Brady

So a few months ago I watched Leo's enlightenment videos. I had already read power of now by Ekchart Tolle and practiced presence and mindfulness. As well as listened to many of Alan Watt's lectures (if you don't know who he is I highly recommend checking him out). I had been doing all this for roughly a year when I came across the enlightenment videos. At the beginning he starts off with a warning that his video will cause depression. And well, it did. This was the first time I had heard that free will is just an illusion and that I don't actually exist. For three days or so I was actually depressed, it was to the point where I would be putting away my laundry and become so depressed that I would fall on the ground crying. I became void of all motivation to do anything and basically hated everything. The main problem for me was no free will. If I'm not the one choosing to go to the gym or self actualize, and I'm not actually free then why do anything at all. I basically snapped out of this deep depression after (no joke) watching star wars with my dad in the movies. I am still always questioning everything I do and everything I say which just leads to confusion. The only time I'm not bothered by this is when I'm 100% distracted with something else but even then it will still creep up in the back of my mind. So I'm curious if anyone has had any experience like this and what you've done in reaction to it.

Not sure what this meme is supposed to mean

Your way over thinking this. Just let whatever is happening happen and run its course, don't judge it as good or bad or come up with idea of what might happen in the future. Everyone has monkey thoughts from time to time, but what I would do is be simply aware of them just like Eckhart Tolle teaches.

Haha, you're probably right. I still watch his videos and pursue the truth, but right now it feels like I'm toughing it out until I finally have the enlightenment realization.

How were you able to get your hands on this? And if it was through your own prescription how did you convince the doctor that you needed it?