Swagala

@cetus56 thank you

I don't have a great vocabulary or use of them at the moment so, I'm having trouble wording out or correctly expressing what I'm trying to express. Btw, If anyone has the vocabulary in English or in any other language for "the ability to 'precisely' express/word out what they're trying to say or an idea in their mind", I will much appreciate it. So anyways, on to the insight that I'm trying to express into words correctly. Self-discipline: the ability to control one's feelings and overcome one's weaknesses; the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it. When we come across a dilemma that can break our self-discipline, what is really going on there? We made the duality of "discipline" and "something that breaks that discipline," or "temptations". We believe that there's an actual opposing force to discipline. You're always, always disciplined but you have this belief that there's something that can break it. It's sort of like self sabotage. The belief that there's this actual thing that can break your discipline is like the starting of a snowball effect or like the straw that breaks the camel's back. It's the thing (the belief of temptations) that gives the existence or possibility or opens the gate to actually breaking that discipline. I can see the absurdness of asking other people to word out (better than I attempted) an idea that I couldn't even correctly do myself. But, I'm hoping there's people who do get it and can better express and articulate the idea. For better context, I will share my situation. I've been trying to fast again (longest I've done was 6 days with no food, just water) but I give into temptations and excuses a lot. I began to contemplate on what's really happening, get to the core of the problem. I got the understanding that I had this, I guess, limiting belief that discipline is breakable. It's like believing in lack. There's actually no such thing as lack, you just believe that there is lack. There's not really such thing that "breaks" discipline, you just believe that there is. So then, you believe that giving into temptations is like, normal. So, it's easier for you to choose to give in because now, it's like you've conjured up this second choice of not being "self-disciplined".

Both

Hello. I've come to a realization for maybe a few days now that, "we" will all "die". "I" am not the body nor the brain or mind. There is no "me," there is no "you," "her," or "him". People that we think they are to be... are concepts. With that said, I have been lacking a sense of sympathy as my sister would put it. My sister who I'd say has a huge ego (has told me about how she wants "herself" to still be alive after she (body) dies), told me yesterday that I lacked sympathy. I've always been the person that listens and is usually quiet and indifferent about things. I would only respond a lot towards a conversation with topics I care about. But these last few days, it's changed. There I was, listening to my sister, but in my head, I was just ignoring everything she was talking about in her life because I "knew" that it was all futile. I realize that I might seem like a pessimist or something but to "me" it feels more like I was understanding how reality is and doing what seems to be a "natural" reaction. The reaction as in: not really caring about what other "people" have to say thats, in a sense, "not of absolute importance". Or not caring about whatever thing happens in the world, whether it affects my "personal life" or not. I get these spikes of resistance that say that these things do matter but I soon realize that it's just the ego. Soon after I had a conversation with my sister where I pretty much undermined everything she said, she told me how I was lacking sympathy. While she was expanding on what she meant and the consequences on my life it will cause, I was couldn't help but agree with her. I feel as if that as one grows more conscious or aware, I have a concept in my mind that one should be able to sympathize stronger with people and not just people, animals and etc... I guess what my agenda with this is to find out what the "right way" is to act when one is more conscious. But I get how egoic it sounds to want to get an answer to make itself seem and act more "conscious." I agree with this concept in my mind that one might be more sympathetic when becoming more conscious. But at the same time, I find it difficult sympathizing with people because I understand they're concepts from my perspective but also from their perspective of themselves, they're also just concepts but not aware of it. I hate to admit it or else what would have been the point to posting this? But, I already know that with some more meditation and insights, I will "solve" my "problems". It's always been a pattern where I meditate some more and my perspective starts to change. I guess, in a non rude manner, I'm asking the more "hardcore" conscious people about how they sympathize or not with people and whatever is happening in the world. Thank you.

Update: I've been focusing my awareness on my vision a lot more lately. Sometimes if I stare long enough and focus on these lights, it's as if the lights I see start to "block" an object I'm seeing. I say block but it's almost as if the object starts to disappear. And when the disappearance happens, I start to freak out because it feels like at any moment, my whole world could just disappear. I definitely want to take this further.

Not even 30 minutes ago, I sat down, and just spaced out. I attempted to not have any thoughts. Then, I noticed how my vision has a static or snow affect. It's never been a problem but I have had times when I notice how distracting it can be but just brushed it away. I looked it up, hoping that it could be considered normal. It's apparently not and it's called Visual Snow Syndrome. The last memory I had of noticing this affect in my vision was when I was in college. I was depressed (which got me into spirituality) and I heard about an exercise that can help you realize how everything is made up of light energy or something along those lines. I focused on the things around me and started to notice the affect. I thought I achieved that state of seeing light energy but soon threw that thought away and firgured that's how everyone else sees things. I admit, I was very gullible at that time of my life because spirituality was something new that felt so real. I'm also aware of how egoic this sounds. I do genuinely want to see if it's possibly an awakening thing. Because of how I've always thought this visual phenomenon as "normal," the way I've been experiencing life, ever since finding spirituality, might not be as normal as I've always thought. I've come to accept the possibility that I may have "opened my third eye". When I first heard of opening the third eye, I always thought of it as a really magical and distinct thing that you'll notice if it happens. But it may have already been opened or gradually opening but I never noticed it. Of course, I'm definitely talking out of my ass here so, I'm buttering myself up just from a single visual abnormality. Edit: I wanna mention that it's definitely way more noticable in the dark. Edit: I can't say for sure if my vision is always like this (after the fist time I noticed it in college) but just became accustomed to it or if when it happens is when I notice it (I notice it a lot but don't think anything of it). Edit: Now that I've been focusing on it, I start to notice that there are shapes and silhouettes of the whiteness in some places.

Thank you very much!

@Nahm That's funny. Maybe a day (give or take) later of this post, I had a crisis. I realized how I've been collecting these ideas of how the world is like and what God is like from all the spiritual things I've read and watched. I felt like all the things I've "learned" about God have been all but a waste because it's just been speculations and from other people's experiences. I couldn't help but laugh very hard out of confusion or maybe being lost. I felt depressed but also relieved from the fact that I was able to catch this.

Please be quiet. When you get an insight, whether it be huge or small, try to keep it to yourself; it'll help with staying aware. Even right now, I can feel my sense of awareness fading away as I'm trying to convert this information from the infinite intelligence to the finite concept of words. You don't need words- even the words that are in your thoughts. Seriously, you don't need words to comprehend anything. It only feels like you need to word out everything that's happening to make sense of it but consciousness is infinitely intelligent and words only limit it. Have you ever had those moments when you're talking to "yourself" or someone else and you just stop halfway, even though you didn't finish your sentence, you still knew/understood what you were trying to say (or at least it felt like you knew/understood)? That's how it works, you didn't need those other words to understand what the infinite intelligence is "saying." It didn't even need the first half of the sentence. Insights are those instantaneous understandings from your infinite intelligence, words are a way to conceptualize them to make it "make sense" to others (and your ego). The "ego" has a way of identifying itself onto everything and anything that's exposed to it. Whether it be your job, your interests, another person, your memories or whatever else you can come up with (literally anything else). You know what that means? It can attach/identify itself with the thoughts that pop-up or the words you say. So, try your damn hardest to not finish any sentence in your mind, better yet, don't even make a sound in your head. This is also important, the ego can subtly disguise itself as the awareness. I've had this problem for the last few days and wondered why I didn't feel completely aware even though I was aware that I was thinking and talking. Those thoughts of "I'm aware," or "I'm thinking right now," or what have you is the ego. ANY thought, ANY thought is egoic. Be aware of the ego identifying itself as awareness; the ego taking credit for awareness. Be aware without words. Words are concepts and we're trying to avoid concepts; only experience is real. Even images in your head, those are concepts; just be aware that anything that pop-up in your mind are all concepts. Learn to have faith in your experiences/insights. Most of the time, when we share our insights or experiences, that's the ego wanting validation or attention. When you do that, you're feeding the ego; that's another win for the ego. ... ... ... Ego points = +1

@Colin No, I don't see any floaters right now. I haven't seen any floaters in my vision for a long time.

@Colin Not that I've noticed. It's mostly been just everything around me having small, black and white dot affects. I sometimes notice that something I looked at before would leave like a white silhouette in my vision when I turn away or close my eyes.

@Aakash In a way, it sounds like you're surrendering to the world. Like in a good way, not insulting way. No resistance to what your ego wants to do or how it'll react or interpret things. Just being (the ego).

Mine at the moment are: God is good. Everything he made (this universe) is good. The only real moral, personally, is actions that come from The Truth. Everything else is still good but they come from a lower sense of self (ego) which will only lead to suffering. What ever path people go through, are good and perfect. Humans can't fully grasp God himself anytime soon (or maybe never will). God is Loving, conscious, intelligent, and a being. Just live how you want to live. Whether or not you're "Enlightened" doesn't affect how the world works, only how you see it and go through with it. Sharing your beliefs with someone is the ego unless it comes from Truthfully, Lovingly wanting to help them. There is no way bees should be able to fly. There is no way of changing how the world works and any desire to is futile. Law of attraction works to a certain extent.

It's very easy from my state of experience to say that "All thoughts aren't real. They have no real ground (in a sense that they can come out from anything that's happening at random times and sometimes, with random topics). They really don't have any texture to them or strength to them unless you let them." I'll try to explain what I mean. There's a video that really hit me hard and actually got me to a point of awareness where I realized that there's really only 1 thing that's real: Intention. Your true self wants to experience itself (that's what I've come to realize from all my learning), otherwise, why the hell are "we" even existing, right? The first step to make you WANT to experience anything is Intention and once you focus your awareness on that intention, you don't think. You look for those moments when you feel like doing an action and just don't think about it. You just let it happen and the body will just execute, the universe is like a machine, your intentions are the fuel. When you have the intention, the universe will do them without the need of your narrating thoughts trying to word out what's happening so it can feel like it's (ego) the one really in control of what's happening. Maybe from now on, you can try to tap into the awareness of when the body is doing something and then realize that you don't have to think about how to make the body move with such ease; it's moving on its own. Of course, take this with a grain of salt. We, really, all have our own "truths" at some point until you actually become God itself. I'm not trying to selfishly plug myself or whatever but I made a post that somewhat pertains to this: Hopefully these sources help in anyway. ?

@Anton_Pierre Thank you for the reminder!!! ?

Thanks for this input. I can definitely remember times when I unknowngly "cycled." Now I'm aware ?

@Gabriel Antonio I like to use infinite intelligence because i think it's more specific than consciousness or God for what I was trying to express. And unfortunately, I have not been taking psychedelics. I don't know where to get that type of stuff because of where I'm from and since I don't think it's necessary right now, I don't have the want to get some.

@Gabriel Antonio Yes, I was aware of the Irony of it when I thought of sharing this insight. And the Irony of that thought. And "Well yes, but actually no" I could have used less words. But trying to express an insight from the "infinite intelligence" would, in a sense, require more words to express it thoroughly to others. My point was to warn of the "dangers" of falsely needing to use words to understand insights from the infinite intelligence (although I do admit that my first paragraph is somewhat off from what I try to convey for the rest of the explanation). I understood the "danger" I placed upon myself when I thought of sharing it.

To an extent, her situation seems to be relatable. Her meditative states are like that of after tastes from enlightenment moments, which tend to not last too long, as they always talk about. When the after taste disappears, she's back to her normal ego self. Seems like there's an on and off button between her ego state to her meditative state; as if her meditation doesn't even affect her ego at all and always sees life as the same levels of torture (being the victim in life). I personally doubt that's the case. It may only be a matter of time until the ego starts to change. And if it is the case, some variety in her types of meditation might help. It feels like her type of meditation is a way to feel instant bliss than actual ego work. And if it is trauma, meditation still seems like a good solution. Me no doctor. Edit: Fk me, pretty sure i still mis understood the situation. So, the problems lies in the fact that she's not able to get into a meditative state when she shits. And the fact that she can't get to that meditative state when taking a shit, pretty much brings back her ego.

Gotcha, just another one of my misreading moments, my apologies.

It seems to me like she just has some kind of bad notion towards taking shits. Like she loves everything about life but it's as if taking a shit is something that doesn't belong with it. Feels more like denial or a slight ego problem; separating taking shits away from everything else in life (even herself). The fact that there's this one terrible thing in life makes it seem like it's not perfect. The human body has/needs the function of shitting so, if we weren't the body, it'd be perfect. That's my take from it, very interesting situation she has there. Joke: She's denying taking shits and she feels trapped in her body. She's constipated... I'll see my conceptual self out.

Try to switch out the word obsessed with, desiring from lack; false desires. If you truthfully want something, it should not be from a sense of lack. When you do that, the conscious universe knows that there's lack in your desire so, it'll give you that, lack; and more will be taken away from you. If you desire something from a sense of abundance, the universe will know that and you'll be given abundance or what you truthfully desire. Lying to yourself about desiring from abundance also isn't gonna work. True desires are not selfish, desires of lack is selfish. If lying about what you truthfully want actually worked, everyone would get whatever they want. Try to desire something that you want to *experience*, not have. That's my take from it. "To those who have, more will be given. From those who have little, even that will be taken from them.” Edit: I read the the whole question wrong Lol You don't obsess over your manifestation because everything in life is temporary, even life itself. Obsession with anything temporary will lead to suffering. We desired and manifested something because we wanted to experience it. Experiencing does not garantee permanency. Life is meant to be an experience, life is temporary. Experience = temporary Manifestations = Experience = Temporary = Suffering = Life

Hello, I'm this person and I just had and currently am having a bit of an "awakening" but I can feel it kind of fading away as I'm typing this. I had the intention of posting this so here I am, with no resistance. Basically, I had the insight that we have almost no control with what is happening in the now. Now is just happening, no need to put it into words, it just is. So, that was what I'd consider the actual awakening insight from that moment and now the moment where I try to explain it. I had a few more realizations but because I was thinking while I had the realizations, I'm not considering them as "pure" ones. I genuinely understood that thoughts are a part of reality but they are also groundless because they can come up at any random moment with any random topic. What I concluded during this moment is that thoughts can act like the narrator. The God intelligence within us, somehow makes us have the intention of doing something but ego can make it seem like the given intention from God is their doing. I had a moment when I saw a bag of chips on a couch and instantly I felt like not eating the chips and then the thought of "I'm not eating those chips" came up (probably not the best example). Whether or not you think of doing something or not doing something and it happens or doesn't happen, you still weren't the one in control. There's a lot of many different ways that the ego can make it seem like it's in control. It's beautiful. I also learned before that the ego is not the enemy, it's a part of reality and trying to "kill" it is denying a part of reality and that never goes well. Plus, the sole desire to have no ego, is an egoic move itself. There's learning it and then there's experiencing it and in this moment, I experienced how ego is not an enemy. It's a part of this reality and it's there because... it's just supposed to be there for the design of reality. Me trying to word out everything I can think of that the ego does for reality would be too time consuming so I won't. I want to talk about the moment when I realized that we have almost no control over what happens. I say almost no control because I can't say for a fact that we have no control what so ever. There may be a small bit of control that the ego has with what happens and reality shift a tiny bit because of the ego, that's I think right now. Anyways, I've had a similar moment before from when I first started off this spiritual "journey." I was showering and from what I remember, I was trying to see if free will was real (I saw Leo's free will video right before this). I silenced my mind and just stared. I started noticing that "I" was washing my hair, soaping my arms, basically showering without having to think of doing any movement. What I noticed from this experience and the one I just had now was that my face was in "resting mode" for both of them. Not sure if it's for everyone but I think that I identify with my face more than other things so, resting it was like silencing the mind. I'm aware that the way I'm saying these insights might sound like I'm trying to preach the truth but I it's me trying to explain my experience and me trying to explain it to myself at the same time. As of right now, I don't know why I had the urge to do this but I know it's for a reason and questioning it isn't gonna help. Thanks for reading.