Znib94

It's extremely hard to resist the urge to go back to them. I had the same thoughts like maybe I should I try once again, but I knew this would cause me much suffering. It's indeed hard to have your trust broken by the person you love. Echkart Tolle said something along the we're going to be presented with difficult situation in life so we can evovle our consciousness. In a way I agree as I have been very involved with conscious work, and I would still be stuck in ego's game if not for my current suffering

I'm happy you're improving. It's really an awful feeling T.T Wishing you the best!

Why is it so hard for to break this identification with the mind? I'm currently dealing with the pain of unrequited love and the fact that he loves somebody else. The pain has been so intense for the past two weeks that I've been mindful and meditating a lot plus self-inquiry. Yet still, the feelings and thoughts of "I want him so much, I can't live without him, I'm never going to get over this etc" and the fact that he constantly appear in my mind, has brought me so much suffering and pain. Whenever I sit for the "do-nothing meditation" for example, the pain will stop for awhile and afterwards the suffering will come washing over me all over again like a tsunami. Logically, I know that it's because I still identify with the mind - the "I" that have these desires, attachments and resistance, but why won't it just stop the identification when I have done the inquiry over and over again?

Well what should we do then?

@cirkussmile Yes I've done plenty of self-inquiry more than meditation and it has helped me understanding the nature of "I" I can understand that there isn't really an I that these emotions and beliefs belong too and it's the mind's habit however there are still triggers and emotional attachments that arises in my awareness. I seem to have quite the trouble with understanding them. I agree with the last part. Meditation with little to no expectation is done best @Nahm Yes it was a typo I meant calmer T.T I usually focus on the breath going through the nostrils but I'm going to switch to focusing on the stomach area. Ah, I guess I'm being a bit impatient. I'm definitely going to stick to meditation as it has given me great benifits. Thank you <3

Well I don't know how to ask the question better, but I hope you understand. For the past few days I've done a lot of meditation (40 min - 1 hour each sit). I have quite a lot of free time currently and I know I won't be getting this chance anytime soon so I thought I would want to spend this free time on meditation in order to get to know myself better. Basically I want to understand my triggers, why I react certains ways, what type of emotions/beliefs I'm supressing, some memories that are still fucking with me etc but I'm having a hard time getting a clear answer to all of that. I've tried understanding my emotions typically asking why I feel this way and what was the last and first time I felt this way but again no clear answers (and I've done it a couple of weeks prior to the last few days where I've been meditating a lot). Whenever I meditate I usually start on focusing on my breath then I move on to body scan and feel the sensations. I think that since I had a lot of anxiety in the past that was not dealt with properly I have developed some kind of knot in the stomach and chest area that's always there and gets worse whenever I focus on these areas and they also feel like strong resistance. I can't seem to feel any other feelings because of the strong resistance produced by these "knots" and I don't know how to overcome that. It makes my quest a lot more difficult. So far what I've been gaining out of my meditation is a calmer mind during the day and a lot of memories I haven't thought about in a lot of time. But I want to go deeper into the subconscious and understand my suffering&fear so I can be done with it after so much time. I don't know what to do from here, should I just continue doing what I do in hopes of something coming to the surface? I would appriciate any advice, thanks!

What kind of meditation are you doing and for how many hours? I'm doing a lot of meditation(mostly vipassana) for several hours/day but nothing has come up yet for me

@nick96 Sounds intresting. I might join one of these workshops!

Nah. When I first got into the whole spirituality thing 'reaching' Enlightenment was definitely the only thing that was important. After some time I realized I had a very unhealthy way of dealing with the ego, emotions etc. So now I'm trying to properly deal with my emotions, ego and all of it's stroies in a healthy way (being accepting and non-judgemental about the way I feel, being observant and mindful of the kind of bullshit my Ego is trying to convince me, accepting and integrating my shadow side, learning more about myself and why I react to certain things in a certain way and so on) I think my awakening will happen when it happens. I don't stress about it anymore, I rather focusing on doing whatever I can do right in the moment.

How long is a session? I heard it's around 3 hours, but I'm not sure. I've tried to do some deep and fast breathing similar to holotropic breathing but I feel I can only do it for a couple of minutes and then I just get so... exhausted. I'm interested in signing up for a lesson, but I'm not really sure if I could go all the way