. Anything that cuts them completely clear from that old state of mind. When they realize their life path is to make art and be creative, they will succeed in one way or another, internally and (after x amount of time) externally. I can really really attest to this experience and understanding as I had these amazing results in my life after my breakup (cloud clearing experience) and then my ex came back begging for me, I said yes (for a few days) and ALL results I gained went down the shitter and I ended up laying on my kitchen floor crying because of the internal pain I caused myself. Then I ended it with her for my own sake, and it hurt, then I got back on my path, and DAMN. What you're asking is such an omen and interesting question and I'm so happy I can contribute my experience. I'm really interested to hear others' experiences. In addition to all of this, I think about the MOST RESPECTED musicians of all time. Billy Joel, Bruce Springsteen, Beethoven, Van Morrison, anyone of the all time greats, they got their clarity and got on their path to create and make art and fulfill the world with their gift, and they would write a few songs about love, but after that, it was just their creativity making music and songs (not about love: Land of Hopes and Dreams by Bruce Springsteen, Mary's Place by Bruce, any piece written by Beethoven (he was just a got who made music because that's what he was put on this world to do), Cleaning Windows by VM... I could go on and on) to make people feel period. Thoughts?

@Nahm You're right. I mean it's in Leo's videos, nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so. It's all neurosis and me attacking myself.

@K VIL Thank you so much for the optimism and kind words. ^ I did that last night and I sure am crawling and it hurts, but the growth will come. One of my favourite musicians says, "Time with be the healer once again." and that couldn't be any more true right now. I need to heal myself first. Thank you for the wisdom and guidance

@TimStr You're very right, and thank you for the wisdom. I bit the bullet last night and told her that I can't have her in my life right now but that I was happy to point her in the right direction. I need to be completely authentic and independent and grounded in my true self before I can have her back in my life and I feel the same for her. I told her my points and she said "okay, cool." and then we said "I love you." and parted ways. I woke up this morning feeling really sad about it, but I do know that it is the growth that I need. Thank you

You're right. And I'm relieved to see that there are others out there going through something similar and that I'm not alone. This was. HUGE test of my character and growth. I cut things off from her, but it hurts like a mother F. I woke up this morning thinking of her. But I realized that I have done all I could. I tried having her in my life, EVERYTHING (my body, family, mind, life) all pointed to that being a wrong move, and I became neurotic and shut down. I pointed her in the right direction towards helping herself (Leo and Elliott Hulse's videos etc) and then tried leading by example saying "I can't do this right now. I can't use you as an external solution to my internal problems and I know you will find the same at some point as well. We must grow on our own and become truly authentic, independent, and stable in who we REALLY are before we can try to be in each other's lives. Until that time comes, I must grow alone." She said, "Okay, cool, I love you." I said, "I love you too" then I hung up. I must release myself from the pain that I caused myself. Thank you for your wisdom.

You're very wise and very true, especially with the piece of advise to lead by leaving. I got her to start watching Leo's videos and then after that, I told her, "I can't stick around, for a sake of my own growth. Maybe when the stars align again and we've both grown, we can start a relationship, but right now I need to grow alone and I know you will find that truth for yourself soon." It was a really tough pill to swallow as I don't know if this is going to have her head back down her negative spell, but I can't control her or her actions. Like you said, all I can do is lead by example and grow from there. I must let go and turn inwards. Thank you.